Mother of the Groom dresses> opinions?

[Alsobrook]

You're the second poster to say this. It's absolutely not true. What's traditional for the mother of the groom is a dress or gown that coordinates in color and length with what the mother of the bride is wearing - which itself coordinates with either the wedding party colors or the bride's wishes.

Honestly, with the bridesmaids in teal and the bride's mother in burgundy, the OP would look out of place in beige.

There is, in fact, a tradition that says the mother of the groom is best outfitted in a neutral color - beige being the obvious choice, never white. I know it isn't "followed" anymore. You are correct that the truest tradition, in "modern terms" is that the bride sets the style for the wedding. Once she has selected that style, her mother selects a gown and accessories, and the mother of the groom follows - floor length should be matched to floor length, both in hats, not just one. Formal wedding, both in gloves, or neither, etc. Under no circumstances is it appropriate for either mother to "upstage" the bride in a flamboyant style or color.

 

[Bren's Mom]

The second I would absolutely not wear. The dress screams attention, and it shouldn't be on you. The couple should be the center of attention all night, and that dress would certainly still at least some of it.

This is my thought exactly.

 

[petchie]

As MOG I say go understated elegance. Think Princess Grace of Monaco, Jackie O, Princess Di. You can look fabulous, chic and be appropriate.

 

[tlbwriter]

When I saw the second dress, I'm afraid to say, I honestly thought you were joking. Because not only does it scream "look at me!" but it's also (to me) very, very unattractive.

However.

Please don't listen to anyone who tells you that your job is to wear beige and blend in. There's nothing wrong with looking fantastic. You just want to look more like Helen Mirren and less like a Kardashian.

(Yes, I know you're younger than Helen. But she's a good example of being elegant and classy and hot while not trying to look like a youngster.)

 

[Aisling]

I think you picked too safe and too wild. Try to go middle of the road with a dress.
You don't want to look like you are trying too hard. And the comments for the day should be "Wow check out his Wife"
Not That's his Mom?

Let the bride shine. I wouldn't want anyone to comment on me at all at my sons wedding. It's not about me.

Oh dear lord, I love my FDIL so much, I'm totally convinced now that the "wild" dress would draw too much attention to me. It won't happen, I promise.

OP,you sound like a terrific person-gracious,and classy,and BRAVE for putting this out there! Sounds like you're coming to the difficult realization that time is marching on,and the time for center stage is not your son's wedding day.

Yes, it's true. On top of the emotion that my firstborn is getting married, I'm dealing with the fact that I'm not a spring chicken anymore. It's hard!

In a couple of months, when it's too late to return the Fabergé Egg dress, bring it out and tell your DIL you bought it to change into for the reception.

Faberge' Egg dress?? I was getting choked up reading this thread, but this made me laugh!

I am also wondering why you feel the need for two dresses for your son's wedding? I've never heard of the mother-of-the-groom changing dresses between the wedding and reception.

I really liked that wild dress, it looks like a FUN dress, but there's no way I'd wear it to church for the ceremony. Also, I have this image of myself being the classy, elegant mom during the ceremony. That's why I thought of changing dresses.

What about something like this?

This is awesome!!!


I was thinking, I think I'm putting way so much thought in my own appearance because, well, the getting olde thing, but also because there's nothing else for me to do for the wedding but wait for it to happen. Everything has already been arranged (bridal gown, bridesmaids dresses, reception venue, food, music, flowers, etc). My FDIL invited me to go with her and her mother to her fitting, so I'm, definitely looking forward to that, it was very thoughtful of her. I don't feel left out, just so excited that I wish I had something to do. Time to find a hobby, I think.

I've learned a lot with this thread. The reason i didn't get defensive and was because I really want to do the right thing. In my mind, I thought it could be both "wow look at the beautiful bride" as well as 'wow is that your mom?" And now I know their wedding is not the place to fish for compliments for myself. Maybe I'll get DH to take me to vegas with that Faberge' Egg gown, since he told me this morning I'd look like a vegas showgirl in it.

Elegant, classy, not drawing attention to myself. Lesson learned. Wow. Thanks so much. As much as I wish you guys said GO FOR IT, you probably saved my from making an *** out of myself and for hurting some feelings at the wedding. Damn it's tough to be a bug!

