Leaving Your Toddler Behind

[Phatoomch]

Oh gosh, I've made LOTS of parenting decisions on the basis of convenience!

We bought our house because of the convenient location to school, community centres, grocery store and library.

I taught my kids how to do the dishes when they were 7, because it was more convenient for me not to have to cook *and* clean dishes.

I taught them to cook for themselves, clean their own rooms and do their own laundry, because of the convenience of having kids who can do things for themselves. I taught them how to handle money so I could send them to the store to pick things up for me.

I put coat hooks at their eye level, because picking up their coats was inconvenient for me. All their toys lived in bins. And I babyproofed, because constantly following a baby around trying to keep them safe is a PIA.

Shoot, I taught my daughter to read because I had a new baby and simply didn't have the time to entertain her constantly. I loved being able to just shove a book under her nose and forget about her for the next hour.

I took my children many places with me, but we didn't do any big vacations until they were 7 and 9 years old. It just wouldn't have been convenient for me or anyone else.

I totally agree with you, but the OP was asking from a taking a vacation POV - buying a house, schools etc is a long term decision

 

[Magpie]

I totally agree with you, but the OP was asking from a taking a vacation POV - buying a house, schools etc is a long term decision

True - but I was responding to the whole idea of not basing your parenting decisions on the basis on convenience, ever! When, actually, I like to approach parenting in exactly the opposite way. I'll go to great lengths to ensure our lives are organized in a way that's as convenient as possible for everyone.

Happy kids are a good thing. Happy strangers are also good. And a happy me is best of all! I bought a big screen TV, so I wouldn't have to choose between missing movies and inconveniencing everyone by bringing babies and toddlers to the theatre.

Sometimes it's unavoidable someone's going to be inconvenienced. But in those cases, I figure I'm the one who decided to have these kids. The last person who deserves to be inconvenienced by them is some innocent stranger. So I think it's quite laudable to take strangers into consideration when planning family trips. And in the OP's case, the baby will get other trips with just mum and dad, when the older sib is in high school or university.

 

[Mamapapa]

Just went back and took the time to read all the other posts. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the "I would never do that" parents have children close in age. I think one major factor some are missing here is the age difference in the OP's children. This was the main reason we left our twins at home last year and only brought ODS to WDW. When you have kids who are more then 5 years apart, the things they will enjoy at WDW will be completely different. It's not like you can just bring the little one along and hope they have fun, you have to factor in getting the younger one to agree to do what the older one wants and vice versa. By only taking the older one, you give them the much needed alone time they deserve and a vacation catered to only their age group. If my kids were a couple years apart, I doubt I would leave one of them at home either because they would generally be in the same stage in life and enjoy the same thigns. But that's not the case here....

 

[Hannathy]

Just went back and took the time to read all the other posts. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the "I would never do that" parents have children close in age. I think one major factor some are missing here is the age difference in the OP's children. .

Nope, sorry. Mine are 6 1/2 years apart and I said I wouldn't do it and never did.
Went when my youngest was 2 and it was a great trip. I was 6 yrs younger than my sister and we never went on vacation except for the whole family.

I just think family vacations should be family vacations.

My DD actually liked the trip her brother was 2 better than when he was 5 and could ride everything, no more baby swap rides! Also more of a vote in what we would ride/do next.

 

[luvmy2babies]

I understand and I’m glad you are at peace with the decision you have made. The important thing is that you and your family can handle that decision. There are six and three quarter years between my two and when we went, I never considered leaving ds, but I did have people question me taking both children. Part of that was because I don’t have a husband. Part of it was because with her being older she could ride things he couldn’t.

I would not be able to handle it and my daughter wouldn’t either. We have been three times. First trip she was 7 and he was 10 months. I was still nursing at night, but I knew even though the trip was a surprise for her, dd would not want to go without ds. First thing she did after finding out we were going after hugging me and screaming was hug her brother and tell him he was going to Disney. The excitement was lost on him but he clapped because she looked so happy I guess. We did Sea World when he was 21 months and a day at MK and this past June we did another WDW trip with her at 9 and him 2.5. We always had a blast. My mother joked about him staying with her before we went again this summer and dd was adamant, he would not be left behind.

But he is not difficult to travel with at all. He has had his moments on the plane, but I’ve been able to calm him within a few minutes and got good comments on his behavior. He is adjustable as far as his naps and is a good stroller sleeper. And I have to mention dd has no interest in the larger rides he can’t do yet. I’m just hoping she is willing when he does make height because based on his nature he will want to ride everything he can, once he is tall enough. By then though dd will be fine waiting at the exit if she doesn’t want to ride.

Now, that isn’t to say I would never leave him. I have thought of taking dd to another state to an American Girl Doll store and for that, I would likely leave him behind. As he matures I will go off alone and leave them both at home. It just won’t be to go to Disney World.

