Mother of the Groom dresses> opinions?

[disykat]

I agree with everyone else, as mother of the groom you should be elegant and classic, willing to take a back seat to the bride, bridal party, AND mother of the bride. It's not about you.

Since I had my boys in my 30's, I guess I'm glad I'll be mother of the grooms. In your post, I would be the "older" woman you're trying to show up and it would be very hard to feel happy about merging two families under those circumstances. I'm happy you are taking advice in stride, because I think you should try really hard not to alienate your son's new wife and his mother by trying to make a strong statement (especially if that statement is that you're not old like her mother) at the wedding. OUCH!

I also feel strongly that if the MoB is not changing dresses, you shouldn't.

 

[Stitchfans]

IMO first dress nice style bad color
2nd dress no way!!

 

[cbg1027]

OP - sounds like you'll be a good MIL.

If you want to wear different dress to the reception, then go for it, but it should be something not too flashy. You can still look good and be age appropriate. 'Young' isn't the word I would use to describe what you want to wear.

Here are a few examples of things that would be appropriate. I think they're all gorgeous, age appropriate, fun, and can be made in to your own thing by your accessories, hair, and makeup without outshining the bride:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/adriann.../3106871?origin=related-3106871-8000017-0-1-1

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/js-boutique-draped-jersey-gown/3199599?origin=category&resultback=1710

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi...-dress/3207208?origin=category&resultback=543

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/amsale-one-shoulder-chiffon-gown/3152150?origin=category&resultback=1654

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/adriann...jacket/3217420?origin=category&resultback=228

This one has the mutli watercolor look from the gown you were looking at, but in a more appropriate cut:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/kay-ung...dress/3227506?origin=category&resultback=1710

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/js-bout...-gown/3198618?origin=category&resultback=2394

OK...I think I've made enough suggestions.

Happy shopping!

 

[scrapquitler]

Yes, it is the norm. Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm an out-of-the-box kind woman, but I'm seeing I have to change my ways for this wedding. I don't want to scream attention, I just want to look good and youngish. I think the age difference between the mother of the bride and myself (over 15 years) is scaring me as far as matching dresses. My mother (the grooms grandmother is only a couple of years older than her, and I don't want to look like a grandma at my son's wedding. I'm glad I have 7 months to figure something out that eill make everyone happy.

You certainly don't need 'matching' dresses. You can have your own style (and make it younger) while the MOB has her own style. When I got married, my Mom was 42 and my MIL was 50. My Mom wore a dressy suit like dress in a peachy color, and my MIL wore a matronly chiffon monstrosity in beige. My Mom looked stylish and young, while my MIL could have passed for a Grandma.

Do you get along well with FDIL? If so, it might be very nice of you to suggest that you take her out to lunch and go shopping together, and then you can get some feedback from her about the dress that you wear, you'll know you aren't going somewhere that will make her unhappy and you can bond with her a little

 

[beaucoup]

I fear the 2nd dress will make you the center of attention at the reception, and not in a good way. The center of attention should be the bride. Not you.

One dress. Understated. Simple, solid color, no pattern, but beautiful. You don't want a patterned dress amongst all the solid color bridesmaids & bride gowns. And nothing dates a photo more than pattern. (Think wallpaper.)

Please don't go with that dress. PLEASE!

Personally, I don't like anything about the dress. Pattern or cut.

 

[Aisling]

I think you should try really hard not to alienate your son's new wife and his mother by trying to make a strong statement (especially if that statement is that you're not old like her mother) at the wedding. OUCH!

Ok I just got slapped in the head. I think I've been in denial that I'm in fact more concerned about accentuating our age difference than just choosing a great youthful gown. I know that sounds horrible. The bride's mother is a lovely woman, I don't want to hurt her feelings. I swear I didn't realize I was being so shallow.

You've helped me sort out my feelings.

I'm a non-conformist when it comes to fashion, I love fashion but you're right, that gown would be screaming ME, and it tacky to be like that at my son's wedding.

I just want to look good without being too conservative at the reception.

Why oh why did I post this. I love that dress, yes even with the poofy bustline and cinching, but it's off my list. I should have not asked for advice, just bought it, wear it, have fun in it, and take my lumps and whispers behind my back. Nah!

