Leaving Your Toddler Behind

[CraftyMommy]

I haven't been on vacation in almost 3 years. We finally decided to take a vacation in December. We decided to leave our daughter at home, who will be 20 months at the time. She is a typical toddler who has hit her terrible two's early and doesn't like to sit still for very long. She does not like to be in a stroller, not even for a walk through the mall or around the neighborhood. She throws a tantrum whenever she even sees the stroller.

So...we were thinking we'd enjoy the vacation better without trying to keep a toddler happy on the airplane. I don't know how she would sit still that long and not cause a scene. She is a screamer, a top of her lungs screamer. At home I can put her in her bedroom until she is done screaming. I can't do that on a plane.

I don't want to give the impression that she's a monster. She just doesn't like to be confined and when she gets mad she will scream loudly. The best way I can calm her down is to put her in her crib and come back when she has calmed down.

Also, my 8 year old son will be tall enough this trip to ride all of the big rides. He was too short for many rides on our last trip. He is looking forward to Tower of Terror, Rock n Rollercoaster, Splash, and Expedition Everest the most. We were thinking it would be more relaxing and take up less touring time if we could both do the rides with our son and didn't have to deal with child swapping our toddler daughter.

She won't be home alone, of course. My sister and niece live close. My daughter is very comfortable with them. She will go to her daycare during the day while they are at work. And they will stay at our house so my daughter can keep her regular routine and sleep in her own bed.

I'll probably miss my daughter more than she'll miss me since she'll be at home with family, doing her normal routine.

Now comes the "I'm a bad Mommy" part! We have everything all decided and all of our vacation plans in order. Now I'm starting to feel bad. I am going to feel guilty that we're on vacation having fun while she is at home. I know she is too young to remember the vacation, but I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be having fun when she's just having a regular day. Everyone is telling me I'm being ridiculous. She'll be fine at home. She will never remember it anyway. We'll have a more relaxing time.

Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?

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Adding onto my original post. All added info is in blue.

WOW! I never thought I'd be starting such a huge debate by wondering about other people's experiences who have left small kids at home.

Since there seems to be a lot of speculation and questions...
-My kids are 7 years and 1 month apart. They have completely different likes and needs.
-I have been to WDW 10 times and plan on many, many more trips. Its just been 3 years since the last vacation because we had a surprise baby and I have been trying to finish college.
-Neither of my kids will be deprived of Disney vacations. I'm sure my daughter will go on a lot of Mom/Daughter trips when my son is in college or moves away from home. I'm sure there will be many more trips with various combinations of family members and friends.
-I am not labeling this as a "Family Vacation." But I'm not saying its not a family vacation. Since when do we have to put a label on "We're going on vacation"
-I don't feel bad about her not being in the pictures. We have lots of other pictures of the 3 of us before she was born.
-I won't be asking my son to lie about where we were. Or to ask him not to talk about it. I don't even think Isabelle will know what he's talking about. She will be 20 months in December.
-No, I don't feel like I'm being selfish.
-No, this is not a trip that's all about convenience and I'm not anti Toddlers at WDW. My son went when he was 16 months and he loved it. But his little sister has a completely different disposition than he did. She throws tantrums when she is mad and screams when she is in a stroller or a car seat.
-We're just treating my son to many things he was too little to do in the past. Over the past 3 years he has been begging to go back and measures himself every time we going to the pediatrician making sure we know he is tall enough now! We kept telling him we couldn't go back until I was done with school. I just started my last year. But we thought we'd surprise him with a trip the week before Christmas so we can do all the stuff he is dying to do. We're coming back a few days before Christmas so the family can all be together to celebrate and he will be having his 9th birthday on January 1. So this trip is a Christmas/Birthday present for him. Before another debate starts, yes he will get gifts at Christmas and birthday, this trip is just the big gift.
-We'll have a late night schedule at MVMCP, do all the big kid rides, Cirque du Soleil, eating on top of the Contemporary (California Grill), and doing mini golf. We're doing things he has asked to do but was turned down last time when he was 5.
-We wanted our kids to be closer in age but fertility issues happened and we thought our son would end up being an only child until Isabelle came 7 yrs later. She is not the red-headed stepchild, she is loved very much, and she will be treated like a total princess on our next trip. We're already talking about a trip for when she turns 3 and DH can do father/son things with our son while I do BBB and princess stuff with a 3 year old.
-I am no longer feeling guilty about the decision to leave her. She will have the same routine, and will be with 2 people she is very close to and sees almost every day. She is not going to be in distress or feel abandoned.
Thanks for all of the opinions...the good, bad, and ugly. We are at peace with our decision now.

