High School Volleyball Try-Out Drama (Out of Town)

[Chocolate Cake]

The whole attitude of sports worship and sports taking priority over family obligations is troubling but I don't see it changing any time soon.

It is crazy that the schedule was not released earlier. Everyone is expected to drop everything and attend the tryouts? The airfare loss alone would be upsetting enough for me. Now add in the anticipated trip and the last moments planned with sis/mini vacation before college begins.


All will most likely be cancelled because a person gave only 3 weeks notice for a major event. Must be good to be king.

Our high school summer auditions/tryouts/ sports camps/band camps were always posted in April so parents could make summer break plans accordingly.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Thanks everyone for your personal stories, comments and ideas on how to proceed from here. I read each and every one and some very good points were made.

To be honest, we probably should've realized that volleyball was right around the corner, but we were too preoccupied with the idea of moving our other daughter to college so I didn't do my due diligence by asking when the try-out dates were going to be held. Sometimes, it is easy to overlook some of those things when one thing is dominating your whole life.

I really wish they would've had a make-up date scheduled for the girls who had a conflict with the original date. But, I don't make the rules and I don't want to be "that mom" who expects the rules to change for me. I feel they should have their dates posted at least a couple months in advance to help with summer planning.

She has been at all the summer v ball events, the coaches know her talent, she is vital to the team's success, so this is the part I struggle with. The try-out process is more grueling for someone coming in fresh to the sport, or who might be a mediocre player fighting for a particular spot against another girl of equal talent. I feel as though my daughter doesn't have to fight for a spot, so the process is merely a formality for her.

See my struggle? I can hear myself being hypocritical as I type this....LOL.

When she is finished working today, I am going to have her sit down with us to discuss what she wants to do. I can call Southwest Airlines too and see if they have an earlier flight she could take home on her own and what the cost would be. I don't like the idea of her staying home alone, but I can have the neighbors keep an eye on the house for us. I trust her....I just worry about things like fire, burglars, etc. even though we live in a very safe suburban area with a very low crime rate.

Thanks so much everyone. I know this seems like a petty vent. I'm just disappointed in either the process, or us. Maybe a little of both.We just never get to do family "vacations" anymore, and we were hoping to have this one with all of us together.

 

[PollyannaMom]

If she's comfortable flying alone, I think I'd let her come home early for tryouts. I'd hate to see her miss out on the last year of doing something she's been a part of for so long, and the fee to change one ticket wouldn't be as bad as changing them all. - Do you have family around who could get her from the airport? Or is there a friend on the team she could stay with?

I'm not a sports person, so maybe I'm just missing something, but it does seem silly to me that people who were already on the team last year need to try out again. I would think the coach would already know her skill level, and could just decide if someone new was better by seeing the new person.

 

[rigs32]

I can't imagine what chaos would reign of coaches allowed some to skip and others to have a make up day.

While the specific days may not have been announced until now, it should have been on someone's mind as you planned this trip. Practice was going to start at some point.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

We have two going into senior year as well and have also found that, at this age, it's difficult to eek out what used to be easy family vacations, due to other obligations the young people now have themselves. We've had to do a lot of "splitting up" this summer, too. I'm relieved to hear you booked with Southwest, as they make it fairly easy to change iteneraries. You can actually do it yourself using the Travel Tools section of their website. Find the flight you want to change to and then change it online. You may have to pay higher cost if the ticket prices are different.

We also have an athlete and he's had to make some tough choices this year, too. It guess it's not such a bad thing, reallly; probably a good lesson for life going forward. I do see both sides of it, though - if you start to make exceptions, it gets hard. OTOH, blanket rigidity sometimes seems unnecessarily harsh. We've been fortunate that most of the people DS is around have been very reasonable. But DS also does his part by being dedicated and hard working on his end. I hope you can work it out to everyone's satisfaction. I hear your disappointment you have to split up at such a special family time.

 

[SEA333]

If she's comfortable flying alone, I think I'd let her come home early for tryouts. I'd hate to see her miss out on the last year of doing something she's been a part of for so long, and the fee to change one ticket wouldn't be as bad as changing them all. - Do you have family around who could get her from the airport? Or is there a friend on the team she could stay with?

