If you've lost your mother, how old were you and how did you cope?

[disney1990]

I lost my Dad when I was 9. He came home from working the midnight shift, fell asleep on the sofa smoking and dropped his cigarette. Not only did I lost him, but most of our belongings in the house. At the time, my Mom was in the hospital recovering from surgery and I was staying at my Sister's house. I've never gotten over it.

I am thankful to still have my Mom, she is 86 years old. She is forgetful, but only on occasion. She walks with a walker, but still carries on.

 

[Stitchfans]

I was 44 when I lost my mom. No matter what age, I guess it takes a long time to get over it. I think about her daily. At least now I can think about the good memories and not cry any more.

 

[Tracy Savage]

This is an amazing thread for me. Somedays, I let myself believe that I am the only one in the world who had had so much loss and grief. These posts prove that I am not alone, none of us are alone. There is great comfort for me in knowing that there are others who have faced pain and loss and still wake up and face the challenges of a new day. You are each inspiring to me...God Bless you all and thank you for sharing these stories. I know how hard it can be to actually write the words. Many thanks!!

My words exactly. I'm 44 and it's been 4 months since my Mom passed. I still cry my eyes out. We were best friends really. Tomorrow is her 70th birthday. I still have Dad, and we keep very close these days. Thats whats helping me, knowing I need to be there for him. Hugs to all.

 

[Snowysmom]

I lost my mother when I was 17. She had been terminally ill with cancer my senior year of high school and died a week after I graduated. It was very tough for me and I had little family support from my father and grandparents. I also read Motherless Daughters and it really helped. You can see that you are not alone. I still think of my mother, especially when I had kids. It has been 36 years and I still miss her at times.

I am sorry that you are going through this and it is a hard situation. Just take it a day at a time. You will always think of her. Take care.

 

[antmaril]

My mother died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 30 - more than 27 years ago. It was a devastating loss. We were very close and I cried every day for weeks. We used to go shopping every Saturday (she died on a Saturday night and we had been shopping that day). Instead of going to the mall on Saturdays, I would go to the cemetery and cry. It took a long time to get over my mother's death. It was just so unexpected and shocking. I still miss her every day.

 

[Ember]

This is an amazing thread for me. Somedays, I let myself believe that I am the only one in the world who had had so much loss and grief. These posts prove that I am not alone, none of us are alone. There is great comfort for me in knowing that there are others who have faced pain and loss and still wake up and face the challenges of a new day. You are each inspiring to me...God Bless you all and thank you for sharing these stories. I know how hard it can be to actually write the words. Many thanks!!

I couldn't agree more. It's so very easy to feel like you're the only one, which I think adds to the crush of emotions. I've cried my way through every post, and I appreciate each one more than I could express.

 

[Freyja]

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

You´re right, you are too young to be loosing your mother. However, sadly life doesn´t always turn out like we would like.
I lost my mom 7 years ago when I was 24. It was very unexpected, she died from a heart attack in her sleep. I was the one who found her dead so that shock came on top of the shock of loosing her.
Not a day goes by that I don´t miss her and think of her but the pain subsides and isn´t as raw anymore. I think in many ways I miss her more with every day that passes. Just seems like there are more and more milestones, birthdays, etc. she should have witnessed and shared with us.

I talk about her a lot. I speak about her with my older kids, who knew her, and tell my younger kids stories about her.

There are still times where it feels tremendously unfair that she had to die and that we don´t have her with us anymore but at those times I try to think about how incredibly lucky I was to have her as my mom. She tought me so much and loved all of us so greatly. For that I am greatful every single day!

 

[Diana Lyn]

I'm another person who found Motherless Daughters as a support mechanism because I didn't think anyone out there was in my situation. There's a second book called Motherless Mothers which is also very good and helped me a ton when I had my daughters.

I lost my mother when I was 13, I'm 36 now. I agree with the person who said it's something you never get over, you just learn to get by and do the things you need to do to get through each day as it comes. For me, keeping busy is key. As long as I'm not alone with my thoughts, I'm good. Not exactly healthy, but like I said, you do what you have to do to get by. For me the grief has always come in waves. I'll be fine for a while and then something, like the birth of my daughter would just push me right over the edge again, it was like losing her all over again.

