Mother of the Groom dresses> opinions?

[Patience]

Seriously though, you're the MoG. Wear beige and blend! I know 47 is not "old", but the reality is that you're old enough to have a child who is marrying. Like other ceremonies in our lives, we each have a role to play. In this wedding, your role is the MoG. At the ceremony, you light your candle. You sit on your side of the church. You smile. You radiate. At the reception, while the youngsters "partay", you mingle. You greet. You toast. You share a dance with your son. (If it's a dancing sort of wedding.) You don't get smashed. You don't go crazy on the dance floor. You do nothing that will redirect attention from the bride and groom to you and any antics of yours. This day is theirs.

This! Definitely this! One dress, no pattern, elegant and chic but NOT FLASHY. My niece was married at an evening wedding on October 29, just a couple of weeks ago. My sister (her mother) was a young mother-of-the-bride while the mother-of-the-groom was older. My sister didn't wear beige- she wore a dark purple gown (a color approved of by my niece) that is similar to the dark red one shoulder gown that someone posted a link to but with no rhinestones. She looked beautiful and classy but not flashy. The mother-of-the-groom wore a sheath dress in a dove gray color (also a color approved by my niece) with a matching bolero jacket. She also looked beautiful and classy.

Congratulations on your son's upcoming marriage!

 

[cornflake]

You're right, and all of a sudden I feel ashamed. I never thought i want to upstage the bride, but yes, i did want to stand out as "wow; that's your mom??"

This has hit me hard. but I guess I needed it. I didn't realize my proper place in my son's wedding. I do now.

Honestly, I don't think you should feel ashamed. I think you should kind of feel proud.

First, you raised a good kid who is getting married to someone you presumably think is good and all and so good job there.

Second, this whole thread I think demonstrates a remarkable amount of insight and maturity.

Having a kid get married is obviously a big life moment that can make people feel different ways and want to reassure themselves that they're ... whatever, still young, still going to be needed, not being put out to pasture, whatever. You are quite young to have a kid getting married, but I think it's a normal reaction regardless of a person's chronological age.

That you can take the comments, engage in introspection, examine your own motives, feelings, come to realizations and decide to alter your plans is a big sign of emotional health, intellectual capacity and maturity.

It's not about blending in or being in the background of the party though - it is just that it's THEIR party and close as you obviously are to the people involved, you're family, you are, in the end, a guest at their party.

If it was your sister's birthday party, your cousin's graduation, etc., your parents' anniversary shindig - you're still a guest. That's the difference, it's just not your party. That's why some brides change dresses, it's their party, but no one else does, because they're guests and it's as weird to get into a second dress at someone else's party regardless of what it is.

I hope we - at least I - didn't make you feel bad, really. I think all the posts in the thread were with the best of intentions, in the way that you'd want to tell a friend ... I dunno, that they should really lay off the lip plumper because they're scaring small children. Even if you know they think it makes them look good and etc., but you know if they do it any more people will laugh at them behind their back. I'm not saying the situations are the same, just casting about for something even somewhat analagous.

So... don't feel bad - be proud of your son and your life and that you've got insight and sense and emotional health and get the second dress and wear it to your next cruise or something and rock on.

 

[dansamy]

Truly, I don't think you have to wear beige and only beige, but you should certainly wear classy, elegant and understated in a color that's not going to ruin the wedding pictures. You wouldn't believe some of the atrocities that some mothers try to pull off at their children's weddings.

 

[angelmav]

First Aisling, congrats on the upcoming happy day and for taking the offered advice without being defensive.

Cornflake makes excellent points in this thread.

Remember, the day isnt about how you would do things or indulging yourself which I think that part has started to sink in, but in sharing in the joy of your son and DIL.

You would definitely regret it if you did anything that made it about you and offended the bride or her family as a result. That would be a topic that would never go away. Trust me, thats not the kind of drama you want to start these relationships with, even if you think that everyone is ok with your choices (they are not no matter what they say).

Hope to hear about the happy day!

