How long do they believe????

[tttessa]

Hiya,

my girls asked outright last year (7 +8) - they talked with older kids at school. Now, if they ask us an outright question they KNOW we will be as honest as we possibly can - we have always assured them of that. So we figured out they really wanted to know. They were fine with it, no big deal.

Our Santa was already different to others - he never EVER went in their room to leave presents - that freaked out eldest DD - big, fat, drunk, bearded, old man leaving gifts IN THEIR BEDROOM - IN THE DARK nooooooo....

Tessa

 

[Pastamom]

I can't believe how mean some of the posts have become...Way to celebrate the Christmas spirit

FWIW Every child will come to the conclusion at some point...but there isn't a magic age when they have to know is there?? I'm not sure why it's ok to put down other kids if they still believe or make assumptions about them...

IMO Kids should believe in something magical as long as they want - whether it's Santa, Mickey Mouse, etc. Couldn't we all use a little magic in our lives??? I know I could

 

[petrymom]

I have already posted on this thread, but I have subscribed to it and I continue to read everyone's posts. Something happened in our house that I felt I needed to share.

You know my story from an earlier post. SO - my DS15 was home yesterday and DD11 (who I think still believes) was out with friends. I have noticed some of my packages have been moved around lately and asked DS if his sister had said anything to him about Santa not being real.

His response was "mom I would never tell her anything. Let her believe as long as she can cuz to be honest with you my Christmas's have sucked since I found out about Santa." Man - that really hit home. I still do everything to give him the Santa surprises but it still isnt the same for him.

All I could say is WOW.....

 

[luvsJack]

Hiya,

my girls asked outright last year (7 +8) - they talked with older kids at school. Now, if they ask us an outright question they KNOW we will be as honest as we possibly can - we have always assured them of that. So we figured out they really wanted to know. They were fine with it, no big deal.

Our Santa was already different to others - he never EVER went in their room to leave presents - that freaked out eldest DD - big, fat, drunk, bearded, old man leaving gifts IN THEIR BEDROOM - IN THE DARK nooooooo....
Tessa

Well, when you put it THAT way, I am with your DD!! But, why on earth would he be drunk? or in their bedroom? Santa has always left gifts under our tree.


DGD saw Santa for the first time this year yesterday at Walmart. He just walked up to her to hand her a candy cane and out of the buggy she came and up her grandfather she climbed. Once she was in PaPa's arms she was ok with Santa but I think she needed to get "eye level" with him.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I have a 10yr old 5th grader and a 9 yr old 3rd grader. My 3rd grader still belives because every time I tell her that to be realistic with what she wants for Christmas, she said that it's ok because Santa will bring it. As far as i know my 5th grader does. If she doesn't, she has never said anything or even asked. She didn't make out a list for Santa as she has done in the past, but I didn't ask her to. My youngest just went ahead and did it on her own. A couple of years ago my youngest once questioned it and I said that "Once you stop believing, the presents may stop. I would want to take that chance." That is the one and only time I have said it. I think that is the reason why my 5th grader hasn't asked. They have also questioned why they don't get as much as someone else. My reasoning is that Santa has a reason for what he brings. Sometimes it's not about what you want necessarily, but what he feels you need or will get better use out of. I have used other reasonings too, but they are customed for the children they know.
I have explained that the Santa's in the malls are elves getting information and taking it back to Santa. They were neverkids that wanted to sit on Santa's lap so it's not a big deal. I have told them that no one really knows what Santa looks like.
Santa wraps his presents and leaves them in a separate pile near the fireplace.

 

[tttessa]

Well, when you put it THAT way, I am with your DD!! But, why on earth would he be drunk? or in their bedroom? Santa has always left gifts under our tree.

Ahhh - that's to do with the traditions over here - you leave a glass of sherry/whisky/something suitably boozy with a mince pie for Santa - a carrot for Rudolph. And - depending on family traditions - Santa usually leaves a stocking with little treats at the end of the bed and a load of presents under the tree.

Tessa

 

[Jessica14]

And (donning flame suit) I have a hard time with people who tell their kids something that is not true,and then get mad when some other kid mentions in front of their misled child the actual facts.
Not trying to debate telling or not telling your kids Santa is real, just have issues with a couple of young kids,one has been lied to,and told Santa is real. The other has always known he's not,any more than Donald Duck is real.
Why is it MY kids responsibility to help you perpetuate an untruth?
Why would someone else speaking truthfully in a public setting be so upsetting for anyone? Unless what one person considers ' keeping the innocence',another person considers it 'telling a lie'.
I wouldn't condone purposely hurting someones feelings by trying to insult them,but general talking,subject comes up with kids,one kid tells another.....
FWIW,I've never met a kid as old as 10 who didn't understand at least some concept of reality,physics,etc and know the diff. between a story and reality. I've met a few who 'play along' for their parents....