 

[zippitydoo]

I lost my mom when I was 30. It was hard for me. My dad died 3 yrs prior and my mom was my connection to a family. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister but we are not close at all. I think that was the hardest part of losing my mom. I miss both of them in the beginning I would cry all the time. Now I try and force myself not too. For me the holidays are the worse. I get through it knowing they are not suffering anymore and they are hopefully together again

 

[mrs. magoo]

My mom died when I was 18. She had cancer. My sister was 12 and brother 15. I still miss her especially when the kids are doing something that I know she would have loved to experienced with them. My mother in law is also deceased she died when my DH was 21. My children have never known a grandmother... this is what saddens me the most. I know that they are both with us in spirit, but it is not the same you know what I mean

Kathe

 

[LindaG4458]

My Mom died when I was 40 and she was 65. She had been a widow since she was 36. She had just retired two months earlier and was going to be able to enjoy some parts of life that she couldn't before that time. She had an aneurysm blow out and was brain dead before she hit the floor. She had been the only reason that my two brothers and I ever had contact with each other and, since a year after her passing, we have had no contact at all. She has been gone 20 years.

 

[zippitydoo]

Sorry Double post

 

[DMickey28]

Ember - I just need to give you a hug. I am 31 and my worst fear in the world is losing either of my parents. I had to stop reading everyone's responses because I was in tears. God will give you the strength to make it through this time and please know that your DIS friends will be here as a shoulder to cry on at any time.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I feel far too young at 29 to be losing my mother.

My mom died just months after my 30th birthday. She had been sick (diagnosed shortly after my b'day) but was in remission, and it was a drug/diagnosis error that got her, so it was actually a shock.

It'll be 10 years in March. And although it's not like early days, where I thought of her ALL the time (and therefore cried all the time), when I have my sad moments, those moments feel just like it did when I got the phone call. You'll slowly get more time between those moments.


My friends, none of whom had lost a parent (nor have they still), had NO idea what to do. And I was alone. Single, with friends who thought I was overreacting, family all far away...very very alone.

If you have any friends who have lost their mom (or dad), you might want to call on them when it actually happens. They are an immense help.

The book Motherless Daughters was so good for me. It also helped me tell someone who didn't know...I just held up the book and didn't have to say anything. I didn't know there was a Motherless Mothers book...I'll have to loo at that.


Apart from the mourning...one of the hardest parts for me has been realizing how stupid I'd been with acquaintances who had lost their parents. A god part is learning that "I'm sorry for your loss" is the perfect thing to say, and quite often we should just stop at that. Especially when offering condolences to someone with a different religious background, sigh.

However, I was glad to have the knowledge to help my husband through the loss of his father. He never had to be alone like I was, and he knows that he has someone he can talk about it with for the rest of our lives. Interestingly, though he hadn't lost a parent when we met (I met him only 7 months after my mom died, oh it was such early days), he was also a rock for me as I had the first anniversary, etc etc. He somehow knew what to do, even though he didn't know how it felt.


I hope you have people like that in your life as you go through this.

 

[April.Wood]

I think I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I feel far too young at 29 to be losing my mother.

I lost my mom 30 years ago, when I was twelve. I still miss her as much today as I did then. I am about to become a gramma and would have loved to have had her here to enjoy my children and soon to be grandchild. The pain lessons over time, but I believe that it never really gets any easier.

 

[hollieplus2]

I lost my mom when I was 25 and my sister was 18. She was only 50 years old. She went to the ER with a cough, was diagnosed with lung cancer and died 2 months later. It hurts, it doens't get better and I don't know how I survived. She was my best friend. However, I had already had DS and got married to DH and this past May I watched my little sister get married w/out mom and she is due to have her baby on monday w/out mom. Her DH never got to meet her. I stay strong for her, and for DS who misses "grandma at the beach"

 

[Tracy Savage]

I just put this poem on Moms grave for her birthday--Grab the tissue---

If Roses Grow In Heaven

If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
place them in my mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

 

[kerrynic78]

My mom died when I was 17 from a brain tumor, she went to the ER with a horrible headache and was dead about 3 weeks later. I now have my own daughter and it rips me apart to know my mom is not hear to share in her growing up. I don't think I really learned to cope since it still hurts as much 13 years later as much as it did at 17.

 

[2BigKIdz]

I lost my mom almost 5 years ago, when I was 31. She died very suddenly and it was such a shock. Honestly, I didn't think I would ever feel like myself again, like part of my life had ended. I'm not sure how long it took but I did feel normal again. I still miss her every day, but you have to keep on living life, as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. There are some days I just really need to talk to her and it takes a moment to realize I can't. It is one of the hardest things to go through in life but you will make it.

My husband lost his father at 10 and his mother at 28. I've never had a relationship with my father so we don't have any parents left. It seems very strange for us too to not have any parents at this age. I don't have any other friends that have lost both parents, most still have at least one grandparent as well.

 

[Patricia]

I have to keep saying how much I am getting from this... You are all remarkable, we are all remarkable. Each of us is sharing a part of the most painful experience and at the same time, giving each other a hug. Of all the posts I have read on the DIS since when...? 1996? 1997? this is the one that touched me the most. Many many thanks to all who reached deep inside to write these words.