How much "room & board" do you charge your adult *single* children??

[CEDmom]

Our DD is 8 so we have a long way to go before we have to think about this. However, we're thinking of charging her when she's done with college and chooses to move back home rather than into her own place.

We'd put the money aside for her. I know lots of kids have no choice but to move back home for a few years because rents are so high when you're just starting out. However, I think they need to learn the importance of budgeting and living within their means.

I remember when I was first working and lived on my own that a few people I worked with lived at home and blew through their money like it was water because they had no accountability.

As far as how much, we'd likely do a % of income. Probably 20% or something like that.

 

[SeaSpray]

For what it's worth, I think your approach is right on the money. My brother is one of those that has never left home outside of a short-lived marriage and has never held down a solid job. What I don't want is a 40+ year old sitting on my couch, living under my roof, and contributing nada to the household. There is nothing wrong with making grown, adult children live by their choices. Contributing to the household in the form of rent is certainly reasonable. There is more to life's bills outside of car insurance and this will help him become more financially responsible. A bit off topic: What about health insurance? When you drop out of college, most parent's health insurance plans won't cover kids anymore.

Saving the money for him to use later is a nice thing to do, by the way.

Thanks everyone, for the very positive, and supportive comments. I truly appreciate them. I didn't expect to have to think about this issue for a few more years.

Regarding insurance: That's an excellent question, and it's the main reason that DS19 is going to get a full time job in addition to his part time job. He's aware that, in most cases, he needs to be a full time employee in order to get health benefits. He knows that he needs to have health insurance (and this was even before Massachusetts created the law that everyone here must have health insurance). We've had many, many discussions with both DSs over the years about "real life", and how my own father always used to ask us kids (once we started working) whether the jobs we had, had good benefits or not. I tell DSs that NOW I understand why he was always a little more concerned with benefits than he was with salary. LOL

What DS19 doesn't know is that because of my ex-DH's excellent benefits (he's a NJ teacher), he is actually covered under ex-DH's insurance until December of the year that he turns 23 years old whether he's a student or not. If it becomes an issue, then we'll definitely share this info with DS, but we (ex-DH, DH, and I) all agree that there's no need to tell him this now. We want him to be as motivated as possible to find a full time job. lol This is also good to know, just in case DS19 realizes that he wants to go back to college full time. He can drop the full time job, and get back to classes. We're not trying to be intentionally deceptive with DS, but even WE (ex-DH, DH, and I) didn't know about this until about a few weeks ago.

 

[mickeysgal]

I'm 22 and my parents do not charge me rent and they never would. I pay for my cell phone line and for half of the DSL bill, because those were special deals I made with my dad. My parents would never dream of charging me rent and would never throw me out. My mother makes sure I know that I am *always* welcomed here, no matter what.

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

I respectfully disagree. When children turn 18 they are adults. Adults do not have unlimited free reign on their parent's resources and should have enough personal responsibility to contribute to that household's budget in some way, shape, or form. Yes, they are still my children and I love them too much to not teach them personal responsibility, self-respect, and accountability. Charging rent - especially the amounts that have been posted so far - is not a strain nor unreasonable for a grown, able-bodied adult. OP:

 

[CEDmom]

I'm 22 and my parents do not charge me rent and they never would. I pay for my cell phone line and for half of the DSL bill, because those were special deals I made with my dad. My parents would never dream of charging me rent and would never throw me out. My mother makes sure I know that I am *always* welcomed here, no matter what.

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

At what age should a parent expect their "child" to accept the responsibilities of adulthood? I don't think any caring parent would shut the door on their child when in need no matter how old.

However, the most important job we have as parents is to teach our children how to let go. It's harder and scarier for us than for our kids. However, any parent that doesn't push their child out of the nest so to speak really is doing their child a diservice.

I don't blame you for staying at home at age 22 when everything is being taken care of for you. However, you might want to think about the flip side of this ---- independence.