I'm not a sports person, so maybe I'm just missing something, but it does seem silly to me that people who were already on the team last year need to try out again. I would think the coach would already know her skill level, and could just decide if someone new was better by seeing the new person.

It is the way it is. Kids change from year to year, and one girl may blossom over a year and get better than someone who was on the team last year (remember....the OP's daughter is trying out for Varsity, not just for *any* team). Another kid was was amazing last year may have had a growth spurt or broken an ankle in the off-season or whatever, that changes the way they play. We teach our kids everyday to keep working hard so they can get better at whatever it is they want to get better at- why would they (or we) care or make the effort if they know that they don't have a chance just because some other kid played last year?

Each year is a new start - for everyone. Not just the kids who are the "stars". My son is a sophomore this year, and he is trying out for the Varsity team in his sport/position. He wouldn't have a shot if the coach just took the Junior from last year (who, to be honest, my son beats every time they go head to head). There might be an amazing sophomore that can give the OP's daughter a run for her money...but the coach will never know that if he doesn't hold tryouts and see them go against each other.

 

[SEA333]

Thanks everyone for your personal stories, comments and ideas on how to proceed from here. I read each and every one and some very good points were made.

To be honest, we probably should've realized that volleyball was right around the corner, but we were too preoccupied with the idea of moving our other daughter to college so I didn't do my due diligence by asking when the try-out dates were going to be held. Sometimes, it is easy to overlook some of those things when one thing is dominating your whole life.

I really wish they would've had a make-up date scheduled for the girls who had a conflict with the original date. But, I don't make the rules and I don't want to be "that mom" who expects the rules to change for me. I feel they should have their dates posted at least a couple months in advance to help with summer planning.

She has been at all the summer v ball events, the coaches know her talent, she is vital to the team's success, so this is the part I struggle with. The try-out process is more grueling for someone coming in fresh to the sport, or who might be a mediocre player fighting for a particular spot against another girl of equal talent. I feel as though my daughter doesn't have to fight for a spot, so the process is merely a formality for her.

See my struggle? I can hear myself being hypocritical as I type this....LOL.

When she is finished working today, I am going to have her sit down with us to discuss what she wants to do. I can call Southwest Airlines too and see if they have an earlier flight she could take home on her own and what the cost would be. I don't like the idea of her staying home alone, but I can have the neighbors keep an eye on the house for us. I trust her....I just worry about things like fire, burglars, etc. even though we live in a very safe suburban area with a very low crime rate.

Thanks so much everyone. I know this seems like a petty vent. I'm just disappointed in either the process, or us. Maybe a little of both.We just never get to do family "vacations" anymore, and we were hoping to have this one with all of us together.

OP, I totally get it - I have a HS athlete, too, who most people find to be very talented in his sport. DH and I mostly talk about his talent level privately. His coaches and other parents talk about it publicly. And I get that you can pretty much look at the rest of the kids and see where your own kid stands in the talent pool.

But I'm not sure I would ever consider a tryout "merely a formality" no matter now vital someone is. That's awfully condescending. If your DD gets hurt or doesn't make sure that tryouts remain vitally important to her, she will cease to be vital, and the coach will have to make someone else the vital link. The vital players are very often the leaders on the team, and showing up to tryouts is not only considerate, but shows leadership and a willingness to be a team player.

I know you are just trying to work this all out in your mind, and are frustrated and not in control of what really is a crappy situation. And probably an emotional mess with your one DD going off to college (the thought makes me cry already and mine still has three years to go). Please know that I am not trying to be mean. As a parent of a competitive athlete, I think you know what the right decision is in your heart already.

 

[sonnyjane]

Good thing you're booked through Southwest. Easy changes/cancellations!

 

[PlaneJoy1]

This is high school.... she's played her previous 3 years.... you are out of town for a family trip/vacation that was scheduled around a specific college move in date which, to me, the coach should see a priority in. I would go up the chain to the Athletic Director for the school and see what he/she says. I know our AD would absolutely make an exception based on these circumstances. Each school is different, I know, but family should be the priority. A separate try-out and/or try-out at practices could be arranged.