 

[Cyrano]

She is in good hands with her aunt and cousin. It's entirely up to you how you feel about leaving her. It's not anybody else's business. Just because someone else would do it differently does not mean you are wrong.

Ditto

Posters will give you different viewpoints OP since this is what you have asked for.
The zealots for and against will not be tolerated. As always play nice or your posts will be removed DISers

 

[KellyNY]

True - but I was responding to the whole idea of not basing your parenting decisions on the basis on convenience, ever! When, actually, I like to approach parenting in exactly the opposite way. I'll go to great lengths to ensure our lives are organized in a way that's as convenient as possible for everyone.

Happy kids are a good thing. Happy strangers are also good. And a happy me is best of all! I bought a big screen TV, so I wouldn't have to choose between missing movies and inconveniencing everyone by bringing babies and toddlers to the theatre.

Sometimes it's unavoidable someone's going to be inconvenienced. But in those cases, I figure I'm the one who decided to have these kids. The last person who deserves to be inconvenienced by them is some innocent stranger. So I think it's quite laudable to take strangers into consideration when planning family trips. And in the OP's case, the baby will get other trips with just mum and dad, when the older sib is in high school or university.

I respect your approach.

 

[constancefamily]

I'd be so worried she'd get motion sickness, I'd ask my doctor about a toddler-safe remedy I could give her about an hour before the flight...

And if that didn't work, I'd take MY motion sickness remedy...

This remedy is called Benadryl. My 2 year old doesn't travel long distances without it. It helps him not to vomit all over the car plus has a little sleepy action so he doesn't mind being confined in a car for 10 hours while we drive to WDW. Our pediatrician told us to do this after we had to clean his side of the car from top to bottom twice while traveling. Our October trip will be his 3rd to WDW and while he may not remember everything about these trips, I would never consider leaving him at home. The way his face lit up the first time he saw Mickey is definitely worth any hassle that is involved with traveling witha toddler.

 

[Jiminy'sGirl]

I have done it!

In 2009 we had a "surprise" 3rd baby and then moved to TX from SC all in a 3 month span. My older kids were 7 and 5 at the time. Their world was flipped on its head. We decided to take them Disney World to spend quality time with just them, to reward them for being troopers through all the changes. We left the baby with my parents. I didn't feel guilty because, 1. I knew the baby was well taken care of, and 2. I knew we would go back to Disney many many more times. The baby is now 3 and has been and is going back again in November.

 

[damo]

OP, you sound like a very considerate and thoughtful person!!!

 

[blessedby3]

Just went back and took the time to read all the other posts. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the "I would never do that" parents have children close in age. I think one major factor some are missing here is the age difference in the OP's children. This was the main reason we left our twins at home last year and only brought ODS to WDW. When you have kids who are more then 5 years apart, the things they will enjoy at WDW will be completely different. It's not like you can just bring the little one along and hope they have fun, you have to factor in getting the younger one to agree to do what the older one wants and vice versa. By only taking the older one, you give them the much needed alone time they deserve and a vacation catered to only their age group. If my kids were a couple years apart, I doubt I would leave one of them at home either because they would generally be in the same stage in life and enjoy the same thigns. But that's not the case here....

My kids are 22, 17, 13, and 4. We always travel as a pack and take turns riding the big rides and the little rides. Occasionally DH will go with a couple and I will go with the other 2 for a couple of rides. I like that each of my kids understands that everyone gets to do what they want....maybe just not at that very second....and DH likes that he gets to sit with the little one since he doesnt like many of the thrill rides We have never left a child behind because of the reasoning that not everyone does/likes the same thing. That is one of the great lessons to learn being in a family. We try to make sure everyone gets to do what they like best...and the ones who dont like a ride just wait patiently. Works for our family.
I still say that the OP should do what they feel comfy with. Everyone has different views (obviously).

 

[mjkacmom]

All of mine have been left behind for vacations as babies and toddlers. Fortunately, they have loving grandparents who live a minute away, who they see every single day (almost like a second set of parents - my mom drives several carpools).

We are slowly reaching the point where we are starting to leave older kids behind now, because of school, activities, jobs...

I think siblings are a gift, but older kids do make sacrifices when a new baby arrives. As a SAHM, leaving a baby with grandma made it more of a vacation!

 

[LONES]

I would normally be of the opinion that I would never leave one member home on a "family" vacation. But... I can see how it might be best in some circumstances. If this is going to be a once in a lifetime family Disney trip, then I would say to just figure out a way to take her and make it work. If you plan to go back in a year or two, then I would say it may be okay to leave her home for this trip.
I have a friend that had a work conference at Disney this year. The family was going to go with. She would have spent a lot of time in meetings, meaning Dad would be touring the parks alone with a 5 year old and 20 month old. They ultimately decided to leave the 20 month old home with an aunt. That way, Dad would be able to take the older child on rides, and spend more time with him. They are financially able to go back any time they would want, so I can see in that situation where it was the best decision.
Now, if they never take the little one back..... that would just be wrong!!!! LOL!

