How much "room & board" do you charge your adult *single* children??

[Acklander]

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

And this train of thought is EXACTLY why most parents decide to charge their kids rent.
Nothing personal, but your parents aren't doing you any favors.

 

[rgf207]

I'm 22 and my parents do not charge me rent and they never would. I pay for my cell phone line and for half of the DSL bill, because those were special deals I made with my dad. My parents would never dream of charging me rent and would never throw me out. My mother makes sure I know that I am *always* welcomed here, no matter what.

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

spoken like a person who has absolutly no idea what it is to be responsible for their own personal finances. You don't even pay for your car. How can you possible judge and know what it is like to be responsible?

When I was 22 I lived 4 hours from my parents, had a degree and a full time job with a Government Contractor.

 

[java]

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

Wow! I think he is nuts. Letting you drive a car in his name and him paying the insurance means that if you get into an accident HE can be sued. And at this point in your life I would assume that he has more assets than you do.

Back on the topic. When I moved back home after college I lasted one week. My mom started in on how I would pay rent and then watch my little sister for her when she went out - ect. ect. So I got an apartment instead. I get the impression she didn't want me around and quite frankly I didn't want to be around.

At 19 and not in school I don't think it is unreasonable to set up some kind of payment arrangement. I like the idea of setting it aside for him without him knowing. I would sit down with him and ask him what he thinks is appropriate. He may surprise you with a higher number than you thought.
Good luck.

 

[keishashadow]

I have a teen & 2 older DS (27 & 21); both were expected to work in high school to pay for the difference in their auto insurance and were urged to save 10% of pay in savings; the rest was theirs. I still provided clothing, reasonable entertainment, etc. Their father never fulfilled his financial obligation, anything he provided was considered a bonus

As to education, they were urged all thru school to obtain good grades/achievements in order to obtain a "good pkg" from a college; since grants were out of the question.

Oldest received an almost free ride from Pitt, turned it down for private school - $8K a year more. I let him know he'd be getting a loan to pay for it. He lived @ home & commuted (which he had a part time job to pay for) and continued to live @ home after graduation while he work & paid off most of his loan. FYI, he just moved into his 1st home; didn't ask for down pmt assistance either; only that i negotiate with the seller!

Middle son went a different route, community college; then police academy. He is working as a full time/part time lol; and living @ home saving up a stash to move out & get an apartment with his bud (we cramp his style-hee-hee)

Youngest knows the drill, it's a powerful motivator imo.

Friends are appalled I don't go into hock as they do to pay for a private college education, just call me bad mom.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I almost hesitate to post this, as I'm a little older (33) and I still feel a bit embarrassed about it. However, I moved back home with my mother a few months ago and I pay her $500/month, which she puts toward the electric, gas, water, and tax bills; whatever is left over she saves for herself. We split the cable/internet/phone bill (bundle). With food, what we do is go shopping together every week; I pay one week, she pays the next, etc. Any other expenses - gas for the car, insurance, "mad money" - is completely mine.

I have to say, though, I wouldn't have dreamed of going back unless I did give her something. I just had to, you know? I've been on my own; no way was I going to not pay some type of rent. I was actually the one that insisted on it - took quite a while to get her to want to discuss it.

 

[jx3smom]

When DS was 24 and moved back in he was still looking for a full time teaching position and was working at Starbucks and subbing. We charged him $35. a week (I did all his laundry, etc). When he got his teaching position and was make a very nice salary and in the summer worked his normal summer job as a cook for breakfast we charged him $250. a month. Believe me we never came out even. He had every electrical gadget, is a vegetarian (food is more expensive) took 2-3 showers a day, well you get the picture. He now moved out again and is back with gf and they found an apartment down the street and we are back to only 1 child at home.

 

[Jennasis]

My parents charged me $300 per month for room and board (and food and laundry service!). This was while I was a full-time college student holding down 21 credit semesters and working full-time 50-60 hours per week.

My younger sister just moved out of the house a few months ago at 25 and didn't pay a dime the whole time she lived there.

 

[Darcy03231]

DD did this to us at 19 too. We looked around our area and found out what it would cost her to rent an apartment (studio), how much utilities would be, figured approximately what she would spend on food. We charged half of that which came out to $100/week. She was also responsible for all of her car insurance, gas and repairs (we previously paid the car insurance and repairs while she was in school). We saved the money for her in a separate account. Well, it didn't take long for her to find out that working full time at a low scale job just barely paid her expenses and that was living at home at half (or a little less) than what she would pay for a two room place on her own. After a year of working I am happy to say she "saw the light" and is back in school. We still have the money we saved for her and when she graduates we'll give it to her so she'll have enough to start out on her own somewhere.

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't charge a 19 year old for anything other than what her living with me would cost me OOP. I would prefer that she saved as much as possible.

If she were 30, I'd feel differently, but in my mind 19 is still a kid.

 

[Faerie]

Man, I got hosed. Once I started college, I had to pay my parents rent ($250 a month), paid my insurance, gas etc. and paid for college. No wonder I never finished my BA. I do have my AA however.

 

[mjkacmom]

When I graduated college, almost 20 years ago, I paid $100 a month, and was always told I had to move out before I turned 25 (my dad was given the same rule from his parents). My mom always told me that before I got married, I should live on my own - best advice ever! I will also charge my adult children rent if they chose to live here after college, to teach them responsibility, and to encourage them to get out on their own.