 

[auprincess]

I'm sure you will get a variety of responses ~ so....here's mine!! We have never left our little ones, and have taken them at young ages and had a great time. At 20 months there is a lot your little one could do. However, our situation is different b/c we drive (so we don't have to worry about a scene in a plane) and even if we wanted to leave them behind, we don't have anyone who could keep her.

Having said that, I do not think you should feel guilty. Have fun!! Maybe when she is older, you can take her on a solo trip! My parents left me behind when I was a baby and I turned out okay!

 

[Coachymom]

Good luck! My daughter will be 19 months when we go this October. My son is also 8. The plane ride makes me nervous with her...but I couldn't imagine leaving her home on such a wonderful trip.


Posted from Disney Forums Reader for Android

 

[Mom2aJessieGirl]

I haven't been on vacation in almost 3 years. We finally decided to take a vacation in December. We decided to leave our daughter at home, who will be 20 months at the time. She is a typical toddler who has hit her terrible two's early and doesn't like to sit still for very long.

So...we were thinking we'd enjoy the vacation better without trying to keep a toddler happy on the airplane. I don't know how she would sit still that long and not cause a scene. She is a screamer, a top of her lungs screamer. At home I can put her in her bedroom until she is done screaming. I can't do that on a plane.

I don't want to give the impression that she's a monster. She just doesn't like to be confined and when she gets mad she will scream loudly. The best way I can calm her down is to put her in her crib and come back when she has calmed down.

Also, my 8 year old son will be tall enough this trip to ride all of the big rides. He was too short for many rides on our last trip. He is looking forward to Tower of Terror, Rock n Rollercoaster, Splash, and Expedition Everest the most. We were thinking it would be more relaxing and take up less touring time if we could both do the rides with our son and didn't have to deal with child swapping our toddler daughter.

She won't be home alone, of course. My sister and niece live close. My daughter is very comfortable with them. She will go to her daycare during the day while they are at work. And they will stay at our house so my daughter can keep her regular routine and sleep in her own bed.

I'll probably miss my daughter more than she'll miss me since she'll be at home with family, doing her normal routine.

Now comes the "I'm a bad Mommy" part! We have everything all decided and all of our vacation plans in order. Now I'm starting to feel bad. I am going to feel guilty that we're on vacation having fun while she is at home. I know she is too young to remember the vacation, but I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be having fun when she's just having a regular day. Everyone is telling me I'm being ridiculous. She'll be fine at home. She will never remember it anyway. We'll have a more relaxing time.

Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?

Personally, I couldn't imagine taking one kid and not the other on a family vacation. If it were a mom/son or dad/son trip, that would be different.

 

[glaserjm]

My parents took me when I was four and my younger brother was not quite two. He was very afraid of most everything at the time and they thought it would better for him not to push it and left him with my grandparents. They also said they wanted to spend a little special time with me since so much of their focus had been on him in his early months (like it is with any new baby) and I'd been good about it.
We all had a good time and my brother wasn't pushed to do something he couldn't handle. It was a great decision for everyone, no permanent scars or anything of the like. We went back many times all together when he was older and ready for it and had awesome vacations!


