How much do you give for a wedding present these days?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think it's tacky to bring a wrapped gift to a wedding, too, wherever it is held. Gifts should be sent to the home of the bride BEFORE the wedding if at all possible, or sent afterward. Bringing them to the reception is inconsiderate, IMO, as it means that someone in the family will have to take charge of it and arrange to have it taken home from the reception site.

Then someone needs to tell the Bride to tell the hall to not set up the gift table. Every wedding I have been to has had one.

 

[NotUrsula]

It makes sense to set up gift tables if the hall's usual clientele has a habit of showing up gift in hand -- there needs to be someplace to put the stuff. It's still an inconsiderate thing to do, though; much more thoughtful to have the gift delivered well before the wedding.

I had only one gift show up at my wedding reception, and the giver (my boss' wife) encouraged me to unwrap it there. I discovered why; it was a gag gift of sorts, beautiful but zany: a hand-engraved pewter serving platter in the shape of a pig. It still has pride of place in our kitchen, nearly 20 yrs. later. Every time I look at it I think of how much everyone enjoyed the joke. It *was* a pain to get home; though -- we left directly on our honeymoon, and crossing customs 4 times with a pewter pig plate was good for a lot of weird looks. (As to why I didn't have a relative ship it to my home -- let's just say that my family isn't the most reliable in the world about shipping things in a timely manner. I often get 3 yrs' worth of Xmas gifts at once.)

 

[hezreck]

I just celebrated 10 years of marriage. My whole wedding (including my dress) was less than $4,000. That was a wedding for 250 guests. My meal cost was $3.00 per plate. That is considered normal here. My DH brother is getting married tomorrow and the cost per plate is $3.50. And these prices aren't for a skimpy little reception. Granted it's buffet style and you have to line up to get it, but we eat with silverware and table linens. I would seriously be eloping if I lived anywhere else. $30,000 for a wedding is ridiculous! And, $50 is a great wedding gift here. $30 - $40 is the norm.

 

[DMRick]

I'd also say that giving on the basis of "covering the cost of my plate" is just simply crude! If that is what is "expected" I'd rather stay home! (BTW, do people call and ask how much their "plate" costs...or does one simply guess? Either way, it's crude...and ill-mannered in my opinion! )!

I don't think some of you are reading what we write. I know of no bride who has ever "expected" this..but it's what I want to do. I pretty much know, from the venue, what the cost of having me and mine was..and if that's what I want to to, who are others to judge. No bride told me to do that. That's my part for helping them start out. We all have different criteria for picking how much we like to give for a wedding. You can give yours, and i can give mine. It's not at all crude..it's just each persons decision. It's certainly not what the couple expected or what was needed for us to attend. Not everyone does this, but for those who do..well, it's our choice. I personally would never show up at a wedding with a gift...I bring a gift to the shower.

 

[Anne34]

I live in central NJ and just got married in May. In the northeast it is "normal" to get a gift in the $200-$250 area. I know this is something common just to this region though, from talking to friends who are origionally from out of state, I know gifts like that sound outrageous, and in a lot of areas it's weird to give a monetary gift and most tend to buy off the registry (in the northeast the registry is meant for shower gifts!). Our gifts ranged from $65 to up to $500 from a few generous relatives. But we know our friends and family...obviously we were thrilled with those who were generous and gave the higher amounts, but we also understood those that gave on the lower end. We knew they couldn't afford more than that and were grateful they could give us what they did. We were happy just to have everyone spend our special day with us - we certainly didn't want anyone to have any financial stress over a wedding gift! Unfortunetly weddings just go along with the rest of the mentality in this area...bigger is always better. That mentality is just one of the many reasons I keep giving my husband as to why I would love to relocate to FL

This sounds like the Chicago area too. When I first moved here I was shocked!!! My husband is from here and he kept telling me to give more at weddings (We were married in Wisconsin and the average gift was 25-50 except from the Chicago people).