 

[bellebud]

I didn't post last night because I honestly thought it was a joke (but wasn't sure because your wording was so serious). THAT's how bad that 2nd dress is (for a wedding - anyone's wedding, especially a mother of the bride or groom).

Anyway, you sound like you're going to be a fantastic mil - and congrats to you and your family. I get the whole "I'm not old, I walk to the beat of my own drum", etc, but the time to show that is not at your ds's wedding. Everyone else but the bride should fade into the background at the church and reception. I wouldn't change dresses. I'd possibly do what others have suggested and wear a dress that you can make a little more formal w/ a jacket of some sort for the church, then remove the jacket for the wedding. That's as far as I'd go.

Good luck deciding what to wear. You're a young mother of the groom, so I can see where it's difficult for you to decide what to wear, etc. You're great for being so thoughtful about it in the first place.

 

[KimR]

What about something like this?

This is a gorgeous dress!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Faberge' Egg dress?? I was getting choked up reading this thread, but this made me laugh!

You're welcome . Hey, if you like the style and blue is okay with your FDIL and her mom, Nordstrom has a modified (read: toned-down) version of dress two in a solid color. I didn't see a name for it, but I think it's royal. Search for special occasion gowns; maybe you can even narrow it down by color.

I was thinking, I think I'm putting way so much thought in my own appearance because, well, the getting olde thing, but also because there's nothing else for me to do for the wedding but wait for it to happen. Everything has already been arranged (bridal gown, bridesmaids dresses, reception venue, food, music, flowers, etc).

Uh, rehearsal dinner! This has always been the responsibility of the groom's family. You know what that means, right?

Yep. Another dress!

 

[Hannathy]

you can definitely look gorgeous without upstaging the bride. At my nephews wedding the MOB wore the most gorgeous dress I have seen in person! BUT it was very classy and in neutral color to compliment not stand out.

It was a light blue on the gray tone of blue not pastel, with Swarovski crystals The brides gown also had Swarovski crystals. This dress cost $5,000 and looked it.
But it blended in the pictures and didn't scream look at me, it was elegant not flashy.

The funny thing is the bridesmaids wore beige!!! Much to my DD chagrin.

 

[Alesia]

At your son's wedding, you definitely don't want people to say, "Wow! Is that your mom?" because if they're saying that, it's probably not for the reason you would like.

 

[Pigeon]

OP, I think you are taking this thread very well.

One other observation... You talked earlier about the reception being time to "partay." Not that I think you are going to do anything untoward, but...

Yes, it's time to relax, have fun, mingle, do a little dancing. But again, it's not a time for attention mongering.

I say this because I recently attended a very lovely, no-expenses spared wedding. The MOG, while dressed fine, drank too much, was her usual too loud after a few drinks self, mistook the reception for a dance competition with the 25 year old guests, and generally made a fool of herself. The bridal couple was clearly pretty mortified, and she was the topic of lots of not so nice gossip afterward. You don't want this.

 

[mjkacmom]

I haven't read all of the responses, but I did actually gasp when I saw the 2nd dress, and not in a good way. I don't think it's appropriate for anyone to wear to a wedding (and I live in the same geographical area). I like the first one, but I think a darker color would be better. I guess my oldest could be getting married when I am your age (God forbid), but I would accept my role of MOTG, and not be getting my groove on. I'd wear a nice, dressy suit, and save my wild side for a girls night out.

 

[rascalmom]

OP -

I just wanted to say that you take a lickin' and keep on tickin' very well! I know you're disappointed about everyone's reaction to the second dress.
.
You've taken all the criticism very well and have shown you really do have your ds and your fdil at heart. I have two daughters and you're just the type of MIL I hope they have some day.

I think the goal here is for everyone, but especially the bride and groom, to be able to look back at the wedding 5-10-20 years from now and say, "wow - that was a beautiful wedding....look how beautiful the bride looked".

That's what it's about. Figure out what will look great & complimentary to the rest of the bridal party in pictures; both the formal wedding party portraits and casual candids from the reception and you're on the right track. Keeping that in mind, it is perfectly fine to find a dress that is flattering to your age* and figure.