 

[Alsobrook]

I don't think you have to wait on the bride to pick colors, etc. A beige dress is traditional for the mother of the groom. I'm not a fan of the first dress because I think it's too short and because the bottom of the dress has the appearance of being "short" with a "slip" hanging out. I think you should go longer.

I think the idea of the second dress to begin with is not a great one. I don't think you need to change at all. If, because of dancing etc. you don't want a longer dress than item one, ok, but I'd find one of a bit different styling. The second dress is flashy and attention grabbing. If you change into something else, it should also be subdued, etc.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

I don't think you have to wear beige as a mother of the groom but something full of class and not so much of...flash. My MIL wore a lovely deep purple gown at my BILs VR. She even had a pretty flower in her hair.

 

[java]

I think you picked too safe and too wild. Try to go middle of the road with a dress.
You don't want to look like you are trying too hard. And the comments for the day should be "Wow check out his Wife"
Not That's his Mom?

There is nothing wrong with showing off your smoking body you just haven't found the perfect dress yet. And unless there is like 5 hous between the wedding and reception I would not be changing dresses.

I think for a wedding you want to look tasteful. Ask your future dil to go dress shopping with you.

When I got married my mom felt the same way. She was so worried about being old enough to have a daughter getting married that she didn't realize her bra was showing in every picture.

Let the bride shine. I wouldn't want anyone to comment on me at all at my sons wedding. It's not about me. ( of course he's not getting married yet who knows what'll happen to my thought process then)

 

[Owlpost23]

OP,you sound like a terrific person-gracious,and classy,and BRAVE for putting this out there! Sounds like you're coming to the difficult realization that time is marching on,and the time for center stage is not your son's wedding day.I'm with everyone else-wear a lovely conservative dress,buy the second one,and have your husband take you to Las Vegas,where you can shine!

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

The first dress is lovely. I don't have anything nice to say about the 2nd dress though....so I won't say anything at all.

 

[AnnaS]

Ok, this is important: so the consensus is that I should NOT have 2 dresses (church and reception)? Have you seen this done before? Im sort of a free-spirit and like to dance to my own drum, not a stickler to conformity, but this IS a very important occasion and I don't want to make waves. I admit I never saw a MOB/G change dresses.

I have only seen this once in my lifetime and I have been to a ton of church weddings. I do not see a problem with this or a big deal as long as they are both appropriate - a short one for the day and gown for the eve.

I will be shopping soon too. My son's is next Sept. I like the first two in the link to Nordstrom. I also have recently heard that the brides's mom chooses first - which she has - I guess I never paid attention to this before, never had to. Also - my future dil says any color but black but that's about it. Her mom is easy going - wear whatever you want.

We had my nephew's wedding at St. Agnes in Brooklyn a few weeks ago and during the rehearsal the deacon pointed out - not being too serious but that is the point - no tripping, dropping anything - that day is for the bride - you do not want to draw any attention to you.

I went to a wedding in PA a few years ago and the bride's mom wore a gold dress that looked like the exact dress that Belle wears in Beauty and the Beast. Everyone was talking about the dress - we all thought it was inappropriate and disrespectful to her daughter. You really had to see it.

Good luck and happy shopping.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Then for the reception, I'm thinking partay! And that colorful gown is so me. I'm 47, and if you girls say it's too young for me, I'll take your advice. And you say it's too flashy, like I may be the center of attention. Lord no, I don't want to do that to my future-daughter-in-law. I'm just afraid of looking "matronly". The brides mom is 65 and will be wearing the same burgandy (spelling) gown with a jacket to both the church and reception.

I just thought to be elegant for the church and partyish for the reception, but like someone said, even though I have the figure for it, I don't want to look like a fool at my age. Hmmm. It's hard to think of myself as an "older woman".

I've just always loved those elegant knee-length suit dresses that some women wear to weddings, but I know I don't want to party in that dress, as pretty as it is.

As for the color, it's a light pink, the bride is wearing white, the bridesmaids are wearing teal.

I don't know know what to do. I guess it's back to the drawing board.

Oh, sure. I understand. But this time, you're not just a guest - you're a member of the wedding party!