 

[stitch1094]

We have 4 kids ranging from ages 15 to 5. In all of those years, we have never left them for longer than 1 night. To each their own I guess.

 

[gator girl]

When I was a kid each cousin had a week at the beach with the grandparents, individually, each summer. No other kids were there. Each sibling went alone, and had slurpees all week with grandpa, and grandma tailored all the fun activities to what that individual kid enjoyed. She took me to the movies, and my cousin to the mall, and my sister to the community pool, and my other cousin to the basketball courts, etc. I didn't have to sit around at the basketball court all bored because my cousin wanted to play, and my sister didn't have to cut short her pool time because my movie was starting, and so on. And the kids left at home had extra one-on-one time with their parents. I loooooooooved the week my little sister was gone and I had no competition for my parents' attention. None of us cousins felt deprived in any way, because we knew that we'd each get a turn.

I don't see that as very different from this situation. The OP is not leaving the baby under a bush in the back yard, for goodness sake! She will be well looked after by other family members who love her. They're leaving one kid behind so that they can make special memories with the other kid. I assume the OP is going to, at some point in her toddler's life, do something special with her that the 8yo is going to sit out on. Kind of a "sometimes we all go, and sometimes it's just mommy & daddy & me time". Honestly, I think it facilitates a kid's connection to his parents if he gets their undivided attention every now & then.

If you personally are not comfortable splitting up your kids for any reason, that's perfectly fine. But so is the parent who makes the deliberate choice to spend some one-on-one time with her kids. I think it's a red herring to keep calling this a "family vacation" and then saying that it's not right to leave a family member out. It's NOT a family vacation. It's a different beast entirely, a "parents spending special time bonding with one kid" vacation.... and that's allowed too.

 

[mjkacmom]

The point of that is who would want to leave such a small infant to go on vacation?.

Well, that would be me! We left ds14 at 6 weeks old for a long weeked (I came along on DH's business trip at a spa resort). After having the easiest baby is the world (his older sister), I couldn't wait to get on that plane! He was the most miserable baby, cried all of the time, didn't sleep, took forever to eat...

 

[littlebit0863]

I left my 26 month old for a week last summer while I went to comic con and spent the week feeling guilty. So my advice is to try to enjoy yourself and know that your baby is ok or else you will end up ruining your trip.

 

[shoney]

Well, that would be me! We left ds14 at 6 weeks old for a long weeked (I came along on DH's business trip at a spa resort). After having the easiest baby is the world (his older sister), I couldn't wait to get on that plane! He was the most miserable baby, cried all of the time, didn't sleep, took forever to eat...

Me too! LOL

I left both of my kids at 14 weeks to vacation alone with DH. We just needed some time alone! My parents are fantastic and very close with my kids. I knew they were in loving hands!
Did I miss them? Of course! I also really liked the alone time

My boys are 20 months apart so we either vacation with both or neither!

I did leave the younger one home once ...I guess he was around 5 at the time. We had to fly up to Buffalo for a funeral. It was a quick one night trip, but we did stay in Niagara falls.

I personally would leave the little one at home and have some "older kid" fun with the other one. It would be great bonding time!

 

[princessaloha]

My kids are 22, 17, 13, and 4. We always travel as a pack and take turns riding the big rides and the little rides. Occasionally DH will go with a couple and I will go with the other 2 for a couple of rides. I like that each of my kids understands that everyone gets to do what they want....maybe just not at that very second....and DH likes that he gets to sit with the little one since he doesnt like many of the thrill rides We have never left a child behind because of the reasoning that not everyone does/likes the same thing. That is one of the great lessons to learn being in a family. We try to make sure everyone gets to do what they like best...and the ones who dont like a ride just wait patiently. Works for our family.
I still say that the OP should do what they feel comfy with. Everyone has different views (obviously).

I wholeheartedly AGREE with this entire post! My oldest will be 24 in a few weeks and my youngest are 5 and 2. We have never left any child behind on any vacation/trip. But that's just us. Most of my friends are happy to have family watch their children while they take off, one as young as a few weeks old Although that's not our cup of tea, it really is an individual family's decision.

 

[Dizfan4life]

Dear OP, only you know your child.... I've known families who have left their youngest home because they knew if there was a character within 10 feet of their toddler she would start screaming and I've also known families who have taken their toddler and they did just fine with the characters. I went on a family vacation YEARS ago when my niece and nephew were both around the 20 mos old mark and my niece did completely fine with rides and characters and my nephew didn't. Poor little guy cried on most rides, when he saw characters, and the poor parents were stressed most of the trip. If your little one is very afraid of those things you would probably feel awful putting him/her through that. Good luck with your decision.... I'm sure it will be the right one.