How much "room & board" do you charge your adult *single* children??

[nhpooh]

As of today, he's NOT in college anymore! Maybe I didn't make that fact clear He's a 19 year old adult male. He currently works part time. He's going to start working full time.

This is all HIS choice. We'd much prefer it if he stayed full time in college, but he hasn't been doing well and doesn't want to continue full time. We've been paying for almost everything for him, with the exception of his car insurance.

This is whats happening here too, my DD(19) is doing the same thing. She really didn't like the school she was in so not going back to college now. She is going to see if she can work full time where she is working now. Also looking into working at my dentists office he would train her to help him. We have told her that if she did stop school we would must likely charge her rent. She is also thinking of going to school this fall to be a x-ray tech. I hope this is what she does. In the mean time we might charge rent, she needs some direction and we hope this will help.

My parents charged me rent when I got out of school, nothing wrong with it.

 

[Pigeon]

I am happy to see a younger person on this thread who finally gets it.

There are plenty of us "older" people on the thread who just plain disagree with you. It's not a matter of "getting it."

 

[aprilgail2]

I have NO plans to ever charge a child of mine rent to live with me unless I am SO broke and hard up I can't afford it on my own! I look forward to seeing her out of school and in her carefree days before starting the days when she has to settle down with house payments and kids. I hope she uses her money to travel and have fun while she can!

 

[Hixski]

I have NO plans to ever charge a child of mine rent to live with me unless I am SO broke and hard up I can't afford it on my own! I look forward to seeing her out of school and in her carefree days before starting the days when she has to settle down with house payments and kids. I hope she uses her money to travel and have fun while she can!

I think the point alot of people have tried to make is what happens if she decides she doesn't want to leave??? I am sure my parents thought the same thing when they didn't charge us rent. I left at 23. My brother is CHEAP and decided this was a great thing. He is 44. Never left home because nobody made him responsible. Not saying your DD will do this but it DOES happen.

 

[Mono~rail]

I think it is reasonable to charge rent.

This is just my opinion though on how I would do it. I would charge a moderate amount of rent (enough to teach some responsibility about how "the real world" works), but I would put it into a savings acct to give them when they do move out. It is all about teaching budgeting and responsibility than having our adult child off-set our own expenses.

 

[liamsaunt]

My brother dropped out of college. He joined the army for a while, but now lives at home with my parents. He is 26 and has a full time (but not high-paying) job with benefits. He pays my parents $500/month in rent, plus the bill for the house's internet/phone, and covers all his car stuff, insurance, and bills etc. He has a room on a seperate floor with a private entrance and works nights so they really only see each other on weekends. Their deal is that he has to continue to work at a full time job with benefits and pay the $500/month to live in the home. He also is not allowed to have overnight guests. I would not like the arrangement, but it seems to work for them.

 

[mickeysgal]

I think the point alot of people have tried to make is what happens if she decides she doesn't want to leave??? I am sure my parents thought the same thing when they didn't charge us rent. I left at 23. My brother is CHEAP and decided this was a great thing. He is 44. Never left home because nobody made him responsible. Not saying your DD will do this but it DOES happen.

Same here. I have a brother that is 40, lives at home with my now 65 year old still working mother who supports him. He's held sporadic jobs at best, never anything over a year, has had large gaps in employment. He doesn't like this job, he doesn't like that boss, it's too far, blah, blah, blah. I know he'll never leave willingly. The only way for my mother to stop this is for her to move far enough away so that he won't try to follow her. If adult children stay at home without any financial responsibility, just where are they going to learn it? When will they leave? There is no reason to and next thing you know your retirement aged parents are supporting a mess they've enabled.

 

[MareQ]

Unfortunately there are too many kids that blow through their paycheck because they have no accountability. I've seen it many times 1st hand. When I was done with college I had my own apt with a room mate and was barely making it paycheck to paycheck. A lot of people my age that I worked with drove new cars, went on expensive vacations and shopped a lot. They all lived at home and didn't pay anything.

I drove new cars, went on expensive vacations, shopped a lot and lived home till I was 26. I moved into my own home - when I got married with my DH that also lived home till he got married.

Ironically even though we lived a nice life, we still managed to have a 20% down payment on our house and we were always and still are credit card debt free. Our only debt is our mortgage.

People can live home, spend money and still save. Also in our case - there was no point in our parents charging us money since we were responsible adults and neither family needed any money from us.

 

[MrsPete]

Allowing an adult child to live at home without any financial responsibilities CAN cause big problems down the road for the child. I'm thinking of two examples in my own family:

1. My cousin lived at home for years after high school and was only charged $50/month for room and board. He got the idea that was the actual cost (yeah, he should've realized, but he didn't), and it was a huge shock to him when he realized that he couldn't have an apartment and groceries for the same price! He wasn't prepared mentally or financially, and he thought he could go on buying CDs, meals out, beach trips with friends, etc. at the same rate as when he lived at home.

