My 13yo niece was crushed and publicly humilated

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Your poor niece. Kids are so cruel.

 

[lilyv]

I just don't know what to think about this. Is there any chance there was a major misunderstanding? If not, then it sure seems like lots of folks wasted party time by stopping by the religious ceremony.
I wonder what might have happened had the Mom popped into the room,(leaving DD outside) found the Dad and just said, "Madison called me and said I needed to come get her. I hope everything is OK, just wanted you to know I'm picking her up so you wouldn't worry." Either Dad would follow up, and be concerned, or maybe he's on board with the whole let's be ugly to a middle school kid.
This situation is sad and strange.

 

[lucyanna girl]

I'm very sorry your niece was treated in such a cruel way. My daughter is a shy teen and I know she would be affected in more than one way. I would be having to force her to go to school today.

I admire your sister for taking the high road. I probably would have been arrested by the time I got finished telling everyone involved just what I thought of them.

Hugs to your sweet niece.

Penny

 

[Fitswimmer]

I'm reading this thread and first of all-it brought back memories of being a teenager and being a target of kids and adults. My heart goes out to this child because I truly have walked in her shoes and I know how hard it is. Thankfully, she has a strong supportive family that will help her deal with this. Just knowing that others are as angry and hurt as she is will help her deal with it.

Secondly, I started thinking about our pop culture and how insults and humiliation are viewed. Look at the popularity of American Idol, which is all about public humiliation. Look at the popular comedy shows and movies-all about bullying, insults and humiliation of others. Those lines always get the biggest laughs. I can't even watch them because it brings back bad memories for me.

I can't excuse an adult from this type of behavior-Grandma needs a slap IMHO. However, I can certainly see clearly where the kids are getting the idea.

 

[punkin]

This makes absolutely no sense. An adult (grandmother at that) doing the dirty work for some nasty teen? Has anyone ever heard of such behavior? Your sister should call the parents and demand an explanation. All I can think of is that Grandma is a little "confused" in her old age.

 

[hucifer]

I hope your niece took back her gift. Behavior like that should never be rewarded.

 

[debbi801]

I really just don't understand this at all. Bat Mitzvah's are very important and sacred events with months, often years, in preparation for them. I find it hard to believe that on such an important day, the girl, the parents and the grandmother's focus is not on the event but on embarrassing two young girls. I'm not saying it couldn't or wouldn't happen, but with all of the Bat Mitzvah's and Bar Mitzvah's I've been involved with, the religious importance of the event, particularly at the syngagogue is what is uppermost on everyone's mind.

If it did happen as you said (and the grandmother was not confused or senile), then I would send the invitation back to the parents with a note asking for exactly what purpose they had invited your niece if they did not want her there and then I would send a copy of that to the rabbi.

I also find the whole thing very odd. My DD just became a Bat Mitzvah a little over a week ago. At our synogogue, the grandparents, parents, Bat Mitzvah girl, and her siblings all wait in the Robing Room from the time we get there until the time the service starts and then walk in the side door with the Rabbi and Cantor when the service starts. There is no time to talk with anyone until after the service ends. And honestly, everyone is so focused on the task at hand that I cannot imagine taking time out to be mean to a little girl. I am glad this is how our synogogue does things.

I'm very sorry your niece was hurt and I can understand your frustration and sadness over the whole thing.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I also find the whole thing very odd. My DD just became a Bat Mitzvah a little over a week ago. At our synogogue, the grandparents, parents, Bat Mitzvah girl, and her siblings all wait in the Robing Room from the time we get there until the time the service starts and then walk in the side door with the Rabbi and Cantor when the service starts. There is no time to talk with anyone until after the service ends. And honestly, everyone is so focused on the task at hand that I cannot imagine taking time out to be mean to a little girl. I am glad this is how our synogogue does things.

I'm very sorry your niece was hurt and I can understand your frustration and sadness over the whole thing.

If this helps, all of this happened at the house. My sister was sent directions to the house, not the Synagogue. I guess my niece was invited to the party and not the ceremony?

 

[elan]

How terrible. It's rough enough growing up without this kind of crap going on. I can't imagine the other guests would have much respect for the family after pulling this kind of thing.

 

[punkin]

If this helps, all of this happened at the house. My sister was sent directions to the house, not the Synagogue. I guess my niece was invited to the party and not the ceremony?

Something about this story is not Kosher (pardon the pun). It just does not sound right to me.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

I think maybe it was a good idea for the school to be aware of the high end bullying this girl has been up to

This story is extremely sad but I don't really get why the mom sent the letter to the school either. I wouldn't call this "high end bullying" by the girl. Maybe by the grandma. Either way, it has nothing to do with school.

It was the girl who wanted my niece to leave. She got gramma to send my niece home.

These people should not have treated your DNeice this way at all!!! That being sad, do you think that maybe we're missing part of the story? Could something bad have happened between the girls from the time that the invites went out and the time of the celebration?

If this helps, all of this happened at the house. My sister was sent directions to the house, not the Synagogue. I guess my niece was invited to the party and not the ceremony?

