How much "room & board" do you charge your adult *single* children??

[Hixski]

Living with the parents rent free is a recipe for having them still there when they are 50.

If it was me I would charge rent and then return the money when they are ready to buy a home.

That is what I was pointing out earlier about my brother. He is 44 and says he is going to retire in a couple of years. Meanwhile my parents still just don't get it. He will be 50 and still living there and be retired on top of it. Craziness.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Actually if the goal is to get them out on their own, it might be better to have them pay rent, and then save the $$$ for them to use as first and last for an apartment. Maybe put them on a 6 month or 12 month plan....within whatever specified time, you'll be in an apartment, and on your own. (Or, of course, back in school, full time.)

I would want them to save for the deposit. And yes a time limit is a must.

Sadly today I see too many 20s living rent free and pissing away money left and right. They buy DVDs, CDs, IPODs, electronics etc. but save nothing from their paychecks. This is a recipe for disaster.

 

[lilyv]

I would want them to save for the deposit. And yes a time limit is a must.

Sadly today I see too many 20s living rent free and pissing away money left and right. They buy DVDs, CDs, IPODs, electronics etc. but save nothing from their paychecks. This is a recipe for disaster.

Yes, in an ideal world, I would too. But, I've seen too many situations where the money is not saved (Mom and Dad just "lecture"), and have a kid who's not in any hurry to move out.

If parents can do this in a friendly, reasonable way it helps. BTDT. Work up a budget...if that word seems to irritate, choose another one....maybe, something like personal plan. Mom and Dad save the first and last (out of "rent" money), adult child saves for the emergency fund. A team approach.

 

[maelstrom]

So what is your plan to actually become an adult?

Will you still be living off mom and dad when you are 32?

Did you go to college and graduate?

Do you work full time?

By 22 most people are living on their own, starting their careers and making adult decisions.

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one. Once I finish school, I need to figure out where people with my profession are making more money and where the cost of living is a little cheaper.

I know exactly *one* person my age who lives on her own, because her mother kicked her out to go live her own life and she didn't want to be bothered with her children anymore. Everyone else I know either lives at home or lives in a dorm at college. But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one. Once I finish school, I need to figure out where people with my profession are making more money and where the cost of living is a little cheaper.

I know exactly *one* person my age who lives on her own, because her mother kicked her out to go live her own life and she didn't want to be bothered with her children anymore. Everyone else I know either lives at home or lives in a dorm at college. But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

I live in an expensive area of the country, and I had a roommate for my first apartment. After a few years, I got my own - it was small, only 2 small rooms, but it was mine! DH had 2 roommates for 7 years, until we got married. I wouldn't charge my kids rent if they were in school, but as soon as they got jobs, they'd start paying.

 

[helloirishkitty]

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one.

I'm 21 and I'm in college too... some things you just have to MAKE an option. Get roommates, get another job, do what you have to do. I'm a full time grad student with 3 jobs, and I'm one of the few of my friends that is on my own.

If you wanted to be independent, you would be. I'm not saying you're a terrible loser but you can't say it's too expensive. If you had no other choice, you'd make it happen. If you wanted it to happen, you'd make it happen.

But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

Are you serious? You are way to melodramatic to be considered an adult anyways.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one. Once I finish school, I need to figure out where people with my profession are making more money and where the cost of living is a little cheaper.

I know exactly *one* person my age who lives on her own, because her mother kicked her out to go live her own life and she didn't want to be bothered with her children anymore. Everyone else I know either lives at home or lives in a dorm at college. But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

It is not a mortal sin to be living at home esp since you are going to school.

It is detrimental if you are living at home and not doing anything for your future to prepare for the real world and becoming independent like learning to budget, learning to sacrifice things if you dont have the money for them etc.

So when you are not in school, you should be doing something towards becoming independent unless you plan on moving in your whole family some day for mommy and daddy to take care of too.

 

[taylorl25]

My parents charged both me and my sister rent to live at home as soon as we'd finished full time education and had full time jobs. I think it was around £100 a month, so certainly didn't cover all the expenses they incurred but was a lot cheaper for us than renting a flat.

To be honest I was glad they did, I was living on my own for 3 years previously at college so would have felt guilty to be living there free of charge. It was also an incentive to buy my own flat and move out on my own. When I had a mortgage as well as every other bill to pay, I realised how good I'd had it paying £100 to my parents!

 

[Pigeon]

I'm just totally not understanding the idea that it will be hard to get the kids to move out if you don't hit them up for rent.

While I wouldn't charge a 19 year old rent, as long as they live under my roof, they will follow my rules. That, in and of itself, would be enough to make any able bodied twenty-something run screaming from my house.

I loved my parents and got along with them pretty well, but couldn't wait to get out on my own.

 

[mickeysgal]

When a grown child has not chosen to go to college or trade school for whatever reason, then it is completely reasonable to take steps to have that person live independently and responsibly. Paying rent in some form is one of those steps. Holding down a solid job preferably with benefits is another step. Paying their own way - cell phone bills, insurance, savings, etc. is another step. The reality is that it's a tough world out there and it's not a parent's responsibility to forever wrap a child in bubble wrap and keep paying everything for that child while they sit on the couch and complain that they can't do it, it's too expensive, it's too hard, etc. It doesn't teach them independence, self-reliance, and responsibility. Grown, able-bodied, adult children do not and should not have open-ended access to a parents wallet.