If the MOB is wearing burgundy, I'd go for that color too. It makes for balanced pictures. I just went to a wedding for one of my best friend's daughter. My friend had a beautiful gown....for 55 she is very fit and stylish and her dress reflected that without overpowering the bride or her attendants. It doesn't have to be frumpy - the dress S chose would be something you could go to another social event in.

The MOG wore a dress of the same color.....different cut & shorter length (tea length instead of a full gown). In that wedding the MOG was the heavier & more matronly one, but the coordinated colors made everything so pretty....the lighting of the candles together, the group shots, everything. Go for that if you can. If not, I'd go for a darker teal or a saphire blue to complement the wedding colors.

* That would be the age you really are, not the age you feel in your head. I just turned 50 & I have to remind myself of that now & then. If not, my two college-age dd's do it for me.

 

[C.Ann]

First dress is conservative and pale in color. Maybe see what the colors are for the wedding first - still love that dress!

For me, personally, the second dress is well, just NO.

I didn't want to be the first to post.....

IMO, that reception dress is not appropriate all...

What does your future daughter-in-law think? I would be asking her opinion....

The first dress is classy and beautiful, but I agree, you need to ck with DIL to see if it coordinates with wedding party colors, MIL's, etc. for photos and such.

The second dress - yikes - I'm not of your generation - but sorry IMO looks more like a party dress rather than mother of the son's evening wedding recp.

Agreed..

When DD got married her MIL found a dress she loved that was pink (after looking at hundreds of dresses) - but being raised the way she was, she was afraid to buy it because the mother of the bride is "supposed" to wear pink..

I don't like pink - DD didn't care what colors we wore.. I purchased something in a very pretty blue/green color that was perfect for me and my figure and that "allowed" the MIL to get over her fears and go with the pink dress that she loved.. Problem solved!

 

[Aisling]

Rehearsal dinner! I knew I'd be hosting it, but haven't given it much thought. Time to re-focus for a while.

Someone mentioned Grace Kelly/jackie O. etc. I really like that image.

I see so many think the colorful dress is hideous, but it just popped out at me as being so different and runway and fun. I made it my PC wallpaper so I've been looking at it a lot and I've decided I'm getting it anyway and holding on to it for a NYE party somewhere down the line.

Figure out what will look great & complimentary to the rest of the bridal party in pictures; both the formal wedding party portraits and casual candids from the reception and you're on the right track.

This will be my goal. To be honest, it's kind of a relief now that things have been narrowed down as far as style and age and over-the-top. I know what to automatically eliminate now.

 

[Kae]

Davids Bridal has a few Vera Wang dresses. I know they are under bridesmaids but this one is pretty. and you could alway add bolder jewery for the recception.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product...ty-Bridesmaids-White-by-Vera-Wang-Bridesmaids

Kae

 

[bellebud]

Rehearsal dinner! I knew I'd be hosting it, but haven't given it much thought. Time to re-focus for a while.

Someone mentioned Grace Kelly/jackie O. etc. I really like that image.

I see so many think the colorful dress is hideous, but it just popped out at me as being so different and runway and fun. I made it my PC wallpaper so I've been looking at it a lot and I've decided I'm getting it anyway and holding on to it for a NYE party somewhere down the line.




This will be my goal. To be honest, it's kind of a relief now that things have been narrowed down as far as style and age and over-the-top. I know what to automatically eliminate now.

I think you should definitely have your dh take you to Vegas, and get that 2nd dress for that. Then you can party your butt off, and look gorgeous!!

 

[dzorn]

http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/...n?ID=581879&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/...n?ID=617210&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/...s?ID=571603&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

I would go with someting like these. Slightly different look by taking the jacket off at the reception but still does not scream "look at Me"

Denise in MI

 

[jeepgirl30]

I haven't read through all the comments but what i read everyone said not to change dresses.

My mom did! She wore a very conservative dress to the wedding and a sequin gown for the reception. the gown was tasteful but very different from the church gown.

I loved both. However, I don't care for dress 2 but wouldn't veto changing dresses just not that one!

Yes many people commented about mom's decision to change but i was supportive and it was MY wedding so who cares what anyone else thought. MIL was a bit snippy but she is very different from my mom. FWIW, my mom is older but MIL acts older!

OP, if DIL is okay with the change go for it and have fun.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Funny thing, Kae - that's the first dress that shows up when you click on "wear again looks"!