I think I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I feel far too young at 29 to be losing my mother.
My mom died just months after my 30th birthday. She had been sick (diagnosed shortly after my b'day) but was in remission, and it was a drug/diagnosis error that got her, so it was actually a shock.
It'll be 10 years in March. And although it's not like early days, where I thought of her ALL the time (and therefore cried all the time), when I have my sad moments, those moments feel just like it did when I got the phone call. You'll slowly get more time between those moments.
My friends, none of whom had lost a parent (nor have they still), had NO idea what to do. And I was alone. Single, with friends who thought I was overreacting, family all far away...very very alone.
If you have any friends who have lost their mom (or dad), you might want to call on them when it actually happens. They are an immense help.
The book Motherless Daughters was so good for me. It also helped me tell someone who didn't know...I just held up the book and didn't have to say anything. I didn't know there was a Motherless Mothers book...I'll have to loo at that.
Apart from the mourning...one of the hardest parts for me has been realizing how stupid I'd been with acquaintances who had lost their parents. A god part is learning that "I'm sorry for your loss" is the perfect thing to say, and quite often we should just stop at that. Especially when offering condolences to someone with a different religious background, sigh.
However, I was glad to have the knowledge to help my husband through the loss of his father. He never had to be alone like I was, and he knows that he has someone he can talk about it with for the rest of our lives. Interestingly, though he hadn't lost a parent when we met (I met him only 7 months after my mom died, oh it was such early days), he was also a rock for me as I had the first anniversary, etc etc. He somehow knew what to do, even though he didn't know how it felt.
I hope you have people like that in your life as you go through this.


