Leaving Your Toddler Behind

[gtpoohbear]

When DD was 1.5, and an only child at the time, DH and I left her with grandparents for a week to go to Hawaii. It was sort of a second-honeymoon, I guess. We had a blast and I am very glad we did that trip, but I knew when I got back that I'd probably never do it again. it would especially feel weird to take one kid and leave the other. But if that's what works best for you, then you should do it and not feel guilty. It's not like you'll be leaving them every year.

My DS just turned 2, and has been on 6 trips already that we have flown. And almost every flight has been a nightmare, but we do it anyway because that's just what it takes to get there. We buy him a seat and strap him into his carseat, and hope everyone around us on the plane brought noise-cancelling headphones, lol! So if that's the only reason for leaving them at home, I don't think it's worth it. It's a few hours, so that you can have a week of fun. But if you want a different kind of vacation than what you would have with a toddler, then it's totally understandable to do once.

 

[Carrie in AZ]

It would be very hard for me to leave one of our children home. But, I totally get where you are coming from. This is YOUR vacation, too, and I definitely feel it will be more relaxing without your DD. Disney is an amazing trip but it is also a hard trip. I speak from experience.

Once you are there, you will enjoy the ease of being able to "go and do" with the three of you. It will be a completely different trip if the three of you go vs the four of you. Both will be magical but in different ways. Good luck with your decision.

 

[YodaGirl]

DD will be 6 and finally old enough to ride the "big" rides on our next trip. DS will be 1.5 yrs. I can't fathom leaving him behind.

Will it take more planning? Yes.
Will it take more patience? Yes.

BUT it's a family trip. "Ohana" means "family". Family means no one gets left behind.

 

[jessc79]

BUT it's a family trip. "Ohana" means "family". Family means no one gets left behind.

Love!

I don't really think OP wanted our opinions or what we would do, I think she just wanted support for her choice. Cheers!

 

[auprincess]

Seriously?
The point of that is who would want to leave such a small infant to go on vacation? We took dd4 to WDW when she was 3 mos. It was her big sisters high school graduation trip. We certainly werent going to leave her behind at 3 mos....it was our FAMILY vacation and she is part of our family. The baby did great and we enjoyed having our whole family together.
It is no different than going anywhere else for vacation. We took ds17 to a camping family reunion when he was 2 mos, and to the beach when he was 3 mos. Wherever we go the baby will go.

I do agree with this ~ and also, what if the mom is nursing? What mom on vacation wants to have to go pump and then dump out all that breastmilk? The youngest we've taken our girls is 12 mos, and they were the easy ones!!

 

[wild4dis]

A few thoughts...

I agree, a 20 month yr old and an 8 yr old will make for a different ride experience and you wil ldo a lot of parent swapping while one rides and one stays with the younger child.

But, all 3 of my children made their first WDW trip around 18 months or younger and we always fly, so travel is "fun" but well worth it. I also went to WDW twice with DW and no kids because it was a business conference. While we had a fun time, doing "adult" things that are often overlooked when with the family, we were also constantly saying " aww, I wish the kids were here to see this !!"
If I had the choice, I would rather have the whole family with us every time !!

enjoy !

 

[glocon]

You know- you made that decision for a reason. I think you should follow through with your original plans.

I haven't read all the pages of this thread, so sorry if this is repetitive, but your 8yo will have great memories of your trip with him at the center of things- probably the only time this will happen in his whole life. With the big age disparity between your children, there will come a time where he will be away at school, or perhaps not interested in WDW and you can do a daughter only trip to make things even.

If you think that your trip will be ruined by fretting over your daughter, then by all means just go ahead and bring her. If you think you can have fun with just the 3 of you, don't worry what other people say- enjoy quality time with your son.

Your trip would be a very different one if you brought your 2yo with, so perhaps you can do a mini trip with all of you sometime soon.

Hope this helps! Have fun!

 

[Colleen27]

Just went back and took the time to read all the other posts. I couldn't help but notice that a lot of the "I would never do that" parents have children close in age.

I noticed that too. Although I haven't left my youngest out of a Disney trip yet, there's a big age difference between my kids (14, 11 & 4) and "divide and conquer" is often at the heart of our approach. Every one of them has at some point been left home while we did something that they couldn't yet handle or simply weren't interested in - the 14yo has stayed home from 2 WDW weekends in the last couple years, the 11 & 4yos never go on hunting/fishing trips with DS14 and DH, and all three kids get left with their grandparents when DH & I take our annual anniversary overnight/weekend trip. We shoot for a balance between doing things together/teaching the kids to be patient with one another's interests and taking opportunities for one-on-one time with each of them, and to me a Disney trip works well on either side of the equation.

 

[snowcupid]

This is our second trip to WDW. And our first without our soon to be 18 year old. He will be a freshman in college and doesn't want to miss it (even though it is only one day). I completely understand, but at the same time I am sad - because it won't be the same without him.

