My dd2 was called a BRAT today @Walmart:(

[KAMKIM]

Well, at least it got to page eight before the exceptions started showing up. Kind of like all those people who need to talk on their cell phones in a movie theatre or while driving in a car because they're on an emergency call. FTR, the OP said nothing about her child being autistic.

However, since we're talking Autism here, I'll stand by my opinion that ANY child causing a disruption needs to be removed from the scene. Autistic or not. And I'm speaking as an adult with Autism.

You prepare your child for the world; you don't prepare the world for your child.

Who gets to decide if it is a disruption? you?

 

[Nancyg56]

Not quite sure how shopping in Walmart can equal being trapped? Anyone that has the gull to call a child a brat INFRONT of the child is disgusting in my book and needs more than a shhhhhh herself

First, I have stated that I felt calling the child a brat was not appropriate. I felt that the woman had overstepped.

But, if I have shopping that I need to complete and I am in a store with a screaming child I do sometimes feel trapped. I am confused why in order to accommodate a parent who chose to allow her child to annoy others I would be the person who is "free to leave".

When I said that the little one who I sometimes watch is told "Shhhh" I meant that a parent needs to begin teaching children at a young age how to control themselves. By the time a child is two that child should understand. BTW- the woman did not call the child a brat until the OP engaged in a sarcastic (her word) conversation with her. Still not nice but Holy Cow! If the mother had tried to manage her childs screaming that is one thing, but to be totally oblivious to the people around her was also not acceptable. For some reason being in Walmart is now permission to behave badly. I don't know, I did not have Angels for kids and my DGD is not a perfect child but I do know that I did not allow them or her to be inconsiderate of those around them and excuse the behavior by stating that if those folks don;t like it they can leave. It is a noisy public place.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I actually think it's sort of the opposite. It seems more and more often I see behavior defended as being okay simply because it's coming from a child, when that same behavior used to be considered completely unacceptable.

Parents used to think their children shouldn't be screeching in public, and they removed them from the store if the child couldn't or wouldn't behave. Now, it almost seems that anything is acceptable if it's coming from a child, and those who feel otherwise are accused of being intolerent. So many people seem to feel that their children will be scarred forever if they are told to behave or to be quiet or that their behavior is bratty.

It's sort of the "boys will be boys" argument people used to use to excuse boys who were too rough, only now it has been extended to all children. Just because a behavior is common among small children doesn't make it socially acceptable. The fact that more and more parents see nothing wrong with their child screeching in public, and in fact defend the behavior, is ridiculous. Screeching "just to hear yourself" has never been acceptable. The fact that people are annoyed by that behavior isn't new - the fact that people excuse it is. The people who don't tolerate it now are not wrong; the parents who don't try to control it are.

Absolutely.

 

[just4today]

This confuses me....you hit her to make her quiet? This didn't make her scream/cry?? Doesn't that defeat the purpose LOL

If the OP had tried this there is a good chance the police would have been waiting for her when she was done cashing out. Parents cant win.

This just *has* to be turned into a debate on spanking, right?

I actually think it's sort of the opposite. It seems more and more often I see behavior defended as being okay simply because it's coming from a child, when that same behavior used to be considered completely unacceptable.

Parents used to think their children shouldn't be screeching in public, and they removed them from the store if the child couldn't or wouldn't behave. Now, it almost seems that anything is acceptable if it's coming from a child, and those who feel otherwise are accused of being intolerent. So many people seem to feel that their children will be scarred forever if they are told to behave or to be quiet or that their behavior is bratty.

It's sort of the "boys will be boys" argument people used to use to excuse boys who were too rough, only now it has been extended to all children. Just because a behavior is common among small children doesn't make it socially acceptable. The fact that more and more parents see nothing wrong with their child screeching in public, and in fact defend the behavior, is ridiculous. Screeching "just to hear yourself" has never been acceptable. The fact that people are annoyed by that behavior isn't new - the fact that people excuse it is. The people who don't tolerate it now are not wrong; the parents who don't try to control it are.

I call this "special snowflake syndrome," or Scubed for short.

 

[KAMKIM]

This just *has* to be turned into a debate on spanking, right?



I call this "special snowflake syndrome," or Scubed for short.

Well I'm pretty sure the LOL after my first post meant that I was laughing - That is why I put it there...

I have no opinion on whether or not people hit their kids...

 

[Carly_Roach]

Who gets to decide if it is a disruption? you?

Yes. Absolutely. I'm the one being disrupted if your child is the one screaming at the top of his/her lungs.

The lady who asked the OP to quiet her child was being disrupted. The hundred people in the store looking for the key fob to shut the car alarm up are being disrupted. Anyone who is disturbed by your child acting up is being disrupted.

