How much "room & board" do you charge your adult *single* children??

[SeaSpray]

I never charged either of my kids. DS stayed until he was 24... He couldn't afford to move out until then. As long as he held a job, he could stay.....

DD is 20 and has full time work. She has been in and out of college. I wish she would go back, but she doesn't want to right now. So that's fine.

My Mom didn't charge any of us rent either.

DD does all her own laundry, buys her own clothing, shampoo, food etc.

Like I said, my parents never charges us either. We really want to "charge" him because we want to teach him to be responsible and get prepared for eventually when he moves out on his own. We'd love to present him with a big check for a down payment on a townhouse, condo, house, etc. at that time. DSs can live here for as long as they want, but we really just want to avoid the kind of situation that I've seen on Dr. Phil, where the parents let the kids live in their house and the kids never did get a job or get on with thei lives, and became bums. lol I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing because DS19 is a great kid (except for wanting to leave college), and is an excellent worker at his job. We want to instill a good work ethic in him, and to start learning to budget on a wider scale than he's had to do for only his car insurance, gas, etc.

Your DD sounds like a good kid

 

[Loverly]

I think its a mistake to let him take a break from some sort of education.
If he's not doing well, he just might not be College material, but maybe trade would suit him. Taking a 9 month break will change nothing.

I would immediately invest in a professional testing to see what your son would be successful in, then have himn take classes at the local trade school or community college.

Computer Drafting, plumbing, electrician, nursing, and lots of other good paying jobs can be learned this way.

 

[PatsGirl]

I think it should be high enough so that at age 19 he realizes that life is not a free ride. You are offering to pay for college and that should be an incentive. If he chooses not to go to college, he needs to learn that hard work will get him everywhere and the opposite holds true as well. My son, turning 18 in a few weeks, has always been told that he had BIG choices to make when he graduates from high school: he could go to college and I'd pay as much as I possibly could (No, he can't go to a private college for $30K but yes, he could go to anywhere that might cost me $10K after all is said and done), he could join the military, or he could get his own housing wherever he chose. I also recently offered to pay for a one-way ticket to anywhere he wanted to go and check out. He chose the military. He had a choice and he is making it. If he had chosen to go to college and it didn't work out, I think I'd be in the same boat as you. I'd give him 6 months to figure it out (with minimal rent, maybe $50/week) and then let him know that he needs to make some choices.... like they say, JMHO. And, like others say, never say never... I've learned that mistake

 

[SeaSpray]

I see now. Under your citcumstances, I don't know what I would do.

Tough situation I am sure you are sad that he dropped out of college, but Tuff Cookie had a GREAT idea! I say follow her path!! Don't let him get too comfy with his good job, b/c he will never go back to school!!

Thanks.. Yeah, I was pretty sad when he told us his decision last week, although we weren't surprised at all. Intellectually he KNOWS he needs to finish college in order to be able to choose what kind of career he's going to have. However, apparently he still needs some time to mature in that area, and then decide for himself to get back to school.

You're right, tuffcookie had a great idea, and it's exactly why we want to charge DS while he's working full time. He knows we're here for him no matter what, and he knows we want what's best for him, but he's the one who has to actually make it happen.

Thanks everyone for your comments and experiences with this

 

[SeaSpray]

I think its a mistake to let him take a break from some sort of education.
If he's not doing well, he just might not be College material, but maybe trade would suit him. Taking a 9 month break will change nothing.

I would immediately invest in a professional testing to see what your son would be successful in, then have himn take classes at the local trade school or community college.

Computer Drafting, plumbing, electrician, nursing, and lots of other good paying jobs can be learned this way.

This is a good idea, thanks. He's a very bright person, and hard working once he's committed to something. He honestly never was committed to school. I think he went to college for the last year and a half to make us happy, and because he does realize that he needs an education.

Actually, his high school was a vo-tech where he had computer sciences, but the teachers were terrible (his first year he had a VERY OLD woman teacher who basically taught the students secretarial skills and NOTHING else, then she retired that spring. She did not care what she taught to those kids, she knew she was retiring), then he had a couple of other teachers who also were not teaching what the curriculum called for, then finally his senior year he had an excellent male teacher, but only 8 months of a good teacher doesn't make up for the other years. He was supposed to graduate with a Cisco certification and Microsoft certification but the material was just never taught

 

[Cool-Beans]

If I could afford it, I wouldn't charge the kids to stay here. Well, if they needed to be taught a lesson on how to handle money or something, I would...but I'd put it into a bank account and give it back someday.

