My 13yo niece was crushed and publicly humilated

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Actually, the way schools talk about bullying these days is a lot different than the playground physical bullying we were used to growing up. Social bullying is typical for this age group (ie picking on people to make yourself look better and to exert control and power in your social group), and dealt with seriously in schools. Our school counselor starts a program in 4th grade to specifically help prevent and stop this kind of social bullying.

I can appreciate what you're saying and I really am glad that school's are taking bullying more seriously. But, in this case, do you really think that the school has any grounds to act against the bat mitzvahed girl? I guess that's really the question I've been trying to ask.

And to address the PP, I actually did look up "bullying" and got the same definition as the one I posted for "bully".

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Actually, the way schools talk about bullying these days is a lot different than the playground physical bullying we were used to growing up. Social bullying is typical for this age group (ie picking on people to make yourself look better and to exert control and power in your social group), and dealt with seriously in schools. Our school counselor starts a program in 4th grade to specifically help prevent and stop this kind of social bullying.

Denae

ETA

"As you probably already know, although girls are sometimes physically violent, boys tend to be more physical. They punch, trip, kick and slam each other into lockers. A less-physical form of bullying is more often the bullying-of-choice for girls. This bullying, sometimes called relational aggression, includes spreading vicious rumors, using social exclusion, taunting and other psychologically painful strategies to hurt someone, damage reputations or keep others in line."

http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=282

Great post! I know in our school the kids will be punished wether it's the first time or ongoing.
At least this thread will help people to see what's going on with our youth and how the parents and schools are acting on it.

My heart goes out to thee OP's neice.

 

[mickeyboat]

I can appreciate what you're saying and I really am glad that school's are taking bullying more seriously. But, in this case, do you really think that the school has any grounds to act against the bat mitzvahed girl? I guess that's really the question I've been trying to ask.

And to address the PP, I actually did look up "bullying" and got the same definition as the one I posted for "bully".

Because this "relational aggression" doesn't take place only at school (think MySpace, text messages, rumor -spreading, invitations to parties), and stems from relationships centered around school, it would be hard to deal with the problem in its entirety unless both the at school and not at school behavior is addressed.

Denae

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Great post! I know in our school the kids will be punished wether it's the first time or ongoing.

I didn't mean to say that they shouldn't be punished for treating someone badly if it's a first offense. Definitely, when a child does something wrong at school, the school should punish them. I guess I just had a problem with labelling someone who had behaved badly once a "bully". In any case, it doesn't really matter in this case, though, because this didn't happen at school. If I were the parents in this case, I'd keep a close eye on the "offender" to make sure this behaviour didn't continue or escalate.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I can appreciate what you're saying and I really am glad that school's are taking bullying more seriously. But, in this case, do you really think that the school has any grounds to act against the bat mitzvahed girl? I guess that's really the question I've been trying to ask.

And to address the PP, I actually did look up "bullying" and got the same definition as the one I posted for "bully".

Unless the invitations were given out at school I don't think they need to punish the girl on this.
But they can be aware of it and look at the behavior of this girl at school. At least our school wants to know about something that effects the children.

 

[mickeyboat]

Unless the invitations were given out at school I don't think they need to punish the girl on this.
But the school can be aware of it and look at the behavior of this girl at school. At least our school wants to know about something that effects the children.

Ours does too, even if it is completely not school-related - even if it is something as simple as Johnny's fish died.

 

[KariC]

Many schools have behavior codes of conduct that pertain to their outside activities, as well. As far as I know, none of these schools have had to change their handbook. So, you get caught drinking at a party, you might have some school consequences. You bully a classmate off school grounds, you might have some school consequences. So, again....I still feel like it is appropriate to let the school know of the behavior.

As someone who worked closely with youth in a minsitry, I would definately want to know if any of "my" girls or guys had engaged in this behavior (as I'm sure any good lay leader or pastor or rabbi would, too). It could be addressed from that angle, as well. Especially for a teen who had just had a religious ceremony.....

Why is this thread still going.... Has anybody really changed their own position from the beginning?

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Unless the invitations were given out at school I don't think they need to punish the girl on this.
But they can be aware of it and look at the behavior of this girl at school. At least our school wants to know about something that effects the children.

Exactly! So the school can be proactive, right? That's how they would use the information, not to punish the student for bullying. That's all I was trying to say.

 

[DizBelle]

Why is this thread still going.... Has anybody really changed their own position from the beginning?

I'm hoping for further updates from the OP..... We still haven't heard what the mother had to say for herself or her daughter after the incident.

 

[KariC]

I'm hoping for further updates from the OP..... We still haven't heard what the mother had to say for herself or her daughter after the incident.

That's true, and I was coming back here to edit my post to say that ....and that is the only reason I keep checking it!

 

[Loverly]

Update?

 

[challer]

Did this girl bring a gift to the Bat Mitzvah?