This isn't a difficult concept to understand. When you scream, you're disrupting others. If you're screaming because you just got shot or were in an accident, you're disrupting others to come help you. If you're screaming because you just feel like screaming....then your right to the pursuit of your happiness (screaming) is infringing upon my right to have peace and quiet. Your rights end where my ears begin.

 

[KAMKIM]

Yes. Abslutely. I'm the one being disrupted if your child is the one screaming at the top of his/her lungs.

The lady who asked the OP to quiet her child was being disrupted. The hundred people in the store looking for the key fob to shut the car alarm up are being disrupted. Anyone who is disturbed by your child acting up is being disrupted.

This isn't a difficult concept to understand. When you scream, you're disrupting others. If you're screaming because you just got shot or were in an accident, you're disrupting others to come help you. If you're screaming because you just feel like screaming....your rights are infringing upon my rights to have peace and quiet.

Yeah but alot of people wouldn't consider that a disruption. I dont. So what, a screaming kid for what 20 mins...my life will go on.

 

[ols386]

First of all, it's gall not gull.

Secondly, yes - I would have the gall to call a child a brat in front of that child. Especially if said child were behaving as a brat. In the situation described, however, the child seems to have been behaving as an uncontrolled child. The woman was wrong to have called the child a brat. But I'm thinking that she probably wasn't wrong in what she called the mother. I could be wrong. I wasn't there. All I have is an accounting of what happened based on the OP and subsequent posts.

Aren't you contradicting youself?
And there is no need for name-calling period.

In any case, the attitude displayed in my quote above is why people like me feel the way we do about others who have entitlement attitudes regarding their children and how others need to be tolerant[ of their children. What they don't realize is that I don't have to be tolerant about these children's behavior if their behavior is disrupting everyone else around them. No one does.

If YOU choose not to be tolerant, then how do you handle it? I mean, exactly what are the options, for you or anyone who is annoyed by the child's behavior?[/B]

Most of us have said that if we see the adult trying to control the situation, we're very tolerant of the situation. We may not like it, but we understand that these things sometimes happen.

[/B]That's a matter of personal opinion. Maybe you don't think a parent is trying to control the situation, but in their mind, they are trying to deal with it in the best way they know how.[/B]

But when we see an adult ignoring the situation, or even insisting that there's something wrong with us because we're not indulging their little snowflake's screaming stage he's going through, well....that translates to that particular adult not having respect for anyone else within earshot.

And that, my friend, is truly galling.

You are free to have your own opinions, but I disagree with you on some things.

 

[KAMKIM]

I actually think it's sort of the opposite. It seems more and more often I see behavior defended as being okay simply because it's coming from a child, when that same behavior used to be considered completely unacceptable.

Parents used to think their children shouldn't be screeching in public, and they removed them from the store if the child couldn't or wouldn't behave. Now, it almost seems that anything is acceptable if it's coming from a child, and those who feel otherwise are accused of being intolerent. So many people seem to feel that their children will be scarred forever if they are told to behave or to be quiet or that their behavior is bratty.

It's sort of the "boys will be boys" argument people used to use to excuse boys who were too rough, only now it has been extended to all children. Just because a behavior is common among small children doesn't make it socially acceptable. The fact that more and more parents see nothing wrong with their child screeching in public, and in fact defend the behavior, is ridiculous. Screeching "just to hear yourself" has never been acceptable. The fact that people are annoyed by that behavior isn't new - the fact that people excuse it is. The people who don't tolerate it now are not wrong; the parents who don't try to control it are.

I see worse behavior from adults than kids these days.

 

[missy28]

Speaking as the single mom of a 2 year old, who I adopted when she was 11 months, it's nearly impossible to rationalize with an irrational being, i.e., a 2 year old. I sympathize with the OP in having to get to the market before you head home from work- in my case, after me working 8 hours at least, and her in daycare- we're both frazzled, tired, and just want to get home for some mommy/kid time. I've had those days where she just won't stop being 2- how dare her!!! No matter what I say, she still acts like a 2 yr old! This is not to say that I don't tell her no, stop, and I've left many a full cart behind mid-aisle at the market, done it all... sometimes nothing works.

Since I tend to be pretty brash, I probably would have picked up said 2 year old and thrust her at said mean old woman and said, "Here, you try something better. Apparently you think you are better equipped at handling her than her own mother."

Give the OP a break, she was venting, upset, and no doubtedly tired as all of us moms are.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Yeah but alot of people wouldn't consider that a disruption. I dont. So what, a screaming kid for what 20 mins...my life will go on.