2. My brother lived at home without paying anything -- well, he was supposed to be paying something but he just didn't get a job and no one ever did anything about it; there were no consequences to him not paying. Anyway, because he could continue to live indoors and eat (even if he didn't get a job), he just sort of hermited himself away and didn't work for years. He lost his car because he couldn't pay. He couldn't buy anything he wanted, but he seemed to prefer having time to sleep all day and play video games all night to financial independence. I wonder if depression was a part of it. Finally, when he was told that the house was going to be sold and he HAD TO GO somewhere, he started working. He needed to be pushed.

Does everyone fit into these categories? Of course not, but I also don't think they're all that uncommon.

I would not charge an adult child who was going to college full-time any rent, nor would I charge an adult child who had a medical issue that prevented him from working. However, I would absolutely charge a fair amount (meaning something close to the actual cost) to an adult child. I'd probably put the rent (or most of it) into an untouchable savings account, which the child could use for a downpayment on a house.

Another fair thing would be to give the adult child a specific household bill to pay. I know that my mom did this with one of my younger brothers who lived at home for almost a year after high school (before he could enter a specific military training program). He was responsible for the electricity bill. (Yeah, our parents didn't treat us all the same, and it really shows in our adult behavior today! Those of us who were forced to toe the line are much better off for it.)

Has anyone read The Millionaire Next Door? If I remember correctly, they had statistics about adult children who lived at home rent-free, and they didn't paint a pretty picture.

 

[barkley]

I have NO plans to ever charge a child of mine rent to live with me unless I am SO broke and hard up I can't afford it on my own! I look forward to seeing her out of school and in her carefree days before starting the days when she has to settle down with house payments and kids. I hope she uses her money to travel and have fun while she can!

i can't say that having to pay my parents rent prevented me from traveling and having fun post grad. i simply did so within my financial means that took into consideration my budget which included normal adult living expenses like rent. if anything, learning to budget and be accountable for paying my share of household expenses while living with my parents instilled an awareness and appreciation for how much things cost, and how many of my work hours each month went solely to meeting my basic expenses.

it did'nt do me too badly-when i graduated i stayed in mom's house paying room and board a couple more years and then moved into my own place (all paid for incl. furnishings with what i had saved-see, i had fun but i also saved). by the time dh and i met and were married a couple years later my spending habits enabled us to purchase our first home. by the time the kiddos were born (first 3 years later) my habits enabled me to be off long after my maternity leave ended with no impact on our monthly expences. we're able to still have fun and travel-with our kids.

as for me i much more value being carefree and having fun NOW.

do what's right for you and your own child(ren) but don't assume that they will make prudent financial choices unless you start instilling those habits while they are still in your home. i know of several parents who can't fathom why their kids are in debt over their head and still spending like there's no tomorrow-no savings, always having to borrow to cover their rent or house payment, but still going on incredible vacations and buying whatever their hearts desire. i contend it's that they were never, when living at home, foreced to look at the realities of their financial situations-they were taught by virtue of not be required to pay some of their basic living expenses that all of their income was expendable. these kids don't have 'champagne tastes on a beer budget' they have champagne tastes on a tap water budget-and don't even know it.

 

[daisax]

When I was just out of college (1985), for the year I lived at home, I think my parents charged me $200/mo. A year later, when I was ready to move out, they gave it to me towards my first month/last month/security deposit. I think my half of the rent in my first apartment was $350, so I transitioned comfortably to the new standard of living (which included paying utilities) because I already had good practice "writing off" at least $200/month.

They didn't need the money and never intended to keep it -- it was just a gentle introduction to "the real world" in terms of budgeting, etc. There was no reason for me as an able bodied, fully employed 22 year old to live as a dependent, nor did I want to consider myself one.