Posted from DISboards.com App for Android

 

[MaxsDad]

Let me start by saying that you should do what you feel is the best thing for your family. We are taking my 18 month old for her first trip in November, and I can't wait to see her reaction to everything but at the same time I am nervous because I have never done disney with a toddler and I know it will change what I am used to doing. Also, like a PP we are driving so we don't' have to worry about flying, in fact she was part of the reason we decided to drive this year. I can also see the merits of wanting to leave her behind, and like you said you have another child to think about.

Again, like someone else said, you will get a lot of different responses, but I don't think you are a bad parent for not taking your littlest one.

Funny story: My parents left my sister behind when she was little, I think about the same age, and even though neither of us remember that trip, 30 years later she still likes to remind my brother and I that we went without her. Although I like to remind her that when we were old enough to actually remember trips she got to go with her godmother AND stay at the contemporary without us.

 

[Finally08]

Do what you need to do, and don't feel judged by anyone.
For me, I would not enjoy myself if I was away from my daughter...I'd constantly be thinking of how she'd enjoy this or that. BUT...she was an easy baby so I can't say I'd feel the same if she screamed and threw fits, lol.

My son is older now and chooses to stay home for many of our trips. I miss him and wish he were there, but I know it's his choice to not be with us, so I don't feel the guilt.

 

[rwdavis2]

Don't feel bad. She would not remember anything anyway. Enjoy yourselves and when you get back start saving for a trip when she's older and can actually enjoy it. At 20 months you ARE NOT depriving her of anything. We waited until ours were 4 and 7 and even 4 was too young. She had fun but does not remember a thing.

 

[Hannathy]

I couldn't do it not for more than a night, not an entire vacation. I have always felt vacations were a family thing.

My kids flew thousands of miles when they were babies and toddlers, so that wouldn't be an excuse for me.

My DS's first trip was when he was 2 and I think he was the least trouble of any of them!

Don't be so sure she won't remember she didn't get to go. My DH still remembers a trip he didn't get to go on when he was little and his sister did, he brings this up at appropriate times - lol

 

[Winka]

She will be fine. But I think you will definitely miss her like crazy and wonder whether she would've liked this or that...

But our own experience, should others be doubtful about bringing a toddler: We brought our son at exactly 24 months old and he in fact did remember things in his own way such that when we went back the following year he asked for certain things that he remembered from the previous trip or mentioned a detail he remembered about last year when we were at a place we'd been before. More importantly, he enjoyed so many things that would've passed me by. He helped me experience the vacation in a brand new way. We did have help with us when we went though so that is something that contributed to our enjoyment. And also he is our first born and so everything concerning him is new and marvelous to us!

Maybe you'll go again when she's just a bit older and I think -I hope!-you will find it rewarding!

 

[frkymcky]

In 2009 our son was a little over 2, he was very hard to handle. He was stubborn. We decided to have him stay with Grandma while we took our daughter to Disney. This was a good choice for all of us. We believe he would have been miserable, at that time he didn't do rides, loud noisesbothered him and he was an early to bed kid. I don't regret that choice. We had a wonderful trip with our daughter and our son had his own time with Grandma.

Only you know what your child will be able to handle. You make the best decision for your family. Sure you will miss her, we certainly missed our son. Push the mommy guilt aside and enjoy your trip.

 

[Magic3forme]

we left our son at home when he was almost 2, we went for 4 day cruise and 3 days in park. he had a blast with my parents and we all had a great time!! We were glad we did, he would have been tough at the parks and the cruise

do what you want to do, and dont let anyone make you feel guilty !!!

 

[ses1230]

You should do what you think is best for your family. But for me, I could never leave one of my kids back, even if it were with my parents.

 

[Neelloc]

We did this last Fall. We took our daughters (6 and 8 at the time) and left our 18 month son home with family. My son isn't super fond of his stroller, lasts about an hour in the car, and still won't even go on the kiddie rides at the local amusement park. He was well taken care of. He had no idea of what he was missing. Of course we missed him but we also had to focus on our older children too.