 

[Aisling]

cbg1027, omg thank you for those links!!!

Do you get along well with FDIL? If so, it might be very nice of you to suggest that you take her out to lunch and go shopping together, and then you can get some feedback from her about the dress that you wear, you'll know you aren't going somewhere that will make her unhappy and you can bond with her a little

EXCELLENT idea! I love her very much and we get along well.

Please don't go with that dress. PLEASE!

I'm convinced! I think you all just saved me from making an idiot out of myself at this wedding. (But I still think that gown is perfect for me, just not for my son's wedding.)

 

[beaucoup]

Perhaps a dress with a jacket for the church, but take off the jacket & sexy it up a LITTLE bit with bling or other accessories for the reception. One dress.

 

[Aisling]

Perhaps a dress with a jacket for the church, but take off the jacket & sexy it up a LITTLE bit with bling or other accessories for the reception. One dress.

Ok, this is important: so the consensus is that I should NOT have 2 dresses (church and reception)? Have you seen this done before? Im sort of a free-spirit and like to dance to my own drum, not a stickler to conformity, but this IS a very important occasion and I don't want to make waves. I admit I never saw a MOB/G change dresses.

 

[LisaR]

Ok, this is important: so the consensus is that I should NOT have 2 dresses (church and reception)? Have you seen this done before? Im sort of a free-spirit and like to dance to my own drum, not a stickler to conformity, but this IS a very important occasion and I don't want to make waves. I admit I never saw a MOB/G change dresses.

Just my opinion but the goal here isn't to get people to notice what you are wearing AT ALL! You don't want something so ugly, outrageous, or revealing that everyone is noticing you or so elegant that you upstage the bride. If you arrive at the church in a more conservative outfit (your words) and change into something else, one would think it was to be noticed. If nobody notices, what was the point of changing? The night isn't about you looking younger than anyone else or showing your wild side or outside the box personality. It really is about the couple getting married.

 

[Aisling]

Even the model looks like crap in that second dress. Too puffy at the bust; what's with that cinched-in area below the butt?

You'd definitely get attention wearing that.......but not the kind you want.

It's, well, different. I didn't want same ole same ole. But with all the negative opinions, I'm assuming it reflects what the opinions of the wedding guests and wedding party will be. I like being over the top, but I don't like controversy, especially at my son's wedding.

 

[dislaney]

It's, well, different. I didn't want same ole same ole. But with all the negative opinions, I'm assuming it reflects what the opinions of the wedding guests and wedding party will be. I like being over the top, but I don't like controversy, especially at my son's wedding.

If you like the second dress so much, can you buy it for something other than the wedding?

I really like the first dress and personally if you want to wear something different to the church and the reception I wouldn't have a problem with that. I would be a bit more conservative than the second dress though.

 

[cornflake]

Don't take this the wrong way, as I think you're being really earnest and good-natured here with the comments (I don't mean people have been rude or anything, just that it's all not what you want to hear and you seem to have actually come for advice not just reinforcement no matter what) and seem to be open to like, thinking about what's driving you and whether it's what you want to be driving you, which is more than most people do, it's uncomfortable to do it. So yay.

However... I think you may just be looking at this the wrong way in a general sense. The whole you're a free spirit, you want to party at the reception, a dress that's you, etc. thing... not that any of that is wrong or that you're not but...

you're just a guest at THEIR event.

Yes, you're the mother of the groom but it's the wedding of the people in the wedding and, in the end, you, though you're his mother, are a guest, there to witness it. They could have eloped - they decided to have a wedding and invite people. They want you there. It's not, however, your party.

Would you go to any other party you were invited to and bring something to change into to get your party on? Would you go to your best friend's kid's graduation and bring a dress to wear to the graduation and then bring a dress to party in afterwards at the celebration because you feel like it's a party and you're a big dancer? Would you bring the second dress in the first post?

If a good friend was... I dunno, becoming a citizen and invited people to the swearing-in and then back to the house for a party, would you bring a dress to change into for the party? Would you bring that second dress you like in the first post?

I just don't think it'd occur to you to do something like that. Same thing. Maybe if you think about why you wouldn't do that (assuming I'm right and you wouldn't) and why you want to here, you might get more to the root of it.

