Leaving Your Toddler Behind

[bdklein]

. I'm a believer that family vacations are for the whole family.

The OP never said it was a family vacation!!!! The original question was "Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?" And the answer is "YES"!!!

 

[Magpie]

Again, I agree Organised & convenient lives in general is the key to happy children.

My response though was really to the OPs particular situation only - she is unsure about taking her baby because she will cry on the plane and they don't want to deal with parent swapping. For me, that really isn't a deal-breaker, not something I would base my decision off, they are merely minor conveniences which, as a parent, come your way on a regular basis. My advice really wasn't about her overall parenting, just this one situation

I reread the OP's post and I don't think those are deciding factors, as much as happy bonuses.

Really what I figure it comes down to is that the baby is a handful, at the best of times. And they want to spend this time focusing on their older child. (And maybe mum and dad secretly want a break, too!)

Me, I'd simply tell people that this is a special trip just for the oldest child - a chance to make that child feel like the centre of attention for maybe the last time in his life. It's a reward for being a good sport while having his life turned completely upside down by the chaos of a new baby. Looking at it that way should help the OP overcome any twinges of guilt she might be experiencing.

The baby will get a turn later, when the older one is grown.

 

[damo]

This argument is like the SAHM argument. Everyone will have their own opinion about what is unacceptable and what is acceptable. Some parents feel that is is very wrong to leave their children in the care of someone else while they are employed outside of the home and others feel that it works well for them.

You need to do what is best for each member of your family. Every family will feel differently because every family is different.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

We have a big split in the ages of our children but always go on family trips together. Even when my boys were 11, 9, and 6...we wouldn't have left the baby behind. I look at it like this...she has been dragged to every swim meet, soccer tournament, basketball game, and school event under the sun. They can manage to be a bit accommodating at WDW so that we can go as a family.

However, I am all for mom and dad only trips. I would just feel bad about leaving one of my kiddos behind.

 

[blakrose9999]

I think you should do what you feel is best for your family of course u will miss her that's natural. My parents left me many times when I was a kid with friends or family to go on vacation without me and it dosne't bother me. In fact my mom loves reminding me of the time (when i was 2)they raced home from the airport to pick me up at my aunts house caz they missed me and i refused to go with them saying no my bed is here. they had to come back the next morning for me.

I also know from experencie that the age gap can change they vaction alot for everyone. A few yrs ago we went on a huge family vacation and my inlaws had my 8 yr old niece and my sil and bil had there 4yr old and 20month old. They were all togehter most of the week and miserable. It wasn't til the end of the week and they split up that things were better for everyone. My inlaws could go go go with my 8 yr old niece who just wanted to get to the next ride. And my sil and bil were able to relax and let their little ones play in the play areas and stuff like that which is what her kids were more interested in.

 

[gator girl]

Serious question for the "vacations are for the whole family!!" crowd:

When I was growing up, our school system sent fourth graders on a 3-day camp. Parents were encouraged to attend as chaperones. Neither of my parents wanted to miss out on experiencing the activities with me, so they BOTH went as chaperones, leaving my sister home with grandma. And naturally, the same thing happened when my sister reached fourth grade.

Do you honestly feel like my parents did something wrong? Should one or both of them have sacrificed the special once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience that camp with their kid? Should they have made ME stay home because my sister couldn't go? Should they have smuggled my preschool sister to my camp and my junior-high self to hers?

And if you say "oh, no! of course not! that was a school activity - it's different!" then... no, it's really not, in the big picture. It's a multi-day trip with both parents and one kid to a fun place to spend time together, leaving the other kid at home with grandma. Exactly like the OP plans to do, just with a different destination.

And, again, I'll repeat: the OP never said this was a family vacation. Just because the destination is some place that you personally might like to take your entire family, and despite endless repetition of that red herring argument by other people in this thread, it does not change that fact. The intention of the OP has always been for she and her husband to spend some special one-on-one time with her 8yo without the distraction of her toddler. Whether or not *other people* can and do take toddlers to WDW when they go on vacation is beside the point.

 

[CraftyMommy]

Since there are a lot of people speculating about the Original Poster, I added more info to the original post.

 

[shoney]

Since there are a lot of people speculating about the Original Poster, I added more info to the original post.