I'm happy for you. But just because you as a parent don't consider it a disruption doesn't mean you have a handle on what other people consider a disruption.

Obviously, as demonstrated by the OP's experience and subsequent posts here, many people DO consider a child screaming to hear herself scream an unnecessary disruption.

YMMV.

 

[lovin diz]

I see worse behavior from adults than kids these days.

those were the children who didnt get corrected when acting out!!

 

[wdwfan16]

Well, at least it got to page eight before the exceptions started showing up. Kind of like all those people who need to talk on their cell phones in a movie theatre or while driving in a car because they're on an emergency call. FTR, the OP said nothing about her child being autistic.

However, since we're talking Autism here, I'll stand by my opinion that ANY child causing a disruption needs to be removed from the scene. Autistic or not. And I'm speaking as an adult with Autism.

You prepare your child for the world; you don't prepare the world for your child.

What about adults? Do you leave the room, board, thread etc. when you are causing a disruption?

 

[KAMKIM]

those were the children who didnt get corrected when acting out!!

 

[Jennasis]

What an overgeneralization! Is this your advice for the parents of autistic children as well?

For the most part, YES. Having an intellectual disability does not give anyone carte blanche to behave inappropriately. It is a point we stress time and time again in our Special Olympic program. My kiddos who are the poorest behaved are the ones whose parents allow them to do anything with the "but he's HANDICAPPED" excuse for it.

Everyone must learn to tow the line in some capacity (or as much as their particular level of functionality will allow). Autistic kids in particular SHOULD be removed from a stressful situation that may be causing them to act out, scream, cry etc. If an autistic child is having a "moment" the absolute best thing to do is to leave Walmart and take them out to the car to regroup.

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

if she was going to cry, we were going to give her something to cry about. We tried other options first, but last option was the bathroom. It only took a few times until she learned not to act out in public.

Sorry to go OT but that made me laugh a little because that is exactly what my mom used to say!!!

To everyone who says you can't always leave a store. Yes, you can ALWAYS leave a store. It might be inconvenient but it can be done. Sometimes as parent we are inconvenienced because of our children. Thats life. My Dh is gone 18-20hrs a day 7 days a week. I deal. Maybe I shop @ 2am if I need to but what needs to get done gets done and I don't allow children to disturb others.

 

[surfgirl]

Would you remove them from the parks ?

NO, but they should at least pull them into a less high traffic area and if it keeps up take them back to the hotel for the day. The few times my kids misbehaved at WDW we pulled them aside and gave them 5 minutes to get under control or return to the hotel (no swimming or TV). We never had to return to the hotel, probably because they KNEW we would do it and because we made an effort not to pus hthem to the point that they were too tired or hungry. I have all the sympathy in the world for the parent of a fit throwing child on the bus back to teh hotel who is trying to get the kid somewhere less disruptive, and none at all for the one who thinks their little darling yelling loudly and otherwise misbehaving on Main street is so adorable that everyone should just smile at the noise.

This is a question that has come up in the past... if your child is mis-behaving in a park, will you remove them and ruin the rest of the family's vacation?

I don't know what I'd really do, but certainly I wouldn't threaten it if I didn't intend to do it. I've never had to threaten it (yet) and hope I never have to. I've made expectations painfully clear before we are there!

If you know you have a kid who will throw tantrums in public, take them to a low-consequence place (ie. grocery store on a non-critical night, mall, etc.), let them throw the tantrum/scream {insert undesirable behavior here}, threaten leaving, and most importantly.... when they do it again => LEAVE!

Trust me... they WILL remember it!

Having said all that, I agree with the, 'neither was 100% right in this situation'. I do find the "I have to tolerate your wheelchair and choice of ugly clothing" a bit OTT. To compare a screeching child with a choice of clothing isn't really a very good comparison, now, is it ?

 

[wvjules]

Who gets to decide if it is a disruption? you?

Do you seriously not know when a child is being a disruption?

 

[Jennasis]

Who gets to decide if it is a disruption? you?

Abso-freakin'-lutely.

The couple with the infant at the 9pm showing of GI Joe this passed summer seemed to think that their child SCREAMING bloody murder for the first 20 minutes of the movie was NOT a disruption. Apparently nobody else in the theatre thought so either, because nobody said anything to her. It was MY opinion that the kid was a disruption, so we got the manager and he kicked them out.

YMMV.

 

[KAMKIM]

Do you seriously not know when a child is being a disruption?

I'm more patient than others - a screeching child that I have to hear for 20 mins does not bother me. If it bothers others enough to call the child a name (worse behavior in my opinion) they have more serious issue than the child playing.