I bought condoms today

[mvazul]

Yeah, well, she was sleeping with my son and I had an obligation to protect him too. There was no way I was going to prevent them sleeping together, I am not that naive. She had no job and a Dad who has 10 kids between about 8 different women. No way was I taking the chance she was not going to protect herself due to cost. My son was smart enough to haul their butts to the Health Dept. and he via my credit card paid for the birth control with my blessing and consent.

I'm going to say this and my intent is not to be rude, truly it is not, but I don't know how else to say it. When one has an attitude like yours, those are the kids who don't seek BC when they need it, those are the kids who are afraid of their parents reactions and those are the kids who end up pregnant or with STD's.

I hope and pray that when the day comes that my DD decides to be sexually active, if for some reason she is afraid to come to me that there is someone who cares enough to foot the bill to protect 2 teenagers from an unwanted pregnancy

When one has an attitude like MINE??? Are you serious? Because I feel it is MY responsibility and my husband's responsibility to help our daughter be smart about sex and birth control??? Because I don't want some random person taking OUR child to get birth control? I'm sorry that was the situation with your son and his girlfriend. I truly am. However, as I have stated in an earlier response, I am the product of a teen pregnancy. I fully know how hard it is to be raised by parents who are just children themselves. I talk to my 17 year old son all the time about birth control and how having a baby at his age would totally mess up his life. He has had friends who have had this happen. At this point in his life, he is totally focused on school and college. He understands getting into any kind of relationship would mess that up. He also knows he can talk with us anytime about anything - which he has.

I stand by my comment that I would be beyond livid if someone took my TEEN daughter and bought birth control for her. That is overstepping boundaries, in my opinion. But, to each their own.

Michelle

 

[snarlingcoyote]

OP, you totally rock!

Years and years ago I knew a HS teacher with 3 daughters. For the entire time her girls were teens and in college, this teacher would put a big ginormous box of condoms under the sink in her girls' bathroom. The rule was that the girls could do whatever they wanted with the condoms, but that the condoms should completely and entirely dissappear every 90 days, to be replaced with a fresh box.

It's amazing how the pregnancy rate among the HS population seemed to drop while her girls were in school.

 

[punkin]

When one has an attitude like MINE??? Are you serious? Because I feel it is MY responsibility and my husband's responsibility to help our daughter be smart about sex and birth control??? Because I don't want some random person taking OUR child to get birth control? I'm sorry that was the situation with your son and his girlfriend. I truly am. However, as I have stated in an earlier response, I am the product of a teen pregnancy. I fully know how hard it is to be raised by parents who are just children themselves. I talk to my 17 year old son all the time about birth control and how having a baby at his age would totally mess up his life. He has had friends who have had this happen. At this point in his life, he is totally focused on school and college. He understands getting into any kind of relationship would mess that up. He also knows he can talk with us anytime about anything - which he has.

I stand by my comment that I would be beyond livid if someone took my TEEN daughter and bought birth control for her. That is overstepping boundaries, in my opinion. But, to each their own.

Michelle

I completely agree with you. If a parent wants to protect her son, then teach him about condoms, don't go putting SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD on hormones.

 

[mvazul]

I completely agree with you. If a parent wants to protect her son, then teach him about condoms, don't go putting SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD on hormones.

 

[mamacatnv]

When one has an attitude like MINE??? Are you serious? Because I feel it is MY responsibility and my husband's responsibility to help our daughter be smart about sex and birth control??? Because I don't want some random person taking OUR child to get birth control? I'm sorry that was the situation with your son and his girlfriend. I truly am. However, as I have stated in an earlier response, I am the product of a teen pregnancy. I fully know how hard it is to be raised by parents who are just children themselves. I talk to my 17 year old son all the time about birth control and how having a baby at his age would totally mess up his life. He has had friends who have had this happen. At this point in his life, he is totally focused on school and college. He understands getting into any kind of relationship would mess that up. He also knows he can talk with us anytime about anything - which he has.

