Leaving Your Toddler Behind

[Toole Time in Disney]

I haven't been on vacation in almost 3 years. We finally decided to take a vacation in December. We decided to leave our daughter at home, who will be 20 months at the time. She is a typical toddler who has hit her terrible two's early and doesn't like to sit still for very long.

So...we were thinking we'd enjoy the vacation better without trying to keep a toddler happy on the airplane. I don't know how she would sit still that long and not cause a scene. She is a screamer, a top of her lungs screamer. At home I can put her in her bedroom until she is done screaming. I can't do that on a plane.

I don't want to give the impression that she's a monster. She just doesn't like to be confined and when she gets mad she will scream loudly. The best way I can calm her down is to put her in her crib and come back when she has calmed down.

Also, my 8 year old son will be tall enough this trip to ride all of the big rides. He was too short for many rides on our last trip. He is looking forward to Tower of Terror, Rock n Rollercoaster, Splash, and Expedition Everest the most. We were thinking it would be more relaxing and take up less touring time if we could both do the rides with our son and didn't have to deal with child swapping our toddler daughter.

She won't be home alone, of course. My sister and niece live close. My daughter is very comfortable with them. She will go to her daycare during the day while they are at work. And they will stay at our house so my daughter can keep her regular routine and sleep in her own bed.

I'll probably miss my daughter more than she'll miss me since she'll be at home with family, doing her normal routine.

Now comes the "I'm a bad Mommy" part! We have everything all decided and all of our vacation plans in order. Now I'm starting to feel bad. I am going to feel guilty that we're on vacation having fun while she is at home. I know she is too young to remember the vacation, but I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be having fun when she's just having a regular day. Everyone is telling me I'm being ridiculous. She'll be fine at home. She will never remember it anyway. We'll have a more relaxing time.

Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?

I think you are totaly normal!!! We are doing the same thing this Nov. We are taking or 4 year old son to Disney and leaving our 1 year old twins at home with my parents. We would not enjoy Disney as much if we both had a twin to take care of. Plus our 4 year old needs one on one attention from us. There is nothng wrong with letting the older one feel special. This will actually be the 2nd trip we take with our oldest son while the twins are home with my parents. I miss the twins of course but its neeed mommy daddy and son time! My husband and I have taken numerous trips alone. There is nothing wrong with getting away so that you can come back as an even better parent! With me having a 4 yr old and 1 yr old twins with no family within 5 hours the breaks are needed! Enjoy your time with your son!!!

 

[PosadaGirl519]

I haven't been on vacation in almost 3 years. We finally decided to take a vacation in December. We decided to leave our daughter at home, who will be 20 months at the time. She is a typical toddler who has hit her terrible two's early and doesn't like to sit still for very long.

So...we were thinking we'd enjoy the vacation better without trying to keep a toddler happy on the airplane. I don't know how she would sit still that long and not cause a scene. She is a screamer, a top of her lungs screamer. At home I can put her in her bedroom until she is done screaming. I can't do that on a plane.

I don't want to give the impression that she's a monster. She just doesn't like to be confined and when she gets mad she will scream loudly. The best way I can calm her down is to put her in her crib and come back when she has calmed down.

The tricky part about toddlers is that their mood swings are unpredictable; both in timing, and degree. They can strike wherever, whenever, and you are a thousand miles from home so chances are a lot higher that there will be a meltdown. That would make me very nervous as a mommy. Especially if you know your daughter can be intense. DD is the easiest going 21m/o ever and she still had a meltdown a day in WDW... usually when I was about to take the first hot bite of whatever it was I was supposed to be eating. The screaming is no fun for anyone. And even if she wasn't screaming, I would be working very very VERY hard to keep her as comfortable as possible. Hence, not relaxing. I sorta get it

Also, my 8 year old son will be tall enough this trip to ride all of the big rides. He was too short for many rides on our last trip. He is looking forward to Tower of Terror, Rock n Rollercoaster, Splash, and Expedition Everest the most. We were thinking it would be more relaxing and take up less touring time if we could both do the rides with our son and didn't have to deal with child swapping our toddler daughter.

