How strongly do you self identify as a "mom"?

[Stitchfans]

Didn't read all the posts.
But it is tied with #1 for me. My two DDs and DH are my world. Everything I do, every decision I make I think of them first.

 

[Ember]

It's certainly in my top 5, but I never use it as a screen name. It always strikes me oddly when people do....just like I'd never be Mrs. Anybody even though I've been married 21 years.

While I love being a mom, it's not something I really aspired to do. I had plenty of other things that I wanted to accomplish.

And I think I view motherhood differently than many women, as judged by what I read on these boards.

Fascinating discussion. I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure if I did I'd be a lot like jodifla. I love my DH very much, but I am not defined as being his wife. I am still Ms. MyLastName and, frankly, get a little irritated by the title "Mrs." I just can't see defining myself through someone else, even my children.

If I define myself only in terms of my relationship to my children (or primarily in those terms), how can I let go appropriately when I should?

If I define myself as "Marika and Rio's Mom" instead of Hadley then how pressured will they feel to live for me instead of for themselves?

I think it would be unfair to them, and me, and my husband if I defined myself in the long run by the fact that I am their mother. I was me before I had children and that core ME still exists and needs to exist now that I do have children.

Very well said. This is exactly what I was thinking only you said it much better!

 

[tinkerbell615]

IMHO the abilty for children to grow up and lead their lives as they wish has more to do with how one parents as opossed to how a parent views themsleves.

dsny1mom

I agree 100%. Even though my children realize that they are everything to me and always will be, they also know that they are always encouraged to do what is best for them. They know that I will stand by them at all times no matter what decisions they make for their future.

 

[disykat]

I don't think a screen name you choose for a message board in any way "defines" a person. This is an interesting topic, but I have to wonder about many other things. Does your screen name define you? (I know mind doesn't) How strongly do you identify with your career, your location, your love of Disney, your pet, etc. Does the OP revolve her world/identity around Boise?

When I die I think it would make way more sense for me to be remembered first as a mom (and/or other important relationships) before any hobby, career, or interest. That doesn't make it all of who I am.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I define myself as a mom and that's pretty much all I have ever wanted to be. I am a mom first and my job is only a place I go for 35 hours a week.
Every thought I have, every decision, every move I make is about my children and how it will affect them. They are my life. They make me a better person. I am me because of them. I love them no matter what they do and they are the best accomplishment I have ever had. When I look at them, I am so proud that they are mine. I don't feel that I have given up anything because of them. They make my life better.
It's just what I am and I love it!!!!!

Ariel is my daughter's favorite character and Sleeping Beauty is my other daughter's favorite character. Even if mom isn't iin my screen name, it's still about them!

 

[clutter]

While I wouldn't use it as a screen name, right now "mom" is who I am, outside of work.

I'm single and it took me a lot of heartache, planning, pain pills, and gut-wrenching decisions to get to motherhood. So for the time that my dd is living at home, it's simply who I choose to be. I'm no longer a ski-bunny, bicycling-chick. I'm not a world-travelling free woman. It's just that I enjoy it, and all the benefits of it. It's sure passing quickly, so I want to enjoy it to it's fullest!

Having said that, I don't see motherhood as a calling, and I'm so far from being a helicopter parent that it's not funny. It's just that I enjoy it, and all the benefits of it. It's sure passing quickly, so I want to enjoy it to it's fullest!

I have to agree with disny1mom about her SIL. My mom was like that, she never made me feel important, and I know that hurt me in my relationships. I do want to give the feeling to my dd that she is important to me. Not because she fulfilled a dream of mine, but because she is who she is and I enjoy my time with her.

 

[freckles and boo]

Being responsible for other human beings has profoundly changed how I perceive myself. It doesn't mean that I am "only" a mother, but being a mother has had an indelible affect on the other elements of who I am. I think it has made a better wife, and friend. It has made me a better professional because I want my girls to be proud of me and to realize that their aspirations are important. It has made me a better daughter because I appreciate how much my mother did for me. It has made me a little more humble because I realize the time I have to actively influence them is short so I need to make it count. I had 33 years of living in before I became a mom so I got a lot of time to develop my own persona.