I stand by my comment that I would be beyond livid if someone took my TEEN daughter and bought birth control for her. That is overstepping boundaries, in my opinion. But, to each their own.

Michelle

Knee jerk reaction, you did not read what I said. You assumed something I never said or did and you reacted to it by telling me how livid you would be and ohhhhh don't even mess with my husband type comment.
Please, go back and read what I actually said I did, then react.

Then tell me, if your teenage son came to you and said he needed money for birth control, would you tell him tough luck buddy, you guys are on your own? Really???? to quote you "to each their own"

I completely agree with you. If a parent wants to protect her son, then teach him about condoms, don't go putting SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD on hormones.

I did teach my son about condoms and birth control and how to protect himself, that is my job. If you had read what I said you would see that they both acted pretty darn responsibly.

Actually if you both had read my post you would see that I did not take anyones daughter and put them on anything. I simply paid for the cost of the birth control which the girl and my son went to the local clinic (legally I might add) to obtain. They did this on their own.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Great job OP! Keep it up. It does work, it did for our two eldest DS's. They are now 27 (almost engaged) and 28 (married). And I am not yet a grandma! DH and I told them lots of times where the condoms were kept, and if they needed more just to tell us.

Also having a baby sister when they were 13 and 12 showed them how much work a baby was. THat worked wonders...so did the sibling that we gave them 5 years after that! Both boys were very careful.

Now that DD is 15 I have been having talks with her for years. We would watch Dr. Phil and Oprah together and discuss the issues of sex, drugs and booze. And we always talk about. We also have discussed how she is too young for sex being in HS. We always keep the communication open. I have also told her if she can't talk to me, she can go to her sil and others.

We have also discussed that even if she goes on the pill she needs to also use condoms, that that should be the main method. I would love for her to wait until at least college, and as of now she agrees. So time will tell.

 

[mvazul]

Knee jerk reaction, you did not read what I said. You assumed something I never said or did and you reacted to it by telling me how livid you would be and ohhhhh don't even mess with my husband type comment.
Please, go back and read what I actually said I did, then react.

Then tell me, if your teenage son came to you and said he needed money for birth control, would you tell him tough luck buddy, you guys are on your own? Really???? to quote you "to each their own"

I believe I responded appropriately to your response. You wrote:

I'm going to say this and my intent is not to be rude, truly it is not, but I don't know how else to say it. When one has an attitude like yours, those are the kids who don't seek BC when they need it, those are the kids who are afraid of their parents reactions and those are the kids who end up pregnant or with STD's.

You said that with an "attitude like mine" my children will end up pregnant, getting someone pregnant and have STD's. All because I feel it is MY responsibility to teach my children about sex, birth control and abstinence. Forgive me for not wanting a complete stranger TO ME to buy birth control for my UNDERAGE daughter. I don't understand what is so hard to understand about that?

If my son came to me and asked for money for birth control, after first getting a very long discussion on what could possibly happen, I would give him money. To MY son. However, I would NOT pay for his girlfriend's birth control. She is NOT my child. Now, if we are talking about college kids, of legal age, it may be a completely different reaction.

Michelle

 

[mamacatnv]

I believe I responded appropriately to your response. You wrote:



You said that with an "attitude like mine" my children will end up pregnant, getting someone pregnant and have STD's. All because I feel it is MY responsibility to teach my children about sex, birth control and abstinence. Forgive me for not wanting a complete stranger TO ME to buy birth control for my UNDERAGE daughter. I don't understand what is so hard to understand about that?

If my son came to me and asked for money for birth control, after first getting a very long discussion on what could possibly happen, I would give him money. To MY son. However, I would NOT pay for his girlfriend's birth control. She is NOT my child. Now, if we are talking about college kids, of legal age, it may be a completely different reaction.