I should add that my parents are well off, and didn't need my money, and my grandparents were wealthy. It was all about a life-lesson.

 

[dianeschlicht]

We charge ours $225/month.

 

[Mkrop]

I did not appreciate my dad being so strict about financial responsibility when I was young and in college and when I first graduated. He "helped" but always required me to pay him back even if it was $5 a paycheck. So even in college, I paid for my car, insurance, car repairs, etc. Meanwhile all my friends had the free ride. Then when I graduated, literally that day, he walked into my room and tossed the student loan stuff that he had been paying and told me to start paying the first payment was due the first of the month. Well was I ever motivated to get a job. My parents never charged me rent but every other expense was mine. I learned the fine art of responisbility and balance in my life. I had a lot of fun as a college student and as a young adult rarely missed a party but NEVER missed a payment

My dad died when I was 22 but his lessons live on. Now my brothers were much younger and did not have his lessons. My mom was very indulgent and really tried to overcompensate for my dad not being around.

I have tried to impress upon her that she did not need to take it as far as my dad did but she was doing my brothers a disservice by not teaching them how to be responsible adults. One of my brother is 24, graduated from college, with no loans, no car payments, is just starting to pay for his own stuff, cell phone etc and whines all the time how he has no money to move out I did make him get a credit card to start to build his credit and for him to learn to be responsible, so now he pays for gas too. And pays my mom for car insurance. But why my mom doesnt do this

Seaspray sorry so long. I think you have an excellent plan. I think he may need this time and maybe your son is not college material or maybe he is and just needs this reality check to find out. I would definitely charge him something, try to get him to start paying more of his own presonal expenses and I would definitely get him to start building his own credit.

He will thank you later

GL.

 

[Crankyshank]

SeaSpray, I really think you're doing your son a huge favor. I was wondering if you have thought about continuing education programs at local schools (I forget where in MA you are, but I have a lot of information about continuing ed programs in RI, the Worcester area, and the greater Attleboro area).
In my experience both personal and testimonial of others, it makes a huge difference when you're just not thriving in the traditional college process and yet don't want to abandon a collegiate education entirely.

As far as what to charge, my parents charged me $50/wk but the rent was reduced $15 per week per course I took at a local university and waived if I took 3 or more classes per semester. My parents didn't pay for my classes though, which is why I am 33 and still in school. However, it did encourage me to at least take 1 course a semester in order to keep the rent down

 

[Tuffcookie]

dianeschlichl wrote: We charge ours $225/month.

For $225 a month? To live at Wilderness Lodge??? What a deal!

TC

 

[mickeyfan2]

Am I the only one who would never dream of charging their college aged child anything?

Unless he is already an irresponsible, ungrateful child (which I doubt )--he will learn what it's like to have to pay for housing, food, etc when he is truly on his own. Give the poor kid a break!


I am glad you are considering putting the money away for him. He is teen in college and will need it.

Living with the parents rent free is a recipe for having them still there when they are 50.

If it was me I would charge rent and then return the money when they are ready to buy a home.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'm 22 and my parents do not charge me rent and they never would. I pay for my cell phone line and for half of the DSL bill, because those were special deals I made with my dad. My parents would never dream of charging me rent and would never throw me out. My mother makes sure I know that I am *always* welcomed here, no matter what.

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

So what is your plan to actually become an adult?

Will you still be living off mom and dad when you are 32?

Did you go to college and graduate?

Do you work full time?

By 22 most people are living on their own, starting their careers and making adult decisions.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I've noticed that the people who think charging rent seem to be the young adults who live at home. That should be a huge warning bell to parents!

OF COURSE you want your child to feel welcome. OF COURSE you want them warm and fed! But make it too easy, and they can never appreciate the pride and sense of accomplishment of truly succeeding in the adult world.

OP, I agree with a $50-100 per week type of rent. I like the idea of deducting for work, and it's good that you don't have to worry about health insurance. I hope your son finds what he wants to do "for real", and encourage you/him to explore career counseling. He doesn't HAVE to finish college if it's not for him--but he definitely needs marketable skills.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm kinda with maelstrom on his/her thought process. I'm sorry, yes.. legally I'm an adult because I'm older than 18. But when my parents gave me that contract when I was still in HIGH SCHOOL (when I turned 18) it made me really, really mad. Their reasoning behind giving it to me and my brother (even though he didn't get his until I turned 18 was because I was "an adult" and they were done raising children and they were moving on with their lives. No joke. I can remember the conversation clear as day in my head.

I disagree with your parents' approach. It's not what I would have done.

These parenting decisions aren't easy and certainly not "one size fits all". Some parents are too harsh, some are too lenient. Finding the middle ground is the difficult part.

IMO, Seaspray's plan is fair and logical.

 

[lilyv]

Living with the parents rent free is a recipe for having them still there when they are 50.

If it was me I would charge rent and then return the money when they are ready to buy a home.

Actually if the goal is to get them out on their own, it might be better to have them pay rent, and then save the $$$ for them to use as first and last for an apartment. Maybe put them on a 6 month or 12 month plan....within whatever specified time, you'll be in an apartment, and on your own. (Or, of course, back in school, full time.)