 

[Jillpie]

Hi Terry, I'm sorry to hear your oldest has not liked college. But ya know, its really not for everyone and I'm sure he is still going to succeed somewhere else. My oldest is also 19 and a sophomore in college, so I read this entire thread with much interest. This must have come as a great shock to you and DH. But I think you are taking a really great stand to charge him rent. You are being a very responsible parent to teach him what it really means to be an adult. Personally, way back when, when I graduated college and got my first job as an RN, I got charged rent from my parents. It was 100.00 a month. I thought that was fair. But that was many years ago. It taught me that I couldn't just live for free. I also had a my own car payment, gas etc. I think its so important to start this from day one. And if he goes back to school, he no longer has to pay rent and can focus on school. He comes back to your house, and no school, he pays it. Good luck with this!

 

[RitaZ.]

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

Yes, they turn into adults.

Seaspray~ It sounds like you have a good plan in place. All you have to decide on is the amount that he'll pay.

It may seem harsh to some, but you're actually teaching him an invaluable lesson. DH and I have discussed what we will do if any of our children take that route. As long as they're getting an education, they can live with us rent-free. Otherwise, we will come up with a plan like Seaspray's.

I cringe whenever I hear my SIL (in her late 50's) talk about how much she "helps" her grown children (in their 30's) to cover their monthly expenses. She told us that she has accepted the fact that she will always have to help her children with money. They are young, healthy and full of life; yet they depend and count on their aging mother to constantly rescue them. What may appear like good and loving intentions can actually hinder a person's ability to be independent and self-sufficient.

 

[christiane]

We're also considering taking the money that we charge him and putting it into a savings acount which we'll later present to him when he's either moving out, needs a new car, etc. But he won't know now that we're saving this money for him. We feel he needs to learn what it's like to have to pay for housing, food, etc.

If it is not a financial hardship for you this is the plan I would choose. I would have him pay a fixed amount, not a percentage so that he will learn more about fixed expenditures than discretionary ones!! I would base the initial amount on his income (eg 25% of net pay) but let him know that it will not vary if his income drops for reasons within his control.

I would also encourage some career counselling for him. 19 is still so young in the scheme of things and maybe he just needs to know what is out there for him.

 

[christiane]

We're also considering taking the money that we charge him and putting it into a savings acount which we'll later present to him when he's either moving out, needs a new car, etc. But he won't know now that we're saving this money for him. We feel he needs to learn what it's like to have to pay for housing, food, etc.

If it is not a financial hardship for you this is the plan I would choose. I would have him pay a fixed amount, not a percentage so that he will learn more about fixed expenditures than discretionary ones!! I would base the initial amount on his income (eg 25% of net pay) but let him know that it will not vary if his income drops for reasons within his control.

I would also encourage some career counselling for him. 19 is still so young in the scheme of things and maybe he just needs to know what is out there for him.

 

[helloirishkitty]

I don't blame you for staying at home at age 22 when everything is being taken care of for you. However, you might want to think about the flip side of this ---- independence.

I'm 21 and couldn't fathom still being at home right now. My mother would gladly have me move back in to her home and no doubt pay for everything, but that doesn't help me in the long run. I can't imagine having my daddy pay my car insurance One of the things I pride myself on is having my own mortgage and being able to take care of myself, while being a full time grad student.

At some point, everyone has to grow up... paying a little rent and just your personal bills (insurance, cell phone, etc) sounds more than fair for a 19 year old

 

[helloirishkitty]

oops double post

 

[pppiglet]

My DS will be 24 in March. He works full time (not making much, but going up in the company is possible) and pays $100 rent to us per month. He pays for his own truck payment, insurance, gas, and repairs. We pay for cable and internet and he pays for our cell phones. He takes out the trash and does his own laundry and lately has even been helping out more with other things around the house without being asked.

