How would you handle this one????

[Ginny Favers]

Ok, I don't have older kids, but I'm just imagining how I would have behaved in this situation.

I can see myself freaking and forcing my daughter to tell me who this girl was. Then I'd call the principal AND her parents. If my daughter gets labeled a narc, good, then those losers will keep themselves and their drugs away from her.

Granted this probably isn't the best way to go about it. But I wasn't even offered a candy cigarette in high school, and the whole prospect freaks me out.

 

[jp24]

Since when has it been a "keep quiet" approach for 40 years?

A loaded gun and pot are not remotely comparable to each other. Who said there wasn't zero tolerance or that the school will not act on it? They will get the name from the DD and go from there..of course they obviously will need to find pot on the student as they can't arrest or expel them based on the word of another student.

We have become a society of lazy everything. Lazy parenting, lazy policing, lazy teaching, lazy kids. The right thing to do isn't always popular and the popular thing to do isn't always right.

Don't get me wrong, I think that marijuana should be legalized and regulated. It would do wonders for our economy. However, school isn't the place for this stuff. If either one of my boys were offered drugs, they would tell me. And the person that offered them to my boys would have to deal with me. Trust me, that wouldn't be their first choice. It would probably end with them in jail for a possession charge and me in jail for assault.

 

[happygirl]

Quite frankly I'd worry about my dd more if she was labeled as a narc more than I'd worry about her doing drugs that were offered her.

I wouldn't care what the other kids thought. If I was doing the right thing.

 

[cornflake]

A loaded gun and weed? Really?

Agree OP and especially OP's husband way overreacted. I actually laughed when I got to the 'I'll give you one week' line. As others have pointed out, that's just ridiculous and frankly offensive to the principal.

Good for your daughter for saying she didn't want to smoke but I don't quite know what she was hoping to accomplish calling up to tell you in the middle of the day either really?

It's high school. The kids also drink, I guarantee.

It's a problem that they're all walking around openly smoking up at school and with a purse full of weed, yes, but that's, to me, a general problem with the demographics as much as the school.

Even if the school gets it off campus mainly; the same kids are just going to wait and go smoke after school.

 

[kamik86]

I'm curious... How many of the people that have posted that this is OMG serious!!! have been in high school (either as a teacher or a student) in the last 10 years. Because when I was in high school 50% of the kids did drugs at some point. Many I would say at least 10-20% frequently did drugs and 100% could easily get drugs if they had some cash. I was the valedictorian and goodie two shoes and even I could manage to get drugs within a day or two. Actually I think I would have had a harder time getting booze.

 

[Coconut36]

Honestly I don't understand the big overreaction. Kids had drugs when I was in school. My friends were high half the time. My friends knew I didn't do drugs and they didn't pressure me too (and it sounds like this girl didn't pressure your DD either, she just said "Hey do you want some") I got asked that quite a bit freshman year. By sophmore year it became "I'd offer but you would just say no anyway"

Heck one day we had kids smoking weed on the bus. I still don't understand how they didn't get in trouble for that one. I was in the front of the bus and I could smell it so the only thing I can think of is the bus driver just didn't care.

As for what I would do. I would take your DD out for ice cream or some other small treat and tell her how happy you are that she not only didn't do drugs but even told you she was offered.

Your kids will be offered drugs... Heck my 18 year old niece was offered drugs by my Brother in Law in front of my neice's father!! Now if students were pressuring others to do drugs, acting dangerously, bringing in weapons yeah... but my school barely even had bad fist fights by all accounts it was a VERY safe school.

Really to me its not that different then last week on travel where my co-workers offered me alcohol. When I said no they seemed surprised that I don't drink at all and then we went on with the conversation.

I have no idea how old you are and don't want to put you on the spot but I have to agree. Drugs in school were there when I was there (1980-1993)..heck for that matter drugs were in school, kids were smoking pot and getting high when my PARENTS were in school..they are 60 and 56 respectively. This is hardly some new shocking thing or something to get all freaked out over.

If it was me I would pat myself on the back that my kid made the right choice and let the school know and move on from there.

 

[jp24]

Some of the responses here really make sense of the direction this country is headed. "It's okay, everyone is doing it." "They will just wait until after school." "A loaded gun and drugs aren't comparable." "I wouldn't want my kid to be labeled a narc."

Welcome to 2012 America. I wouldn't want to try to stand up for what I believe in, educate and change behavior either. This country has been so successful recently, after all.

 

[jrmasm]

Hmmmm, I think the "keep your head down and mouth shut" mentality here is what has perpetuated this problem to begin with. The keep quiet approach hasn't worked for 40 years. Why would it start now? Zero tolerance should mean just that - ZERO TOLERANCE. You bring drugs to school, you go to jail. You forfeit your right to come back to school. I wonder if the reaction would have been the same if OP's daughter would have seen a loaded gun in her classmate's backpack.

Of course not. That's not even in the same universe.

 

[Desnik]

Again, my issue isn't that kids are smoking pot, as I said I already was at that age. My issue is the blatant use of it on school grounds. The kids have no fear about getting caught. Is everyone forgetting that pot is still illegal? If I was pulled over & had it in my car I would get arrested. So a kid who has it on them in school & is smoking it in school during school gets a pass cause they are a teenager & expected to smoke up??

 

[Praying Colonel]

Check out the movie "Dazed and Confused." Felt like a documentary for my high school I attended just about during the same time period. This kind of thing has been going since, well, forever.

Kudos to your daughter for sharing with you. But all the stuff with the principal and others comparing it to having a gun on school grounds seems like an overreaction to me.

 

[penn19]

Quite frankly I'd worry about my dd more if she was labeled as a narc more than I'd worry about her doing drugs that were offered her.

