How much "room & board" do you charge your adult *single* children??

[lilyv]

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[lilyv]

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[PatsGirl]

Nothing worse than a few 20 somethings living at home driving a better car than Mom, eating out a few times a week (while Mom makes do with her food budget), taking two or three vacations each year and maybe a weekend or two here and there, beautiful stereo systems, the best in car phones, the newest Ipod, $100 sneakers, and a Coach pocketbook

I see this all the time with my friends' children. They can't afford a trip to Disney once a year but what they can't see is that they are still supporting their adult children. Are they paying for those sneakers and a new 2008 car? No, but by not charging them rent or expenses, they are in fact supporting their spending habits.

When I was young, I walked ten miles uphill both ways... No, we won't go there. Let's just say that in order to acquire my independence at age 18 (when I graduated from high school) I had to share, OMG, yes, share an apartment with three other people, my car was about 10 years old, we couldn't afford cable, had to be careful with the heat, and buying new outfits only happened if I was willing to work an extra shift. Did it kill me? No, actually at age 23 I had my own home built and I'm still there today and my mortgage is nearly paid off I now take vacations a few times a year and carry a Coach pocketbook. Unfortunately, I still have to make decisions: my house is small, my Jeep is 10 years old, and it's either shopping OR vacations.

To all the other parents out there NOT making it easy on their children, THANK YOU! I often feel like a minority in my parenting decisions and it's always nice to know there's others who feel the same way. This topic is especially close to my heart because DS is turning 18 this month and graduating from high school in May and has chosen to NOT go to to college. Decisions, decisions!

 

[denisenh]

May I offer some gentle advice? If you're ready to make a change, consider getting some counseling first. Let someone help you outline a plan, and then work to institute it. The tone want to set is not punitive, just let them know you and DH realize it's time for them to have benefits and opportunities (and privacy) of living on their own.

It's time. This is fixable.

hmmmm....I wonder if I can get the kids to pay for my counseling? Thanks for the advice.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one. Once I finish school, I need to figure out where people with my profession are making more money and where the cost of living is a little cheaper.

There is the option for roommates. Did you look into that?

I know exactly *one* person my age who lives on her own, because her mother kicked her out to go live her own life and she didn't want to be bothered with her children anymore.

My friend's daughter graduated college and moved to metro NY and paid for her own apartment with her new husband. BTW the new husband was in college. They made it work as did many other 22 year olds. Their apartment was a shoe box.

Everyone else I know either lives at home or lives in a dorm at college. But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

Great job of acting!!!!

 

[lemondog]

I lived at home for a few months after college, and again for about a year at one point. They never charged me anything. I had a FT job both times.

My brother was in and out of school for 7 years trying to get his act together. He drifted in and out of my parents' house several times. They never charged him either.

 

[ReallyGoofy]

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one. Once I finish school, I need to figure out where people with my profession are making more money and where the cost of living is a little cheaper.

I know exactly *one* person my age who lives on her own, because her mother kicked her out to go live her own life and she didn't want to be bothered with her children anymore. Everyone else I know either lives at home or lives in a dorm at college. But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

Pleeeeeeeease!!

 

[minniecarousel]

Well - back in the Stone Ages, when I was first working in my field, I lived at home and was engaged to my now DH. I don't remember how much I paid my parents, but whatever it was, my Dad put the $$ I paid him every month to use toward our wedding. Being one of 8 children and the youngest of 3 daughters (but first daughter to get married) I never expected my parents to pay for our wedding. What a lovely surprise!

I like your idea of charging him a small amount while he's working and NOT going to school. Then, using that $$ he's paid you for when he either goes away to college, or moves out on his own. Good plan!

 

[jenrose66]

I couldn't charge my 19 year old rent, it just feels wrong.

 

[Jerseylicious]

I say charge him $900/month PLUS utilities. That'll teach him!!!!!!!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

I haven't read the whole thead, so this is basically a response to the first post.

My parents never charged me any rent. I graduated from college at 21 and lived at home until I married at 24. I paid for my personal expenses (my car, clothes, etc.). My husband's parents actually had him start paying them when he had a part-time high school job (which I don't agree with at all).

