Leaving Your Toddler Behind

[deegack]

I read the original post and no replies. I would not leave a member of my family behind. Disney magic has a way of working on kids. It would be a different trip because you would go at a slower pace but you could still have fun.

 

[lync]

I haven't read ALL of the replies but, I couldn't leave one child home when the rest of the family is on vacation (especially Disney World).

My third child can be difficult. She was 2yr 4months on our last trip (last Sept). I, too, was worried how she would be. She didn't like to hold hands and she wandered very easily. She is SOOO strong willed! I was worried about her getting lost and her having meltdowns. She was FANTASTIC! She was having so much fun she didn't want to misbehave. I have taken my chlidren when they were 7 months, 4 months, 2 have gone when they were 2 and my oldest first trip was when she was 3. They all behaved wonderfully!!

You have to do what is best for you, but if you take her, you may have to change your expectations on what you can do in a day.

 

[GillianP1301]

Personally, I would never go on a family vacation and leave one child behind. There are ways you can alter your touring style (like one patent take the older child on one if their must do rides, while the other does something with the younger, for example).

As for the flying, I totally understand the anxiety there. My DS flew for the first time this trip and he's 4 and I was worried about the flight. He ended up loving it. You can always take a few small toys on the plane with you for entertainment.

Whatever happens, have fun! If you do decide to leave one home, I don't think that makes you a bad parent, just a different one than me.

 

[disneynewbee]

I wouldn't do it but you shouldn't feel bad about doing what is best for your family. I have a 4 year old dd with a challenging personality so I can understand why you would do it since we are going in 2 months and I'm kind of stressing over how she will behave. I plan to just find an out of the way curb or chair and give her a time out if needed, Disney is so loud noone will even notice the fit she will throw. I'm hoping the Disney magic will have her so entranced that it's not a problem, we shall see.....

 

[Colleen27]

I've never left my little one home from a Disney trip (yet - I have a mom-son trip, a solo trip, and a child-free anniversary trip planned for next year), but you need to do what is best for your family. What worked for me with my almost absurdly easy going youngest child isn't necessarily going to be the best advice for someone dealing with a more high-strung/challenging toddler. We had a blast with DD at 16mo and again at 30mo, but much of the credit for that goes to her personality - she sleeps anywhere, enjoys restaurant meals, and is easily distracted for things like plane rides if I just bring a snack and a quiet toy she hasn't seen before/in a while. If she was a screamer, or more attached to her at-home routines, or fearful of rides/shows/characters, the experience could have been very different.

One thing I would like to point out, simply because you listed it as a reason - Disney's baby swap can be awesome for older kids. They get to ride twice, once with each parent, without waiting in line for the 2nd ride. My older kids are actually sad to see the youngest's under-40" days come to an end because they enjoy the baby swap so much!

 

[Phatoomch]

Firstly, may I say you are brave asking a question like this on the DIS

So, here's my two pence for what its worth, although, I will point out that I only have one child so maybe my opinion is irrelevant

Part of being a parent is being inconvenienced - having the occasional dinner cut short, dealing with a tantrum because you are doing something incredible boring like waiting at the DVLC, the unknown (OMG I did not think my child would totally freak out because that guy had an incredibly bushy beard) etc etc

Those inconveniences are a learning curve for your child - example: my bff would rush home when her toddler became antsy/started to cry etc when out at dinner and still as an 11yr old she can't sit still when out to dinner. I, on the other hand persevered and by the time my DD was 3, she was & still is a joy to take to dinner.

A 9 hour trans-atlantic flight was fun when she was 17months - screamed the whole way. The longest 9 hours of my ENTIRE LIFE Is my DD, myself or the plane full of passengers scarred for life over that? I don't think so.

On the other hand .... if you are taking this vacation to have quality time with your older child because the baby has been taking over all your time, then it might be a good thing.