 

[Aisling]

If you arrive at the church in a more conservative outfit (your words) and change into something else, one would think it was to be noticed. If nobody notices, what was the point of changing?

Ok, i realize this now. I won't be changing dresses.

But is it wrong for a mom to want to look good at her son's wedding, without taking attention away from the bride? Honest to heaven, it never even entered my mind to do this to my FDIL.

 

[dansamy]

The "partay" is for the young folks. (ie - the children being married and their peers) The ceremony is for the adults.

Seriously though, you're the MoG. Wear beige and blend! I know 47 is not "old", but the reality is that you're old enough to have a child who is marrying. Like other ceremonies in our lives, we each have a role to play. In this wedding, your role is the MoG.

One dress. Understated. Simple, solid color, no pattern, but beautiful.

At the ceremony, you light your candle. You sit on your side of the church. You smile. You radiate. At the reception, while the youngsters "partay", you mingle. You greet. You toast. You share a dance with your son. (If it's a dancing sort of wedding.) You don't get smashed. You don't go crazy on the dance floor. You do nothing that will redirect attention from the bride and groom to you and any antics of yours. This day is theirs.

My own wedding was a dark royal blue. Both my mother and MIL wore navy blue. Thanks, Moms! They both look beautiful in our pictures without distracting from the bridal party.

 

[cornflake]

Ok, i realize this now. I won't be changing dresses.

But is it wrong for a mom to want to look good at her son's wedding, without taking attention away from the bride? Honest to heaven, it never even entered my mind to do this to my FDIL.

I think there are different aspects here.

I think most people want to look good when they go out. Who goes to any event with friends and family thinking 'eh, I don't even care what I look like at all.' Most people put on an outfit they think is nice, do their hair, shower, etc.

We all say 'oh, you look beautiful!/look at you!/what a beautiful dress/nice tie!/etc.,' because it's the social convention to make some effort to look what is considered nice.

So no, of course it's not wrong to want to look good.

Again, however... in this instance - to look good to what end? If it was the friend's citizenship celebration party, or the friend's graduation from law school party, one presumes you'd also want to look good. But in the same way?

Because, I don't know what's in your head, but it reads here like to look good to show off ... something. To show you're young/younger than the mother of the bride/hip/whatever. I don't know what it is but as others have said it does sound like it's in the guise of looking for attention more than I think you would if you went to your best friend's birthday party.

 

[Aisling]

The "partay" is for the young folks. (ie - the children being married and their peers) The ceremony is for the adults.

Seriously though, you're the MoG. Wear beige and blend! I know 47 is not "old", but the reality is that you're old enough to have a child who is marrying. Like other ceremonies in our lives, we each have a role to play. In this wedding, your role is the MoG.

Wow, I really didn't expect that so many would feel the MOG should just blend in. I thought that was outdated. Since I see it's still expected, I guess i'll just play my proper role. I'm a bit sad and disappointed, but I want what's best for my son and FDIL at their wedding.

Thanks again for the honesty.

 

[Aisling]

Because, I don't know what's in your head, but it reads here like to look good to show off ... something. To show you're young/younger than the mother of the bride/hip/whatever. I don't know what it is but as others have said it does sound like it's in the guise of looking for attention more than I think you would if you went to your best friend's birthday party.

You're right, and all of a sudden I feel ashamed. I never thought i want to upstage the bride, but yes, i did want to stand out as "wow; that's your mom??"

This has hit me hard. but I guess I needed it. I didn't realize my proper place in my son's wedding. I do now.

 

[cbg1027]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good. And I think a wedding is a place to do it. There's no reason you can't wear an awesome dress. I disagree with those who said you need to wear beige and blend. You can wear something gorgeous....it just needs to be classy and not too loud or ostentatious.

As long as you're not upstaging the bride and it doesn't attract attention in the "I can't believe she wore THAT" way.

It's perfectly ok to be the second or third thing people notice. But you want their reaction to be "Wow, she looks elegant. What a great dress to wear to a wedding."

You can still make a statement....it just needs to be subtle and classy.

 

[Aisling]

Thank you. I understand now. I'll give it a few days and then start looking for something more appropriate.