My son acted like a spoiled brat on vacation-Anyone elses?

[pnelson]

We had a good time on our 14 day trip, but every day my 10 year old son would get mad if we wouldn't buy him whatever he wanted, snacks, you name it. It got to be tiring after a while and my husband and I realized that he is a very spoiled only child. We had fun but the up and down of his brattiness wore on us after a while. Has anyone experienced this and what is the cure for it? How do you change a 10 year old who is set in his ways?

 

[KathyTX]

Hang on tight- I think this is a preview of the teen years to come!

(I also have a 10 yo. He can swing from thoughtful, loving angel to demanding, selfish preteen pretty quickly. Fortunately for him, the angel phases are longer than the other...)

 

[Robinrs]

Yikes, I think this may be a precursor to the teens, also. At ten it's pretty hard to make them "change their ways", but consistency in discipline helps with any and everyone.

My son is an only also and he'd know that this would be the LAST trip he'd ever had if he behaved like that. I know he wouldn't want to risk that.

 

[pumba]

we told them they had x number of dollars to spend.....PERIOD......and they asked for certain things and then would look at the price and decide if they wanted it or not......then the next to the last day ....we would go and buy the items of their choosing.....they also had spending money for ice creams and snacks in the parks.....but they enjoyed being in the decision making......worked like a charm

 

[MAC3]

I always have DD bring some of her own money and if she becomes unreasonably demanding I tell her to buy it herself. I does make her re-evaluate how much she needs/wants something.

 

[Lorix2]

My DD11 will always grab something in the store pretending to just want to "show me", usually clothes and expect me to just buy them. I don't if that's not what we there for, because she has come to expect so much because we give her so much.

I guess not giving in all the time is the key.

Did you give him a spending allowance on vacation?

 

[RitaZ.]

With my 11 yr. old, I tell him he has two choices; one is to behave and the other is to go back to the hotel with me. I'm always amazed at how quickly he gets his act together. He knows that I'll do it too.

Just be consistent when you discipline him.

 

[pnelson]

He actually had $111 in Disney Dollars that he had saved-and blew threw pretty quick. We did discipline him, yet it didn't stop it from happening again the next time. We even put him in the kids club one night and went out for a dinner that he really wanted to go to-Next day it was back to the same old thing. I don't know-He's stubborn. He's always been tough-and has never been one to let "consequences" bother him. Scary!!!

 

[Bichon Barb]

This thread is making me feel better. Misery loves company. LOL. My 10 yo son has been acting like a pre-teen too lately. All the sighing and eyerolling. I'm not going to blame our parenting either, because the almost-8 yo doesn't act like this.

We just came back from a business trip in SE Florida. We rented a convertible, because we knew the boys would get a kick out of it. We didn't realize the trunk space would be so limited, so the boys had to put their small suitcases under their feet until we got to our hotel. I couldn't believe the complaining Eric did over something so small. We decided to stop at a sit down restaurant for lunch, because we didn't want fast food. More complaining and eyerolling. I get so angry because of all the things we do for him! We even took the boys to Disney for one day and one night while we were down there. He complained when he found out it was going to be a two hour drive--IN THE DAMN CONVERIBLE!??!?

LOL! Thank God he's really cute, or I'd have to send him off to boot camp in Siberia.

 

[hentob]

The fact that you realize there is a problem is excellent. Many parents that have spoiled children turn their head--The Not My Child Syndrome. Good for you.

It is so easy to spoil children. It is so fun to spoil children. Who doesn't want to give their child everything. But, oh brother, it comes back to bite 'cha, huh?!?!?

I have a suggestion.....What if after dinner one night, when you are all calm and well fed and happy you say "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something". Then in a light, non confrontational tone, ask him why he acts the way he does. Talk it out. This would be a great opportunity to talk about money and budgeting.

I think we forget how a simple discussion can clear things up. I know I try to do this when my blood pressure is boiling and, of course, it doesn't work. But, some nights when we are just laying around or else having our dinner and all is well with the world, I can really do some damage control.

Hope this helps....

Good Luck!

Hentob

 

[KarenC]

Originally posted by pnelson
He actually had $111 in Disney Dollars that he had saved-and blew threw pretty quick. We did discipline him, yet it didn't stop it from happening again the next time. We even put him in the kids club one night and went out for a dinner that he really wanted to go to-Next day it was back to the same old thing. I don't know-He's stubborn. He's always been tough-and has never been one to let "consequences" bother him. Scary!!!

If he's always been tough maybe there's something else going on. My DS used to always stress me out on vacation. And he was so persistent--even though our "nos" never turned into "yeses" he wouldn't give up whenever we said no. So I would tend to say yes too often just to avoid the whining.

He's 15 now, and when he transitioned to high school he started having significant organizational problems that impacted his grades. When we started looking into that, his doctor figured out that he has ADHD (the inattentive kind). He gave us a book to read, Driven to Distraction, and unpleasant family vacations were one of the things they talked about being a problem for the ADHD kid. The first vacation that we took him on after he started meds was unbelievably pleasant. We rewarded him for being such a trooper by letting him go parasailing.

My son is fairly bright so in grade school he was able to compensate for his issues. High school put him over the edge.

Obviously there are a lot of other factors, and I don't know your son, but I thought I'd mention it. I'd wished we'd figured it out before my son started school.

 

[Lewski709]

Could have been boredom? 14day vacation could be too much for him. Was it every day or seemed like every day? Is he like this at home too?

 

[Robinrs]

My son reminded me that I always tell him one line... "the TRIP is the GIFT!"