I just found this, so excuse me for not answering sooner. First off, to you it is a lie, to many of us it is not. It is truly not up to you or your child or anyone else to decide to tell my child "the truth." I don't lie to my children. Santa is a fantasy as many things are and children grow up way too fast. There is nothing wrong, at least in my opinion, in letting my kids believe and I think that others should have some common decency and tell their children that it is not their place to spread "the truth" and inform them that "Santa is a lie." It is common sense to not telling people things that may be hurtful. It is your children's responsibility, as it is my children's responsibility, to keep things to themelves if they know it would be hurtful. It's called kindness, not perpetuating a lie.

Really, I don't think there is any difference in this and having kids spread the facts of life to others. Many parents describe that differently to their kids and sometimes it is not 100% accurate for whatever reason (babies come out of the bellybutton is an example that I've heard). My DD7 knows very accurate facts. I know many would disagree with what I have taught her and don't want their kids to know otherwise. I tell her she MAY NOT discuss this with other kids because every family explains in their own time. It's common courtesy. Santa should be the same.

Hannathy, I totally got what you were saying to your fourth graders-don't spoil it for other, plain and simple.
Jessica

 

[luvsJack]

Ahhh - that's to do with the traditions over here - you leave a glass of sherry/whisky/something suitably boozy with a mince pie for Santa - a carrot for Rudolph. And - depending on family traditions - Santa usually leaves a stocking with little treats at the end of the bed and a load of presents under the tree.

Tessa

Really? Wow, I didn't know that. I guess the "boozy" stuff is to help him stay warm. Makes sense.

We don't do the carrot but we do make "magic reindeer food". Its oatmeal and mom's "special magic glitter" (clear glitter that I have kept in the kitchen cabinet only to be seen on Christmas eve). DD always sprinkled it all around the house on Christmas eve. It gave the reindeer food and it glittered at night so that they could see the house.

That's kinda nice about the stocking at the end of the bed. Gives them something to do before waking up mom and dad. I might want to have him hang it on the door knob though.

 

[tomaszewski58]

It is easy to keep the oldest one believing until the age of 10. After that, it gets harder and harder. There are so many conversations and inuendos.

I always think that once they start to get suspicious, that means they're getting older and smarter. And soon they will figure it out. Up til the age of 7 or 8, they would never even question the reality of Santa.

 

[Memories2make]

Mine was 11... it broke my heart but I still have two little one's 3 and 6 that believe. With my 11 year old I finally gave in this year, she's now 12, but last year a told her if I heard her say anything about it to me there went any chance of presents ... it worked and gave me the extra year.
It's hard once they hit middle school

 

[hulagirl87]

I was in 3rd grade when I found out. My sister and cousin "told" me. My mom got really upset about it. I still remember asking my mom about it and I'm 35 now She told me that if I still wanted to believe that I could. My mom would always wait until my sister and I had gone to bed on Christmas Eve to put the presents under the tree and would always label a few from Santa even after we knew that he wasn't really the one bringing the gifts anymore. It was magical waking up on Christmas morning rounding the corner and seeing the tree lit up and all the presents under it. I was ok with my mom being Santa. She did a great job

I'll cherish all the years with DD and the years that Santa will come and visit

 

[rubato]

I have already posted on this thread, but I have subscribed to it and I continue to read everyone's posts. Something happened in our house that I felt I needed to share.

You know my story from an earlier post. SO - my DS15 was home yesterday and DD11 (who I think still believes) was out with friends. I have noticed some of my packages have been moved around lately and asked DS if his sister had said anything to him about Santa not being real.

His response was "mom I would never tell her anything. Let her believe as long as she can cuz to be honest with you my Christmas's have sucked since I found out about Santa." Man - that really hit home. I still do everything to give him the Santa surprises but it still isnt the same for him.

All I could say is WOW.....

Poor guy. How sad.

 

[rubato]

I don't normally cry when I read the Disboards but this brought tears to my eyes. What a special little boy. I love this.

When I was in 4th grade my teacher told the whole class about Santa not being real and I will never forget that.

Thanks. I'm sorry it made you cry, but he is pretty special.

 

[crisi]

Oh, brother! No one is encouraging a lack of anything. My kids didn't believe past the age of 10 but its not like anyone said to them "you don't question, you just believe". I never even told them that about their belief and faith in God. They are encouraged to question and discover their truth. But I also encourage imagination and the love of make believe (maybe why we all love Disney so much).

I can't get over the big deal you people make out of this! They believe or they don't. When they are ready to learn the truth they will. If they want to hang on to the belief they will. That doesn't mean anyone encourages anything. If I am asked I say "I believe, but you have to decide for yourself" or I say "Do you think he is real".

As I said, you are free to raise your kids however you want. In our house, when our kids "figured it out" we praised their critical thinking skills, told them how smart they were, and welcomed them into the "grown up secret." We told them to protect that secret, since every kid gets to figure it out for themselves. We also encourage imagination and make believe - but also puzzle solving and pragmatism. For us, figuring it out was a sign of intellectual and emotional maturity worth celebrating - our job is to help our kids reach adulthood - and developing emotional and intellectual maturity is part of that - even if it means having to let go of that charming and wonderful stage where they do believe.