Were they maybe upset that you DNeice showed up for the party but not for the ceremony itself? I'm just reaching here trying to make sense of it. Like I said, it's not excusable either way but maybe there's more to it than we understand.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Something about this story is not Kosher (pardon the pun). It just does not sound right to me.

I don't know what to tell you. I am not making this up, and I am sure my sister did not call me out of the blue yesterday to make a story like this up.

Growing up being an outcast in the 80's, I can tell you kids were this cruel back then. It happens. Today, parents are going to schools to help their kids beat up on other kids, so yes, there are some real winning parents out there also.

 

[punkin]

I don't know what to tell you. I am not making this up, and I am sure my sister did not call me out of the blue yesterday to make a story like this up.

Growing up being an outcast in the 80's, I can tell you kids were this cruel back then. It happens. Today, parents are going to schools to help their kids beat up on other kids, so yes, there are some real winning parents out there also.

I am not saying you are making it up (even if it is April Fool's day). All I am saying is that something is not quite right about the story. Since this is essentially "my niece told my sister who told me that Grandma said her granddaughter said..." That's at least 5th hand info. Lot's of things can get garbled in transmission.

 

[Cindy B]

Ok--

This was at a private home and NOT the actual ceremony, right?

So, the party was a private party at home not at the synagogue, right?

The "hostess" basically didn't want the OP's neice at her home and sent Grandma to do the deed, right?

Where were the parents in all this? Did the OP's neice talk to the parents?

I'm betting the OP niece was an obligation invite and the hostess didn't want her at her house. I think that was awful and it should not have been done.

I didn't understand the idea of the principal, but it makes sense if others are aware of the issue if something happens this week.

The rabbi should know what is going on. Since it was not at the temple, I wonder what he can do?

I was very confused since I thought this all happened at the temple.

 

[dcentity2000]

That's ghastly!



Rich::

 

[KariC]

OK, I'm reading this and not coming up with the "this is weird" thoughts....C'mon, the MySpace hoax has been all over the news again, including GMA this morning. A MOM's evil, bullying hoax....ending in a suicide!

And maybe Granny wasn't in on it....I've known girls that would do something like this....who knows, maybe sweet little bat mitzvahed girl told Granny, "She's crashing my party! She stole my best friend/boyfriend/favorite necklace/whatever", and Granny thought she was going to bat for her....not suspecting a bullying or a hoax.

Just because there was a religious ceremony BEFORE the party, does not mean this could not happen. And, that any faith is without disingenuous practicing members.

 

[suzannen]

I don't know what to tell you. I am not making this up, and I am sure my sister did not call me out of the blue yesterday to make a story like this up.

OP, I don't think you are making it up. I just find the behavior so completely inexcusable and being Jewish myself, so utterly offensive and reprehensible that someone would take an occasion like this to willfully hurt another young person. to your niece. I have a 13 year old DD and I believe it would be really hard to control my anger if someone did this to her.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

Wow, I don't know what to say. I know what I would have wanted to do, but my wife would have stopped me from doing it. I'm so sorry for your niece.

 

[lilyv]

OK, I'm reading this and not coming up with the "this is weird" thoughts....C'mon, the MySpace hoax has been all over the news again, including GMA this morning. A MOM's evil, bullying hoax....ending in a suicide!

And maybe Granny wasn't in on it....I've known girls that would do something like this....who knows, maybe sweet little bat mitzvahed girl told Granny, "She's crashing my party! She stole my best friend/boyfriend/favorite necklace/whatever", and Granny thought she was going to bat for her....not suspecting a bullying or a hoax.

Just because there was a religious ceremony BEFORE the party, does not mean this could not happen. And, that any faith is without disingenuous practicing members.

Or, maybe Mee-Maw is totally nuts, and whoever was supposed to keep an eye on her was not doing their job. I dunno, but I do know that I would not send email or letters out. I would talk to the Dad or Mom, to ask if there is a problem. If it turned out to be very ugly stuff, I might call the rabbi, but I sure wouldn't do anything in writing. DD deserves her privacy, and if it does turn out that these folks are amoral, then they'd probably get a kick out of forward, forward, forward.

 

[KariC]

Or, maybe Mee-Maw is totally nuts, and whoever was supposed to keep an eye on her was not doing their job. I dunno, but I do know that I would not send email or letters out. I would talk to the Dad or Mom, to ask if there is a problem. If it turned out to be very ugly stuff, I might call the rabbi, but I sure wouldn't do anything in writing. DD deserves her privacy, and if it does turn out that these folks are amoral, then they'd probably get a kick out of forward, forward, forward.

Hmmm.....hadn't thought of their pride and enjoyment.....

However, I think I'd do exactly what your sister did, OP. In today's age, with bullying finally being addressed, it is good to take a stand, and it is good to let those in authority positions know what is going on, especially the authority figures that this family has willingly put themselves under. And, so what if her family thinks that their coup was great? We shouldn't let others' responses keep us from doing the right and moral thing. I've told several teens that I've been involved with in youth ministry (and family members, too) that we have to live our lives according to God's word, not according to so-and-so's word. And it is important to do what is right and good, without regard for what someone else will think or do because of it.