High School Volleyball Try-Out Drama (Out of Town)

[sk!mom]

SW is so easy about cancellations and changing bookings. Just change her return.

Thanks everyone for your personal stories, comments and ideas on how to proceed from here. I read each and every one and some very good points were made.

To be honest, we probably should've realized that volleyball was right around the corner, but we were too preoccupied with the idea of moving our other daughter to college so I didn't do my due diligence by asking when the try-out dates were going to be held. Sometimes, it is easy to overlook some of those things when one thing is dominating your whole life.

I really wish they would've had a make-up date scheduled for the girls who had a conflict with the original date. But, I don't make the rules and I don't want to be "that mom" who expects the rules to change for me. I feel they should have their dates posted at least a couple months in advance to help with summer planning.

She has been at all the summer v ball events, the coaches know her talent, she is vital to the team's success, so this is the part I struggle with. The try-out process is more grueling for someone coming in fresh to the sport, or who might be a mediocre player fighting for a particular spot against another girl of equal talent. I feel as though my daughter doesn't have to fight for a spot, so the process is merely a formality for her.

See my struggle? I can hear myself being hypocritical as I type this....LOL.

When she is finished working today, I am going to have her sit down with us to discuss what she wants to do. I can call Southwest Airlines too and see if they have an earlier flight she could take home on her own and what the cost would be. I don't like the idea of her staying home alone, but I can have the neighbors keep an eye on the house for us. I trust her....I just worry about things like fire, burglars, etc. even though we live in a very safe suburban area with a very low crime rate.

Thanks so much everyone. I know this seems like a petty vent. I'm just disappointed in either the process, or us. Maybe a little of both.We just never get to do family "vacations" anymore, and we were hoping to have this one with all of us together.

 

[Bec3b1g]

Thanks everyone for your personal stories, comments and ideas on how to proceed from here. I read each and every one and some very good points were made.

To be honest, we probably should've realized that volleyball was right around the corner, but we were too preoccupied with the idea of moving our other daughter to college so I didn't do my due diligence by asking when the try-out dates were going to be held. Sometimes, it is easy to overlook some of those things when one thing is dominating your whole life.

I really wish they would've had a make-up date scheduled for the girls who had a conflict with the original date. But, I don't make the rules and I don't want to be "that mom" who expects the rules to change for me. I feel they should have their dates posted at least a couple months in advance to help with summer planning.

She has been at all the summer v ball events, the coaches know her talent, she is vital to the team's success, so this is the part I struggle with. The try-out process is more grueling for someone coming in fresh to the sport, or who might be a mediocre player fighting for a particular spot against another girl of equal talent. I feel as though my daughter doesn't have to fight for a spot, so the process is merely a formality for her.

See my struggle? I can hear myself being hypocritical as I type this....LOL.

When she is finished working today, I am going to have her sit down with us to discuss what she wants to do. I can call Southwest Airlines too and see if they have an earlier flight she could take home on her own and what the cost would be. I don't like the idea of her staying home alone, but I can have the neighbors keep an eye on the house for us. I trust her....I just worry about things like fire, burglars, etc. even though we live in a very safe suburban area with a very low crime rate.

Thanks so much everyone. I know this seems like a petty vent. I'm just disappointed in either the process, or us. Maybe a little of both.We just never get to do family "vacations" anymore, and we were hoping to have this one with all of us together.

Ouch!

Sorry, I don't see the struggle. I have 3 boys on college athletic scholarships, one of whom was drafted out of high school (Isn't signing, though. Going to college). My boys would never approach try-outs feeling like they don't have to fight for a spot on a team and that it's merely a formality. No one is that good!

Southwest is probably the best airline out there for ticket changes. They make it super easy.

 

[Riff Off Gal]

I know if I was your daughter I would be pretty pissed. It really sounds like she puts a lot of work into being successful at Volleyball. I can't believe the coach will not budge for a Senior who has been on the team for years. I am going to be a Junior this year and although I don't play sports I know if I had dedicated a lot of time on something I would like to play, but on the other hand I would be angry with the coach and maybe just skip the team just because the way the coach is acting. The bottom line it should be your daughters decision.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I'm amazed at how many people expect the coach to bend to fit THEIR schedules!!! So he does it for you. Now he has to do it for everyone??? And the thought that the OP's daughter gets a "pass" because of her talent??? Yeah, I can see that going over real well.