 

[barkley]

Same here. I have a brother that is 40, lives at home with my now 65 year old still working mother who supports him. He's held sporadic jobs at best, never anything over a year, has had large gaps in employment. He doesn't like this job, he doesn't like that boss, it's too far, blah, blah, blah. I know he'll never leave willingly. The only way for my mother to stop this is for her to move far enough away so that he won't try to follow her. If adult children stay at home without any financial responsibility, just where are they going to learn it? When will they leave? There is no reason to and next thing you know your retirement aged parents are supporting a mess they've enabled.

unless your mom changes her mindset and habits a move probably won't make a difference.

a few years ago for the very reason you are talking of my sibs and i went through a nightmare helping our dm move out her then town into a seniors only place and sell her home. worked for a year or so until db realized mom was just as willing to support him there as anywhere else. first she was handing him $$ when he was 'short' and could'nt make his own bills. then she was handing him more when he was 'between jobs'-now he's in her apartment endangering her residency. she's the enabler and he is more than willing to accept it.

i have no idea what will happen to him when dm passes-she's in her 80's and he's in his 50's. she's spending the final years of her life worried about whose going to 'take care' of him

 

[marlynnp]

$50 per week for the room and his proportionate share of all utilities and groceries.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Has anyone read The Millionaire Next Door? If I remember correctly, they had statistics about adult children who lived at home rent-free, and they didn't paint a pretty picture.

I have read this book and it is not a pretty picture.

 

[DVC-Don]

Back in the early 1970's my dad charged me $20 per week, factor inflation into that.

 

[Kath2003]

I am happy to see a younger person on this thread who finally gets it.

I'm also fiercely proud and currently pay $700 of my $1200 a month income on rent to live in the house of a couple whose children have left for college (they provide me with meals, except lunch which I buy at school). 15% of $1200 is $180 for exactly the same thing if I lived with my parents. BARGAIN.

Of course if I were working full-time I'd never be earning this little. Even on minimum wage I'd be bringing home $2000 a month before tax.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

i can't say that having to pay my parents rent prevented me from traveling and having fun post grad. i simply did so within my financial means that took into consideration my budget which included normal adult living expenses like rent. if anything, learning to budget and be accountable for paying my share of household expenses while living with my parents instilled an awareness and appreciation for how much things cost, and how many of my work hours each month went solely to meeting my basic expenses.

it did'nt do me too badly-when i graduated i stayed in mom's house paying room and board a couple more years and then moved into my own place (all paid for incl. furnishings with what i had saved-see, i had fun but i also saved). by the time dh and i met and were married a couple years later my spending habits enabled us to purchase our first home. by the time the kiddos were born (first 3 years later) my habits enabled me to be off long after my maternity leave ended with no impact on our monthly expences. we're able to still have fun and travel-with our kids.

as for me i much more value being carefree and having fun NOW.

do what's right for you and your own child(ren) but don't assume that they will make prudent financial choices unless you start instilling those habits while they are still in your home. i know of several parents who can't fathom why their kids are in debt over their head and still spending like there's no tomorrow-no savings, always having to borrow to cover their rent or house payment, but still going on incredible vacations and buying whatever their hearts desire. i contend it's that they were never, when living at home, foreced to look at the realities of their financial situations-they were taught by virtue of not be required to pay some of their basic living expenses that all of their income was expendable. these kids don't have 'champagne tastes on a beer budget' they have champagne tastes on a tap water budget-and don't even know it.

You are absolutely correct. I think this is a pitfall particularly common to children from reasonably well-off families. If their parents have always provided a certain higher standard of living (vacations, expensive clothing, household amenities) and they are suddenly having to subsist on an entry-level income, it can be quite the shock. Plenty of young people don't understand that what Mom and Dad worked 20-30 years to build isn't going to fall in their laps just because they start working--even with a college degree. Much better to help them see what they can truly afford, what they can't, and how to save for the things they really want to have/do but can't just pay for outright.

I have been pretty open about my family's financial situation, here on the DIS. My husband switched careers a couple of years ago, and I stopped working full-time (with lots of OT) to be a SAHM. We make MUCH less than most of the couples we know (usually about half to one-fourth the income ), but seem to have a higher standard of living. We travel--often. We have two cars. We participate in a lot of local activities and organizations. We wear nice clothes and eat good food. We also save 10% of our income for retirement (this is based on a graduated savings plan...the % will increase as his income increases) and have a sizeable college savings account for ds. We also have about $25K invested in a mutual fund, which we have earmarked for a downpayment on a house (once we figure out where we will be permanently). We rarely do without anything we really want, but we OFTEN have to budget and/or save for it. Dh knows he can definitely have that new CD or sweater or go out to eat, but he needs to put in a "request" (which is really more like a notification) so it can be written into the weekly budget. We are debt-free with no credit cards, so if we don't have cash for it, WE WAIT. Never very long...a few months, at most, for large purchases. No one could ever say that any one of us does without...but we do it strictly within our means. Lots of people have told us they don't understand how that could possibly work, but WE can't understand how they could blow sooooo much money and have basically nothing to show for it. I think the key is learning to delay gratification. Waiting one more paycheck to buy something with cash is infinitely better than charging it today and paying interest on it for the next couple of years. All I know is, our friends and family are constantly complaining about money, and we never have to. It works for us!