I think 3/4 of my kids will move out and be fine. But there is one who may need a rude awakening, so I think about this, too. He's headed for a "Is that debit or credit?" or "You want fries with that?" kind of job, I fear. He's been hitting the books this year, so maybe/maybe not.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Pakey]

Youngest DS is one of "those", at 27, still living at home. He's manic depressive and every time he moves out, he gets himself into some sort of situation all over again and ends up back here anyway. He does work, doesn't make a lot of money, but he does work full time and has benefits. So we make him pay $50 a week plus he has to buy all of his own food and personal items and pay for his car, insurance and all of that. I don't do his laundry, wash his dishes, none of that stuff.

 

[MrsPete]

Am I the only one who would never dream of charging their college aged child anything?

I would not charge my college student anything to live in my house (whether it was year-round or just during the summers); however, if that same child wasn't attending school, I would charge rent and board -- and I would charge enough to make it "sting" a bit in hopes of pushing the child back into college. I'll gladly pay their way as long as they're in school.

 

[Auggietina]

We had this conversation with our DD13... our plan is to charge her something later on, when she has a job, etc, but we will save the money she pays for rent and give it to her when it comes time for her to move out on her own....we will not tell her we are doing that, but I believe it is a way to teach them to have financial responsibility in the real world...

My parents did the same thing. They charged me rent but when I did move out they used the money I had given them to buy furniture and a bed for me.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

I am 23 and my brother is 21 and we both live at home. I just graduated from college in May and have a full time job( though doesnt pay the best) and my brother is a full time firefighter.

My parents are not charging us as long as we both have jobs. We both pay for our own car payments, insurance, gas, etc..

 

[DVC Sadie]

PEOPLE: I am NOT asking if you should charge a COLLEGE student! I'm asking what any of you charge for ADULT children living at home and working full time AND NOT GOING TO SCHOOL. Thank you!

We charged our son 250.00 per month for room and board with the understanding that whenever he received a raise then so did we. He had no difficulties with this situation.

BTW, we put all of the room and board money into a mutual fund so he would have a great down payment for a house of his own.

 

[DawnCt1]

As of today, he's NOT in college anymore! Maybe I didn't make that fact clear He's a 19 year old adult male. He currently works part time. He's going to start working full time.

This is all HIS choice. We'd much prefer it if he stayed full time in college, but he hasn't been doing well and doesn't want to continue full time. We've been paying for almost everything for him, with the exception of his car insurance.

In that case I think you are doing the right thing, if only to show him that without a college or technical school education, it is harder to have money left over at the end of the week when you don't make as much as you could and you have bills to pay. For him to have 100% of his income as "disposable" would be doing him an injustice.

 

[ducklite]

DS pays $100 per month, and covers all of his own personal expenses. I put the money into savings and will eventually give it to him to help with a downpayment on his own home. I'd charge him more, but he has over $100 a month in medical expenses that he covers out of pocket, and doesn't always get f/t hours at work.

 

[Disney Doll]

My SIL charges her son, age 25, $25/week.
He is doing a vet internship, so isn't making a ton of money and isn't home a lot. I think they are going to save it for him and give it to him when he moves out too.

 

[maelstrom]

I'm 22 and my parents do not charge me rent and they never would. I pay for my cell phone line and for half of the DSL bill, because those were special deals I made with my dad. My parents would never dream of charging me rent and would never throw me out. My mother makes sure I know that I am *always* welcomed here, no matter what.

Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

ETA: my dad pays for my car insurance and car maintenance, and I pay for gas. However, the car is in his name and he legally owns it and could theoretically decide to not let me use it if he so chose. Being that the car is legally his, I don't really think I'm a horrible person to not pay the insurance on it.

 

[lulubelle]

If our DD came home and quit college, we would definitely charge her. We had that discussion and we said $250 per month. You want it to be enough so that they know they have to save $$ to pay for their own bills. She would also pay for insurance, cell phone and personal expenses, but not food. I feel really strongly about having to pay something. Otherwise, so many kids grow into their late 20's or 30's and never know what it means to earn and pay their own way, to truly be a responsible adult in society. They never outgrow the "my parents will take care of me" syndrome. KWIM? Good luck deciding SeaSpray

 

[Tuffcookie]

maelstrom wrote: Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

It's called, raising children into responsible adults.

TC

 

[Rence]

I teach part-time at the post-secondary level and I don't think that there is anything wrong with a young adult taking a break from education. I see too many students who are in school only because they are forced to be there by their parents. They aren't getting much of the education and to me it seems a waste of time and money. I then see slightly older students who took a break from school but are now coming back on their own terms. They are excited, motivated students who really put in the effort and get a lot out of school. Forcing a child to stay in school when they really don't want to, doesn't accomplish much.