I'd like to be able to put that money each month aside for him, but I was off of work for awhile and have some catching up on bills to do myself! It will be years before he could move out on his own unless we moved to another city or state. Southern California is sooooo expensive! He is so much more responsible with his money now then he was a year ago.

Also....I read something last week that the age for being an adult these days is 26. From 19-25 it's now being called pre-adult or emerging adults.

 

[Piecey]

Yes, they turn into adults.

I'm kinda with maelstrom on his/her thought process. I'm sorry, yes.. legally I'm an adult because I'm older than 18. But when my parents gave me that contract when I was still in HIGH SCHOOL (when I turned 18) it made me really, really mad. Their reasoning behind giving it to me and my brother (even though he didn't get his until I turned 18 was because I was "an adult" and they were done raising children and they were moving on with their lives. No joke. I can remember the conversation clear as day in my head.

The mentality that just because I'm 18 I'm an adult and on my own makes me angry because according to our government I'm not. My parents will not co-sign loans, will not pay for my education and have only this past year started to help me (because my brother graduated last year and he, not working, financially tapped them while in school). I have worked through school and go to a local branch of West Virginia University because I can live residentially here (on my own) and it's cheaper than relocating to the main campus. This branch does not offer my major, so I'm working towards a degree that will be useful but I don't want because they don't offer anything here that I DO want.

Now, I have worked since I was legally able, so don't think I'm not a responsible adult. I have paid for all my own stuff since I've had a job. I worked two jobs and went to school full-time my freshman year so I could spend the summer semesters abroad.

That doesn't change the fact that according to the FAFSA my parental contribution is TWELVE TIMES what my schooling costs per year. So I don't get crap.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Well I got hosed. $400 a month (their mortgage wasn't much more than that) and I was working part time and going to school part time. Never had enough money to save up to move out, so when I did (no choice) I had to rely on credit cards. They wonder why I am in so much debt. They didn't save anything for me either.

I think that you should find out what a "room with full house privileges" rents for in your area and go from there. I don't think you need to charge him the full amount, but something will be good. However, if you do that you need to start treating him as a "renter" and not your adult child living at home. No more "who you going out with, when will you be home", though a courtesy on both ends usually works out.

I also think that saving the "rent" for him (if you can) without him knowing for a security deposit and utility deposits (or down payment on a house) is a great idea, if you can.

If he has no debt he may not have any credit. You guys may want to look into building credit somehow.

 

[ReallyGoofy]

Yes, they turn into adults.

Seaspray~ It sounds like you have a good plan in place. All you have to decide on is the amount that he'll pay.

It may seem harsh to some, but you're actually teaching him an invaluable lesson. DH and I have discussed what we will do if any of our children take that route. As long as they're getting an education, they can live with us rent-free. Otherwise, we will come up with a plan like Seaspray's.

I cringe whenever I hear my SIL (in her late 50's) talk about how much she "helps" her grown children (in their 30's) to cover their monthly expenses. She told us that she has accepted the fact that she will always have to help her children with money. They are young, healthy and full of life; yet they depend and count on their aging mother to constantly rescue them. What may appear like good and loving intentions can actually hinder a person's ability to be independent and self-sufficient.

AMEN!!!!

 

[ReallyGoofy]

I'm 22 and my parents do not charge me rent and they never would. I pay for my cell phone line and for half of the DSL bill, because those were special deals I made with my dad. My parents would never dream of charging me rent and would never throw me out. My mother makes sure I know that I am *always* welcomed here, no matter what.

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

This is not about being welcome in your parents home. It's about teaching responsibility, accountability and growing up in the real world.

 

[kandeebunny]

I am 24, I recently moved back home. I am in and out of college while I am figuring things out. I unlike your son do not work. I am legally disabled. I am also going through a divorce.

That said I do NOT pay rent, I do 99% of the cleaning, all of the household laundry, I do all of the cooking, and I do the grocery shopping (splitting the cost of food.) So I do contribute to the household.

