lisaviolet
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2002
- Messages
- 13,954
Oh Dawn,
So much to say.
First - you are the most courageous woman. I went back while everyone was away and tried to catch up a bit from the beginning. I was flabbergasted by your courage. By you knowing yourself. By your knowing others. By your vunerability. Take that in Dawn. Not everyone has the guts to be vunerable. Ask the cutie. I edit - edit - edit cause I simply can't emotionally hold things that I"ve put out. I feel too vunerable. This is a gift that you're sharing with all of is. It's a huge gift. Don't underestimate that for one minute.
Dan - boys - men - we are all so hard on them at times. And look at the lovliness in who loves you. He's right. Listen to him. How is it that you don't down him but you down yourself? I wonder if that makes him feel, for just a split second, that he can't fully believe your thoughts/love if you're that hard on you. Don't get me wrong. He knows you're truthful. I mean just for a split second. But look at this way. Look at how you love him Dawn. You deserve the same love. Take it in from hiim. And take it from you today. Not tomorrow. Today.
I'm going to assume from your writing to me on this thread - in code sort of - that you were abused. So have some flippin' compassion for yourself. Have it Dawn. It's totally normal to not love your body for most of us. But abuse puts another wrench in. Don't use the abuse to accept it Dawn. Use it to have some compassion for you! That you didn't singlehandly produce this lack of love in yourself. I read about your husband too. But you are the only one who can change it. Not us. Not Dan. Only you. And it doesn't have to be overnight And it can't be. Be patient and loving with yourself. One day at a time.
As for the freaking out at the picture. Every single person on this thread has done that. I hate to assume. But I'm going to. I'm sure everyone has - it is an awful moment but a good one. I've lost all my weight over years. But last Christmas I thought I looked like I was gaining some again. I did actually what you did. And guess what - 40 pounds this year of my total. So it was a positive tool. It hurt deeply. And scared the sh!t of me at the time. But it was positive. Because I made it so.
Also, I've found the more and more I've healed emotions and pain the easier this all gets. It does. Not easy. But easier for sure. You take out emotional eating - self sabotage - well it is easier.
And stop the hating of the NOW. If you hear anything I say today - hear that. Stop hating the NOW. This is something that drives me insane. Do not hate the now. Love the now too. Yes, you want different but that doesn't have to come with hating. This now will be part of the journey. Part of the before. Love her Dawn. She doesn't deserve hatred or disgust. She deserves understanding. She has taken the sh!t and ate because of pain probably. And deservess all the compassion you can muster. She knows there is a better place and you are working on it.
And she is sweet. She is sexy. She is pretty. She is Dawn. You are. Don't relegate such adjectives to being thin etc. They are not only for the thin for God sakes. Men know that why don't we?
Gosh it was a man who told me over and over that I was simply a woman who was born to be bigger. And I am. (Not quite as big though
). And I remember that all the time. I don't have the bones to be small and I refuse to keep beating myself up for what God gave me. All the best to you,
Lisa
So cute. So so cute.
All I did was CHEER for Ed when Vicky didn't beat him...
