How strongly do you self identify as a "mom"?

[3jsmommy]

First and foremost, I'm a mother.
Nothing comes close to the responsibilities of parenting three young kids.
Of course being a mom is a huge part of my identity, right now I'd say #1.
I can't even imagine how being a mother could take a back seat to anything right now, maybe when my kids get a little older...but not yet.

 

[EMom]

I was a teacher and a lawyer and both of those pale in comparison to the importance of being a mother. I went through hell on earth to become a mother, so it meant an incredible amount to me before I had even gotten the title. Otherwise, I wouldn't have made such a herculean effort. The second they brought our DD to us and placed her in my arms, I would have given my life to protect that child. A child I'd never laid eyes on before, had no biological connection to, certainly didn't carry for 9 months.....but she was my world the instant I saw her. To be called "a good mother" is the highest compliment I can be paid. Yes, I have many other attributes and I haven't forgotten about them. But being her mother is the most important thing in my life. She is the most amazing blessing I have ever received and my goal is to be the best mother I can be for her. She deserves it.

 

[5 'LIL *TWINKERS*]

I 100% completely define myself as a proud mama to 5 GREAT KIDS! (my 5 lil' TWINKERS! as in my name)

Its what I am and my proudest, most profound accomplishment. That is all I wanted to be when I grew up.

Its hard and I definitely have my moments of wanting to do things for me and be known for more than just mama, but they ultimately come first, always!

Those "PROUD MOM MOMENTS" are priceless and worth a million bucks. I have been lucky to have had many

 

[terri01p]

Everything about me screams "mom", it's so bad that even if I'm in the store and someone else child yells out "mom", I automaticly look up to see who it is.

 

[5 'LIL *TWINKERS*]

Me too!!

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

Hi!

Just thought I'd share my screen name. Sums up how I feel!!

 

[dsny1mom]

Oh, I knew I was not expressing myself well. dsny1mom--please forgive me for just quoting you--you covered everything I saw everyone else cover all at once in one post so it is jsut easiest to "pick on" you!

It's Ok I have big shoulders, I am a Mom afterall.

I do actually disagree here. I will always be a mom--yes. Here are some other things I will always be:

a daughter
a granddaughter
someone who loves to read (when my eyes go there will be audiobooks)
someone who travels
someone who cares about others
a worrier

I am sure there are more that are not popping into my head right now. I would also say "a wife" but I know many on the DIS would tell me that is naive. I also know many people who will say they will always be a Christian (or muslim or jew or . . .)

I looked at this a bit differently than you did. I can change my religion, my love of reading, my travel frequency, and even if I care about others. I can't change the fact that I am a Mother, Daughter, Sister, etc. Hence my words " there are few".




I do define myself as a mother--among many other things. If you are a mother how can that not be part of your defintion? I am sorry for your nieces and nephews. I have worked with teens for many years and it is heartbreaking to see the children whose parents don't seem to care about them. I do understand parents who make their children feel inferior or unimportant (an I am not sure which of those is worse than the other).

There are plenty of parents out there that sadly don't define themselves as a parent even though they are one. It's not they don't consider themselves a parent but it's how they put most everything else in their lives ahead of their parenting role.

Oh, I agree--but sometimes they can be intertwined. I think the VAST majority of parents are good parents who love their children and are doing what works best for them and their kids. I believe that there are MANY ways to parent which are good--not just my way.

Agreed.

I think there is a happy medium between not caring about your children and not making them a priotiy at all (never bother to go to a game, a teacher conference, shopping for school clothes, talking to them, never telling them you love themetc.) and making them the complete center of your universe (at every single practice and game nad school field trip all though even highschool, wanting to know every detail of tehm going out with frineds--and tagging along when you can, only making what they want for dinner--never what you like, constantly telling them you love them and they are your world, etc.) and doing nothing without them in mind. I think nearly all of us fall somewhere in that medium--but extremes on either end are probably not good for children.

I was at every game, field trip, etc. It built a huge amount of pride and self worth within my children. I to this day tell them I love evey time I speak to them. They are loving adults who have the ability to tell others they love them too. I made their fave meals all the time. They now do the same for the people they love.

I'm not talking about helicopter parenting that is abnormal and unhealthy for parent and child. I am talking about being a mom first and foremost and doing all you can for them for as long as you can with the knowledge that we don't "own" our children. They merely pass through us on the journey through life.

dsny1mom
(who proudly uses the title mom in her screen name)

 

[1LuckyMom]

Sharing my screen name too!!

Go MOMS!!

