How long do they believe????

[taximomfor4]

I think to her, knowing the truth makes her feel like part of the big girl club, but to me, I guess it's one more milestone that proves my little baby girl is growing up. Guess it was bound to happen!

I had to reply to this, about the big girl club. So far, I only know that 2 of my 4 kids don't believe anymore (just found out the 12 yr old knows today, and she says she doesn't know when she stopped believing -- a couple of years ago...although she also doesn't remember it ever being a discussion at school on the playground one way or the other).

Anyway, once I know they know, I tell them that the best part about "knowing" is that now they are "Santa" too. That you get to help keep the magic alive for all the littler kids now. We talk about keeping the truth to yourself, and getting to help mom Christmas shop a little.

BTW, my oldest and I had nearly the identical discussion...she, too, had known for a couple of Christmases already. She was 9 when she finally point-blank asked for the honest truth...so had "known" since 7 or so. I suspect she merely suspected at 7, knew at 8, and told me she knew at 9. I asked why she didn't come to me the year before, and she replied, "Well, SOME KIDS are afraid that if their parents know they don't believe in Santa anymore, they won't get presents from Santa anymore."

As little kids, we knew pretty young. I don't remember "finding out" ... I just remember being young and playing along when mom talked about Santa. And I know for a fact that none of us EVER had a Santa Talk with our parents. They probably haven't got a clue when we stopped believing. Just because we never asked our parents if Santa is real doesn't mean we all still believe, lol.

 

[brymolmom]

My 9 yo has asked me about 4 times this year if Santa is real. I always say "of course", because he asks me in front of his 6 yo brother. I don't want to be the one who tells him Santa lives in spirit only.

As a parent, would you tell him? Or would you just let the dream fizzle out?

This one is tough for me...I am going thru the same with my 8 and 7 year olds. 7 year old is more 'street smart' and likely already knows. 8 year old is more of a dreamer...and might believe forever (not that I would allow that - I would break it to him if he didn't figure it out SOON).

I don't consider it a choice between telling and a breaking a dream...I look at it more as continue lying or telling the truth. Kind of like 'where babies come from' - you put off the question until you think they are mature and old enough to handle the level of detail you are ready to give. Honestly, I think that 7 - 9 year olds are old enough to be 'let in on the secret'. I HATE lying to the kids and thus haven't done much of it - I will evade questions but usually don't say many things like 'oh I bet Santa just LOVED the cookies and milk we left him'. I don't get into that much detail so I don't have to lie as directly at least.

So while it is a bit sad they're getting older - I totally think that mine are ready to not be lied to anymore. So I haven't explained it fully yet - but they are totally questioning it on their own right now, so I'm letting the process play out in their own minds for the moment. They say a lot of 'I'm not sure if I believe in Santa' and things like that.

Oh and I do find it a bit odd that kids around this age would still believe that Mickey Mouse at WDW is "real" - it is so obviously a cotton costume, not a real mouse, not real hands, etc. I am surprised any child over the age of 5 would really think that way after they've been close enough for a picture once. But I guess everyone is different. My kids are just starting not to believe in Santa but I don't think they ever thought the characters at WDW were 'real' as in a live, living mouse.

 

[crisi]

Anyway, once I know they know, I tell them that the best part about "knowing" is that now they are "Santa" too. That you get to help keep the magic alive for all the littler kids now. We talk about keeping the truth to yourself, and getting to help mom Christmas shop a little.

We don't have "believers" left in our house. And no "little believers" who will visit us this year. My eleven year old daughter is down in the basement right now (sick day) wrapping the presents for her brother and dad. SCORE! I'll only have to wrap hers.

(I don't mind wrapping a few presents. The assembly line session around Christmas time I am SO over. On the other hand she's loving it).

 

[KristinU]

WOW, interesteing topic!

I was five when I asked my mom, but I pretty much had it figured out for a while. Once I realized that the Sesame Street characters weren't real everything else just fell into place.