This exactly. Good that the girl turned down the drugs, but she doesn't need the rep of a narc. Especially freshman year! You don't want to do drugs? Say no and move on.

 

[kamik86]

I have no idea how old you are and don't want to put you on the spot but I have to agree. Drugs in school were there when I was there (1980-1993)..heck for that matter drugs were in school, kids were smoking pot and getting high when my PARENTS were in school..they are 60 and 56 respectively. This is hardly some new shocking thing or something to get all freaked out over.

If it was me I would pat myself on the back that my kid made the right choice and let the school know and move on from there.

I just turned 26, graduated high school in 2004. Oh and from the description the OP gave (small town where almost everyone knows everyone else and most kids know most of the area cops etc) it was in a similar area. My graduating class had 84 students and with that few their weren't really cliques.

 

[Janepod]

Show of hands - who here thinks a loaded gun and marijuana are comparable?

I do not.

Your daughter did the right thing by saying no and talking to you. I certainly did not share that much info with my parents, though I hope my son does with me when the time comes.

 

[jp24]

Of course not. That's not even in the same universe.

Right. Drugs and drug dealers have never killed anyone. Thanks for clarifying.

Again, my issue isn't that kids are smoking pot, as I said I already was at that age. My issue is the blatant use of it on school grounds. The kids have no fear about getting caught. Is everyone forgetting that pot is still illegal? If I was pulled over & had it in my car I would get arrested. So a kid who has it on them in school & is smoking it in school during school gets a pass cause they are a teenager & expected to smoke up??

^^^This should be the end of the thread. Valid points and case closed.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't care what the other kids thought. If I was doing the right thing.

Its not about what they think, its about how they would treat a narc, and it wouldn't be too kindly. I'd rather have my dd just say no and mind her business than make herself a target for backlash. She is my concern, not the girl with pot in her bag.

 

[Andtototoo]

I don't view drugs lightheartedly. I think it's outrageous that the problem is so obvious and accepted that teachers are joking about it. Clearly a plan and an attitude adjustment are both in order.

That said, I think your dh was over the top to the point of being ridiculous giving the principal a one week deadline with a threat. When you make those sort of over the top statements and threats you get put into the category of "That sort of parent." Which means you are discounted and they will make attempts to marginalize you and shut you out.

I'd suggest the two of you go in and calmly talk to the principal about ways you might help him formulate a plan and get other parents involved as well. That plan will, of necessity, have to involve police and the school board. A good plan to deal with drugs will also, of necesssity, require more than one week to create and implement, especially when you're dealing with the bureaucratic maze of modern school systems.

As a practical, safety-related matter, I'd also be loathe to have my dd identified as the tattletale about drugs -- which is what would happen if you call the police on what she witnessed.

ETA: Police were stationed at the high school in our suburban town, largely to deal with drugs. Nonetheless, my dd had nearly daily stories to tell about kids getting busted for buying, selling and using drugs. The most common place to smoke weed was in their cars. Two years ago, they went to a closed campus and you weren't allowed to go to your car during school hours. Then the kids started to bring gin and vodka to school in water bottles. They aren't allowed to have them in class, so they'd keep them in their lockers and drink them down between classes. When they banned the water bottles, the kids started to bring in ziploc bags with alcohol and take them into the bathroom to drink. My point is not that it's futile to make an anti-drug plan but just as you avoided facing the reality of drugs in your dd's school until she was personally involved, please avoid thinking that stopping the kids from smoking pot in the woods is going to be the end of the problem.

 

[usd2bmd]

Good for your DD for telling you about it.

Do you not have drug-sniffing dogs that come in occasionally and walk the halls?

Even here in po-dunk WI, they do that throughout the year and kids know their lockers can be searched at any time, for any reason.

In my daughters school as well...

Unless my kid was in some kind of danger, I doubt I would have said anything.

This is no help.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"

I would talk to my daughter about naming the girl who offered it. It really is the right thing to do.

The school has a problem and you as parents have two choices:
- Become part of the problem (which you are indirectly by throwing out ridiculous threats against the administration)

- or become part of the solution (which you would be if your daughter talks to the Principal about who is selling pot at school).

 

[luvmy3]

Some of the responses here really make sense of the direction this country is headed. "It's okay, everyone is doing it." "They will just wait until after school." "A loaded gun and drugs aren't comparable." "I wouldn't want my kid to be labeled a narc."

Welcome to 2012 America. I wouldn't want to try to stand up for what I believe in, educate and change behavior either. This country has been so successful recently, after all.

You seem to feel so strongly about it, what are you doing? Are you visiting local schools and patrolling to see if any kids are doing drugs so you can do the right thing and report them? Probably not its easier to let someone else do it, right?
Sorry, i'm not overly concerned about some 10th grader with a nickel bag in her purse. I have other things to worry about.

 

[Coconut36]

Right. Drugs and drug dealers have never killed anyone. Thanks for clarifying.



^^^This should be the end of the thread. Valid points and case closed.

Yes drug dealers are known for wandering around school halls and shooting people. Also all those school shootings have been the result of drugs, right? They were drug dealers? Oh that's right..not at all and drug dealers aren't running amok shooting children in school either.

No sorry..no matter how you try to justify it drugs and guns are not even on the same page and not comparable to each other in regards to the threat to safety.

 

[Desnik]

Apparently I need to say this again, there is no way my DD is giving up names & telling on anyone!!!

And the reason why she texted from school was because she was so shocked by what happened & we are very close & she tells me everything. She could be labeled as a "goody two shoes" & stuff like this freaks her out. She just didn't think she would be put in that position at school.