If you charge rent I do like the idea of putting it in to a savings account for him. He will be learning how to pay his bills on time, and keep a budget, and understand the costs of things. At the end though he will have a nice sum for a car, or rent, or even a down payment on a house.

 

[mickeysgal]

If you charge rent I do like the idea of putting it in to a savings account for him. He will be learning how to pay his bills on time, and keep a budget, and understand the costs of things. At the end though he will have a nice sum for a car, or rent, or even a down payment on a house.

It's certainly nice if a parent can do this, but certainly understandable if they need to use it toward household bills. It shouldn't be an expectation of the rental agreement, but it certainly is a bonus if it is manageable.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm kinda with maelstrom on his/her thought process. I'm sorry, yes.. legally I'm an adult because I'm older than 18. But when my parents gave me that contract when I was still in HIGH SCHOOL (when I turned 18) it made me really, really mad. Their reasoning behind giving it to me and my brother (even though he didn't get his until I turned 18 was because I was "an adult" and they were done raising children and they were moving on with their lives. No joke. I can remember the conversation clear as day in my head.

The mentality that just because I'm 18 I'm an adult and on my own makes me angry because according to our government I'm not. My parents will not co-sign loans, will not pay for my education and have only this past year started to help me (because my brother graduated last year and he, not working, financially tapped them while in school). I have worked through school and go to a local branch of West Virginia University because I can live residentially here (on my own) and it's cheaper than relocating to the main campus. This branch does not offer my major, so I'm working towards a degree that will be useful but I don't want because they don't offer anything here that I DO want.

Now, I have worked since I was legally able, so don't think I'm not a responsible adult. I have paid for all my own stuff since I've had a job. I worked two jobs and went to school full-time my freshman year so I could spend the summer semesters abroad.

That doesn't change the fact that according to the FAFSA my parental contribution is TWELVE TIMES what my schooling costs per year. So I don't get crap.

I don't agree with what your parents did at all. I hate that people think when a child turns 18 BOOM he/she is an adult. It's much more complicated than that. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with a parent charging a small amount of rent to a young adult that is working full time.

If that same child were in school I wouldn't expect a parent to charge rent. I think as parents we owe it to our children to make sure they can succeed in the world. Part of that success is learning the consequences of not getting a sufficient education to sustain a good/well paying job.

Finally, there's a big difference between suggesting to a 22 year old with a full time job that it's time to cut the apron strings and throwing an 18 year old high school student out of the nest.

 

[golfgal]

I would say either charge him 1/2 of the going rate for a small apartment in your area or 1/4th of his monthly take home pay. Both are enough to sting a bit but not so much that he can't save some of his pay and come up with money to pay his extra expenses (insurance and such). I would also expect him to do somethings around the house, but working 2 jobs will probably limit how much time he has at home. At least he could take care of the lawn and snow shoveling.

My BIL moved back home (he is 41) a little over a year ago. It was going to be a temporary thing while he was finding his own place after moving back from out of state but it has worked out so well for my in-laws and him that we are all encouraging him to stay. My FIL is the type of person that never wants help so he is out shoveling his 1/4 mile driveway, doing all their lawn work, etc. and at age 70 he needs to slow down a bit. With the BIL home, he has assumed most of those duties in place of 'rent' so it isn't really 'help' . Him being there has also allowed my in-laws the freedom to travel since they have someone to watch the house and their dog.

 

[Acklander]

When DS was living at home, while working, it became his responsibility to pay the electric bill as his contribution towards the household. He was also responsible for his own car expenses, personal expenses, and food. (We all eat differently at different times).
He had his own room in the back of the house (that had it's own entrance) so was pretty much independent of us.
He moved out a couple of years ago, but now an old friend of DS's has taken his spot in the back room. (His family isn't living in the area). The friend pays $75.00 a week in rent and again is responsible for his own other expenses.