You think your child deserves a pass. So does Susie's mom and Ann's mom and Lisa's mom and Courtney's mom and Madison's mom and on and on and on. You really want to put the coach in that position?

There are hard and fast rules for a reason. Now it's up to the family whether they bend to meet them or not. Plain and simple. No coach owes anyone's child any favors.

And the WORST thing is for mommy or daddy to contact the coach and ask for such favors!

 

[jrmasm]

I know if I was your daughter I would be pretty pissed. It really sounds like she puts a lot of work into being successful at Volleyball. I can't believe the coach will not budge for a Senior who has been on the team for years. I am going to be a Junior this year and although I don't play sports I know if I had dedicated a lot of time on something I would like to play, but on the other hand I would be angry with the coach and maybe just skip the team just because the way the coach is acting. The bottom line it should be your daughters decision.

My DD played a fall sport in high school. Because there were summer practices and camps, she always had an idea of when tryouts were way in advance because they were with the coaches a lot when school wasn't in session. I don't think the coach is acting in any way. I think the OP's daughter messed up.

 

[CF'er]

No one on any team is indispensable. If she wants to play she needs to be at tryouts baring injury or a death. And in the case of injury I would still expect the athlete to be at tryouts. If I were the parent of another player and there was a player who was guaranteed a spot without trying out I would be super mad. I may "know" that Susie is going to be on the team but Susie is at least going to have to go through the motions of tryouts like everyone else.

 

[Riff Off Gal]

I'm amazed at how many people expect the coach to bend to fit THEIR schedules!!! So he does it for you. Now he has to do it for everyone??? And the thought that the OP's daughter gets a "pass" because of her talent??? Yeah, I can see that going over real well.


You think your child deserves a pass. So does Susie's mom and Ann's mom and Lisa's mom and Courtney's mom and Madison's mom and on and on and on. You really want to put the coach in that position?

There are hard and fast rules for a reason. Now it's up to the family whether they bend to meet them or not. Plain and simple. No coach owes anyone's child any favors.

And the WORST thing is for mommy or daddy to contact the coach and ask for such favors!

I understand the coach can't show favoritism but to only give families 3 weeks notice during the Summer where most families take vacations is not a lot of time. There at least should have been a meeting set up before the try outs were to schedule to get parents input on what might work for both parties. I don't think that was offered.

 

[SirDuff]

I know if I was your daughter I would be pretty pissed. It really sounds like she puts a lot of work into being successful at Volleyball. I can't believe the coach will not budge for a Senior who has been on the team for years. I am going to be a Junior this year and although I don't play sports I know if I had dedicated a lot of time on something I would like to play, but on the other hand I would be angry with the coach and maybe just skip the team just because the way the coach is acting. The bottom line it should be your daughters decision.

About the only thing I agree with is your last sentence! If you dedicated a lot of time for something, dedicate a few more minutes to ask the coach about try-outs if you are booking something for around when the tryouts are. That would be part of "putting in a lot of work into being successful at volleyball".

 

[sam_gordon]

I know if I was your daughter I would be pretty pissed. It really sounds like she puts a lot of work into being successful at Volleyball. I can't believe the coach will not budge for a Senior who has been on the team for years. I am going to be a Junior this year and although I don't play sports I know if I had dedicated a lot of time on something I would like to play, but on the other hand I would be angry with the coach and maybe just skip the team just because the way the coach is acting. The bottom line it should be your daughters decision.

Here's the other side of the coin though. Imagine yourself a sophomore who's trying out for the team. Your family wanted to take a vacation at that time (it was the only time that worked with parent's work schedule), but decided (after asking the coach for an exception and being denied) to skip the vacation and go to tryouts. THEN you find out a senior was able to skip tryouts to go on a family vacation? No, life isn't fair, but that's not a good way to promote "team spirit" to start a season.

 

[Riff Off Gal]

My DD played a fall sport in high school. Because there were summer practices and camps, she always had an idea of when tryouts were way in advance because they were with the coaches a lot when school wasn't in session. I don't think the coach is acting in any way. I think the OP's daughter messed up.

If the daughter did mess up and did know before the 3 weeks notice then that is a totally different story.

 

[sam_gordon]

There at least should have been a meeting set up before the try outs were to schedule to get parents input on what might work for both parties. I don't think that was offered.