I still haven't figured out how to post pictures, but what about something like this http://www.discountdressshop.com/ro...shopping+engine&utm_campaign=FEEDWIZARDGOOGLE - long, elegant, rose so it coordinates with burgundy (and you now know you must coordinate with the MotB ).

Oh, and I didn't show the colorful gown to FDIL yet. I'm not sure what she'll say, but I have a feeling her mother will have a cow over it. So I guess the decision is not to buy it.However, FDIL loves the suit dress but would prefer I wear a gown to the reception since I'm the mother of the groom. I see I must discuss color with her.

Boy I'm so disappointed. I really thought I could pull this off. But I guess not.

Thanks you guys!

Ah, no. Nobody said that; just that it wouldn't be appropriate to wear during any part of the wedding. See, you buy the dress now and don't mention it. Then you buy another, less attention-grabbing dress that coordinates with the bride's mother. In a couple of months, when it's too late to return the Fabergé Egg dress, bring it out and tell your DIL you bought it to change into for the reception.

No matter what her reaction, apologize for not thinking things all the way through. Voila! You have the dress you want, to wear when and where you want; the bride and groom are happy; the bride's mom is happy...

 

[abdmom]

Oh, sure. I understand. But this time, you're not just a guest - you're a member of the wedding party!

Ah, no. Nobody said that; just that it wouldn't be appropriate to wear during any part of the wedding. See, you buy the dress now and don't mention it. Then you buy another, less attention-grabbing dress that coordinates with the bride's mother. In a couple of months, when it's too late to return the Fabergé Egg dress, bring it out and tell your DIL you bought it to change into for the reception.

No matter what her reaction, apologize for not thinking things all the way through. Voila! You have the dress you want, to wear when and where you want; the bride and groom are happy; the bride's mom is happy...

I doubt the bridge and groom or the bride's mom would be happy if she wore that second dress. I still remember what my MIL wore to my wedding 19 years ago, and not in a good way.

 

[Pigeon]

The first dress is elegant and classy. I would like it better in a color that is not so close to white.

IMO, the second dress is just plain awful. When a dress makes a model look bad, you know there's a problem. But if you love it, buy it and wear it to some other occasion.

I agree with all the posters who say this is not the time to make a statement about how young looking you are. You are 47. That's not 74, but it's not 14, either. Your job here is to look nice (elegant and classy is good), which you would certainly do in the first dress. It's not to try to draw attention to yourself.

I've been to a million weddings and I've never seen the mother of the bride or groom change dresses, and I would view it as an attention grab.

 

[littleteapot]

I think the first would be very uncomfortable to sit in a hot church in July. But it is a pretty dress if it goes with the bride.

I don't like the 2nd dress at all! It is too flamboyant and over the top and it is a very young dress! Unless you had your son at 12 I think it is too young for a Mother of the groom. and to "I'm the center of attention, look at me!"

You do realize that as mother of the groom you get to pick last? What color are the bridesmaids? and what color is the Mother of the bride wearing?

As my sister said when her son got married last year, I'm the mother of the groom, my job is to wear beige and keep my mouth shut. She didn't wear beige but she picked hers AFTER the Mother of the bride and after consulting with the bride.

Of course your son said wear what you want! he doesn't want to tell you no Or even have to think about dresses. But he better learn to say talk to ____(the bride) or he is going to have a lot of earfuls coming his way before next summer.

This, in any color the bride requests. My 93 yo grandmother gave me the same advice when my boys were in grade school. She did it twice, I'll get to do it three times.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I don't think you have to wait on the bride to pick colors, etc. A beige dress is traditional for the mother of the groom.

You're the second poster to say this. It's absolutely not true. What's traditional for the mother of the groom is a dress or gown that coordinates in color and length with what the mother of the bride is wearing - which itself coordinates with either the wedding party colors or the bride's wishes.

Honestly, with the bridesmaids in teal and the bride's mother in burgundy, the OP would look out of place in beige.

 

[crashbb]

Ah, no. Nobody said that; just that it wouldn't be appropriate to wear during any part of the wedding. See, you buy the dress now and don't mention it. Then you buy another, less attention-grabbing dress that coordinates with the bride's mother. In a couple of months, when it's too late to return the Fabergé Egg dress, bring it out and tell your DIL you bought it to change into for the reception.