Have a fantastic trip!!!! Sounds like it is going to be alot of fun being able to just concentrate on the "big boy" stuff!

 

[bdklein]

Since there are a lot of people speculating about the Original Poster, I added more info to the original post.

It's a shame you had to add more information and had to justify yourself, but that's what happens when you post on these boards something that is not what someone else would do. The vultures attack. And all you did was ask others if they have done it, not if they felt it was ok.

Hold your head high, enjoy the special time with your son, and enjoy the trips when your daughter is older!!!

 

[KCMiller]

OP, you're aces in my book - both for the rational way you made a decision based on your knowledge of your children's developmental needs and abilities, and the thoughtful, polite and intelligent way you came back to respond to the posters comments.

I'm not surprised you're from Columbus! Go Bucks!

KC

 

[Mamapapa]

We wanted our kids to be closer in age but fertility issues happened and we thought our son would end up being an only child.

This is the EXACT same reason for the age gap with my children. DS8 concieved on 1st try, twins took years and multiple losses. Your older DS will be over the moon with this trip, an entire week of you paying attention to no one but him. Trust me, the joy on his face is going to make you realize you made the right decision every single day. Have an awesome trip and ignore the negative nellies on this board!!!

 

[KellyNY]

Since there are a lot of people speculating about the Original Poster, I added more info to the original post.

Its a shame that poster made to feel the need to justify herself and she is a new member here, nice welcome she got.

 

[tinkerbell9227]

Dont feel bad about leaving her behind!!

I havent read all the posts but based on your update I can only imagine!

My husband and I are going to WDW this weekend ALONE. That's right. We're leaving our two toddlers with my mom for a nice 4 day adults only 5 year anniversarry VACATION. I posted about that once and people gave me a lot of greif! Oh well. I am one of those people that recognizes I need adult time I dont need to be with my kids 24/7 to be a good parent. We've been getting a lot of greif for choosing disney world instead of say, vegas. But I have NO desire to ever go to vegas. blah!

Go, have fun, enjoy your time with your oldest child, let him pick out a gift or two for your toddler and bring her back some loot. 20 months she wont know she missed anything!

That's my two cents

 

[jenseib]

I'm not going to read through all the replies...because everyone has their own opinion...and many can be harsh about "their" opinion. I have done trips with kids, without kids, with only some of the kids...you name it.
Don't feel guilty. Yes you will miss her, but you will have fun and she'll be fine.
Sometimes it's good to get away for a bit and your son will feel extra special getting some Mommy time. Actually if you listen to advice from "therapists" they often say to do thing with one or the other child alone. It's better for the family in the long run. It sounds like "I" might take a lot of time and work for you, plus all your school, and I know you love Tyler, but sometimes you probably have to neglect him to take care of the needs of the baby. With this trip, you can totally focus on him and he will LOVE it.

 

[arlsdimples]

I have been reading your thread from the start but never replied. I just finished reading your edit to your OP. You have no reason to feel bad and there is no need to justify it to others. Every person, child, experience etc... is different.

I have a huge gap between my children. Our last just took longer. She is generally a very pleasant 18 month old. However I was in tears on the flight down. We spent between 5-6 hours at the airport due to the flight being late before we ever took off. She was not horrible as in nonstop screaming but it was a whole new nerve racking scream. A flight attendant offered to take her for a walk (which she was very pleasant for btw) and I literally burst into tears.
The flight back was much better.

Our first two days were a mental emotional challenge as well. Our second day we stayed at the pool/resort until about 5. My older DD told me in the first couple of days that I was literally twitching when she screamed. It was like nails on a chalkboard to me and yes I was thinking of the comfort of those around me (plane, eating, attraction, sleeping) By day 3 it got better and the rest of the trip was fine. Although when she figured out how to flip herself out of the pack in play one night I was in tears again, laughing at the same time but still in tears of desperation.

She loved everything and for most of the trip was pretty good. She HATED the bus because it was crowded and she was confined and the ride was long. Never should have stayed at AKL we knew better. Taking her at 5/6 months was a breeze compared to this trip but we adjusted.

My point is even a pleasant toddler/older baby can have meltdowns in WDW even when you try your best to do everything to avoid them. I'm sure from what I read about your DD's temperament you would only be adding stress. Especially since you know in the future you will get to do the world with her again.

