I bought condoms today

[shortbun]

This weekend , one of DS's friends was missing from their basketball game. They are doing tournament play. I mentioned his absence to three of the other players who made it back to our house after the game; they are DS's friends, all of them. They sheepishly revealed that this boy missed the game because "his baby" was born on Friday. They are 15 and 16. I am still in shock, mostly because the boys just shrugged it off. They said this girl wasn't even the 'girlfriend' of the boy who fathered her child. Today, I bought a box of condoms and put it on the counter in DS's bathroom. We have 'the talk' often but we had it again...the whole talk. How easy it is to get a girl pregnant..."Mom, I took Health in school", "yeah, so did X" and the steps that lead to pregnancy. Another shiver just went through me. I have no reason to think my son is sexually active but this struck very close to home. A boy and a girl's lives changed forever...dreams changed...college deferred...a beautiful baby beginning life with teenagers for parents. sigh

 

[englishteacha]

I think having an open conversation with your son was a wise idea.

 

[NikitaZee]

Good for you, mom. I'll have all the appropriate talks with my kids as well, but I'm not fooling myself into thinking they won't experiment. Sigh.

 

[erincon23]

I too have teenage sons, and this worries me! They've both expressed disdain for teens who don't protect themselves and their futures by making sure they don't have babies early, but hormones sometimes overrule brains at this age. Neither of them have a girlfriend (DS16 has never had a girlfriend, and DS19 dates casually and infrequently, but it doesn't take a steady girlfriend!).

A humorous note, if there is one -- a couple of months ago, DS19, who was in college, asked us to come and take him out to lunch that weekend, saying there was something serious he wanted to talk about and that it wasn't something he wanted to talk about over the phone. I was pretty sure it could only be one of three things -- he was gay (he was in musical theatre at the time, where 90% of the guys in his program were gay), someone was pregnant, or he was dropping out of school. I was crossing my fingers for the dropping out of school one... (and I was right). A pregnancy would have been, by far, the worst of these three!

By all means, we have to make sure our sons know how to stand up and protect both them and their partner.

LET ME CLARIFY, since this has come up -- had he told us he was gay, we would have had no problem with that. We have lots of gay friends, and I know it can be difficult, but we don't have any problem, and would have accepted whatever he told us. His personal situation -- we didn't feel that he belonged in musical theatre, and knew he wasn't happy in the school he was in. His grades were terrible. And we weren't sure how we were going to pay for future years -- in all, dropping out of college, while not a good thing (and we weren't happy about it, but it wasn't a surprise), was the best thing for him at the time.

 

[Mermaid02]

I too have teenage sons, and this worries me! They've both expressed disdain for teens who don't protect themselves and their futures by making sure they don't have babies early, but hormones sometimes overrule brains at this age. Neither of them have a girlfriend (DS16 has never had a girlfriend, and DS19 dates casually and infrequently, but it doesn't take a steady girlfriend!).

A humorous note, if there is one -- a couple of months ago, DS19, who was in college, asked us to come and take him out to lunch that weekend, saying there was something serious he wanted to talk about and that it wasn't something he wanted to talk about over the phone. I was pretty sure it could only be one of three things -- he was gay (he was in musical theatre at the time, where 90% of the guys in his program were gay), someone was pregnant, or he was dropping out of school. I was crossing my fingers for the dropping out of school one... (and I was right). A pregnancy would have been, by far, the worst of these three!

By all means, we have to make sure our sons know how to stand up and protect both them and their partner.

I would have preferred gay.....

 

[AustinTink]

This weekend , one of DS's friends was missing from their basketball game. They are doing tournament play. I mentioned his absence to three of the other players who made it back to our house after the game; they are DS's friends, all of them. They sheepishly revealed that this boy missed the game because "his baby" was born on Friday. They are 15 and 16. I am still in shock, mostly because the boys just shrugged it off. They said this girl wasn't even the 'girlfriend' of the boy who fathered her child. Today, I bought a box of condoms and put it on the counter in DS's bathroom. We have 'the talk' often but we had it again...the whole talk. How easy it is to get a girl pregnant..."Mom, I took Health in school", "yeah, so did X" and the steps that lead to pregnancy. Another shiver just went through me. I have no reason to think my son is sexually active but this struck very close to home. A boy and a girl's lives changed forever...dreams changed...college deferred...a beautiful baby beginning life with teenagers for parents. sigh

You're a good mom for doing that. We all want to live in the fantasy world where our kids will never have sex outside of marriage. But, living in reality is much smarter and safer for our kids. Do I want my kid to have sex in high school? Heck no. But, if he does, I want him to be protected.

 

[ccgirl]

The talk is great. I hope the talk also included the fact that condoms aren't 100% effective. They are 98% effective. Which means for every 100 couples using solely condoms, 2 will get pregnant. I would hate my child to be one of the 2.

Someone in my family was 16 when they had their first child. They went on to marry their boyfriend, had two more children and become a nurse. They have been married for over 30 years. So, it can end well but it's a lot of hard work.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Kudos to you for the talk and the supplies. I think I may follow suit. DS is almost 16 and while I don't think he's experimented yet, I KNOW that I'll be the last to know when he does. I'd rather he be prepared and protected than be too embarassed to buy some himself and leave things to chance.

 

[NikitaZee]

I have a daughter too - for those of you with girls, what would you do in that situation? I can't quite wrap my mind around making condoms available to her, although I have no good reason to feel that way. Just have the talk with her as well, and make it known that they are in the medicine cabinet? It just seems harder when I think of these things, and my girl. Especially since I was no angel as a teenager myself. Sigh, again.