 

[Darcy03231]

In my house the rule is you are either a student or a tenant and tenants pay rent! As long as they are in school they can live with us rent free and we will continue to cover all of their expenses. I also wouldn't have a problem letting them live rent free if something drastic happened (ie they got laid off and weren't able to find a job, despite diligent efforts, right away) or if they wanted to do it for a short period of time (a couple of months) to save money for first and last month's rent. There is no way I would let a young adult, who is not a student, live at home rent free for an indefinite period of time. I don't think that's doing them any favors. JMO

 

[denisenh]

I am sure that I am doing the wrong thing, but DD26 and her SO33 live with us rent free and have for 2 years. They complain if it is too noisy and don't help enough to mention. I love them and was trying to help them get out of debt, but I think I did it the wrong way. I think that they make more than DH and I do, which is kind of sad. I don't throw it in there faces at all. I offered and its my own fault. DH isn't happy with it though.

 

[lilyv]

I am sure that I am doing the wrong thing, but DD26 and her SO33 live with us rent free and have for 2 years. They complain if it is too noisy and don't help enough to mention. I love them and was trying to help them get out of debt, but I think I did it the wrong way. I think that they make more than DH and I do, which is kind of sad. I don't throw it in there faces at all. I offered and its my own fault. DH isn't happy with it though.

May I offer some gentle advice? If you're ready to make a change, consider getting some counseling first. Let someone help you outline a plan, and then work to institute it. The tone want to set is not punitive, just let them know you and DH realize it's time for them to have benefits and opportunities (and privacy) of living on their own.

It's time. This is fixable.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

denisenh, I agree 100% with lilyv. Your intentions were good, but you didn't get the desired result. Talking to someone to help you outline a plan/schedule will help you feel more in control. It sounds like it's time for you to start taking your home and your money back, and time for your DD to stand on her own.

 

[BratTink]

My dad's philosophy was: we will heat you, feed you and clean you, anything else is up to you. This was when were in college full time. After grad we had to pay rent. I think it was $100 per month or something like that. We had to pay our own car insurance and cable.

 

[mickeysgal]

I am sure that I am doing the wrong thing, but DD26 and her SO33 live with us rent free and have for 2 years. They complain if it is too noisy and don't help enough to mention. I love them and was trying to help them get out of debt, but I think I did it the wrong way. I think that they make more than DH and I do, which is kind of sad. I don't throw it in there faces at all. I offered and its my own fault. DH isn't happy with it though.

You know, you do things that you think are right at the time. Thats what makes parenting so tough - there are no owner's instructions to kids. Situations aren't always so cut and dried, so black and white. It's hard to always get every decision right when you can't see the long road ahead. Best wished to you. Making a plan to slowly improve your situation sounds like the best thing for all involved. Good luck!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

I am a single adult living with my father.
He doesn't actually charge rent, but while I'm working, I pay him $150 each month. While it's not very much, I also buy the majority of my own food (about 80% or so), all my own necessary items such as soap, shampoo/conditioner, makeup, lotion, etc. All which is expensive due to my skin allergies.
I also buy everything else that is necessary for me such as clothes, shoes, personal items, etc.
I even buy all the kleenex in the house as he refuses to buy it.
Plus, I do all my own laundry and help clean to keep the house in decent condition.

Also, I don't drive, so there's no car payment, insurance, etc for him to pay out for me. Although he does take me to work in the mornings, I make my own way back home at night.

So, I pull my own weight around the house.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm currently in college. Renting an apartment around here is not an option and will not be an option when I'm finished with school either; it's simply too expensive; my salary would not pay for an apartment here, even a crappy one. Once I finish school, I need to figure out where people with my profession are making more money and where the cost of living is a little cheaper.

I know exactly *one* person my age who lives on her own, because her mother kicked her out to go live her own life and she didn't want to be bothered with her children anymore. Everyone else I know either lives at home or lives in a dorm at college. But, I guess that everyone I know must be a terrible loser as well. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves for committing the mortal sin of living at home at 22.

Let me guess, you're majoring in drama . Honestly, you could have saved yourself a lot of grief and just been upfront to begin with that you were in college. Most 22 year olds are have already graduated. For what it's worth I hope you appreciate what your parents provide for you. They've worked long and hard to do that and hopefully you'll be able to do the same for your kids one day.

 

[Linzybrooke]

When I graduated college I moved in with my parents until my wedding 6 months later. They didn't charge me anything, but on ocassion I would buy groceries for the family, or fill my parents tank with gas, etc. It may have been because they knew it was temporary, but I just voluntarily paid for things when needed.

 

[lilyv]

When I graduated college I moved in with my parents until my wedding 6 months later. They didn't charge me anything, but on ocassion I would buy groceries for the family, or fill my parents tank with gas, etc. It may have been because they knew it was temporary, but I just voluntarily paid for things when needed.

Your situation was not one where firm boundaries were needed. You received your degree (congrats!), and were living temporarily with your parents for 6 months. You were engaged to be married-you had firm future plans and were working, I'm sure on where you and your fiance would live, etc.

I'm sure your parents appreciated your kind, thoughtful gestures of help.I'll bet they are very proud of you!