It honestly was a fantastic family vacation. My girls were tall enough and willing to go on everything! There were no naps, no toddler tantrums, no diaper bags, strollers, toddler meltdowns, no dinners cut short, none of the malarkey you have when an active toddler is involved.

This is the way I see it. His sisters are years older than him. There will be family trips where he may go and they may not due to college, jobs, etc in the future. So, for us, it all balances out.

We took the girls when they were younger, so it's not like we didn't know what was involved in taking younger kids. We made the decision that was right for our family at the time and have no regrets. I honestly think it's easier to take toddlers and preschoolers when there's just one of them, or when they are all closer in age. It's hard when there is that big age gap. It's like having 2 separate familes.

Go ahead, and don't feel guilty. Buy her an extra souvineir to give her when you get home.

 

[JimmyV]

Don't feel bad. She would not remember anything anyway. Enjoy yourselves and when you get back start saving for a trip when she's older and can actually enjoy it. At 20 months you ARE NOT depriving her of anything. We waited until ours were 4 and 7 and even 4 was too young. She had fun but does not remember a thing.

Sorry. But I have to address this. Doing things when your child is very young is not about their memories. It is about their reaction to stimuli and YOUR memories. Question: When your child turned one year old, did you have a party for him/her? Did you invite the relatives? Put a candle on a cake? When your child celebrated their first Christmas (if you celebrate), did you make a big deal of it? Buy more presents than was rational? Take an hour of video (digital) recordings? If the answer to any of this is "yes", did you ever once stop to consider what your child would remember? Or did you do it because you knew that your toddler would giggle and smile and you would have a lifetime of memories? Thought so.

OP: You do what you think is best. A forum board of Disney fanatics is not the best place to seek comfort when you decide to leave one of your children at home.

 

[disney-akj]

When my DS was barely two, we took our DDs (ages 6 and 8 at the time) to Disney and left him with the grandparents. I felt guilty about it like you, but we knew he wouldn't be up for tackling the parks the way our daughters would be at their ages. Plus, our DDs were tall and could ride every ride. While I felt guilty before hand, we really feel it was a good decision. We stayed on property and took advantage of EMH. We were at MK until 2 in the morning which we never could have done with a two year old. We didn't have to worry about naps, diapers, strollers, etc. I am not going to lie, there were a few times I felt sad and wished he was with us. Looking back on the trip though, I think my two DDs enjoyed the trip so much more at the time because we got to do so much more and that trip got to be more about them. When we went to Disney this year, it was my DS first trip so that trip was all about him.

 

[Steve's Girl]

I remember details of a trip to Seattle when I was 2 years old. And I am now decades past that! I also remember bits of a vacation from when I was about 22 months old. So, younger children do remember! Our daughter was 3 when she took her first trip to Disney and she definitely remembers that trip and many of the details. I am not saying that is a reason to bring a young child. You should do what is best for your family. You know your child.

 

[blessedby3]

You have to do what feels right for you and your family, of course. I also have a difficult child (my 3rd) and there have been so many times where I was pulling my hair out with her and could have easily left her at home so we could enjoy ourselves more.
Never did, though. I just knew I would feel horrible and guilty and so we have always traveled as a family on vacations together--no matter how crazy 3rd dd made us (and she is still difficult at almost 14!). This October will be the first vacation that our family will not be complete Our oldest dd22 got married in July and she and her hubby cant go with us on this trip since they just had their honeymoon. It is a sad day for mom

 

[fairestoneofall]

DH and i went without kids for a weekend for our 10th anniversary. but i couldn't leave any of them behind for a regular vacation.

 

[larryz]

So...we were thinking we'd enjoy the vacation better without trying to keep a toddler happy on the airplane. I don't know how she would sit still that long and not cause a scene. She is a screamer, a top of her lungs screamer. At home I can put her in her bedroom until she is done screaming. I can't do that on a plane.

I'd be so worried she'd get motion sickness, I'd ask my doctor about a toddler-safe remedy I could give her about an hour before the flight...



And if that didn't work, I'd take MY motion sickness remedy...