I had to LOL because as an adult I went to watch Sesame Street with my DS...when I saw the names of the ACTORS who played Gordon, Maria, Luis, etc. I just about keeled over! My whole life I guess I thought they used their real names and were really married to each other and stuff!

Personally, for our family there is harm in encouraging a lack of skepiticism. They may be good for other families, but here, no. We raise skeptics and critical thinkers. Not believers in fairytales. I respect your right to raise your kids how you see fit and encourage them to believe however you want, but I wouldn't want my kids to believe at 10 or 12. Playing along....sure....pretending to believe...sure....buying into the "spirit of Christmas" ...sure. Having faith a fat man in a red suit leaves them presents....that wouldn't fly in our house.

I like this!

...Our Santa was already different to others - he never EVER went in their room to leave presents - that freaked out eldest DD - big, fat, drunk, bearded, old man leaving gifts IN THEIR BEDROOM - IN THE DARK nooooooo....

Tessa

LOL, my parents tell me that they had to leave my gifts outside of the house when I was little because I was so freaked out by a strange man coming into our house. I think they finally just kind of let me know so I'd stop worrying so much. I honestly don't have a recollection of ever thinking he was truly real. However, we always still had Santa gifts (and my mom still fills our stockings even though we live out of state! )

I do believe that my DS, 1st grade and will be 7 next month, is doubting this year. He's very funny about not wanting to see Santa...but still wants his gifts, that much is clear! We mailed his list rather than go for a visit and he got all shy and silly and turned away when we went to a fire turck parade the other night and there was a Santa on a couple of different trucks (several area towns/departments participated.)

We've done the elf on a shelf thing for a few years and my DS loves it, but I think he knows its us. Last year toward the end of "CC's" time with us, DS had him doing mischevious things for us to find rather than the other way around. And this year he has put a candy cane in my pocket and pointed to CC for it...so I think he's getting the picture.

All that said, I'm pretty sure he's not going to ask point blank since he likes the gifts My friend's kids are 13 and 9 and they've never mentioned it and still play along, but she knows they know...pretty sure the same will hold true in our house.

 

[lyncecelia]

So...yeah. For some reason I feel really stupid now LOL

I was 12 when I stopped believing. I was wicked smart though. In 6th grade I was already doing high school work. However, "Santa" was the only piece of childhood I had growing up. I was treated as an adult in every fashion except for Santa and Disney starting around 6. I had to be, my parents needed help with my autistic older sister and then later with my little sister. I was balancing their checkbook at 12 too (dad is disabled cognitively due to a high fever when he was young and mom isn't good at math) that's how I figured it out. I noticed $200 was missing and was freaking out "where did that money go Dad?! You didn't have that in the budget!" so they sat me down to tell me the truth so I didn't wake up my sister with my freak out We were sad, but they quickly grew happy when I started helping them figure out the best way to spread the money out so my sisters got more. that year I was an "elf in training" lol.

My sister was told the truth this year (she's 12). She actually sat me down and asked me point blank, so I told her about the story of St. Nick. I then told her to let my parents tell her, since she was the baby. So she asked my mom point blank 5 minutes later when she walked in. When my mom tried to deny it, I raised my eyebrow and DSis said "Oh come on, Fallon already told me." whoops! I'm pretty sure she was doubting for a few years now though.

But for me? I knew from a young age the difference between "real" and "fantasy". But Santa? That's all I had. Don't pass judgement on a child's beliefs until you know the whole story. And even then, it's not really your place.

 

[KristinU]

So...yeah. For some reason I feel really stupid now LOL

I was 12 when I stopped believing. I was wicked smart though. In 6th grade I was already doing high school work. However, "Santa" was the only piece of childhood I had growing up. I was treated as an adult in every fashion except for Santa and Disney starting around 6. I had to be, my parents needed help with my autistic older sister and then later with my little sister. I was balancing their checkbook at 12 too (dad is disabled cognitively due to a high fever when he was young and mom isn't good at math) that's how I figured it out. I noticed $200 was missing and was freaking out "where did that money go Dad?! You didn't have that in the budget!" so they sat me down to tell me the truth so I didn't wake up my sister with my freak out We were sad, but they quickly grew happy when I started helping them figure out the best way to spread the money out so my sisters got more. that year I was an "elf in training" lol.

