My 13yo niece was crushed and publicly humilated

[ilisao]

Thats she wasn't invited to both? I don't see a problem or anything strange with that, My dd's communion is coming up and due to space issues I can't have everyone come to the church but they are invited to the party.

Bar and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies are typically held during regular Shabbat services when the Torah is brought out and the weekly portion read. Thus, anyone can attend. DH have attended Shabbat services when a bar or bat mitzvah has been occuring.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Seriously? Isn't the sacrament the important part and the party just something we do to celebrate the sacrament afterwards? I do find that line of thinking odd.

sure, but when your only allowed to have 4 family members including parents attend the ceremony (in my case) you still want for you child to be able to celebrate the day with family and friends afterwards.

 

[dcgrumpy]

Seriously? Isn't the sacrament the important part and the party just something we do to celebrate the sacrament afterwards? I do find that line of thinking odd.

If you have 30 kids making their communion there just isn't enough room for all of them to invite everyone they want. Usually it's just immediate family at the church.

 

[punkin]

If you have 30 kids making their communion there just isn't enough room for all of them to invite everyone they want. Usually it's just immediate family at the church.

It is rare to have more than one child getting Bat/Bar Mitzvah'd on the same day.

 

[dcgrumpy]

It is rare to have more than one child getting Bat/Bar Mitzvah'd on the same day.

I know I was just responding Mr & Mrs Smith's post to LisaNJ about her DD's communion

 

[ilisao]

It is rare to have more than one child getting Bat/Bar Mitzvah'd on the same day.

Not at all. At the last temple we belonged to, kids were always doubled up as there were so many of them. It was rare to have a child with the ceremony all to themselves. This is happening more and more with large congregations.

 

[punkin]

Not at all. At the last temple we belonged to, kids were always doubled up as there were so many of them. It was rare to have a child with the ceremony all to themselves. This is happening more and more with large congregations.

Still, you are not giving out 4 tickets per child for the ceremony are you?

 

[lilyv]

So the Bat Mitzvahnt told her grandmother that she didn't want DNiece at her party. Grandma then went to DNiece and said Bat Mitzvahnt doesn't want you here so you have to leave".

Where were Bat Mitvahnt's parents in all this? Has your sister spoken to them? And your DNiece was truly blindsided by this? There was no "issue" between her and the Bat Mitzvahnt that she knows of??

These kinds of stories make me SO glad that I had the type of mother who would have said to me "I don't care whether you hate the kid. You invited her. She's staying, so suck it up". And my grandmother never would have DREAMED of involving herself.

I hope we get an update. The one thing that really concerns me are the multiple letters. A letter to Mom, copies to the teacher and the rabbi-I really wished contact had been made, in person, to the Mom and/or Dad to hear exactly what the story was, first.

 

[LisaNJ25]

It is rare to have more than one child getting Bat/Bar Mitzvah'd on the same day.

ahhh ok... You learn something new each day My daughter has I belive 16 others the same time as her.

Maybe they though some kids would be bored or uncomfortable? Especially if it was classmate and they were not inviting the classmates family also.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

So sorry for your niece. I think your sister was right to send a note to the parents, the Rabbi, and the school since that's the majority of where they see each other in case something else happens.

Just wondering what the reactions to the letters were & how things went for your niece at school when she saw this kid again.

 

[ilisao]

Still, you are not giving out 4 tickets per child for the ceremony are you?

Not at all. Like I said above, anyone can attend a Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Tickets are not given out as they are typically held during a Shabbat service.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

sure, but when your only allowed to have 4 family members including parents attend the ceremony (in my case) you still want for you child to be able to celebrate the day with family and friends afterwards.

I have never heard tell of this. Do you need to show your ticket before they'll let you in the church? I think that's absolutely ridiculous. Whoever wants to go to church for anything should be able to attend. It's an open, welcoming, free place to go! I would not tolerate that kind of attitude in my church either as a minister or as a congregant. Who cares if the church is packed? I think that would be wonderful!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I agree. I would find it incredibly weird if I received a letter from an angry parent about one of my parishioners. Honestly, I would probably put it in the trash. I'm their minister, not their disciplinary.

You're a minister? Or are you speaking hypothetically?

 

[MUFFYCAT]

When my kids took their communion and confirmation we were given a number on how many can come to the church.
The one church was so small everyone couldn't come. There are fire codes and regulations to follow.

 

[JennyMominRI]

What the hell is wrong with kids these days??? So cruel. So terribly uncompassionate and cruel. Consdering some of the posts and such Ive read on the internet - we've got generations of adults, leading the way for their children to act as cruel and vicious as themselves.

These days.. I won't even tell you about the kind of bullying I recieved as a kid... This is not new at all

 

[Lintasare]

I have never heard tell of this. Do you need to show your ticket before they'll let you in the church? I think that's absolutely ridiculous. Whoever wants to go to church for anything should be able to attend. It's an open, welcoming, free place to go! I would not tolerate that kind of attitude in my church either as a minister or as a congregant. Who cares if the church is packed? I think that would be wonderful!

How wonderful would it be if you were to go attend a family member's First Communion only to find that all the pews were taken and you had to stand in the back the entire time? Some churches can't handle large crowds.

 

[NAB]

We are having a First Communion in May to. Never heard that the whole family and friends couldn't come. Priest asked us how many will be sitting with us. I didn't know for sure so I said 20 the rest can sit where ever.

There was a Baptism on Sunday they had 10 pews just for them.

Church is alway open to everyone. Now does everyone want to come or just come to the party that is up to them.

Fire codes ....check out Christmas and Easter Mass....those are way over the numbers for sure.

OP-- sorry about your neice. That sounds so mean.

 

[mkymouse1928]

Lots of hugs to your niece. What a horrible thing to do to a child.

 

[JennyMominRI]

Bar and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies are typically held during regular Shabbat services when the Torah is brought out and the weekly portion read. Thus, anyone can attend. DH have attended Shabbat services when a bar or bat mitzvah has been occuring.

Temple Solel , which I used to attend in San Diego had Bar mitzvahs at every single Sat morning service, sometimes 2.. I've been to many just going to regular services..

 

[frndshpcptn]

Are you sure there was no recent falling out between the girls in the weeks before the bat miztvah? While it was tacky to ask het to leave once she arrived, it may have ruined this special day for the bat mitvah girl if DNeice stayed?

It just seems odd to me. When I had mine, we just invited the entire hebrew school class - plus friends from regular school, etc. Unless someone that I invited really, really did something to hurt me right beforehand I can't imagine asking someone to leave. I had about 150 people at mine, though, so even if the person was there I guess I could have avoided them.