Do not miss the chance to share this experience and bond with your son. And when you start to feel guilty look at him and know that at that moment, he is having fun with his parents without any distractions. That's something I'd want to embrace. Seems to me like you were actually thinking of your older son!

She won't be home alone, of course. My sister and niece live close. My daughter is very comfortable with them. She will go to her daycare during the day while they are at work. And they will stay at our house so my daughter can keep her regular routine and sleep in her own bed.

I'll probably miss my daughter more than she'll miss me since she'll be at home with family, doing her normal routine.

Now comes the "I'm a bad Mommy" part! We have everything all decided and all of our vacation plans in order. Now I'm starting to feel bad. I am going to feel guilty that we're on vacation having fun while she is at home. I know she is too young to remember the vacation, but I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be having fun when she's just having a regular day. Everyone is telling me I'm being ridiculous. She'll be fine at home. She will never remember it anyway. We'll have a more relaxing time.

Are there other people out there who leave small ones at home and only take the older kids?

I think everyone else already scolded you enough for bringing up 'Disney Myth 101: Your baby will never remember it.' The truth is she would never get out of it what your son will on this trip. And this give you a perfect reason to go back in 3 years, if not sooner! You'll just have to make an extra big deal about your princesses first trip.

 

[Blessedwithboys]

It just isn't for me. With that being said I have an I guess odd way of parenting. My kids have never spent the night away yet. We just had never had the need for them to. It would not feel like a family vacation if one member of our family was not there and I know it would be painful to leave my 21 month old behind. The trip is for him as much as it is for any of us.

Also I feel like it is a bit maybe... unfair.. I know nothing is fair. Right? But are you going to take your daughter on a solo all about her trip and leave your older son at home someday?

 

[jessc79]

Also wanted to point out that my DS now 9 doesn't really remember the trip he went on when he was 5. Obviously it was still fun for all of us!

I agree with the poster who has not left her toddler overnight with someone before! Me either! So I think it's just a personal choice / parenting style thing and you should just chalk it up to that! There are a million things like this all through parenthood that you will do different from other parents! It's ok! Your kids, your choice!

 

[robinb]

Personally, I would not be able to leave my child behind ... no matter how challenging she was. A family vacation is just that, a vacation for the whole family.

 

[k3mommy]

It just isn't for me. With that being said I have an I guess odd way of parenting. My kids have never spent the night away yet. We just had never had the need for them to. It would not feel like a family vacation if one member of our family was not there and I know it would be painful to leave my 21 month old behind. The trip is for him as much as it is for any of us.

Also I feel like it is a bit maybe... unfair.. I know nothing is fair. Right? But are you going to take your daughter on a solo all about her trip and leave your older son at home someday?

We are on the same parenting wavelength and although not very common, I don't consider this type of parenting odd. 2 of my 3 haven't spent a night away. We even ALL stayed together in the hospital after each of their siblings were born. LOL My oldest is 8, so she has gotten to the point where she begs to spend the night away occasionally with a close friend or grandma and we let her, but I like having my babies close at all times.

 

[Violet Parr]

My oldest is 8 yrs old as well, and my youngest will be 19 months when we go in Nov. I can honestly say that the thought of leaving him home has never crossed my mind. Would he be OK with grandparents? Probably. But he is just as important in our vacation as everyone else. I know I would constantly be thinking "I bet Kaeson would LOVE this!" And I can't imagine looking back at pictures when he's say, 4, and explaining he isn't in the pics because it was more convenient to leave him behind. But, this isn't about what works for my family. You need to do what works best for your family. Every family is different.

Yep. We have a toddler who is a total pill, but we're taking him on his second trip in October. I just can't imagine not taking him. He'd be fine at grandma's, but I would constantly be thinking the same thing as the above poster! So he goes, and we plan a little extra to make sure things go smoothly.