 

[MosMom]

When I came to the DIS, I had spent time with a lot of parenting groups as my daughter was only 20 months when I first found the DIS. In those parenting/pregnancy groups it was pretty common to give yourself a "mom/dad" name as that is what the group focused around. When I decided to give myself a permanent name here I just went with what I already had.

Once you have a name for a period of time, you get used to it. I wouldn't say it is my only identifying factor but it is definitely number 1. My kids are still relatively young. DD is 12 and DS is 7.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hey, Judy, how about a 'dad role'? Or grandpa role? I like both of those, a lot. And today, on our anniversary, 38th, I am still enjoying the DH role too. Now if I could just be good at a travel agent role and get Marie back to Disney World.

You always have such good, 'deep' questions, Judy.

 

[Mkrop]

Hey, Judy, how about a 'dad role'? Or grandpa role? I like both of those, a lot. And today, on our anniversary, 38th, I am still enjoying the DH role too. Now if I could just be good at a travel agent role and get Marie back to Disney World.

You always have such good, 'deep' questions, Judy.

Now see I was just going to pose this question, do the guys define themselves as Dad first? Is it a gender thing or just a parent thing?

 

[Nik's Mom]

Becoming a parent has had a huge impact on how I perceive myself. I'd say it's number one in my life, followed by my role as wife. Third would be friend.

As for my screen name, it's all I could think of at that moment. Now I wish I would have picked my nickname, which is Wolverine.

 

[allison443]

This question as ways occurs to me on the boards, as so many posters include some version of "mom" in their screen name. It never would have occured to me to go there.....and probably when asked to describe myself it wouldn't make my top 5 list of attributes.I love my family....but they are not what I think about when describing "me".
Just wondering how unusual this is compared to others out there........

OP very interesting topic!
I am just wondering about your top 5, I understand you have a calling as a nurse which would be number one, but I am curious what the other top four would be if not mom? Are any of the other top four personal relationships, like wife or friend?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh, I knew I was not expressing myself well. dsny1mom--please forgive me for just quoting you--you covered everything I saw everyone else cover all at once in one post so it is jsut easiest to "pick on" you!

Being a mom is one of the few things in life you remain no matter what the circumstances are. You can be an ex wife or a former CEO, but even if your child(dren) are deceased you are still a mother.

I do actually disagree here. I will always be a mom--yes. Here are some other things I will always be:

a daughter
a granddaughter
someone who loves to read (when my eyes go there will be audiobooks)
someone who travels
someone who cares about others
a worrier

I am sure there are more that are not popping into my head right now. I would also say "a wife" but I know many on the DIS would tell me that is naive. I also know many people who will say they will always be a Christian (or muslim or jew or . . .)

My SIL had 5 children and she didn't define herself as a mother first yet her 5have never truely seperated from her and have a tough time in life because they are always trying to please her and do what they think she would want them to do. Maybe they are trying to get the feeling from her that they are the most important people in her life as adults because they never felt it as children. .

I do define myself as a mother--among many other things. If you are a mother how can that not be part of your defintion? I am sorry for your nieces and nephews. I have worked with teens for many years and it is heartbreaking to see the children whose parents don't seem to care about them. I do understand parents who make their children feel inferior or unimportant (an I am not sure which of those is worse than the other).

IMHO the abilty for children to grow up and lead their lives as they wish has more to do with how one parents as opossed to how a parent views themsleves.

dsny1mom

Oh, I agree--but sometimes they can be intertwined. I think the VAST majority of parents are good parents who love their children and are doing what works best for them and their kids. I believe that there are MANY ways to parent which are good--not just my way.

I think there is a happy medium between not caring about your children and not making them a priotiy at all (never bother to go to a game, a teacher conference, shopping for school clothes, talking to them, never telling them you love themetc.) and making them the complete center of your universe (at every single practice and game nad school field trip all though even highschool, wanting to know every detail of tehm going out with frineds--and tagging along when you can, only making what they want for dinner--never what you like, constantly telling them you love them and they are your world, etc.) and doing nothing without them in mind. I think nearly all of us fall somewhere in that medium--but extremes on either end are probably not good for children.

 

[damo]

I'd say being a Mom is my number one role in life too.