No matter what her reaction, apologize for not thinking things all the way through. Voila! You have the dress you want, to wear when and where you want; the bride and groom are happy; the bride's mom is happy...

Not sure how you go from the first part to the second. I don't think they'd be happy at all - especially not if the OP follows your plan to trick them into thinking that the one dress that they are shown is the only dress that will be warn. Possibly the worst advice given in this thread.

And, yes, people have said that they don't like the second dress at all - not just that it isn't appropriate for the wedding (for the record, I'm one of those people - sorry OP).

OP - I don't think you have to wear a dress that makes you match with the furniture, but it should be relatively understated. Admittedly, the last few weddings where I've been close enough to know about the families dress choices, none of them have bothered co-ordinating the mothers' dresses, so that bit is a little strange to me (but I'm willing to believe that it is the norm).

 

[kaytieeldr]

I doubt the bridge and groom or the bride's mom would be happy if she wore that second dress. I still remember what my MIL wore to my wedding 19 years ago, and not in a good way.

I understand. I apologize I wasn't clear. My suggestion was for her to buy the dress she likes, supposedly for the reception, and a dress she will actually wear for the whole wedding. When she shows them the dresses and tells her intention, somehow - through attitude or actual words - they'll let her know that's not a good idea (or that they hate it, whatever). Then she still has the colorful dress to wear whenever she wants - just not for the wedding.

It's so she can justify or validate to herself buying that dress.

Not sure how you go from the first part to the second. I don't think they'd be happy at all - especially not if the OP follows your plan to trick them into thinking that the one dress that they are shown is the only dress that will be warn. Possibly the worst advice given in this thread.

Mm, no, I'm positive I said to buy two dresses and tell them this was the one into which she was changing for the reception.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

You're right, and all of a sudden I feel ashamed. I never thought i want to upstage the bride, but yes, i did want to stand out as "wow; that's your mom??"

This has hit me hard. but I guess I needed it. I didn't realize my proper place in my son's wedding. I do now.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to wear somethng that you like, look good in and suits your personality. You just have to find something that also is appropriate for the purpose, will look great in formal pictures with your family and will not outshine the bride. That second dress is not the answer. Keep looking. Instead of something that screams at you maybe look for a short, fun, flirty cocktail dress that you can wear a wrap with for the ceremony and take it off for dancing at the reception etc.

I like something like this: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/alex-ev...shawl/3092220?origin=category&resultback=4128

The color while not exciting in the Aubergine will blend in nicely with the wedding. It is NOT matronly though. The cut is nice, I think the pieced skirt is fun and flirty, love the band of sparkle and the shawl will be perfect for the church.

 

[Magic Mom]

Ah, no. Nobody said that; just that it wouldn't be appropriate to wear during any part of the wedding. See, you buy the dress now and don't mention it. Then you buy another, less attention-grabbing dress that coordinates with the bride's mother. In a couple of months, when it's too late to return the Fabergé Egg dress, bring it out and tell your DIL you bought it to change into for the reception.

No matter what her reaction, apologize for not thinking things all the way through. Voila! You have the dress you want, to wear when and where you want; the bride and groom are happy; the bride's mom is happy...

That's not a nice way to start her relationship. It's very deceptive and manipulating(and frankly transparent) If the OP loves the wild dress, she should buy it and find another occasion at which to wear it. Her son's wedding is not an appropriate occasion. Sometimes it's not all about was you want.


ETA: I saw you posted a clarification while I was posting this.

 

[crashbb]

Mm, no, I'm positive I said to buy two dresses and tell them this was the one into which she was changing for the reception.

Mm, no, I'm positive that you said to tell them AFTER the date to return the dress had past. Meaning that she'd be lying (by omission) until such point.

In fact, you specifically told her not to mention it:

you buy the dress now and don't mention it.

I've read your clarification above (which is very different than what you said). If you are suggesting that she buys the dress for something not at all do to with the wedding, why would she mention it (in reference to the reception) to her FDIL at all?