How would you handle this one????

[lovin'fl]

I haven't read through the entire thread, but OP should contact the parents of the girl with the weed. I would agree that she should not tell the school who she was, but letting the parents know so they can intervene before it ends up a matter of the law would be an act of kindness IMO. If OP were to let the school know who the girl was, they would likely involve the law and it would be a horrendous situation for her and her family (one that may be addressed by the parents without involving the law and the school).

 

[newt2]

I agree that the penalties for smoking pot are too high. But it's the law, no matter how ludicrous.

At the very least, a call to this person's parents is in order. I'd certainly want to know if it were my kids.

I'm not sure I would do that, I'd have to be in that position first before I could say what I would do.

Having said that, involving the parents is far better than involving the law or the school.

 

[holycow]

All of you who say what is the big deal about kids smoking pot in school.

What is the big deal? That is what is exactly wrong with what is happening in America today. Apathy. Who cares what everyone else does. Live and let live. What a joke!


There is a problem in the school with drugs. It needs to be taken care of so students don't have to face that problem. Period. It shouldn't be 'expected' that they will encounter it. If it is encountered it should be expected to be dealt with and not ignored.

Good for your family for speaking up. No she shouldn't have to cough up the names. If they know there is a problem they should be able to
find the kids out in the woods and track them down. That sounds like a start.

 

[Desnik]

You guys are all bringing up a lot of valid points.

marcyinPA
Maybe I was nieve, maybe part of me wants my DD to stay a little girl for as long as possible. Maybe part of me still wants to shelter her. But I have talked to her about all kinds of things like drugs, drinking, sex, ect... I don't expect my DD to be an angel. I was born & raised in the Bronx, NY & believe me I have seen it all and sadly done it all. I know drugs are everywhere but when your kid is put in a crappy situation at a place she should only have to worry about things like school work & what outfit to wear I as a mother am just sad about it. But I will get over it, just probably not today.

 

[jp24]

So you'd only report them if they didn't dispose of the drugs and talk to their parents? What happened to all that "sometimes doing the right thing isn't always the popular thing". Isn't the right thing to report it the proper authorities like the school board and police? You are pretty much telling us we aren't doing the right thing if we don't say anything. I think you called it lazy parenting IIRC.
How is that any different than a student or their parent not reporting it? Its really isn't.

IMO, it honestly depends on how the kid reacts. If he's indignant, argumentative and confrontational, it escalates. If he's respectful, apologetic and conscientious about it, it deescalates. If it's my kid, god help him.

 

[marcyinPA]

You guys are all bringing up a lot of valid points.

marcyinPA
Maybe I was nieve, maybe part of me wants my DD to stay a little girl for as long as possible. Maybe part of me still wants to shelter her. But I have talked to her about all kinds of things like drugs, drinking, sex, ect... I don't expect my DD to be an angel. I was born & raised in the Bronx, NY & believe me I have seen it all and sadly done it all. I know drugs are everywhere but when your kid is put in a crappy situation at a place she should only have to worry about things like school work & what outfit to wear I as a mother am just sad about it. But I will get over it, just probably not today.

I do understand what you mean- and I agree with you. But sadly, this is the day and age we live in, and our kids will either live in it too, or they will rise above it. I've chosen to arm my kids with as much knowledge as possible so they rise above it. Do I wish they were never faced with this kind of stuff? Of course. But this is life and no matter where you are from, this kind of stuff goes on. I have a kid who will be in college this time next year. It terrifies me to think of how much more he will witness when he is there. God willing, he will take every bit of what we have taught him and will use it when making choices.

 

[cornflake]

Apparently I need to say this again, there is no way my DD is giving up names & telling on anyone!!!

And the reason why she texted from school was because she was so shocked by what happened & we are very close & she tells me everything. She could be labeled as a "goody two shoes" & stuff like this freaks her out. She just didn't think she would be put in that position at school.

Then what exactly does your husband think will come of the cops being called? Does he think they're not going to ask her, first thing, who the girl was, what happened, etc.? Does he think there aren't going to be cops questioning her? If he wants the cops to DO SOMETHING, they'll go to your house and DO SOMETHING and it'll involve questioning your daughter.

What do you think they're going to do otherwise? Hear some guy who calls up and says 'someone offered my daughter drugs at school but we don't want to talk about it!' and run over to the school and... do what, exactly?