Are you kidding? Ask the parents when would be a good time for tryouts? There are 12-15 (?) girls on a volleyball team, to say nothing about those who tryout but don't make the cut. Do you really think you'd be able to find a week that makes EVERYONE happy? Would more notice have "been nice"? Sure. Would it make a difference in this family's plans? Maybe. Should this family (who has participated in this sport for the last three years) have known about when tryouts would be held? Absolutely!

 

[Riff Off Gal]

Are you kidding? Ask the parents when would be a good time for tryouts? There are 12-15 (?) girls on a volleyball team, to say nothing about those who tryout but don't make the cut. Do you really think you'd be able to find a week that makes EVERYONE happy? Would more notice have "been nice"? Sure. Would it make a difference in this family's plans? Maybe. Should this family (who has participated in this sport for the last three years) have known about when tryouts would be held? Absolutely!

At least there could have been a meeting to give parents a time frame to choose from way more in advance than 3 weeks when the mandatory try outs were announced.

 

[yeahdisney]

I would change the ticket. DS has his schedule for the coming year for his activity. I was looking at times to go to disney for this coming school year. I can not find any dates that we can go that does not clash with that schedule. It states all missed practices must be approved by the coach. I emailed the coach and received no answer but school is out. I figure I will get the response, but too late. Ah well no disney for us this year first year in 11 years.

 

[sam_gordon]

At least there could have been a meeting to give parents a time frame to choose from way more in advance than 3 weeks when the mandatory try outs were announced.

I'll agree a meeting could have been held towards the end of school for any girl interested in playing, here's what's involved. This could include try out dates, summer work outs, estimated costs, all of that kind of stuff. I disagree with having parents pick a date. Even my kids (school & select sports) have been dictated to when tryouts will be. If we (including the kids) want them to participate, you find a way to be at tryouts.

 

[Riff Off Gal]

I'll agree a meeting could have been held towards the end of school for any girl interested in playing, here's what's involved. This could include try out dates, summer work outs, estimated costs, all of that kind of stuff. I disagree with having parents pick a date. Even my kids (school & select sports) have been dictated to when tryouts will be. If we (including the kids) want them to participate, you find a way to be at tryouts.

I don't think the parents should have picked the date for tryouts. The coach or school or whatever should have given them a time frame at the end of the school year to when the try outs should have been. Not just popping up 3 weeks in advance and saying this is when try outs are be there or your out of luck.

 

[sam_gordon]

Just because of this thread, I looked up my state's rules. They actually have the dates posted for the first allowable practice for every sport through the 2017-2018 school year. There's also apparently a national (I thought it was only state) "dead" period where coaches can't have contact with players. Those dates are listed through the 2019-2020 school year. So that's two weeks every year any family should be able to schedule vacation without being REQUIRED to attend a school team sponsored activity. Why they have the same "dead" period for summer and fall sports (it's usually the first two weeks of July) as they do for winter and spring sports I don't understand. I think they should have different dead periods.

I believe the dead period only factors into those states/schools that follow NFHS rules/guidelines.

ETA: Reading some more, the "dead period" may only be for my state. I saw the dates listed under "KHSAA/National Federation Standard Calendar" so that's why I thought the dates may be the same nationwide.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't think the parents should have picked the date for tryouts.

I apologize for the misunderstanding.

 

[declansdad]

I understand the coach can't show favoritism but to only give families 3 weeks notice during the Summer where most families take vacations is not a lot of time. There at least should have been a meeting set up before the try outs were to schedule to get parents input on what might work for both parties. I don't think that was offered.

There may have been 3 weeks notice of the actual dates but this is a school team and the try-outs would be held pretty much at the same time each year. Families would have had the entire summer to take their vacations so the timing of shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone.

 

[jrmasm]

At least there could have been a meeting to give parents a time frame to choose from way more in advance than 3 weeks when the mandatory try outs were announced.

High school athletes are responsible for their own schedules. And tryouts are likely scheduled based on the state's rules for high school sports. Parents' schedules are irrelevant.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I understand the coach can't show favoritism but to only give families 3 weeks notice during the Summer where most families take vacations is not a lot of time. There at least should have been a meeting set up before the try outs were to schedule to get parents input on what might work for both parties. I don't think that was offered.

If she's a senior and has played three years already, they knew the approximate dates of the tryouts. There was no huge surprise here!