And we haven't changed gifts - not in quantity or quality. There are still "Santa presents" like there were before. However, now that the kids know - we get to have much more realistic conversations about what they want. And I wrap and put them under the tree as they arrive - which is way easier. No more trying to stay awake past the kids to get Santa gifts under the tree. They had a choice on that one, they said they'd rather have their gifts under the tree right away. And it makes for a very pretty tree.

 

[luvsJack]

As I said, you are free to raise your kids however you want. In our house, when our kids "figured it out" we praised their critical thinking skills, told them how smart they were, and welcomed them into the "grown up secret." We told them to protect that secret, since every kid gets to figure it out for themselves. We also encourage imagination and make believe - but also puzzle solving and pragmatism. For us, figuring it out was a sign of intellectual and emotional maturity worth celebrating - our job is to help our kids reach adulthood - and developing emotional and intellectual maturity is part of that - even if it means having to let go of that charming and wonderful stage where they do believe.

And we haven't changed gifts - not in quantity or quality. There are still "Santa presents" like there were before. However, now that the kids know - we get to have much more realistic conversations about what they want. And I wrap and put them under the tree as they arrive - which is way easier. No more trying to stay awake past the kids to get Santa gifts under the tree. They had a choice on that one, they said they'd rather have their gifts under the tree right away. And it makes for a very pretty tree.

Yes, we are all free to things by our own choice in our own families. I just don't think it should be alluded to that a family DOES NOT applaude intellect, maturity or reasonings skills because a kid believes in Santa. My kids have always been encouraged to be inquisitive and to find out about things for themselves, not to just blindly follow. But I also gave them the ability to hang on to this little bit of childhood if that was what they chose to do. If they asked I gave my answers and they could choose to look further or they could let it go, totally their choice.

It is a rite of passage and something ALL kids figure out (I don't know any college age kids that believe, do you?). Its not like one set of kids have much better critical thinking skills than another because they figured it out. And I don't think any child is going to be stunted from reaching adulthood because of a longer time of believing in Santa.

I don't much care how Santa is treated, talked about or believed in from one home to another. Each family will have to chose how to treat that paticular tradition for themselves. But that is all it is--a tradition its not something that has quite the bearing on intellect and critical thinking skills as you seem to feel it does.

 

[crisi]

Yes, we are all free to things by our own choice in our own families. I just don't think it should be alluded to that a family DOES NOT applaude intellect, maturity or reasonings skills because a kid believes in Santa. My kids have always been encouraged to be inquisitive and to find out about things for themselves, not to just blindly follow. But I also gave them the ability to hang on to this little bit of childhood if that was what they chose to do. If they asked I gave my answers and they could choose to look further or they could let it go, totally their choice.

It is a rite of passage and something ALL kids figure out (I don't know any college age kids that believe, do you?). Its not like one set of kids have much better critical thinking skills than another because they figured it out. And I don't think any child is going to be stunted from reaching adulthood because of a longer time of believing in Santa.

I don't much care how Santa is treated, talked about or believed in from one home to another. Each family will have to chose how to treat that paticular tradition for themselves. But that is all it is--a tradition its not something that has quite the bearing on intellect and critical thinking skills as you seem to feel it does.

Yep. It just that in valuing reason and intellect, and having children who are normal as to their emotional and intellectual development, I'd be really concerned if they hadn't figured it out by ten.

Now, had we encouraged belief, and when our children asked said "Santa exists" instead of "what do you think" and wrapped in different paper and used different handwriting and made it a HARD puzzle, and discouraged them from figuring it out, maybe belief at ten would be reasonable. But for our kids, it absolutely wouldn't be a reasonable belief at ten. But we wouldn't do that to our kids.

 

[Vandercapellen]

My DS is 7 and in 1st grade. He has asked me this year and told me his older (bratty, if you ask me) cousin told him and I simply told him to think about all of the things that she had told him in the past a consider how honest she has always been with him. Seemed to put him off the subject for this year.

Now, my story is a little different. My older cousin sat me down at 7 years old and told me all about Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and how babies are made all in one conversation Talk about traumatic

 

[fireflymedic]

My kids are 4 and 5 and they wont beleave me when I tell thim Santa is not real.

 

[Juliegirl1]

My ten year old went to see Santa this year - no problems. Then a week later he asked me if Santa was real. I asked him what he thought and he said that the kids at school said that Santa is really our parents. So then I asked him what he believed and he said, "They are probably right but I am going to continue believing because that means I will get more presents" Smart kid! I laughed and told him that no matter what he was not to tell any kids younger than he is what the kids at school told him. Then he asked me if I believed in Santa and I told him of course I do!

ETA: It's probably a good thing that he has caught on because I am about out of the wrapping paper that Santa has used the last 10 years - I bought several HUGE rolls that have lasted this long and just recycle my tags that I had a friend write out so the handwriting looked nothing like mine.

 

[DawnM]

I asked WAY too many questions at age 6 so mom finally told me. I really didn't care as I had pretty much figured it out on my own.

We don't really do Santa.....it is more of a wink, wink. We are realists. We don't feel it is lying to your kids or anything and I really don't care what others do, but we just talk a lot about the real St. Nick and how the idea of Santa started. But we don't do a man in a red suit who comes to every child in the world to bring gifts.

Dawn