 

[tony609]

As a mom of 4 and also a daycare provider I will tell you that your daughter will be just fine. It will be harder on you than on her. She will have her regular routine and be with people who love her. I have taken care of some of my daycare kids while their parents have gone on vacation and they did just fine.
Your 8 yr old will feel very special that he can ride all the rides and get special time with mom and dad. When your daughter is a little older take her on a vacation with the family, she will never know what she missed at the age she is now.
We went on vacation a few times w/o our kids and they stayed with a special Aunt or Grandma and had a good time. Yes they were happy to see us when we got home and of course we got them something special from WDW.Don't feel guilty, enjoy your trip!

Agreed! My parents went to europe and left my brother and I with our Aunt and Uncle for like a week, maybe more. I don't remember much about it. I think I was about 7 or 8.

I also think your being very courteous of other flyers, since you said she is a screamer, 2 hrs on a flight could see much longer with a screamer I suppose. HOWEVER..I would think she would eventually calm down and be ok. BUT you know your daughter better than us.

 

[CraftyMommy]

I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I wanted to hear opinions on both sides of the issue. Nobody offended me. I was so conflicted because I had reasons to take her and to leave her home.

I am in my final year of college, which is why we had a long gap in vacations. There are several more WDW trips in our future.

After reading through everyone's posts and having a talk with DH I am finally at peace with our decision.

 

[Jerseyguy's Wife]

I have never taken one of my boys on vacation and left the other one at home. But then, I don't see a problem with doing it, either. It's just never been an issue for us because our kids are about a year apart and most of the trips we end up taking are to visit family (we are EVERYWHERE). They were 4 and almost 3 the first time we took them to WDW and the younger one was actually taller than the older one. This was actually our second trip.
My first trip happened when I was 30, a year before the kids' first trip. We left both boys with my parents for the week we were at the World. Did I miss them? Yes. Did we decide almost immediately to bring them the next time? Yes. Did I feel guilty about leaving them? Absolutely not.
They got to spend lots of quality time with Gram and Papaw. They did lots of things that week that we just don't ordinarily have time to do when we are there (we live about 4 hours away and don't get up there often). They got to plant green beans in the garden with Papaw and cook with Gram. My oldest learned how to can salsa. They took naps in Gram's bed instead of the "baby" beds. And when we got back, they gave us hugs and went back to what they were doing before we showed up. It's a safe bet they were not traumatized.
As for the kids remembering their trip, mine did. My youngest son played "Monorail" and "Haunted Mansion" with the furniture on our back porch for the entire year between trips. And even if he hadn't, I remember so much about their first trip that it wouldn't have mattered if he did or not. Their first trip was awesome. But I can't say I ever felt guilty for leaving them home the first time I went.
As for everyone who keeps saying that the OP is leaving her DD at home for the sake of convenience, well, that's just mean. I don't see anything wrong with Mom and Dad taking the (much older) brother to WDW alone to spend some time with him. With a toddler in the house, he may need it as much as they do. It's a safe bet that DD will have "alone" trips with Mom and Dad when Big Brother goes away to college. And even if they don't, keeping score is a really crappy way to live.
Go, OP, and have a great time. And when your brain tells you that you should feel guilty, just feed it a Grey Goose Slushie.

 

[sillylily]

I would never leave one of my kids behind when going to Disney World. If they weren't going, neither would we.

 

[CJN]

Been there with all the kids. Been there with some of the kids. Been there without the kids. The kids are all well-adjusted and so are the parents.

Glad you were able to figure out what to do without guilt, OP.

 

[Cyrano]

I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I wanted to hear opinions on both sides of the issue. Nobody offended me. I was so conflicted because I had reasons to take her and to leave her home.

I am in my final year of college, which is why we had a long gap in vacations. There are several more WDW trips in our future.

After reading through everyone's posts and having a talk with DH I am finally at peace with our decision.

Thank you for coming back to the thread. Good to see everyone offering their various viewpoints without judging, which help to make TPAS the most helpful and welcoming board

 

[Art 1]

I think you made the correct decision. I often see newborns at WDW, what's the point of that.

 

[barbliny]

I have not read other responses ...

What you are comfortable doing is up to you - you and your husband are adults.

If I read it correctly, you have an 8 year old child that you will be taking on the trip. Your 8 yr-old is not privy to these decisions. Your 8 yr-old child should not be asked to alter his conversations now nor in the future about this vacation.