On the other hand our 12 year old is so excited because she will have all of the attention.

I think you should do what you feel is best for your family. And try not to feel guilty for making the trip enjoyable for your oldest child.

 

[rigs32]

When your youngest is 16/17 and your oldest is 22/23, are you going to vacation with the youngest and not the oldest? Probably.

What if the oldest's job doesn't allow for the vacation? They get married?

When does traveling as a pack end? My brothers are 15 and 17 years older than me. We never had a "family vacation" until we were all adults. And we did two cruises where we met up in the evening and spent our days on our own.

 

[amberpi]

I think it will be lovely for you and your DH to get some one on one time with your older child at a great age to be at WDW. My folks took me some places and left my 5 year younger brother at home occassionally. When he was older and I was older, I opted out of a few trips too and they took some with just him. It was all good. We are going in 2 weeks with out DSIL, DBIL and our 5 year old birthday nephew. They choose to leave the 16 month at home and I was SO glad of this (even though she is a sweetie). She screams because it fascinates her right now (and she is adorable) but I can't imagine inflicting that on 150 other people on a flight. The little one will have time with her grandparents, which they love and our nephew can be the "star" of the trip. That said, they will go again in a year or so when she's old enough to handle flying and every year after that I'd say, so she's not exactly getting left out of all family vacations I grew up in the 80's - 90's and neither my brother nor I resent any vacation that we weren't a part of. We had father/son, mother/daughter, father/daughter, mother/son and once a year an everyone trip. It was all good. We loved each other and didn't care who got what, when. There was no sense of entitlement to go on ALL trips. It was really nice to get special time with just one or both of my folks and I never was upset when my little brother got the same, nor was he. It might be different if you only did 1 vacation a year, but we went on lots of trips (and our folks left both of us once a year) so there was a feeling that everything worked out in the end.

I hope the OP has a great trip and that your older child feels very special and has some magic memories.

 

[Andtototoo]

There can be too much family togetherness, in my book.

The first time I went to WDW was with my family when I was 8 and my sister was 3. The age difference had a huge impact on our experience and it was NOT a positive one.

At that age, my sister was very stubborn and prone to tantrums. I was already sick and tired of having to deal with toddler tantrums every time we went anywhere, but off we went to WDW. My parents felt that since this was a family vacation, everyone had to ride the rides together. Result: A ruined vacation.

My sister was over-stimulated and to add that to her tendency to have fits whenever anything didn't go her way meant that except for the time spent riding IASW, she was screaming or pulling away or unhappy. She did not want to go on Teacups or anything but IASW (although my father insisted we go on 20000 Leagues). So because we all had to stay together, we couldn't go on Haunted Mansion which was my #1 priority and really, my entire reason for wanting to go to WDW. Then she had a total meltdown and we had to leave the park because my parents felt it was wrong to expose others to her beahavior. We didn't return to WDW on that vacation or in fact, ever again.

My memories of my first trip to WDW are not happy ones. My sister has no memories whatsoever. My mother subsequently said that one do over she wished she had in life was to take me to WDW without my sister in tow.

I chose not to take my dd to WDW until she was well out of that stage of behavior. No regrets about waiting. And if we'd have more than one kid, I'd have left toddlers at home without a second thought.

Honestly, I think it facilitates a kid's connection to his parents if he gets their undivided attention every now & then.

ITA. One reason I resented my sister was that once she was born I never again had any time with my parents without her because everything had to be done as a "family". Of course, the minute I turned 18 I was no longer part of the family and off they went on vacations with her, leaving me at home.

 

[dngrmys]

BUT it's a family trip. "Ohana" means "family". Family means no one gets left behind.

That's a rather loose definition of the word family and going back to the OP, I don't believe she ever referenced the trip as a family vacation.

I don't really think OP wanted our opinions or what we would do, I think she just wanted support for her choice. Cheers!

That's quite an assumption. In fact, she never asked for opinions on what other people would do. She asked what other people have done. "Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?"

 

[princessaloha]

When your youngest is 16/17 and your oldest is 22/23, are you going to vacation with the youngest and not the oldest? Probably.

What if the oldest's job doesn't allow for the vacation? They get married?

When does traveling as a pack end? My brothers are 15 and 17 years older than me. We never had a "family vacation" until we were all adults. And we did two cruises where we met up in the evening and spent our days on our own.

Our almost 24yr (by his own choice) will be going with us and his 5yr and 2yr siblings. In our case, when the adult child(ren) decides to not go. However, I believe this conversation is about whether or not the parent(s) should leave non adult child(ren) at home for family vacations.

 

[gator girl]

However, I believe this conversation is about whether or not the parent(s) should leave non adult child(ren) at home for family vacations.

Nope. It's not a family vacation!!

That is what people on this thread keep calling it, but it is NOT how the OP described it.