 

[jp24]

I read this awhile back and some of the responses in this thread recalled it:

So you want to know what’s up with the country? I’ll tell you what. We have Honey Boo Boo soaring in ratings, while the Chinese are studying. We have over 2000 hospitals in America being investigated by Obamacare for “readmitting” elderly patients that clearly needed to return to hospital care – but don’t worry…because NeNe Leaks is going to be on Glee this week. Immigration officers are suing their bosses because they won’t allow them to do their job – Oh wait – Joe Gorga is going to show his butt again on Real Housewives. Not to worry…the record unemployment has had NO EFFECT on Kim Kardashian's relationship with Kayne.
America, get your head out of your ***. It's embarrassing.

 

[newt2]

All of you who say what is the big deal about kids smoking pot in school.

What is the big deal? That is what is exactly wrong with what is happening in America today. Apathy. Who cares what everyone else does. Live and let live. What a joke!

I don't think anyone is saying that.

What many of us are saying is that we can't trust the school or the police to handle the situation in a way that helps rather than making it worse. There's a very big difference between that and not caring at all.

 

[cah5525]

OP...maybe you should have waited until your daughter got home to discuss the details. You were mad and shocked and may have needed a breather before calling husband and he calling the school. You always want to be the one person your daughter knows that she can confide in and depending on how she reacts to her dad calling the school, and the conversation you have when she gets home...you may no longer be her "go-to" person.

 

[luvmy3]

I read this awhile back and some of the responses in this thread recalled it:

So you want to know what’s up with the country? I’ll tell you what. We have Honey Boo Boo soaring in ratings, while the Chinese are studying. We have over 2000 hospitals in America being investigated by Obamacare for “readmitting” elderly patients that clearly needed to return to hospital care – but don’t worry…because NeNe Leaks is going to be on Glee this week. Immigration officers are suing their bosses because they won’t allow them to do their job – Oh wait – Joe Gorga is going to show his butt again on Real Housewives. Not to worry…the record unemployment has had NO EFFECT on Kim Kardashian's relationship with Kayne.
America, get your head out of your ***. It's embarrassing.

I'm not sure why this thread recalled any of that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm not sure why this thread recalled any of that.

I don't see a connection either

 

[jp24]

I'm not sure why this thread recalled any of that.

I'm shocked that you don't see the connection.

It's our "keep your head down and mouth shut" collective attitude that has this country going in a really bad direction. Is this girl's nickle bag of pot the cause of all our problems? Of course not, but our reaction to it is a symptom of a bigger problem.

 

[cornflake]

Also, just btw, if your husband was just blowing smoke, hope it doesn't blow back at you, if the principal himself calls the cops and says he's got information a girl was passing pot in school - ask your daughter about it.

That'd be doing what your husband asked and I can see someone reacting to a ridiculous and unwarranted threat in that manner, frankly.

 

[Desnik]

So when there is an underage party going on the only thing the cops do is to tell them to keep it down because the cops and parents are friends? Hmmm, think this has anything to do with the blatant drug use at your "upper middle class" school? There seem to be no consequences from the law about drinking so why worry about a little weed?

Your husband made a threat that the school needs to get this taken care of in a week, yet your very own DD won't give up who offered the weed? Who eariler in this thread quoted "the only way for evil to trimumph is for good men to do nothing"? Seems that should apply to the DD now too, right?

If everyone in this happy little upper class neighborhood are friends then talk to the offender's parents about it. I'm sure that'll nip it in the bud. It can have a Brady Bunch ending.

Did you read my response about DH "blowing smoke" with the one week thing?

Your tone seems condescending. The only reason I said it was an upper middle class town was to describe the town mentality. Which I then went on to describe. In no way was I trying to say that because I live in a small upper middle class town this stuff shouldn't happen, I'm not that nieve!

Personally, I think it is very hypocritical of your family to refuse to name names (the best way to help the school tackle the issue that you have) and yet lay down ultimatums to the school about how they must solve this issue in a week.

As far as what I would do (and I have a tenth grader and an eighth grader):

1. I would tell my child she is not to have her phone out or be texting during school hours unless there is a true emergency--which this was not.

2. I would remind my child of issues about drugs (and ongoing conversation at my house) and tell her I was proud of her for not getting involved.

3. I would be sure my child had several strategies for dealing with such situations without involving herself. Actually, this would be review too---I expect my kids to deal with these types of situations--just as I did 25 years ago; it is part of teen life. To the best of my knowledge there is no known drug problem in the small school my son attends, and there certainly is not one my DD will encounter in her online school but I know it CAN still happen (at school, scouts, the movies with friends, camp, Sunday school, etc) so I make sure my kids are prepared.

4. If my DD were as bothered as you say yours is, I would encourage her to be part of the solution by naming names to the administration. I would let her know that if no one provides the info the school has little chance of fighting the problem--so if it is a problem she feels the school should be focusing on she has a duty to help by reporting what she knows.