My point is, don't make your decision based on whether your baby will inconvenience you, that is part of parenting. Make the decision on what is best for your family as a whole but remember, once a memory is made, it cannot be recaptured and this upcoming memory is about to be made without your youngest.

On a side note, JimmyV talks a lot of sense, love this post ....

Sorry. But I have to address this. Doing things when your child is very young is not about their memories. It is about their reaction to stimuli and YOUR memories. Question: When your child turned one year old, did you have a party for him/her? Did you invite the relatives? Put a candle on a cake? When your child celebrated their first Christmas (if you celebrate), did you make a big deal of it? Buy more presents than was rational? Take an hour of video (digital) recordings? If the answer to any of this is "yes", did you ever once stop to consider what your child would remember? Or did you do it because you knew that your toddler would giggle and smile and you would have a lifetime of memories? Thought so.

OP: You do what you think is best. A forum board of Disney fanatics is not the best place to seek comfort when you decide to leave one of your children at home.

 

[ttintagel]

Every family is different, and what works for one may not work for others.

I do believe that younger kids don't get as much out of a WDW trip as older ones do. I see many, many toddlers in the parks who look like they would be far happier at home.

 

[blessedby3]

I think you made the correct decision. I often see newborns at WDW, what's the point of that.

Seriously?
The point of that is who would want to leave such a small infant to go on vacation? We took dd4 to WDW when she was 3 mos. It was her big sisters high school graduation trip. We certainly werent going to leave her behind at 3 mos....it was our FAMILY vacation and she is part of our family. The baby did great and we enjoyed having our whole family together.
It is no different than going anywhere else for vacation. We took ds17 to a camping family reunion when he was 2 mos, and to the beach when he was 3 mos. Wherever we go the baby will go.

 

[princessallegra]

Seriously?
The point of that is who would want to leave such a small infant to go on vacation? We took dd4 to WDW when she was 3 mos. It was her big sisters high school graduation trip. We certainly werent going to leave her behind at 3 mos....it was our FAMILY vacation and she is part of our family. The baby did great and we enjoyed having our whole family together.
It is no different than going anywhere else for vacation. We took ds17 to a camping family reunion when he was 2 mos, and to the beach when he was 3 mos. Wherever we go the baby will go.

This!

 

[TDC Nala]

She is in good hands with her aunt and cousin. It's entirely up to you how you feel about leaving her. It's not anybody else's business. Just because someone else would do it differently does not mean you are wrong.

 

[beansmom]

frankly, as someone who might be on the plane with your family, THANK YOU for being considerate of your child and others. I truly believe that very young children don't travel well, become overwhelmed and can be miserable and make others miserable.

I wouldn't feel a bit guilty...give your 8 year old this fun vacation and in a few years, when he's older,he can stay home and let sis have her turn.

 

[Glendamax]

I think feeling guilty about leaving your child home is natural. If you didn't feel guilty, that would be weird! HOWEVER, I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving your child home. I think your son is going to have blast having his parents all to himself! I didn't get to go away ALONE with my Mother until I was 28, and it was AWESOME! She didnt even realize that we'd never been away alone before, and she loved it too. So this trip can be quality time with your son! One day when your daughter gets older, just you and she can go away ALONE, and you'll love it!

So please go with just your older child and have fun. The guilt you're feeling is really LOVE! Have fun!

Edited to Add: My Mother and Brother also went away alone, and they had a great time too!

 

[Dopey420]

Your fellow air travel passengers will thank you!

A screaming baby on a plane for even an hour is not cool, for the baby or fellow passengers. If I knew that my child was going to be a disturbance on a plane, there is NO WAY I would subject everyone else to that. That is extremely inconsiderate. I would drive if I knew that were going to be the case. The person who said the other passengers would not be "scarred" is totally inconsiderate. We live in a society!

The baby will not remember the trip. He or she probably won't even enjoy it. If your family REALLY wants to keep the baby, that will be a joy to them and the baby. I would just make sure they really wanted to stay with the baby, and don't feel obligated. And bring them back REALLY nice gifts!