My sister was told the truth this year (she's 12). She actually sat me down and asked me point blank, so I told her about the story of St. Nick. I then told her to let my parents tell her, since she was the baby. So she asked my mom point blank 5 minutes later when she walked in. When my mom tried to deny it, I raised my eyebrow and DSis said "Oh come on, Fallon already told me." whoops! I'm pretty sure she was doubting for a few years now though.

But for me? I knew from a young age the difference between "real" and "fantasy". But Santa? That's all I had. Don't pass judgement on a child's beliefs until you know the whole story. And even then, it's not really your place.

Wow, thanks for sharing your story. You are an amazing blessing to your family!

 

[kayrosek]

So...yeah. For some reason I feel really stupid now LOL

I was 12 when I stopped believing. I was wicked smart though. In 6th grade I was already doing high school work. However, "Santa" was the only piece of childhood I had growing up. I was treated as an adult in every fashion except for Santa and Disney starting around 6. I had to be, my parents needed help with my autistic older sister and then later with my little sister. I was balancing their checkbook at 12 too (dad is disabled cognitively due to a high fever when he was young and mom isn't good at math) that's how I figured it out. I noticed $200 was missing and was freaking out "where did that money go Dad?! You didn't have that in the budget!" so they sat me down to tell me the truth so I didn't wake up my sister with my freak out We were sad, but they quickly grew happy when I started helping them figure out the best way to spread the money out so my sisters got more. that year I was an "elf in training" lol.

My sister was told the truth this year (she's 12). She actually sat me down and asked me point blank, so I told her about the story of St. Nick. I then told her to let my parents tell her, since she was the baby. So she asked my mom point blank 5 minutes later when she walked in. When my mom tried to deny it, I raised my eyebrow and DSis said "Oh come on, Fallon already told me." whoops! I'm pretty sure she was doubting for a few years now though.

But for me? I knew from a young age the difference between "real" and "fantasy". But Santa? That's all I had. Don't pass judgement on a child's beliefs until you know the whole story. And even then, it's not really your place.

This is sort of my oldest child too and possibly why she's so determined to still believe. We try to let her be a kid as much as possible but my husbands a disabled vet with a ton of problems, I have health issues that sometimes put me in bed for days at a time, middle child has a list of medical issues and our youngest is on the Autism Spectrum. I'm sure it's hard being the oldest child and the only really "healthy" one in the house. I want her to have as much magic as possible especially since she's surrounded by sickness and doctors appointments and being the "helper" alot so I won't push the idea of Santa. If she wants to believe then I'll let her.

 

[Aryn]

I thought both my kids DD11 and DS8 both believed but it turns out I'm a sucker!

DD just informed me that she has known for 2 years that Santa isn't real, but wanted more stuff so she pretended to believe! Such a stinker



I told her the truth, but she was also not allowed to spoil the surprise for anyone else. Her brother still believes, we were watching TV and they had a story on poor families that had nothing for Christmas, and he said, Santa will bring them something even if they don't have any money. I had no idea what to say to that.

I think I agree with the 8-9 age range for not believing. Their friends get to them and ruin it.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I had thought my 9yo probably didn't believe anymore, but the other day he told me the kids at school were making fun of him for believing, but he was firm in his beliefs. He argued with them, they had told him that Santa used to be alive, but was dead now and he disagreed. I told him Santa is still alive because he is the spirit of giving so as long as you give with your heart he is alive. He said that's what he thought. I'm not sure when my 3 older ones stopped believing because they wouldn't want to spoil it for the youngest plus they still enjoy the Santa magic, milk and cookies, reindeer food, etc.

 

[elilala]

I don't really know. I asked my grandma when I was about seven, and she honsetly said no. But I grew up knowing that Santa is a game that we play. But even when I really knew that he wasn't real, I still pretended that he was, because we all know that you can't win a prize if you don't play the game