My two cents....

 

[Southernmiss]

Yep. It's tough when you've got active, involved kids. School here ended May 22nd. We managed to get away with DH on a business trip in June for one week and then a couple of days at the 4th of July. Other than that, DD13 has had volleyball or soccer practice every weeknight. She's a middle schooler who made one of only 2 open spots in high school volleyball--so she definitely knows how hard she has to work to get and keep her spot on the team. DS started band camp on Thursday. This Friday, after he finishes band camp for the week, we take him 45 minutes away for a weekend retreat. And that's after we take DD 3 hours away for weekend volleyball camp that day. They are both picked up on Sunday afternoon. Not sure how that will happen, yet. Then DS will continue his 2nd week of band camp. The youngest 2 start school on August 6th. So summer is essentially over.

We're also getting a son ready for his first year of college (move in Aug 15/16) and the oldest is spending his last 2 weeks studying abroad in Europe (Lucky Duck). There's a family reunion 5 hours away next weekend that we'd love to go to, but it's not feasible this year with all of their activities. There just are not enough days in a year. And I feel time slipping away too quickly. Only 5 years and they'll all be finished with high school. Goes way too fast!

 

[SEA333]

This is high school.... she's played her previous 3 years.... you are out of town for a family trip/vacation that was scheduled around a specific college move in date which, to me, the coach should see a priority in. I would go up the chain to the Athletic Director for the school and see what he/she says. I know our AD would absolutely make an exception based on these circumstances. Each school is different, I know, but family should be the priority. A separate try-out and/or try-out at practices could be arranged.

My two cents....

The priority for college move-in is for the college student, not the high school volleyball star. it doesn't seem our of the realm of possibility that the coach/athletic director would only have time to worry about their athletes....Personally, as Varsity high school coaches are one of the biggest avenues of resource for college play (if that is what the student so chooses, and I am sure that there are players on the OP's DD's team who are), I would be much happier knowing that he/she sets a specific tryout time and doesn't worry himself about each prospective players big sister's college move-in date. Hopefully, the coach is instead spending his/her free time contacting college coaches for the girls who want to play for a college team or creating a game plan for the upcoming season.

I'm sure that the OP could go "up the chain" and be the squeaky wheel to the AD, and the AD might even cave and say OK. But does the OP really want to be that parent who is basically telling the entire HS athletic department that her family doesn't have enough respect for the program to get their DD to tryouts? They are not "new"...they have been there, done that, for three years now. From what the OP has posted, it doesn't sound like she wants to go do down that avenue, but I could be wrong....not trying to put words in her mouth.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--I can totally understand forgetting about checking that date while caught up in figuring out everything you need to do to help get your oldest off to college---I just can'T see how that has translated int being annoyed at only having three week'S notice (when, as you say, you ought to have known it would be around this time) instead of being slightly annoyed none of you thought to check and mostly just frustrated that everything is happening at once.

Anyway, I hope you can change the airline ticket, your DD does fine at home on her own and that your other DD's move in goes well.

 

[Hrhpd]

This is high school.... she's played her previous 3 years.... you are out of town for a family trip/vacation that was scheduled around a specific college move in date which, to me, the coach should see a priority in. I would go up the chain to the Athletic Director for the school and see what he/she says. I know our AD would absolutely make an exception based on these circumstances. Each school is different, I know, but family should be the priority. A separate try-out and/or try-out at practices could be arranged.

My two cents....

The problem with making an exception for one player and having her try out at a later time is that you make the entire team wait until her try out to know whether they made Varsity or not. They cannot announce the team until everybody has tried out. That is not fair to the team. And it is a team, not just the elite players. I would be livid if my child tried out for a team and then had to wait on pins and needles for another week or even several days because an exception was made for a senior just because she might be a better player. Showing preferential treatment to some players is how you breed bad blood on a team.

 

[mom2rtk]

It really doesn't seem like "drama" to me. I'd be kicking myself for not anticipating that very issue.