 

[beck0321]

Wow, it's strange the different customs we have for weddings JUST in the US. Being from South Louisiana we have traditions all of our own that I guess some people could misinterpret as "tacky." There really isn't a "normal" amount to spend on a gift, really just whatever that person can give is appreciated. $250 seems a tad excessive for someone you don't really know. Most of our aunts and uncles didn't even spend that much for our wedding gifts. We got more than enough stuff though because we had invited SO many people. (Also, with most people, if they gave a gift at the shower, they didn't give one for the wedding).
Anyway, we also had a money dance where the people who participated gave each about $20. I know you're thinking this is tacky, but it's just a funny tradition in South Louisiana that no one thinks twice about. If you DIDN'T have one, people would be "talking" more about why you didn't.
My point is that, my DH and I weren't really looking at who gave what. We were just happy that everyone was there and thankful for whatever they gave us. OK one person, who apparently doesn't like my dad, didn't attend the wedding and sent a crappy, ugly, small re-gift vase with the original "to and from" tag for SOMEONE ELSE!!!! Why even bother? THAT I noticed! If you don't do something like that, anything you get will be fine.

 

[mikamah]

I live north of Boston, and most people tend to give money as a wedding gift. In my family we tend to give 50-100$ per wedding for cousins or friends, more for close family. I tend to give the 100 if I'm bringing a date. It is also considered an unwritten rule that the wedding gift should cover the cost of your wedding plate, but most people I know are very happy with their guest coming to join in their celebration, and happy with whatever gifts they receive.

 

[Princess Dot]

I guess I fall in the "cover the cost" category except I usually try to cover what I think they paid per person and then add some as a gift. 15 years ago weddings at a nice place were going for $85-$125 per person (and that was just for the dinner, not including the band, limos, flowers, video, photographer, etc) so I can imagine what the prices are now! It is not that I think I should pay for my dinner, but it just seems only right for the gift to reflect the type of party it is and how much they spent.

And yes I have attended very small informal weddings of close family that do not live in the NY area and then we are very generous because of the relationship not because of the scope of the party.

So now we usually give around $300 for an open bar, sit down, Saturday night wedding.

I wish I lived where I go get away with a $50 gift. Now is that per couple or per person? But come to think of it, I did get a couple of $100 gifts from couples that attended our wedding, eventhough we paid over $100 per person for the reception!

 

[msklcassidy]

I agree that I should not judge, sorry if it felt that way. I live in the St. Louis area (suburbs). Here it is considered very "rude" to bring a gift to the wedding...it is always sent in advance and, at the weddings that I have attended, a gift table is typically NOT set out. And cash or check is just not done (at least in the circles in which I run).

Though I've been to weddings which have $1 dances in other areas of the country and state, they are definitely not the norm here and are considered "tacky" -- just as a cash bar is also tacky. I certainly understand the person from Louisiana remarking that if one wasn't done in Louisiana people would wonder why. In my family, my grandmother would say something about putting on airs!

It's amazing to me how many different wedding traditions we have across the US -- even when we are not considering religious differences. I still say though that if I was the bride and I was given a gift of cash, I'd wonder why the person didn't invest the time into selecting a gift...cash is easy and one size does fit all...but it's still considered "tacky" here...and for that, I'm very happy!

Hope that Bride and Groom at the wedding you are attending have a lovely day and I hope that the ceremony/reception is both beautiful and enjoyable.

 

[NotUrsula]

Of course, in St. Louis you're not really married if you don't serve Mostaciolli at the reception. I heard about THAT for months!

Paying for dancing with the bride in S. Louisiana *is* one of those Cajun country traditions that is thought to be so much fun that it has carried over as the families have become more prosperous. Whether or not it is de rigeur depends on how French the community (and the family) is. Anywhere around Lafayette it would be odd not to have one, but in Baton Rouge and New Orleans you'll get them at about half the weddings you attend. (Obviously, the Baptists don't have them because they don't dance.) This is one place where flashing cash is common, as the more successful the guests are, the bigger the bills will be; it's kind of a macho thing for a lot of men: I once went to the wedding of the daughter of a (now former) US senator who has a French background; there were 3 ex-Presidents in attendance, along with a former French PM, and the CEO's of I don't know how many multinational corporations. The security was unreal. The bride ended up with over $50K on her dress by the end of the night. (This was in addition to the actual gifts that the guests sent, of course. The dance money was given to charity in this case.)

 

[shirleyb]

Don't lump all of us in the NE in the same boat! In my part of central PA (pretty rural) dollar dances are the norm and expected. Cash, checks or gifts are all perfectly fine, and $100 would be a very nice gift indeed. I would think $50 to $75 would be more the norm. And we don't sneeze at Fire Hall receptions either!

 

[JoJo's Mom]

WOW! This whole thread just amazes me.