 

[tinkerbell615]

I was at every game, field trip, etc. It built a huge amount of pride and self worth within my children. I to this day tell them I love evey time I speak to them. They are loving adults who have the ability to tell others they love them too. I made their fave meals all the time. They now do the same for the people they love.

I'm not talking about helicopter parenting that is abnormal and unhealthy for parent and child. I am talking about being a mom first and foremost and doing all you can for them for as long as you can with the knowledge that we don't "own" our children. They merely pass through us on the journey through life.

dsny1mom
(who proudly uses the title mom in her screen name)

dsny1mom... Everything you have said has been right on. You and I think a lot alike. Well... I guess I should log off of disboards now. I need to go watch my DD perform at her pre-game, halftime and post-game show tonight.

 

[bumbershoot]

I did not realize that choosing a screen name had to involve your top attributes! I just make one up so that I can start posting on message boards.

I don't think Judy was saying you have to name yourself by an attribute. But many people use things that are important to them for their screen name, and when you do NOT have your parental role in your screenname, it really does stand out just how many people do. I've often wondered it as well.

Most of my screennames involve my name, my wish for my name, my name in another language, or something that sounds kinda like it could be me but not really. Oh, and on micechat and mouseplanet I'm hobbitfeet b/c I have wide feet, LOL. This is the ONLY one that doesn't use my name in anyway, and in fact, umbrellas aren't important to me (I do live in the Pac NW, where few people use umbrellas), nor is the festival called Bumbershoot...I wanted to use Folk Life b/c it's a FREE festival that has the same vendors and music as bumbershoot, but bumbershoot sounded better than folklife.

I never even considered using the fact that I'm a parent in my username...so it strikes me how many people do.

Everything about me screams "mom", it's so bad that even if I'm in the store and someone else child yells out "mom", I automaticly look up to see who it is.

Gotta tell ya...most moms do that.

Which is why I was always so happy that my mom let us call her by her first name (OP, my mom's name was the proud and nobel name Judy as well), and why I'm happy having my son call me by my name! Makes it a lot easier to tune other kids out, and means that I know when I am being called.

Then again, that period of time when he called me "Milk" was pretty funny!



As for being "mom", I don't identify at all. It's barely a word I've used in any capacity. Before my mother became Judy to me, she was mama. Mom was ONLY used to get her attention when she'd tuned out all the "Judy watch me" calls coming to her at the community college's pool, LOL. I only hear it in my house when DS is being silly and wants me to laugh.

However, in Korean culture (my husband's mother's culture), I am and always will be Eamon Umma, or Eamon's mom, and I'm cool with Korean people calling me that. Other than that, I'm a parent who can be proud of her son, but doesn't understand the feeling of being proud of being his mother (I truly don't know what that means), and it's very important to me, heck, I'm homeschooling too so apart from occasional solo trips to Disneyland, I'm seriously 24/7 with him...he's extremely important to me and a terrific kidlet...and yet still, mom? Nope, don't identify.

I'm me, I have a faboo son, I have a terrific hubby, and I like going to free festivals even though they have goofy names, LOL....there we go.

 

[disykat]

I don't think Judy was saying you have to name yourself by an attribute. But many people use things that are important to them for their screen name, and when you do NOT have your parental role in your screenname, it really does stand out just how many people do. I've often wondered it as well.

.

Exactly - something important to them - one of which is being a mom. If choosing a screen name turns into your most identifying characteristic, doesn't it make you wonder about all the Tinkerbell's on here.

I do have to say, I don't have "mom" in my name but it never even occured to me to wonder why people do! It makes perfect sense to me.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

I identify a lot with being a mom. It's the only thing I always knew I wanted to do.

But it's not part of my username. I don't mention my kids names or ages much online. For awhile it was a small part of my email before I had my 3rd one and then I had to change it.

 

[Buckalew11]

I don't think I understand the question.

 

[Cmbar]

My kids are very important to me (us) and we like to be involved in their lives but we do have a life outside of our kids. I just can't see being so wrapped up in your children s lives that it becomes YOUR life. We go to most every game, contest, etc but we also miss some to do other things. I hear people talk about how guilty they feel if they miss ONE thing their child does. I always wonder what these people will do with themselves when their kids leave home and start their own lives.

Oh,Oh, Oh let me guess!! You go golfing!!! I guessed it right?? So funny. I know how you will be spending your time when your kids start their own lives!!

 

[Judy from Boise]

OP very interesting topic!
I am just wondering about your top 5, I understand you have a calling as a nurse which would be number one, but I am curious what the other top four would be if not mom? Are any of the other top four personal relationships, like wife or friend?