My DD is in college, engaged, and plans to be married when she graduates, so this shouldn't apply to her, but I also wouldn't charge her rent. Her fiance started teaching this year and lives at home. His parents don't charge him rent (like me, he pays his personal experiences - his truck, clothes, etc.).

In your case, I probably would charge him a small amount (mostly as an incentive to return to college ). If my DD dropped out of college, I would feel like she wasn't recognizing how much she needed that college education, so I would want to give her some reasons to rethink her position (such as charging rent to show just how far a small salary will actually go ).

Good luck!

 

[Feralpeg]

Am I the only one who would never dream of charging their college aged child anything?

Unless he is already an irresponsible, ungrateful child (which I doubt )--he will learn what it's like to have to pay for housing, food, etc when he is truly on his own. Give the poor kid a break!


I am glad you are considering putting the money away for him. He is teen in college and will need it.

You are not the only one. I do not charge DD anything and I don't plan on doing so. Having her around is enough payment for me.

 

[auntie]

DS19 is taking a break from full time college and will be getting a full time job within the next month or so. He plans to keep his part time job as well. (He's been working at his part time job since he was 16 and makes a decent wage there, also it's literally a 2-minute drive away. However, he doesn't want to work full time there). His plan is to start taking classes again (maybe 1 or 2 at a time) in the summer or most likely the fall.

So how much do you charge your adult children, if anything??

My parents never charged my siblings or myself room and board, but I know plenty of people who's parents did charge them.

Do you charge a percentage of their take-home pay?? If so, how much?? Do you charge nothing at all? I know that we won't charge him for individual items; we'll either charge him a set amount per week, or per month. We don't want to charge "nothing" because we feel it's very important to teach him to budget and be financially responsible. We also want to teach him to put money away for the future (car repairs, down payment on his own place eventually, etc).

Currently, he has no debt at all (no credit cards, no car loan, no college loans), but he does pay for his own car insurance, gas, and spending money. The pay from his part time job covers those expenses.

All ideas, opinions, etc appreciated

P.S. I put the word "*single*" children in the title because I know that a lot of parents help out their married children and/or grandchildren by allowing them to live with them. That's not what I'm asking here. I'm asking about situations where it's a child who's single, out of high school and/or college, and working full time. Thanks

P.P.S. We're also considering taking the money that we charge him and putting it into a savings acount which we'll later present to him when he's either moving out, needs a new car, etc. But he won't know now that we're saving this money for him. We feel he needs to learn what it's like to have to pay for housing, food, etc.