If not, I would not go. Part of having a baby is saying "I can't. I have a BABY!." LOL!

 

[eliza61]

Seriously?
The point of that is who would want to leave such a small infant to go on vacation? We took dd4 to WDW when she was 3 mos. It was her big sisters high school graduation trip. We certainly werent going to leave her behind at 3 mos....it was our FAMILY vacation and she is part of our family. The baby did great and we enjoyed having our whole family together.
It is no different than going anywhere else for vacation. We took ds17 to a camping family reunion when he was 2 mos, and to the beach when he was 3 mos. Wherever we go the baby will go.

Different strokes for different folks. My inlaws are Portugese and my kids went to Portugal from their infancy since they were babies without me and my husband. No trauma, no drama. From the age of 6 mos my kids have had a better passport than dh and I. My inlaws would fly into the states, pick the kiddies up then zip back home for 10 days. doesn't seem to have any detrimental effect to the bonding thing and after the initial visit without us, I was over my fears.

Op, there is no "right way", "wrong way". The only way is the way that fits your family.

 

[eliza61]

Your fellow air travel passengers will thank you!

A screaming baby on a plane for even an hour is not cool, for the baby or fellow passengers. If I knew that my child was going to be a disturbance on a plane, there is NO WAY I would subject everyone else to that. That is extremely inconsiderate. I would drive if I knew that were going to be the case. The person who said the other passengers would not be "scarred" is totally inconsiderate. We live in a society!

The baby will not remember the trip. He or she probably won't even enjoy it. If your family REALLY wants to keep the baby, that will be a joy to them and the baby. I would just make sure they really wanted to stay with the baby, and don't feel obligated. And bring them back REALLY nice gifts!

If not, I would not go. Part of having a baby is saying "I can't. I have a BABY!." LOL!

Let me say you are a brave soul. that is definitely an anti-dis sentiment.

 

[PIRATEGIRL007]

We left our kid when they were little and will leave them again next week they are 7 & 10 and are perfecly normal. No massive personality disorders b/c we took a vacation without them. On the other hand (not bragging we do have our issues everyone does) DH and I have a better relationship b/c of our alone time together without them.

Good luck and enjoy your trip and your alone time with your husband.

 

[sbeaulieu]

To the OP - Go and have fun and don't worry about leaving your little one at home! If I could, I would do the same thing and am already thinking about doing it in a year or two with baby number 3 (due in a few weeks).

Others mentioned that it's not about the memories that your child will have, but the memories you will have. If your toddler is difficult then I don't think the few good memories will erase the difficulties that you might encounter with the toddler. It will be a much more enjoyable trip for your 8 year old. I sometimes wish that we had left my then 2yo at home when we went to the beach. He wanted no part of the sand, ocean, or pool and was only so so at dinner every night. It was a miserable vacation for me and my 4yo probably felt the effects of it too.

As someone else said, the toddler will end up going on extra vacations when the older one is in college etc. My family and family friends go to the beach every year. I missed every trip from the age of 18-30 and finally went again 3 years ago. However, my brother hasn't missed a single trip. I went to West Point for college and had summer training and then lived all over the country, which did not allow me to get back for this fun summer event. I am fine with this!

My parents went on vacations by themselves several times when we were younger and I have awesome memories of spending the week with cousins or grandparents.

Again, don't worry...go and have fun! The 2 year old won't know the difference and you will make awesome memories with her the next time you go.

 

[bdklein]

I haven't been on vacation in almost 3 years. We finally decided to take a vacation in December. We decided to leave our daughter at home, who will be 20 months at the time. She is a typical toddler who has hit her terrible two's early and doesn't like to sit still for very long.

So...we were thinking we'd enjoy the vacation better without trying to keep a toddler happy on the airplane. I don't know how she would sit still that long and not cause a scene. She is a screamer, a top of her lungs screamer. At home I can put her in her bedroom until she is done screaming. I can't do that on a plane.