Michelle

Your son's girlfriend may not be your child but she could easily give birth to your grandchild. If she could legally obtain BC and for whatever reason she could not afford it and her parents could not or would not pay for it (in my case they could not) you would not give your son the money to pay for it?
Those were not dice I was willing to throw. I didn't want my son to be a father at 18. There were multiple ways to protect his interest and that was one of them. I find it strange that any parent who would pay for their own childs BC would not extend that to the kids partner when asked to do so.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions regarding their kids and birth control.

It bothered me that you accused me of doing something I did not do, something I did not say. That is what I defended.

This was your response to my comments that "I paid for the girlfriends birth control for awhile"

To the bolded part - I can tell you for a fact if anyone is paying for birth control for my teenage daughter, I would hit the roof. And i certainly would not want to be around if my husband found out.

You then turned that into I took her, her parents were unknowing etc. You made a lot of assumptions that you really did not know and I feel the need to clarify.

 

[kaligal]

You are so much bolder than I am. I would never put a box of condom's in my son's bathroom.

No matter what method(s) we teach our kids, all we can do is pray they don't end up teenage parents. You can lead a horse to water...

 

[mvazul]

Your son's girlfriend may not be your child but she could easily give birth to your grandchild. If she could legally obtain BC and for whatever reason she could not afford it and her parents could not or would not pay for it (in my case they could not) you would not give your son the money to pay for it?
Those were not dice I was willing to throw. I didn't want my son to be a father at 18. There were multiple ways to protect his interest and that was one of them. I find it strange that any parent who would pay for their own childs BC would not extend that to the kids partner when asked to do so.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions regarding their kids and birth control.

It bothered me that you accused me of doing something I did not do, something I did not say. That is what I defended.

This was your response to my comments that "I paid for the girlfriends birth control for awhile"You then turned that into I took her, her parents were unknowing etc. You made a lot of assumptions that you really did not know and I feel the need to clarify.

You are completely correct. I did make assumptions. Based on what you had written, but still assumptions. I truly apologize for that.

Michelle

 

[Shmily1]

OP, you are doing great. I'm a grandmother to a child of a teen and while we had the talks and I bought birth control, she had a bad reaction to it and was dropping weight daily. We had another appt to change types, but it ended up being her first OB appt. Our little angel is now 2 1/2 and we wouldn't trade him for anything. His mom graduated high school in June, had him in July, and started college in August. She also has a job and is a great mom. She does need our help to get everything done, but the world didn't end for her. She did miss going away to college and the senior cruise, but he is her world and she is doing all she can to make a good life for him. It's not what we had planned, but it's the new plan and we love it.

Hang in there and keep talking to them. They will appreciate the honesty one day and you will appreciate them being comfortable with you.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Interesting exchange between mamacatnv and mvazul.

While reading I'm thinking that - besides the girl in question being 18 - in MA (and twenty or more other states), minors can get birth control without parental permission, so they would be restricted by neither disapproving parents nor money (subsidies are available for those who can't afford it).

I am in MA (unrestricted)

Massachusetts

All minors with no restrictions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mamacatnv is in Nevada (moderately restricted)

Nevada

Minors who are married. Minors who have a child or who are mature may get any health care services.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mvazul is in Florida (restricted)

Florida

Minors who require contraceptives for health reasons, who are married, have a child, are pregnant, or who have ever been pregnant.

This may, at least in part, account for some of the differences in philosophies.

Not saying it is good or bad; it just is.

The rest of the story and other states:

February 21, 2012

Minors Access to Contraceptive Health Care

Laws and Procedures Vary by State

In the United States, each state has different laws and policies about whether or not minors — anyone under the age of 18 — may get contraceptive prescriptions and counseling from a health care professional. Twenty-one states explicitly allow all minors to consent to contraceptive services without parental permission.