If you are comfortable with leaving your toddler at home and allowing your 8 yr-old to talk however and whenever they wish about this trip - then the decision is made.

Do you feel the need to alter your now 8 yr-old's conversations about this trip or hide photos of this trip from your now-toddler? Will you feel the need to monitor the exchanges in the future?... then read between the lines

Your life, your decisions. A decision does not just lie and live in the moment, it has a life and destiny of it's own.

Also, to others, yes a crying, loud flyer can be a bother to other fliers. However, you will NEVER see these people for another minute in your lives. You need to consider your own family's needs first, not a passing stranger's. And, just to be clear I am the person who will be totally aggravated by your loud child's behavior. But, I will not say anything to you (provided you seem concerned about their effect on others). I will never cross paths with you. I will cross the threshold of the Magic Kingdom and be totally enchanted by the reactions of toddlers to that special place, and miss the days when my children were so young and pray that I see the day I get to bring my grandchildren.

On a final note - we took our oldest daughter on her first trip to Disney when she was just 1 year + 2 weeks old. It was an unforgettable trip, both good (most of the time) and bad (and those rare times, were really bad) - we often reference that trip 19 years later. My oldest daughter's 2nd trip to Disney was when her younger sister was 15 months old. I would never, ever give that trip up. It is one of the highlights of my life - my younger daughter riding high on my husband's shoulders, fists pumping, calling out 'hurry hurry dumbo ride', while my older 3 year old bounced up and down egging her on. There is not a more vivid moment of family happiness in our lives.

 

[doitforlove]

I don't have kids myself, but my parents have taken me on two trips where my younger siblings didn't go. My brother who was under 12 months was left with my Nana who lives in West Palm Beach and on another trip my brother and I went and my sister who was also under 12 months was left with my Nana. We could only go to theme parks when we were potty trained, I believe. I'm sure I'll follow a similar rule of thumb when I have children.

 

[DakotaRose]

Let go of the guilt. Your daughter will get some time to be spoiled by her favorite auntie and cousin. Your oldest will get your full-on attention for a few sweet days in the happiest place on Earth. Enjoy.

Remember, if your little one is unhappy in a plane or waiting in line or in an eatery, it's not just making you feel tense and miserable. Everyone nearby goes through it with you, whether they like it or not -- and most don't. No guilt.

 

[Magpie]

Count me in as another who thinks you should do whatever works for you and your family.

I can be opinionated at times, but this isn't one of the subjects I'll argue about. Because I've seen awesome kids come from families that are very different from mine. And because I know what it's like to face criticism.

Now, that said, my personal style is a combination of overparenting when the kids are small, and underparenting when they're older. So, as toddlers my kids never spent a day away from me. Heck, I didn't even have them in daycare! I also homeschooled in elementary school. I'd never have left my youngest behind (and he *was* a right royal PIA at 2).

But, despite my over-bonding, by 9 and 10 my kids were roaming the neighbourhood alone and ordering lunch for themselves at local restaurants. My son was taking a city bus to band camp by himself at 11. Now they're 14 and 16, and they've both opted to stay home with Grandma (who comes to live with us every winter) the next time my husband and I go to Disney. They've decided they don't want to miss a week of school/friends/work. They're building their own lives, separate from us.

I'm very proud of how my kids are turning out. But I imagine that's a feeling most parents have, when they look at their teens. And there's more than one way to get here.

 

[newdeal]

Would i live my kid at home when we went to disney? No, not at that age and not ever (until they are teens and dont want to come, that isnt that many years away). Not only will you feel guilty but you will have wonderful pictures and memories of how you left your kid at home for purely selfish reasons. How long is the plane ride? A couple hours? Let her scream and you will have a week of great times with your little girl. Do I think leaving her at home is horrible? Yes I do, if you want to have a relaxing vacation treat both kids equally and leave them both at home and go lay on the beach

 

[KristiKat]

I could never do that. If the entire family couldn't go none of us would. I went 10 years without taking a vacation after my divorce, it just wasn't in the budget so I could wait til everyone could go without feeling I was missing out on something. I would feel to guilty but that's just me and my opinion. Everyone is different.