 

[KerriSue]

It is so much better to be safe than sorry. I have always been very open to my children about sex. Unfortunately all we can do is make sure they are educated, have the facts and then pray to God they make smart choices. You did the right thing for sure

 

[mvazul]

Good for you!!

I am the product of a teenage pregnancy. My mom was 15 and my dad was 18 when they found out they were expecting me and got married - they were 16 and 2 months and almost 19 when I was born. My sister was born 2 1/2 years later. my parents were married for 29 years. Their divorce was final the month before their 30th anniversary.

I talk to our 17 year old son about this alot. it's very hard growing up with teenagers for parents. However, my mother said she would do it the same if given the chance.

Michelle

 

[luvdzny]

I think you did the right thing! It is much better to face the facts then to "bury your head in the sand." He may never need them, but it is much better to be safe than to be sorry.

 

[puffkin]

I also think you did the right thing. My DS is only going to be 6, but I would probably do the same thing if this situation happened in the future for him. My DN14 worries me sick every day because while I know she knows the "facts" and has a fairly close/open relationship with her parents I still don't think it is enough, especially with her having a fairly serious (for 14!) boyfriend. I think with boys you have to preach protection and with girls you have to preach that you can't just rely on the boy to provide protection!

 

[goofinoff]

You're a good mom! I'm am the mother of 2 preteen girls and this topic scares the living crap out of me. We haven't had "THE talk" yet with my oldest but she will be going through puberty classes at school within the next couple of weeks so I'm sure the questions will be flowing. She knows about her period but that's it. I hate this part of growing up!!! I wish I could freeze them at the age they are now!!!

I am really hoping that my kids will feel like they can talk to me about anything. I never felt that way with my parents. I'm sure within the next couple of years I will be turning to my friends on the Dis for advice!!!!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Good for you. I work in an urban school with many incomes and types of students. Our birth rate is astounding. Most kids think nothing of it. They know the dads disappear and offer no support. There are quite a few with more then one kid. There is a growing group of kids who see how awful this is and make plans to never let it happen to them. And our kids are educated and have very easy access to bc. Talk talk talk. It is working with some of our kids.

 

[gawrsh2008]

I would have preferred gay.....

Are you for real with this?

I have a seventeen year old son. He is also in the theatre and has been for two years now. I sure as heck wouldn't prefer he drop out of college over being gay.

OP, good for you for buying the condoms. I'm not sure if I would be sharing that information on an internet message board, but to each his own.

 

[Mermaid02]

Are you for real with this?

I have a seventeen year old son. He is also in the theatre and has been for two years now. I sure as heck wouldn't prefer he drop out of college over being gay.

OP, good for you for buying the condoms. I'm not sure if I would be sharing that information on an internet message board, but to each his own.

Am I for real? Yes. I would be fine with my kids being gay- when you drop out of school the chances of going back are slim and the chances of making a good living are even more slim.

And I'm a little confused because I think you just agreed with me...

 

[mamacatnv]

I have a daughter too - for those of you with girls, what would you do in that situation? I can't quite wrap my mind around making condoms available to her, although I have no good reason to feel that way. Just have the talk with her as well, and make it known that they are in the medicine cabinet? It just seems harder when I think of these things, and my girl. Especially since I was no angel as a teenager myself. Sigh, again.

I think its important to stress to your DD that a condom will help protect her from disease as well as pregnancy. If/When my DD goes down that road I will be pushing the pill with a condom as an always to back it up.

OP I think you did the right thing. There were several girls when DS was in high school who got pregnant. I used them as examples to bring it up over and over. When DS was a Sr in high school and had a serious girly friend I discussed it with both of them over and over. I paid for girly's birthcontrol for awhile while maintaining to my DS to use condoms.

Another thing that I discussed with my son was that some (not all) girls will view a pregnancy as a way to hold onto their guy. I pounded that little tidbit into the boys head. I also reminded him that even when the girl says she is on the pill, he still has an added responsibilty to use a condom to protect himself and at the same time to never trust the I'm on the pill scenario.

He is now 22, a Sr in college and receives condoms in his easter basket, his Crhistmas stocking etc. He knows that is one expense I will always approve on my credit card.
He and his first serious girly broke up when he was a Freshman in college. She is now 21, unmarried, unattached, not in school and due to give birth any day now from a one night stand type encounter. I'm thinking she didn't practice the things I spoke to her about.

 

[gawrsh2008]

Am I for real? Yes. I would be fine with my kids being gay- when you drop out of school the chances of going back are slim and the chances of making a good living are even more slim.

And I'm a little confused because I think you just agreed with me...

My apologies. I misread your post.

 

[wintersnowwhite]

This weekend , one of DS's friends was missing from their basketball game. They are doing tournament play. I mentioned his absence to three of the other players who made it back to our house after the game; they are DS's friends, all of them. They sheepishly revealed that this boy missed the game because "his baby" was born on Friday. They are 15 and 16. I am still in shock, mostly because the boys just shrugged it off. They said this girl wasn't even the 'girlfriend' of the boy who fathered her child. Today, I bought a box of condoms and put it on the counter in DS's bathroom. We have 'the talk' often but we had it again...the whole talk. How easy it is to get a girl pregnant..."Mom, I took Health in school", "yeah, so did X" and the steps that lead to pregnancy. Another shiver just went through me. I have no reason to think my son is sexually active but this struck very close to home. A boy and a girl's lives changed forever...dreams changed...college deferred...a beautiful baby beginning life with teenagers for parents. sigh

Good for you!! Now can you come to my house and have the same talk with my 16 year old?? LOL