Can you tell that DS19 is our oldest and we aren't 100% sure how to proceed? lol

My son was about the same age and decided to continue school part time...that was a MUST as long as he lived home. He also was required to work. Which he did. When he wasn't attending school full time we had him give us $100.00 a month. This covered the cost of his car insurance. He did eventually return to school because he need his Associates to enter the police academy. He did return to school complete the credits he needed, and even had surgery to repair a shoulder injury, so he would be admitted to the academy. He's now 27 and is 5 years on the job for the NYPD. He had his own place for 3 1/2 years and about 10 months ago his landlord sold the building. At which point, he moved back home..as he had to vacate right away..in fact, he was actually on vacation when the owner told him he sold the house and would have to move upon his return. We worried how it would be having a now "adult" child move back in. Especially since his siblings were now older..and one of them had moved into his old room. He took the smaller room(which he calls the "time capsule"..since his younger brother was 11 at the time he originally left home. We sort of just closed the door and used it more or less as a storage room until he returned home. He commutes by train and we live less than a mile from the statiom, so he generally walks..but occasionally uses my car. Since the day he's moved back in, I've never had to put gas in my truck..and it's an Expedition(not known for it's gas economy!). The very week he back in, he was up early the following morning..and I saw him on his lap top..he was purchasing tickets to a Broadway show to take his sister too that evening. It was a surprise..she had just broken up with a boyfriend, and he took her on the town. New suit and all. A few months later we took a family trip to Disney World. He paid for his own room at the WL and had his brother stay in with him. Later that summer..he went on a vacation to Puerto Rico..and took his sister with him. He has always had a girlfriend, until this past year...and honestly I think he's enjoying having some time to do the things he wants to do. He is generous to his siblings...and is the first to pick up the check when we are in a restaurant or diner. His moving home has enabled him to save some money where if he continued to pay rent he would not. Tommorow he is going to buy a new car...his first. His time away from home was valuable learning experience. He knows he can live on his own, and pay his own way. However, moving back home has enabled him to do somethings that he might otherwise wouldn't have been able to do just yet. I don't actually charge him rent. He pays his own expenses..and he does pay for meals and gas. When I think about making it a set amount, frankly I think we'd be on the loosing end of that. His generousity is not only financial but a generousity of spirit as well. I know that his time here is probably limited and that he will again be on his way..likey with a wife...so I'm okay with things the way they are currently. If I thought he used more than he gave, I wouldn't hesitate to ask him to contribute more. So far ...so good. I've heard such nightmares of adult children returning home..and was prepared for the worst..but so far on the whole it's working out. Of couse the house is a bit more crowded..but I'm sure there is goimg to be a day when I think this old house is too big and empty.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I have two sons in their twenties living at home. One is in University and working part-time, the other working full time. We've talked over what they pay, and this is what we do. They wanted the "expanded" cable TV, so they pay $25 a month for that, and they each pay their share of the car insurance so they can drive my cars. The one who is working full-time pays $400 a month for room and board as well. (He came up with the amount.)

Teresa

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

My son was about the same age and decided to continue school part time...that was a MUST as long as he lived home. He also was required to work. Which he did. When he wasn't attending school full time we had him give us $100.00 a month. This covered the cost of his car insurance. He did eventually return to school because he need his Associates to enter the police academy. He did return to school complete the credits he needed, and even had surgery to repair a shoulder injury, so he would be admitted to the academy. He's now 27 and is 5 years on the job for the NYPD. He had his own place for 3 1/2 years and about 10 months ago his landlord sold the building. At which point, he moved back home..as he had to vacate right away..in fact, he was actually on vacation when the owner told him he sold the house and would have to move upon his return. We worried how it would be having a now "adult" child move back in. Especially since his siblings were now older..and one of them had moved into his old room. He took the smaller room(which he calls the "time capsule"..since his younger brother was 11 at the time he originally left home. We sort of just closed the door and used it more or less as a storage room until he returned home. He commutes by train and we live less than a mile from the statiom, so he generally walks..but occasionally uses my car. Since the day he's moved back in, I've never had to put gas in my truck..and it's an Expedition(not known for it's gas economy!). The very week he back in, he was up early the following morning..and I saw him on his lap top..he was purchasing tickets to a Broadway show to take his sister too that evening. It was a surprise..she had just broken up with a boyfriend, and he took her on the town. New suit and all. A few months later we took a family trip to Disney World. He paid for his own room at the WL and had his brother stay in with him. Later that summer..he went on a vacation to Puerto Rico..and took his sister with him. He has always had a girlfriend, until this past year...and honestly I think he's enjoying having some time to do the things he wants to do. He is generous to his siblings...and is the first to pick up the check when we are in a restaurant or diner. His moving home has enabled him to save some money where if he continued to pay rent he would not. Tommorow he is going to buy a new car...his first. His time away from home was valuable learning experience. He knows he can live on his own, and pay his own way. However, moving back home has enabled him to do somethings that he might otherwise wouldn't have been able to do just yet. I don't actually charge him rent. He pays his own expenses..and he does pay for meals and gas. When I think about making it a set amount, frankly I think we'd be on the loosing end of that. His generousity is not only financial but a generousity of spirit as well. I know that his time here is probably limited and that he will again be on his way..likey with a wife...so I'm okay with things the way they are currently. If I thought he used more than he gave, I wouldn't hesitate to ask him to contribute more. So far ...so good. I've heard such nightmares of adult children returning home..and was prepared for the worst..but so far on the whole it's working out. Of couse the house is a bit more crowded..but I'm sure there is goimg to be a day when I think this old house is too big and empty.