I hope you can work your plans around so she can enjoy part of the trip.

 

[mjkacmom]

The problem with making an exception for one player and having her try out at a later time is that you make the entire team wait until her try out to know whether they made Varsity or not. They cannot announce the team until everybody has tried out. That is not fair to the team. And it is a team, not just the elite players. I would be livid if my child tried out for a team and then had to wait on pins and needles for another week or even several days because an exception was made for a senior just because she might be a better player. Showing preferential treatment to some players is how you breed bad blood on a team.

And I'm sure these tryouts involve playing with other players. I've never heard of exceptions being made for any teams here, and there shouldn't be any. Many families have to arrange their schedules around tryouts, missing family reunions, weddings, funerals, etc. Taking a sibling to college seems to not be an emergency situation.

 

[declansdad]

This is high school.... she's played her previous 3 years.... you are out of town for a family trip/vacation that was scheduled around a specific college move in date which, to me, the coach should see a priority in. I would go up the chain to the Athletic Director for the school and see what he/she says. I know our AD would absolutely make an exception based on these circumstances. Each school is different, I know, but family should be the priority. A separate try-out and/or try-out at practices could be arranged.

My two cents....

As a coach, if an AD changed my try-out rules they would be finding a new coach.

 

[deedeetoo]

My kids do high school sports. The tryouts are about the same time each year and I always pencil them in on my calendar even though I'm not sure of the exact date. DD also does cheer and the whole team goes to a cheer camp each summer. I emailed the coach in the spring to get the dates so that I would make sure not to schedule something during the time.

What we have here is that you were very busy with planning for the oldest kid, and forgot about volleyball. You made a mistake. Don't try to blame it on the coach. It was your oversight that led to this situation.

So the question now is what do you do? I think there are two choices: either your daughter quits volleyball or you rearrange the vacation schedule so she can make tryouts. I would never ask the coach or school athletic director to make accommodations because you forgot about tryouts. And your daughter may be good but no one is indispensable. At our school if you don't show up for tryouts you don't make the team. The only allowances is for injuries.

 

[Colleen27]

And let's not forget half of the academic classes have heavy reading assignments over the summer. Summer break? What summer break?

At least books the kids can take with them!

I'm really hoping no fall sports for next year - after three years of football my son isn't playing any more, so of course DD had to decide to give high school volleyball a chance (even though she didn't much like middle school volleyball; she thinks it might be better in a more structured, organized program). I hate the way it eats up the summer, especially since there are so few good times to travel with high schoolers without them missing too much school. We have some big trips in the works (first time going overseas) but finding time to take them is going to be impossible if she continues with volleyball!

Our high school summer auditions/tryouts/ sports camps/band camps were always posted in April so parents could make summer break plans accordingly.

I'm jealous! We didn't even get the school calendar until the last week of school, and then the sports stuff started coming out about two weeks later but has changed twice since the kids got the initial schedule. And we still don't have a final games/tournaments schedule that indicates which events are varsity-only; that'll come in late Aug, at which point I'll know what weekends we might be able to plan something for between now and Thanksgiving. I was an athlete myself as a teen but I'm really coming to hate high school sports culture!

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm confused. Do the tryouts conflict with the move in days or with family vacation days (that were going to be taken before move in day)?

If it's move in day that's the conflict, what difference does it make when you found out about tryouts? Even if you knew six months ago, there'd be a conflict.
If it's a vacation day that's the conflict, I agree it's a shame, but I also think the responsibility is on the parents AND the teen. You've been through this for three years now, so presumably SOMEONE should have remembered "hey, tryouts are usually around that time, I better check."

For those who don't understand, it's the way sports is at that level. I would hope an exception would be made in the case of the death of an close family member or injury. However, a family vacation should be planned around tryouts, especially for a senior.

 

[sk!mom]

I assume that there is a strong likelihood that she would make the team so I would make sure that she was at home for the tryouts. A two day trip would not be worth missing her entire senior season. I would have her stay with a friend or I would be fine with a rising senior being home alone for two days.

This is assuming that the sport is important to her and she would want to be home for it.