It would definitely depend on how the question was framed....but honestly when you ask about me.....I naturally talk about me, which is different than talking about those I love. One is internal to me, one is external. That is probably putting too fine a point on it, but if nothing else it was a fun question.

PS. Congrats Dan on your Grandpa and husband accomplishments!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Wow...shocked how many women put motherhood as number one above their marriages. I can't believe how many posted that their lives began the day they became a mother.

My life began the day I was born. Not any one thing defines me as a person. I have been given these beautiful children to raise and guide and love. I would die for them. But there is no way I'd say they define me as a human being - I define me as a human being. All of the people I've met along the way, all of the experiences - good and bad - I've had, all of the responsibilities, failures, successes, etc. define who I am. I want the same for my children. I want them to know the love I've known, the self-confidence and good friends I've had.

I want them to know THEY are the most important people in the world to themselves and when they have happiness in their lives, all the people that come along life's path, including their own children if they choose to have them someday, will only make their lives richer. They cannot be defined by anyone other than themselves.

My life became different the day I became a mother. The core of who I am remains unchanged...it's my life and the experiences I've had since becoming a mother 21 years ago that have changed.

I can't wrap my brain around being so unsatisfied with oneself before children that children changed all that - I really, really can't understand how so many women put their children before their marriages. What happens when the children are gone living their own lives?

I understand exactly what the OP is trying to say.

 

[NikitaZee]

Wow...shocked how many women put motherhood as number one above their marriages. I can't believe how many posted that their lives began the day they became a mother.

My life began the day I was born. Not any one thing defines me as a person. I have been given these beautiful children to raise and guide and love. I would die for them. But there is no way I'd say they define me as a human being - I define me as a human being. All of the people I've met along the way, all of the experiences - good and bad - I've had, all of the responsibilities, failures, successes, etc. define who I am. I want the same for my children. I want them to know the love I've known, the self-confidence and good friends I've had.

I want them to know THEY are the most important people in the world to themselves and when they have happiness in their lives, all the people that come along life's path, including their own children if they choose to have them someday, will only make their lives richer. They cannot be defined by anyone other than themselves.

My life became different the day I became a mother. The core of who I am remains unchanged...it's my life and the experiences I've had since becoming a mother 21 years ago that have changed.

I can't wrap my brain around being so unsatisfied with oneself before children that children changed all that - I really, really can't understand how so many women put their children before their marriages. What happens when the children are gone living their own lives?

I understand exactly what the OP is trying to say.

Well said!

 

[DVC Sadie]

My kids are very important to me (us) and we like to be involved in their lives but we do have a life outside of our kids. I just can't see being so wrapped up in your children s lives that it becomes YOUR life. We go to most every game, contest, etc but we also miss some to do other things. I hear people talk about how guilty they feel if they miss ONE thing their child does. I always wonder what these people will do with themselves when their kids leave home and start their own lives.

You summed up my feelings perfectly so there is no need for me to say more.

 

[golfgal]

Oh,Oh, Oh let me guess!! You go golfing!!! I guessed it right?? So funny. I know how you will be spending your time when your kids start their own lives!!

Actually, the kids usually go golfing with us. When we don't go to kid things we are doing things like going out with our friends or just going out together. We go to most of their activities because we enjoy them not because we feel we have to. We generally take a vacation without the kids every so often too.

 

[KAMKIM]

Wow...shocked how many women put motherhood as number one above their marriages. I can't believe how many posted that their lives began the day they became a mother.

My life began the day I was born. Not any one thing defines me as a person. I have been given these beautiful children to raise and guide and love. I would die for them. But there is no way I'd say they define me as a human being - I define me as a human being. All of the people I've met along the way, all of the experiences - good and bad - I've had, all of the responsibilities, failures, successes, etc. define who I am. I want the same for my children. I want them to know the love I've known, the self-confidence and good friends I've had.

I want them to know THEY are the most important people in the world to themselves and when they have happiness in their lives, all the people that come along life's path, including their own children if they choose to have them someday, will only make their lives richer. They cannot be defined by anyone other than themselves.

My life became different the day I became a mother. The core of who I am remains unchanged...it's my life and the experiences I've had since becoming a mother 21 years ago that have changed.

I can't wrap my brain around being so unsatisfied with oneself before children that children changed all that - I really, really can't understand how so many women put their children before their marriages. What happens when the children are gone living their own lives?

I understand exactly what the OP is trying to say.

Maybe our lives weren't that great before becoming a mother so that is why we consider our lives to have started that day. My life had no purpose and was going no where. When I became a mother that changed, I changed.

For the women that put their children first, maybe there is no marriage to put first? Maybe they were raised to believe men can take care of themselves and children should be their priority.