The OP is planning to have some quality time with one of her children while the other one is at home with relatives. Evidently she, like many of us, believe that a family is made up of many overlapping sets of interpersonal relationships that can and should be individually nurtured, and that each child benefits from one-on-one quality time with his or her parents.

I'm sure the next time the OP takes a family vacation, both children will be included.

I think it's clouding the issue that this one-on-one time with her son just happens to be taking place at WDW, a location that many people choose for their family vacations. But that's not the ONLY legitimate reason to visit WDW. Posters are acting like she's "doing it wrong", when in actuality she's just "doing it differently".

 

[princessaloha]

Nope. It's not a family vacation!!

That is what people on this thread keep calling it, but it is NOT how the OP described it.

The OP is planning to have some quality time with one of her children while the other one is at home with relatives. Evidently she, like many of us, believe that a family is made up of many overlapping sets of interpersonal relationships that can and should be individually nurtured, and that each child benefits from one-on-one quality time with his or her parents.

I'm sure the next time the OP takes a family vacation, both children will be included.

WOW! Since she is taking one of her children then that makes a family, does it not? So my statement about family vacation is accurate. As I stated in my first post, it's completely an individual family's decision on what is best for that family.

 

[gator girl]

WOW! Since she is taking one of her children then that makes a family, does it not? So my statement about family vacation is accurate. As I stated in my first post, it's completely an individual family's decision on what is best for that family.

Sorry, I wasn't addressing you solely. You were just the last person's post I read who called it a family vacation.

Obviously, selected members of her family are traveling together. I'm not insinuating that she is no longer related to her toddler because she is left at home. Would people call it a "family vacation" if she went adults-only with her husband and left both kids at home? If I go somewhere with my cousin who lives 200 miles away and I only see him 3 times a year I'm not calling that a family vacation, even though we're related by blood. I'm just talking about the way that phrase is used conversationally.

I think you're missing the point I'm making, which is that there is a difference between "all of us who live in the house are going somewhere together" (aka the family is going on a vacation) and "some of us are going off to spend some alone time while others stay home" (aka what the OP is doing).

I'm saying that sometimes the OP can have her entire nuclear family go somewhere and sometimes different permutations of family members can go. And when most people say "family vacation" they mean the first option.

So all the posters who are saying that she shouldn't leave one kid behind because it's a family vacation.... well, it isn't. Not as the OP described it. It's a separate but equally legitimate way to travel. If it were what is commonly referred to as a family vacation, I'm sure both kids would be going.

 

[JimmyV]

WOW! Since she is taking one of her children then that makes a family, does it not? So my statement about family vacation is accurate.

I don't see it that way at all. If a mother wanted to take her son to Gainesville for a UF football game and leave an infant home with a relative, would the football game become a "family outing"? Would anyone here question her judgment? Would anyone here say: "I would never go to a UF football game with my 8 year old while leaving my 18 month home alone?" Of course not!

So. Now let's take it one step further. Let's say that the mother, instead of going to Gainesville for the day, decided to head in the other direction and go to the MK for a day trip with her 8 year old. Do any of the answers to the above questions change? I am certain that everyone who has posted on this thread would uniformly agree that a single day visit to the MK with the older child would be A-OK and does not consitute a "family vacation". So does spending one more day at WDW suddenly transform it into one? And if you think that it does, then let's look at one more example. If a mother and daughter want to go to Canyon Ranch Spa for four days on a mommy/daughter trip, leaving others at home, is that, by definition, a "family vacation"? I think not.

Somehow, the introduction of WDW into the equation causes people to think differently, and, in some cases, irrationally.

 

[gator girl]

Somehow, the introduction of WDW into the equation causes people to think differently, and, in some cases, irrationally.

Yes! That's what I was saying above. Because lots and lots of people take their entire nuclear and even extended families to WDW in big groups, I think some people are having a hard time picturing that going there with subgroups is also OK.

It's just a place. A cool, special place, but still. It's just a place. No one would say that the OP is wrong for taking her son to baseball camp! But because it's WDW all of a sudden it's unthinkable? Weird.

 

[Mamapapa]

What a lively bunch we are today!

Honestly, I think it facilitates a kid's connection to his parents if he gets their undivided attention every now & then.

If you personally are not comfortable splitting up your kids for any reason, that's perfectly fine. But so is the parent who makes the deliberate choice to spend some one-on-one time with her kids.

I agree with both these statements!

BUT it's a family trip. "Ohana" means "family". Family means no one gets left behind.

This isn't a family trip. It's a chance to reward an older child with some much needed one on one time. And per your definition, it's a family, not war! Family members always get left behind!!!

divide and conquer is often at the heart of our approach. We shoot for a balance.

I can't agree with this more. This is like our family motto. In order to please everyone, sometimes you must split into groups. Just like stations for learning in kindergarten!