If you've lost your mother, how old were you and how did you cope?

[Ember]

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. It hasn't made me feel better but I do feel less alone... My mum is still with me, but she's declining and I feel like I'm holding onto my life with my fingernails. I am terrified of what's coming.

 

[A Bugs Life]

I'm very sorry for your mom's situation. My mom, Frances (although she wasn't called that) died almost fourteen years ago. Sometimes it's a distant memory and sometimes it hurts like it was yesterday.

I was incredibly sad on the way to work the other day. I missed my mom so very much. It doesn't happen that frequently but it's profound when it does. It was overall a pretty bad day.

I was still moping and my husband said we were going to take a bike ride and led me to the garage where the motorcycle was kept. In it was my new beautiful volkswagen bug painted to be Francis from A Bugs Life.

I LOVE Volkswagen bugs and I love my mom. It was pretty amazing as my husband and I had never actually seen ABL before and didn't know that this car's name was Francis.

I can only believe that there was a bit of divine intervention at work here. I have since been in contact with the orginal owners several of whom are Pixar peeps and everyone is welcoming Francis back.

It just makes me happy. I feel like my mom had a bit to do with it.



My mom may be gone but I know she's still around. She always had to get the last word and I believe she's still at it.

 

[AnneR]

Ember,

I am so sorry to hear that your mother is declining. It is hard. Cherish the time, make the time to be with her. You will be glad you did.

 

[Patricia]

I lost my mom when I was 34. She died after a 6 month battle with Lymphoma. She died 10 weeks after my dad died of lung cancer. I cannot really tell you how I survived. It was such a blur. My kids were 8 and 4 and my sister's kids were 4 and 2. Between my sister and I , we found a way to get through each day. The old expression holds very true - one day at a time. That's the only way to make it. Trying to see the end of the road of grief is just impossible. I had only my sister as my family and we survived by living one day at a time together. Unfortunately, she passed away in 06 at age 42 from breast cancer. I still cannot think about or write about her passing without a stabbing pain. She truly was my only family. I know, I have three wonderful children, I know my niece and nephew( her kids) are with me all the time, but I have no family that was part of me in my past. Know what I mean? It's so, so hard some days. But even in that pain, I have made it..... one day, one event, at a time. I don't think ahead at all... just today. I pray you will find a peace and strength in the journey you have ahead.

 

[mrsheppo]

I lost my mom when I was 24 years old. I had just had my first baby earlier in the year and my mom doted on my DD. She died 6 days after receiving burns in a fire. 27 years later I am still reminded she was not around long enough to know her other grandchildren and that I was able to make a success of my life even after making some bad choices early on. She was only 54 and she died just a week before Christmas. Each Christmas I miss her more than anything but would not have wanted her to suffer so greatly from the burns she received and lived. You just have to be thankful for the time you have together and the memories you make.

 

[KristiMc]

I lost my mom this past June. It has been 3 months but it still seems like yesterday. I am 38 and she was 60 and it is so hard to know that I can't just pick up the phone to talk to her.

 

[darlak]

I was 40 and it was very hard. In a span of less then 2 years, I lost both my parents and the only 3 grandparents I ever remembered knowing. That left me the oldest surviving female in my family.

For a long time, I had the strangest feeling that (and I have never told this to anyone) I alone stood between the rest of my female loved ones and death. Yes, I do realize how insane that sounds; hence the reason I've told no one this before. In my mind, I envisioned a cliff where an endless line of women stood. As one fell off the edge of that cliff, another who had stood behind her had to then step forward to take her place. I felt like I had to stand firm so my daughters didn't have to step forward to stand on the edge of that cliff.

Looking back now, I can only say that maybe the stress of so many funerals in so short a time left me, let's call it a bit rattled. Even today though, thinking about it still gives me a slight chill.

Okie-dokie, now it's official....I've openly admitted I'm nuts.

Being the only sibling (thankfully with DH's help) to travel to Savannah to make the arrangements and bury my youngest brother 2 years ago brought it all back.

 

[Shmily1]

I was 34 when my mom died from bacterial pnuemonia. I watched her in a coma for 4 days before she died. I was exhausted from staying at the hospital and on the last night, I told her to wait for me to get back in the morning before she left and that I knew she was tired. She died about 15 minutes after I got there. I came home and told my children, then 12 and 13, and went to plan her funeral. I just know that she's always with us so when I want to tell her something, I do.

 

[Lanshark]

I lost my mother when I was 14 from complications due to progressive MS. I have no memory of her ever walking. It was a very long, difficult journey in those days.

I am now close to 50. I read a wonderful book several years ago called Motherless Daughters. For many years I didn't talk about the experience so I had no idea that my feelings were "normal". This book was a comfort to me even though I was probably 40 when I read it.

 

[luvmy3]

My heart goes out to all on this thread who have lost or are losing someone so dear to you

 

[Daisy14]

We were at Illuminations 2 years ago when I got a phone call from my wifes Mom that her father had collapsed and went into a Coma. We left immediately and were home 30 hours later. My wife was 32, last year a month before our planned trip to WDW her mother had a massive stroke and numerous other complications. She has survived but is a shell of her former self due to the massive damage caused by the stroke.