 

[KAMKIM]

Being a mom is exactly who I am first. The day I became a mom I feel like was the first day my life began. I went about my days without goals and without meaning before I became a mom. So when I think of "me" I naturally think of my kids first.

I like myself more now that I am a mom.

 

[KAMKIM]

Being responsible for other human beings has profoundly changed how I perceive myself. It doesn't mean that I am "only" a mother, but being a mother has had an indelible affect on the other elements of who I am. I think it has made a better wife, and friend. It has made me a better professional because I want my girls to be proud of me and to realize that their aspirations are important. It has made me a better daughter because I appreciate how much my mother did for me. It has made me a little more humble because I realize the time I have to actively influence them is short so I need to make it count. I had 33 years of living in before I became a mom so I got a lot of time to develop my own persona.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

While I have many attributes, I consider being a mother my primary and most important role in life. Someday my kids will not need me the way they do today, and I won't be the most important person in their lives anymore, but there will never be a time when they aren't mine and I don't identify myself as their mother, no matter what else I may do in the future.

I don't 'define' myself as a mother but I do agree that it is the most important thing in my life. I waited a long time for my DD to be born and wnet through a lot of heartache and pain to get to that place. But she, and secondly my DH, are THE most important things in my life and that won't ever change.

I utterly respect the fact that we all receive a primary "calling" in life, it sounds like the Mom role is the major calling of many, I am sure there are others out there that maybe "pastor" or "teacher" are higher callings (but not priorities). My family is my highest priority, but my "calling" and unique contribution to this world is as a nurse......I guess that is the role I most strongly identify with.

I'm a nurse too Judy and I love my job but I would not consider it my primary calling. I think of it in this way....If I had to choose only ONE thing in my life ...and had to give up everything else....then that thing would be being a mother. Nusring, much as I love it, would not even get a look in!

 

[luvmy3]

Oh, I knew I was not expressing myself well. dsny1mom--please forgive me for just quoting you--you covered everything I saw everyone else cover all at once in one post so it is jsut easiest to "pick on" you!



I do actually disagree here. I will always be a mom--yes. Here are some other things I will always be:

a daughter
a granddaughter
someone who loves to read (when my eyes go there will be audiobooks)
someone who travels
someone who cares about others
a worrier

I am sure there are more that are not popping into my head right now. I would also say "a wife" but I know many on the DIS would tell me that is naive. I also know many people who will say they will always be a Christian (or muslim or jew or . . .)

When you use those things to define yourself, would you put the importance of any of those above being a mother? I think some are misunderstanding what some of use mean when we say that we will always be a mom, or its the most important thing in our lives. I love to read and travel, and I'm a daughter and granddaughter. All of those things are a small part of who I am, but not a single one of those things even comes close to what being a mom is as a part of me. I think freckles and boo's post said it best.

Being responsible for other human beings has profoundly changed how I perceive myself. It doesn't mean that I am "only" a mother, but being a mother has had an indelible affect on the other elements of who I am. I think it has made a better wife, and friend. It has made me a better professional because I want my girls to be proud of me and to realize that their aspirations are important. It has made me a better daughter because I appreciate how much my mother did for me. It has made me a little more humble because I realize the time I have to actively influence them is short so I need to make it count. I had 33 years of living in before I became a mom so I got a lot of time to develop my own persona.

 

[ORMom2Four]

This question as ways occurs to me on the boards, as so many posters include some version of "mom" in their screen name. It never would have occured to me to go there.....and probably when asked to describe myself it wouldn't make my top 5 list of attributes.I love my family....but they are not what I think about when describing "me".
Just wondering how unusual this is compared to others out there........

I did not realize that choosing a screen name had to involve your top attributes! I just make one up so that I can start posting on message boards. Another one I use on boards is "KittyShay". Shay is a cat that we had. She is now dead. I certainly don't think of my dead cat as one of my top attributes. Heck, she was not even my favorite cat!

 

[AustinTink]

Being a mom is not only in my top five, it's my number one. It's hard to think about how self-absorbed I was before having my son. Having him has taught me selflessness, humility, forgiveness and how to be a loving, supportive person and friend. All the things I have instilled in him as he has grown, I have re-instilled in myself. So yes, I identify fully with my role. Being a mom has changed my life for the better in every way.