I can also tell you that even though we never split our kids up we have taken about 6 short trips for just mommy and daddy. The first one I was so upset about leaving my oldest (at the time only) DD that I literally threw up in the car on the way to the airport. The second time I sobbed on the entire flight. The few times after that it got better. The last time I didn't feel guilty even when I had to sing to DS on the phone at night so he'd go to sleep. I just found out I was pregnant and new this was the last time for a long time.

Your son is truly going to love this special time with the two of you and will cherish it even if there are many more wonderful memories to come in the future at WDW with his baby sis.

 

[lilasmom]

I have DD3 and DS8 and our first trip was when DD was 10 months old. Her first words were POOH, because of that trip. The next year we went back and DD cried/screamed/pulled my hair out the ENTIRE flight. We live in Indy and the flight is about 2 hours, I thought I was going to die. People from our plane was telling me how great I was in the bathroom after the flight. 6 months later we go back, and she screams/cries the entire flight. The stewardess tried to help us and my response was it's only a 2 hour flight, she'll be fine, which shocked her. During this trip we stayed on the monorail and she refused to stay in her stroller and it was a nightmare. My DD is extremely stubborn and commits to what she wants, a lady at WDW came up to me during a parade tantrum and told her daughter was the same way when she was little and she's a litigation lawyer now! MY DS is the exact opposite of my DD, never a has any problems. With all this said, I couldn't imagine taking DS and leaving DD home. Those crazy trips are some of my best memories with them.

Only you know how you'll feel when you get there if you decide to leave her at home. It may make you sad or maybe not.

My DH and I are leaving in two days for an adult only trip. We did this two years and I loved it! I was afraid seeing kids there would make me miss my own and regret not taking them. I didn't feel that way, I was ok. I missed them sure, I miss them when I'm at work, but sometimes Mommy needs a break. Anyway, in a month we are going back with them.

Good luck with your decision, WDW isn't any place I would want to be sad.

 

[magrudersmakes3]

My parents did the same thing with me when I was her age. My brothers and sister were 5,6,8 & 9 years older than I was. She wanted them to enjoy themselves. I have never once felt like I missed out on anything, nor have I ever felt any resentment. I completely understand why they did it. I had my own opportunities as a child to have my own fun.

Please enjoy yourselves and try not to feel guilty.

 

[BradleyB]

You are doing the right thing. Our boys are 22, 20, 19, and 13. We went to California and the little guy stayed with the grandparents while we hit Disneyland, Magic Mountain, and Universal Studios with the older boys. The grandparents adored having the baby without the older boys competing for attention and the older boys got to ride all the rides they wanted.

Now the older ones are away at college (2) and in the military (1) and we get to do special things with the little guy.

They all have their special time, memories, and pictures.

BTW, I'm taking the wife and mother in law to WDW for an adults only trip in April and the little guy gets to hang with his other grandparents. Bonus for us all!

 

[Disney_Fanatic25]

I don't think you should feel guilty. Only you know what is best for your family.

 

[TJDisneymama]

i know this thread is old, just came across it and had to respond. I posted almost the *exact* same thing a few months ago. I had an opportunity to just bring ODS (9) and leave YDD (5) behind. I know she's not a toddler, but believe me, she can be just as difficult. She is just a lot of WORK and demands 95% of my time and energy, leaving only 5% for ODS. So when I got the idea to just bring ODS (just me and him, DH stayed behind), I was excited at the thought of being able to go at our own pace and not revolve the ENTIRE trip around YDD's moods -- but also anxious/nervous about leavnig YDD behind. I posted about it here to get feedback, and was told by one poster that I was mentally ill because I kept going back and forth between excited and nervous, lol. Anyways, I stocked up on Klonopin from my dr. because I thought I was going to be a nervous wreck the entire time --- I never had to take a single pill! I had a BLAST. I barely gave DD and DH a second thought, it was like they didn't exist, lol. We had so much fun and I was SO glad I got to have time with DS where I could give him all my time & attention. Best thing I ever did and I would have to say it is my all time favorite vacation. if YDD ever calms down, maybe I'll take her on a mother/daughter trip some day.