Its very difficult for me (the Husband) to watch my BFF (my wife) try to hang on to herself and her sanity. We have been fortunate to be able to tell her all the things that we may not have been able to if she had slipped over the edge. I truly hope that everyone reading this thread gives their parents a call tomorrow just to tell them "I Love You"

...because you never know, and you want to be sure that there is never anything left unsaid...

 

[darlak]

We were at Illuminations 2 years ago when I got a phone call from my wifes Mom that her father had collapsed and went into a Coma. We left immediately and were home 30 hours later. My wife was 32, last year a month before our planned trip to WDW her mother had a massive stroke and numerous other complications. She has survived but is a shell of her former self due to the massive damage caused by the stroke.

Its very difficult for me (the Husband) to watch my BFF (my wife) try to hang on to herself and her sanity. We have been fortunate to be able to tell her all the things that we may not have been able to if she had slipped over the edge. I truly hope that everyone reading this thread gives their parents a call tomorrow just to tell them "I Love You"

...because you never know, and you want to be sure that there is never anything left unsaid...

From someone who's been where your wife is now, I just wanted to tell you that I know how much it means to have had my husband there to support me. I was probably often too lost in my own grief to tell him that then, but I don't know how I could have made it through without his support.

 

[creativeamanda]

I lost both of my parents in 2002--both of cancer. I was 28 when Mama died, 29 when Daddy died.

I miss them both incredibly. Life has never been the same, but I have wonderful memories and it taught me that life truly is too short.

 

[SpecialK]

My mom died two weeks after my 21st birthday. She didn't know who I was when I turned 21. You get through day by day, knowing some days will be better than others.

 

[Patricia]

This is an amazing thread for me. Somedays, I let myself believe that I am the only one in the world who had had so much loss and grief. These posts prove that I am not alone, none of us are alone. There is great comfort for me in knowing that there are others who have faced pain and loss and still wake up and face the challenges of a new day. You are each inspiring to me...God Bless you all and thank you for sharing these stories. I know how hard it can be to actually write the words. Many thanks!!

 

[LBAK]

I ost my mom suddenly when I was 19. 2 months after I had gotten engaged and 2 weeks before my engagement party. You just go through the motions of life at first and then it slowly becomes bearable. I think of her often although now it's not everyday (I'm 47). It's been more then half my life that I haven't had a mom. I often wonder what an adult relationship would have been like with her, going out to lunch, telling her my problems, sharing my children with her. I definitely miss her and I think I'm a much more conscious mo with my 23 year old. I make lunch or dinner dates with her to find out about who she is as a young women, I tell her who I am as a person not just a mom. I keep a small journal for my 14 year old so she will know me just in case.
It does get easier and you are certainly not alone.

 

[crjack]

I lost my mother when I was 14 from complications due to progressive MS. I have no memory of her ever walking. It was a very long, difficult journey in those days.

I am now close to 50. I read a wonderful book several years ago called Motherless Daughters. For many years I didn't talk about the experience so I had no idea that my feelings were "normal". This book was a comfort to me even though I was probably 40 when I read it.

I had a copy of Motherless Daughters for years too before I could bring myself to read it.

I was 28 when I lost my mom to cancer (1993) and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant for the first time....the emotions from everything was overwhelming. My heart broke for my dad, who was so lost without her.

My mom loved children and being a grandmother was life's greatest blessing to her. My nieces and nephews were very young and my children never got to meet her and that has been the hardest thing for me. I often daydream about how she would have influenced them over the years.

 

[Teacher03]

My mom died of pancreatic cancer almost three years ago. I was 43 and wasn't prepared for the grief I would feel. It has gotten easier, and there are some days I don't think about her, which I didn't think would ever happen. My husband's mom died shortly after our first daughter was born-he was 24. It wasn't until my own mom died that I had a true understanding of what he went through.

I was very close with my mom, but I do have some regrets. She always seemed so healthy, I thought she would live to be an old woman, but she died within 3 months of being diagnosed. So I make sure there will be no regrets with my loved ones, they all know how I feel about them, and I know how they feel about me.

OP, I will keep you in my prayers during this difficult time.

 

[live4christp1]

Lost my mom January 19th of this year......she was 72.......I was 38. I don't think you can ever be old enough or ready for it.

How do I cope? Just get up and face each day as it comes. Keep going. In reality somedays I'd just like to lock myself in a room and cry until I can't cry anymore. But I know I have responsibilities that need to be met. I do find comfort in knowing that some day I will see my mom again but it doesn't make me miss her any less.

You will be in my thoughts.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I lost my mom when I was 20 to cancer. She died exactly a week after I found out I was pregnant. I never told her, figuring it would be too hard on her as we all knew the time was very near.
The only thing that helps get over the loss is time. It gets easier to deal, but the hurt, the emptiness is always there. My dad lost his mom when he was 24 and he said that it never goes entirely away, but that you are able to remember the happy times eventually instead of just the sad.
If anything, it has made me more self sufficient and enjoy life more. I tell my DH and children I love them constantly. It's hard, but you go on because you have to.