Twenty-five states permit minors to consent to contraceptive services in one or more circumstances. The vast majority allow a married minor to recieve contraceptive services. Three states allow minors to consent to contraceptive services if a physician determines that the minor would face a health hazard otherwise. A few states allow a minor who is a parent or has ever been pregnant to consent to services. Ten states allow a minor to consent if the minor meets other various requirements, including being a high school graduate, reaching a certain age, demonstrating maturity, or receiving a referral from a specified professional, such as a physician or member of the clergy.

Four states have no explicit policy on whether or not minors may consent to contraceptive services. Even when a state has no clear policy or law, physicians may decide to provide medical care to a mature minor without parental consent, particularly if the state allows a minor to consent to other related health services.

STATE

CONDITIONS FOR OBTAINING CONTRACEPTIVE SERVICES


Alabama

Minors over 14 years, who have completed HS, who are married, or who have a child may get any health care services.



Alaska

All minors with no restrictions.



Arizona

All minors with no restrictions.



Arkansas

All minors with no restrictions.



California

All minors with no restrictions.



Colorado

All minors with no restrictions.



Connecticut

Minors who are married.



Delaware

For minors who are 12 and over, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



District of Columbia

All minors with no restrictions.



Florida

Minors who require contraceptives for health reasons, who are married, have a child, are pregnant, or who have ever been pregnant.



Georgia

All minors with no restrictions.



Hawaii

For minors 14 and over, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



Idaho

All minors with no restrictions.



Illinois

Minors who require contraceptives for health reasons, who are married, have a child, are pregnant, who have ever been pregnant, or who have a refrral.



Indiana

Minors who are married.



Iowa

All minors with no restrictions.



Kansas

Minors who are mature.



Kentucky

All minors with no restrictions. However, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



Louisiana

Minors who are married.



Maine

Minors who require contraceptives for health reasons, who are married, or have a child.



Maryland

All minors with no restrictions. However, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



Massachusetts

All minors with no restrictions.



Michigan

Minors who are married.



Minnesota

All minors with no restrictions. However, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



Mississippi

Minors who are married, have a child, or who have a referral.



Missouri

Minors who are married.



Montana

All minors with no restrictions. However, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



Nebraska

Minors who are married.



Nevada

Minors who are married. Minors who have a child or who are mature may get any health care services.



New Hampshire

Minors who are mature.



New Jersey

Minors who are are married, pregnant, or who have ever been pregnant may get any health care services.



New Mexico

All minors with no restrictions.



New York

All minors with no restrictions.



North Carolina

All minors with no restrictions.



North Dakota

No explicit policy.



Ohio

No explicit policy.



Oklahoma

Minors who are are married, pregnant, or who have ever been pregnant.



Oregon

All minors with no restrictions. However, the physician may, but is not required to, inform the parents.



Pennsylvania

Minors who are are married, pregnant, have ever been pregnant, or graduated HS may get any health care services.



Rhode Island

No explicit policy.



South Carolina

Minors who are married, 16 or over, or who are mature.



South Dakota

Minors who are married.



Tennessee

All minors with no restrictions.



Texas

Minors who are married. State funds may not be used.



Utah

Minors who are married. State funds may not be used.



Vermont

Minors who are married.



Virginia

All minors with no restrictions.



Washington

All minors with no restrictions.



West Virginia

Minors who are married.



Wisconsin

No explicit policy.



Wyoming

All minors with no restrictions.


Source: "Minors Access to Contraceptive Services," State Policies in Brief, AGI, Dec 1, 2005. (pdf)


http://www.contracept.org/minorsaccess.php

 

[mamacatnv]

Pea-N-Me
Very interesting, thanks for posting that. We are getting ready to move to Texas, they obviously have a different mind set.