Auntie--It sounds like you raised him to be a fine young man! He's contributing plenty, not only financially, but emotionally boosting the whole family. Whatever young lady snags him is going to be very fortunate. And I think you're right, the fact that he's BTDT on being independent gave him the maturity to not take advantage.

 

[Mkrop]

You are not the only one. I do not charge DD anything and I don't plan on doing so. Having her around is enough payment for me.

I dont know your individaul siutatuion but your statement kind of scares me bc I think of my mom. She is widowed and raised my brothers herself. She is scared to death to be alone and was totally miserable when DBro24 lived at college. She wasnt eating bc she had no one to cook for, she sunk into a deep depression. Well Dbro24 moved back after graduating and she has said him living at home is ayment enough" she didnt want to charge him rent and she is only starting to make the "poor boy" (who is employed FT with no student or car loans) pay for stuff. I basically had to force her to get him to pay by pointing out that he needs to learn to budget. HE actually agreed bc I think he wants to move out but he is scared of how she will be too. She loves being needed by him, cooks for him, does his laundry, gets up with him in the morning even if she has been suffering form her insominia etc. It is not healthy for either of them! IMHO!

 

[KimAshton]

Wow I pay $400 a month. It includes $100 for my new car and room and board and food etc.

 

[christineann]

My parents told us that they would consider us dependents as long as we were in college, but if we decided to drop out or flunk out, they were done. Fair enough for us. That's completely different from having a college student home for the summer.

My son just graduated from college (after working all four years) and started his career as a police officer. He doesn't care for apartment living and is actively saving for a house with a target date. He asked me if he could live here with me (I live alone) and would only do so if I would accept some kind of payment. He offered an amount equivalent to his share of the rent from his apartment during college, but I told him that was too much. I don't even see him for several days at a time because of his work schedule and mine, and he does a lot to help me around here. It works very well for both us, and it's nice to have him around when I get to see him.

 

[dizchick]

Perhaps I'm living my life backwards, but I'm 27 and just moved back in with my parents. I moved back to my hometown a few months ago to start a new job that pays significantly less than my old job, but in a career field I love, and I'm starting graduate school (paid for by my new employer) this semester.

After living in a large city with roommates for the last 4 years and using most of my income towards rent, I'm extremely grateful that my parents have welcomed me back home. They do not charge me rent and encourage me to save as much money as possible each month to put towards a down payment on a home. It's really hard to buy a house as a single person and I'm very lucky my parents are able to let me live at home w/ no rent. I do help out around the house as much as possible and do my own laundry, cooking, and grocery shopping. I certainly don't plan on staying here for more than a year or two, anything more would be too much. But, financially, for me at the moment, it makes the most sense. I had a very tough time deciding whether to move back in. It felt to me like I was giving up my independence, but I'm not treated as child living at home, nor do I act like one.

 

[Mkrop]

Perhaps I'm living my life backwards, but I'm 27 and just moved back in with my parents. I moved back to my hometown a few months ago to start a new job that pays significantly less than my old job, but in a career field I love, and I'm starting graduate school (paid for by my new employer) this semester.

After living in a large city with roommates for the last 4 years and using most of my income towards rent, I'm extremely grateful that my parents have welcomed me back home. They do not charge me rent and encourage me to save as much money as possible each month to put towards a down payment on a home. It's really hard to buy a house as a single person and I'm very lucky my parents are able to let me live at home w/ no rent. I do help out around the house as much as possible and do my own laundry, cooking, and grocery shopping. I certainly don't plan on staying here for more than a year or two, anything more would be too much. But, financially, for me at the moment, it makes the most sense. I had a very tough time deciding whether to move back in. It felt to me like I was giving up my independence, but I'm not treated as child living at home, nor do I act like one.

I think this is what makes the difference. You also have been out on your own so you have learned the lessons, now if your parents want to help I think that is cool. And you dont sound like you are being a mooch so it is possible for adult children to live with their folks rent free, but I dont think it should start off like this.