I don't want to give the impression that she's a monster. She just doesn't like to be confined and when she gets mad she will scream loudly. The best way I can calm her down is to put her in her crib and come back when she has calmed down.

Also, my 8 year old son will be tall enough this trip to ride all of the big rides. He was too short for many rides on our last trip. He is looking forward to Tower of Terror, Rock n Rollercoaster, Splash, and Expedition Everest the most. We were thinking it would be more relaxing and take up less touring time if we could both do the rides with our son and didn't have to deal with child swapping our toddler daughter.

She won't be home alone, of course. My sister and niece live close. My daughter is very comfortable with them. She will go to her daycare during the day while they are at work. And they will stay at our house so my daughter can keep her regular routine and sleep in her own bed.

I'll probably miss my daughter more than she'll miss me since she'll be at home with family, doing her normal routine.

Now comes the "I'm a bad Mommy" part! We have everything all decided and all of our vacation plans in order. Now I'm starting to feel bad. I am going to feel guilty that we're on vacation having fun while she is at home. I know she is too young to remember the vacation, but I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be having fun when she's just having a regular day. Everyone is telling me I'm being ridiculous. She'll be fine at home. She will never remember it anyway. We'll have a more relaxing time.

Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?

Yes, and perhaps it would be great for the 8 year old to get his own time. Not having to worry about naps, diapers, sippy cups, going to bed early, having to ride Dumbo, kid swap, etc., and more bonding time for your daughter with her aunt and cousins. Go for it.

 

[jtowntoflorida]

We left our kid when they were little and will leave them again next week they are 7 & 10 and are perfecly normal. No massive personality disorders b/c we took a vacation without them. On the other hand (not bragging we do have our issues everyone does) DH and I have a better relationship b/c of our alone time together without them.

Good luck and enjoy your trip and your alone time with your husband.

I am all for adults-only vacations. We take them regularly. But that's not what the OP is about...it's about leaving a family member home when taking a family vacation. One kid is going, one kid has to stay home. Adults-only vacations are a totally different topic (and FWIW, I totally agree with you on those--can't wait until my husband and I take our next trip alone!).

 

[Mamapapa]

We did this last year, and it was the best decision we made. DS was 7 and my twins were 18m at the time. Our decision was based on the facts that (1) we were not brave enough to take toddler twins to WDW (2) the thought of the amount of gear/strollers we'd need for twins was overwhelming (3) Older DS spent 6 years being an only child and then 18m of the twins taking up 75% of our time, he deserved an award/prize for that. He never once complained about the addition of high needs twins to our family (4) the twins spent the week with my parents and got to do all sorts of fun things every day (5) older DS was finally tall enough for all the "good" rides and would not have wanted to wait around while we appeased the twins with the little kid rides. Like I said, this was the best decision we ever made. Leaving your kids with a relative for a week is not child endangerment, it does the kids good to get a break from their parents once in a while too! We got to spend an entire week spoiling our older DS and doing everything he wanted to do, whenever he wanted to do it. He was in heaven. No princesses? No problem. Ride BTMRR five times in a row? Sure. Skip dumbo? You got it. Eat ice cream for dinner? Yes please! I'm taking him on the Disney Dream next year with my parents and the twins will be home with DH. And when older DS gets older, I'm sure there will be vacations where he decides not to go and that will be fine too. We're all for family vacations, but we're all for one on one time with the kids too. Like others have said, you know you made the right decision for your specific family. And once you're there and so busy, you won't feel bad you left your DD with your sister. Trust me, she'll never know what she missed! We decided to wait on WDW as a family of five until we can do it without a stroller, but that's just us doing what's right for our fmaily. Having the twins and then going to WDW with only a 7yo was liberating. Reminded me what life is like without strollers and diaper bags! It was AWESOME!!!