 

[cornflake]

That was informative - I had no idea there was any state restriction on contraception, I've never heard of it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I grew up in Colorado where there are no restrictions. I also did not realize so many states made it so hard for teens to protect themselves. That is good to know in case anything were to happen causing us to move back to the states before the kids are adults.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'm not sure that list is up to date- I worked in a Pediatric office for a few years and according to our doctors there any child over the age of 12 could ask for and receive birth control without parental permission or knowledge. I suppose saying you have cramps is enough to qualify for "medical necessity". What's more, the doctor is NOT ALLOWED to speak with the parents about this and does not have the right to that part of the child's medical record.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I keep wondering why we don't just pay tax dollars to have free condoms available in health clinics, at nightclubs, in public restrooms etc. Think of the tax savings and personal life improvement as STD rates and unplanned pregnancy rates fall. . .

ETA: Everyone has been talking about pregnancy, but STDs are also in the schools. About 15 years ago I taught a student who was rather Lord Byrony - mad, bad and dangerous to know. He was a sweet kid a heart, but was also a wild child. Ethics and values, but no real morals. Well, he came up as positive for the HIV virus when he was a senior in HS because he found out that a guy he'd slept with had it, so he went to get tested. Of his own accord, he mailed letters to every girl and boy he'd ever slept with, letting them know that they needed to get tested. (Of course, until this point, it was known he slept around, but not that he was bisexual. Come to think on it, he was very Jack Harkness as a teenager.) This meant that every girl and every boy that those boys and girls had slept with might have it and the boys and girls those boys and girls had slept with. . .

And HIV isn't the only STD out there - most are treatable, but not all are cureable and none are going to be fun for anyone.

 

[shortbun]

I can't help but think of an episode of 16 and Pregnant where the girls mother thought she had everything covered because she provided condoms but turns out the girl and her boyfriend were too embarrassed/lazy to get up and get them. From the title of the show you can see how well that one worked out..

We discussed a full month on the pill ANd A condom for STD protection until a sure monogamous relationship for six months and a negative std test. Will they do all that? Doubtful but I am determined to give him every piece of information and hope he makes good choices. The condoms are good for three years, I SURE hope they are not needed until then. I can't get the 16yo parents out of my head.

 

[Swan4Me]

I too have teenage sons, and this worries me! They've both expressed disdain for teens who don't protect themselves and their futures by making sure they don't have babies early, but hormones sometimes overrule brains at this age. Neither of them have a girlfriend (DS16 has never had a girlfriend, and DS19 dates casually and infrequently, but it doesn't take a steady girlfriend!).

A humorous note, if there is one -- a couple of months ago, DS19, who was in college, asked us to come and take him out to lunch that weekend, saying there was something serious he wanted to talk about and that it wasn't something he wanted to talk about over the phone. I was pretty sure it could only be one of three things -- he was gay (he was in musical theatre at the time, where 90% of the guys in his program were gay), someone was pregnant, or he was dropping out of school. I was crossing my fingers for the dropping out of school one... (and I was right). A pregnancy would have been, by far, the worst of these three!

By all means, we have to make sure our sons know how to stand up and protect both them and their partner.

So you still questioned his sexual preference? Right?

After he dropped out of school-what did he do?

I can not imagine hoping the bad news was dropping out of college-unless you really didnt like that major-and I DO agree with that.

The odds of really making it in Muscical Theater have to be very slim-I have a friend whose DD is an Opera Grad & all she does is teach kids here and there and sing at weddings

 

[disney4us2002]

It kind of seems the conversation has moved away from the initial post but I will still give my thoughts. I replied first in the "abstinence" thread as that is our main theme here. That said, my sons (now 15, 18, and 22) have been informed about all the various types of BC and why they shouldn't just believe a girl is "on the pill" and to use condoms regardless.

No, I have not and will not purchase condoms for them and here's why. If they truly believe that they are ready to be adult enough to engage in what my dh and I consider "adult" behavior, then they better be adult enough to go into a store and buy the condoms themselves. They (all the kids in high schools here) are also made aware that condoms are available for free in blank envelopes on a table at the local health department. Too embarassed to buy condoms but not too embarassed to get naked?