I remember telling him that on our first trip when he was six and he's repeated it ever since. We don't do souvenirs and that's it.

I agree with Lewski, also, 14 days is a bit long, was he acting out the whole time or towards the end?

 

[Pembo]

My almost 8 yo had the same problem. He wanted everything and even though he had his own money and spent he still wanted more. Didn't help that his little brother didn't blow thru his money as fast.

Boys! AUGH! I feel for ya.........

 

[pnelson]

What everyone has said is true-He does have other issues that have always made him difficult-I guess I expected him to be better on vacation. Even my mother who was with us, got fed up with him. The thing is, it's a little hard to believe it's a "mood disorder" when the bad/rude/grumpy moods only set in when he doesn't get what he wants-To me that's brattiness, not a disorder. We were pretty good at not giving in-We would have been broke within a few days-LOL, but it did make for a lot of ups and downs. Like our life, I guess, sigh.

 

[geffric]

I had 10 yr old problems with DS#2, we were in san Diego and he refused to do anything but LEGOLAND... and was not a pleasant camper about it..
I had to defuse the situation and explain that it was not only HIS vacation but also mine, DH and brother's and as a family that we all take turns doing things that each wants to do and the other family members go along. So his turn was LEGOLAND and mine was something else, etc

He then explained to me that HE DID NOT WANT TO DO THE THINGS THAT THE OTHERS WANTED TO DO... we again discussed the family concept and that if he wanted to go on vacation and only do what he wanted to do and nothing else, that he will have to go alone.. it was a very painful time for all of us...

The odd things was that we had never had this problem before with him and never after. Last year before we left on vacation, I set his expectations and reviewed the family concept.. and we had no issue...

 

[KarenC]

Originally posted by pnelson
The thing is, it's a little hard to believe it's a "mood disorder" when the bad/rude/grumpy moods only set in when he doesn't get what he wants-To me that's brattiness, not a disorder.

Last year, before we started treating my son for ADHD, my husband and I took him to Universal and WDW. His sister was in France on a school trip and the vacation pretty much centered around what he wanted to do. I got so frustrated because it still didn't seem to be enough. After meds, as I mentioned before, we went to Pensacola to celebrate my husband's aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary. He was so delightful to be around. He pointed out the parasailing, his uncle told him what it cost, and he never mentioned it again. When the trip was nearing its end, and he hadn't done a thing to upset us, we told him how fun he was to be around and would he like to parasail. I can't believe these two trips were just 4 months apart. 4 months earlier he would have talked about parasailing incessantly!

I have four observations on my experience:

1. Before meds, his disorder meant that my son had a very low threshold for frustration.
2. Vacations provided lots of opportunities for frustration because there's so many new, attractive things around. Too many things to buy, too many rides to ride, too many good things to eat, etc.
3. His reaction to the frustration was to be a brat.
4. In his case, medication increases his frustration tolerance.

I've come to understand that he really couldn't help himself. Even when it was going on, on that last trip to Universal, I tried to converse with him on a rational level. And on one level, he knew he was wrong. But it didn't mean his behavior improved.
Because he knew he was wrong, he felt pretty bad about himself. We were in an ugly cycle.

The wiring in my son's brain is not quite right. He can be very hard to live with. His baby sitter used to say, "you just have to understand (DS). He's the baby, gotta love him, no matter how hard it is!" What she meant was getting angry with him really didn't solve anything and often made it worse.

If I were you, I would be sure to mention this vacation behavior to whatever professional(s) you are working with in regard to your DS's other issues. Good luck to you; I sincerely hope that you will one day soon enjoy a delightful vacation with your DS!

 

[geffric]

I am not in the med camp... I have a child that is ADHD and these issues appeared for him at a very early age - 4 yr old pre-school- we tracked and monitored him for several years with our DR's before we gave him med. BTW I do not med him on vacation but give him a break.. yes his behavior is trying but I understand his limits.

However, I feel that to have something specific behavior suddenly appear at 10 just doesn't sound like an ADHD issue.. However, many times food allergies or sensitivities effect behavior and sometimes on vacation children are exposed to foods that they normally do not encounter and may have a reaction.

 

[momof2OH]

I just wanted to chime in to say: KarenC you did a few good job describing your observations. Pretty much perfectly. Sounded like you were talking about my DS before medication. That's not to say every child has a "legit problem", but many do and it is the wiring or the lack of correct wiring that's the problem. Meds only work so far, but they help to get my DS to a level that we can rationalize with him and he gets it. I've been dealing with him and this "ugly friend" for 9 years and I've read, heard and seen it all. I must say the past two years have been the best ever.

Hopefully you find out if there is a problem, and wether there is or not, I do wish you luck in finding what works best for you, your son and family.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

This has been so interesting to read. My son too has been very difficult to deal with at times during the past 15 years. He was put on 2 antidepressants at age 9. It helps. You can definitely tell if he has missed a dose. He has also been diagnosed ADD with no hyperactivity. As of this past summer, it occured to me that he may have sleep apnea. To make a long story short, he is going for surgery this Tuesday to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. Sleep apnea or hypopnea (which is what my son has) can cause all kinds of mood swings, lack of concentration, hightened frustration etc. The doctor said while we certainly shouldn't expect a miracle after the surgery, there should be a noticable change in him. I certainly hope so. I think it can be as difficult on the child sometimes as it is on us as parents. If your child snores, don't ignore it like we did. Have it checked out.

KarenC, I loved the way you described it as his wiring is not right. I always have said that about my son.

And then there's my daughter 12 , not a problem, free spirit, always happy. Sometimes I can't figure out how they both came from the same parents.