I believe there is no right or wrong answer here. It all depends on where you live, what you can afford and the circle of "friends/family", etc. It seems to vary so much throughout the country.

Not that my opinion matters, but I was married 2 years ago. The average gift was $25-$50. Anything over $50 we were pretty excited about. Had we gotten those $250 gifts we would have felt rich!!!

What one might consider tacky - to others it is the norm. Like I said, I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer or a right or wrong way to do things. It certainly is interesting to read about it though!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I wish I lived where I go get away with a $50 gift. Now is that per couple or per person? But come to think of it, I did get a couple of $100 gifts from couples that attended our wedding, eventhough we paid over $100 per person for the reception!

For us it is just what "WE" give (be it "we" as a couple or "we" as a family).

When I am RSVPing, I am not purchasing a "ticket". It is what "WE" can afford. Since I was not consulted on the wedding planning to make sure the pp or per couple cost was within MY budget....to expect me to cover my costs in a gift is a bit....rude. Unwritten rule or not.

Now I'm not going to Wal-mart and buying a $2 coffee mug as a gift. But honestly--these admission cover charges are ridiculous! (wahoo--a couple years on the DIS and I can finally spell that silly word correctly!).

 

[DestinationDisney]

My boyfriend and I live in Central Jersey (Mercer County) and we ususally give our friends around $200-$250. My parents ususally give around $300. I know I'm going to get flamed for this but I'm just stating what the "norm" is for us and most people in my area.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What one might consider tacky - to others it is the norm. Like I said, I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer or a right or wrong way to do things. It certainly is interesting to read about it though!!!

Something only becomes tacky when the host or hostess expects it of their guests...or if the guest "changes their mind" on a gift once at the event as the event didn't meet their expectations. (someone posted of a friend who wrote a different check for less when dissatisfied with something at the reception).

 

[MegsMa]

Loved reading through this thread. My hope was that it would solve my question re a wedding DH and I will be attending in the very near future. Suffice it to say that the bride in this particular case has been married(several)times before, but this is the first for the groom. Groom is very successful financially. It is going to be a church wedding with a reception at an intimate dinner club for about 60 guests. Anyway, I was just curious as to what the current thoughts were regarding monetary wedding gifts. This thread hasn't helped. LOL! Now, I don't know whether to go buy a gift that they may not use or might think of me as being inconsiderate esp if I take it to the reception, or maybe I'll write a check, but it either won't be large enough or will be considered tacky! Oh, my! Seriously though, with so many different customs and so many cultures with so much more interstate(and international) weddings, I really believe that the couple themselves probably just want the guests to share in their joy of the day and really don't put as much emphasis on the present itself as those of us discussing this issue. We will give what we feel is the right gift and enjoy whatever ceremony and reception the couple has planned knowing that it is what they wanted, be it the same customs we are used to or something new for us to be part of. I am now ready to get off my soapbox. After all, I've got a wedding to get ready for!

 

[emh1129]

$50-$100 seems to be the standard where I come from.. I'm amazed at the $200-$300 gifts. Wow!

 

[dreaming3]

Traditions in the US are so different all over the country and in different social circles. Tacky? Who cares! Weddings are supposed to be fun celebrations!

At my wedding in 1992 one of my bridesmaids requested a Metallica song and the DJ played it - much to my surprise and shock! But it was such a hoot when all of our aunts got up and danced to a wild song they had never heard of before. Was it tacky to play "Enter Sandman" at a wedding. Probably, but everyone still says my wedding was one of the most fun the ever went to.

Anyway.... DH and I give $50 or more depending on the person. I think it usually runs about $100, but there are so many variables. Is it one of the millions of Irish cousins? $50. I would give a good friend or close relative $100-$250. If it was my sister there would be no limit.

 

[KimWDW]

We live near Boston. We give $150 for weddings. It's pretty much standard around here.

 

[dreaming3]

Oh and I want to add what I wrote above.

I always used to take the time to buy wedding gifts of silver or crystal. Beautiful classics. That is until one day I was at a friends several years after her wedding (her DH is good friends with my DH). She had a stack of boxes pulled out of her attic and asked me if I wanted anything before she disposed of them. In the spread before me was the still boxed beautiful silver platter that I had given her and her husband. I was appalled and hurt. When her back was turned I opened the box and found my card still inside. I pocketed the card and hid how horrified I was. Ever since then I only buy a gift when I know the person will definitely appreciate it. Otherwise its cash all the way!