Again, MY HUSBAND WAS BLOWING SMOKE WHEN HE SAID THE ONE WEEK THING!!! The principal went on to say to him that he will call him in a week to discuss the situation further after he had some meetings with some of the teachers and staff.

As for her having her phone, they are allowed to use their phones between classes, which is when she texted me. Which btw, I 'm glad she did. She was freaked out about it. They are also allowed to use their phones in some of their classes for reseach, a certain math app they use, even for music during her English class!

I won't have my DD name names but I have no problem doing so myself.



DD is home now and told me that this girl did this in front of 2 other students. She had gotten in trouble before for this very same issue in the 7th grade at her privious school! She had told everyone about it apparently and also would bring it to school in the 8th grade. It seems to me she's the kind of kid who thinks it's cool and just trying to get attention. That's only what I gather from what my DD has just told me about her.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm shocked that you don't see the connection.

It's our "keep your head down and mouth shut" collective attitude that has this country going in a really bad direction. Is this girl's nickle bag of pot the cause of all our problems? Of course not, but our reaction to it is a symptom of a bigger problem.

I have not seen people saying not to react though . Many people are simply saying there are better ways to react--or that the OP should have been proactive and not even BE reacting. Or that the OP herself is, in a way, the one keeping her head down and mouth shut" by supporting her daughter in not naming names.

And even at that--the quote seems to me to be more saying that we are so easily distracted by inconsequential stuff that we don't take the time to handle the issues we see--which is not what you are saying here, nor does it have anything to do with the thread.

 

[Desnik]

I don't think anyone is saying that.

What many of us are saying is that we can't trust the school or the police to handle the situation in a way that helps rather than making it worse. There's a very big difference between that and not caring at all.

This helps, thank you for saying this.

OP...maybe you should have waited until your daughter got home to discuss the details. You were mad and shocked and may have needed a breather before calling husband and he calling the school. You always want to be the one person your daughter knows that she can confide in and depending on how she reacts to her dad calling the school, and the conversation you have when she gets home...you may no longer be her "go-to" person.

The part I bolded I totally agree with!!!

I'm her "go to" person still, no question about it and she has no issue with the fact that DH called the school. She knows us well enough to know how serious we would take something like this. Luckily she takes it serious too and feels that it was inappropiate what the girl did.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm shocked that you don't see the connection.

It's our "keep your head down and mouth shut" collective attitude that has this country going in a really bad direction. Is this girl's nickle bag of pot the cause of all our problems? Of course not, but our reaction to it is a symptom of a bigger problem.

I don't see the connection with this countries fascination with celebrities and keep your head down and mouth shut attitude. Maybe its because I'm one of those parents who would keep my mouth shut. I'm one of those parents who would thank my lucky stars that my dd said no, and be perfectly happy not going to the principal or the police. I'm one of those parents who wants to make sure my dd knows how to say no when she is pressured to take drugs, but I'm not going to make it my job to contact the parents of the ones doing the pressuring.
I'm also one of the parents who doesn't contribute to Honey Boo's ratings, or even know who the housewives or their husbands are. I am also very concerned with Obamacare, but can't really discuss why on the DIS. My head is very much out of my *** thank you very much.

 

[jp24]

I have not seen people saying not to react though . Many people are simply saying there are better ways to react--or that the OP should have been proactive and not even BE reacting. Or that the OP herself is, in a way, the one keeping her head down and mouth shut" by supporting her daughter in not naming names.

And even at that--the quote seems to me to be more saying that we are so easily distracted by inconsequential stuff that we don't take the time to handle the issues we see--which is not what you are saying here, nor does it have anything to do with the thread.

There have been a few responses stating that it's "no big deal" and "this has been going on forever, so who cares?" To me, this attitude and the sentiments in the quote I posted remind me of a collective mindset that if it doesn't affect me directly, why should I care? There was a PP that pointed out that we are apathetic as a group. This is absolutely true. We are raising a generation of me first, apathetic, instant gratification kids. It's just sad.

 

[Desnik]

Also, just btw, if your husband was just blowing smoke, hope it doesn't blow back at you, if the principal himself calls the cops and says he's got information a girl was passing pot in school - ask your daughter about it.

That'd be doing what your husband asked and I can see someone reacting to a ridiculous and unwarranted threat in that manner, frankly.

It won't, trust me. The principal isn't going to call the cops about this. He knows about the kids smoking on the grounds, so do the teachers & the teachers have seen it, smelled it & no one has called the cops, ever.