But, if a young adult isn't in school, I don't think that they should have a free ride. I have coworkers at my full-time job who are in their 30s who still live at home. They have a nice car, big screen TV etc. they take big expensive vacations, but they aren't living on their own. Now it is not a matter of them being needed at home, I have a ton of respect for the adult child who lives with their parents to take care of them if it is needed. But I have little respect for older adult children who live at home so that they can have more spending money.

Of my friends who have adult children living at home, I see most of them charging in the $50 to $75 per week range, some a bit less, some a bit more. Almost all of them agree that if the child is in school - there is no rent - rent is only charged when the child has decided to no longer attend school.

Some variations that I have heard of: It is $50 per week, but goes up $15 per week (or some amount) every six months (or one year) etc. This makes it clear that the cost to live at home will go up and up and the child needs to plan on getting out on their own. Another is what was mentioned before - Rent is so much - but performing certain household tasks can reduce the rent.

Some have the child pay a portion of the utilities - (sometimes this is done instead of rent - like 50% of all utilities - other times it is a smaller percent in addition to rent) This helps to teach the child about the various expenses.

Most seem to have the child pay a portion of things like cable, broadband Internet etc. (Perhaps half - at the very least, the cost of the extra cable box for their room).

There are also variations on what is done with the money. In some cases it is rent period - the money goes to the parents and that's that. In other cases some of the money (or perhaps all of the money) is put aside for the child. The child either gets the lump sum when they move out (this makes it easier for them to move out as it provides for first and last months rent, plus security deposit, moving costs etc.) or it will be given back to the child to help with the down payment when they buy their first home etc. etc. Again I have son tons of variations on this.

Some parents have had to set out a contract with certain rules - such as those involving overnight guests etc. I had a good friend who's 19 year old son moved his girlfriend into the family home without permission. Turns out that the police consider him a legal resident of the home (even though he didn't own it) and therefore was free to have whomever he wanted to stay with him, so the parents were unable to boot the girlfriend. They finally had to boot the son and the girlfriend together to get rid of her (she was a real problem). Other things some parents will cover is drinking (if they are under 21 or if the parents have objections to alcohol in the home), drugs etc. You know your child best - if you think there may be a problem with any of these or other matters you may want to make it clear from the start.

 

[mickeysgal]

We really want to "charge" him because we want to teach him to be responsible and get prepared for eventually when he moves out on his own. We'd love to present him with a big check for a down payment on a townhouse, condo, house, etc. at that time. DSs can live here for as long as they want, but we really just want to avoid the kind of situation that I've seen on Dr. Phil, where the parents let the kids live in their house and the kids never did get a job or get on with thei lives, and became bums. lol I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing because DS19 is a great kid (except for wanting to leave college), and is an excellent worker at his job. We want to instill a good work ethic in him, and to start learning to budget on a wider scale than he's had to do for only his car insurance, gas, etc.

For what it's worth, I think your approach is right on the money. My brother is one of those that has never left home outside of a short-lived marriage and has never held down a solid job. What I don't want is a 40+ year old sitting on my couch, living under my roof, and contributing nada to the household. There is nothing wrong with making grown, adult children live by their choices. Contributing to the household in the form of rent is certainly reasonable. There is more to life's bills outside of car insurance and this will help him become more financially responsible. At some point, the kids have to realize that being an adult means having to act like an adult and that includes paying rent and other bills. A bit off topic: What about health insurance? When you drop out of college, most parent's health insurance plans won't cover kids anymore.

Saving the money for him to use later is a nice thing to do, by the way.

 

[Hixski]

maelstrom wrote: Honestly, I can't believe parents that charge their children rent. Do they suddenly turn into something different when they turn 18? They are still your child. You let them live there rent-free for 18 years and then decide you want to charge them rent? I think it's wrong.

It's called, raising children into responsible adults.

TC

Exactly. My parents did not charge us rent either. I left when I was 23. My brother is now 44 and has NEVER left. Why should he???? He only has to pay his car insurance. Room and board are free. He has never learned to be a responsible adult. For anyone wondering there is nothing wrong with him either. He has a good job he just now thinks the world revolves around him and mostly because he has never been made to be responsible. Sad really.

ETA.....I "think" he might pay a little rent in the last year or so. My mother would complain about how high everything was....taxes, food, etc. I told her I did not want to hear it if they were going to let his bum a** live there rent free. His rent would help to alleviate some of what she was worrying about.