Has anyone ever been in this position/situation?

[C.Ann]

Lots of good suggestions here..

Hang in there.. Things will get better..

 

[browneyes106]

OP, you sound like a relative of mine. I don't intentionally ignore her but she is kind of annoying and I have nothing in common with her. I don't post an anyone's wall but my own usually unless I have something specific to say to that person. I will comment on other people's posts when I feel it's warranted. Maybe your family/friends find they can't relate to you or that you are too whiny/inquisitive/nosy/big mouthed ??? Who knows unless you ask them ?? Maybe their lives are just crazy with everything they are doing and on't have time for themselves let alone call you to ask you to do soemthing or even call you back if you a leave a message.

I don't know you personally, but you sound like my cousin does... she has been posting things like this post on facebook for a while now. She has done some crzy things in her life and I don't gt her. I just want to ask her how/why ??? her kids ahve been taken away and her life is not right. I don't feel any connection wiht her, just disgust mostly from what I've heard about her lately. maybe you should ask honestly, your family/friends, why you aren't included.

I think the main reason I don't ask my friends and family why I'm not included is because I don't want to sound whiny or needy. I think I will maybe stop calling and emailing them for awhile.

 

[browneyes106]

OP,

You mentioned mental illness. Have you been diagnosed with depression/bipolar? Whilst loneliness is normal of course, I get a certain vibe from your post - more than loneliness, more than a desire for friendship - it's like a quiet desperation, a sense of 'there's no point in hoping to be invited to a b or c cause they'll ignore me anyway. They've all got great lives and I'm left out." I'm not trying to be cruel. Honestly. It's just that I've been like that in the past and, like many other symptoms of depression, it feels SO real but is, in fact, a part of depression. Are you on medication? I know anti-depressants are just a crutch but what a great crutch! Lol.

I remember at various times when I was in my 20s feeling left out, feeling unimportant. But here's the worst part. When you feel like that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, in my opinion. You actually start to eminate a vibe of desperation - 'like me', 'call me', 'don't forget ME!'. You might not speak those words but you communicate the sentiments nonetheless. And, sure enough, nothing repels a person more than that because it's too intense for them.

When I was diagnosed years ago with depression my doc said 'do you feel like a social misfit, like you have to make huge efforts just to blend in?'. I was shocked. The answer of course was yes. Because even when I was out with friends I felt so over-the-top sensitive and vulnerable. That's depression. I haven't felt like that in years. Prozac is my god.

So my advice is... talk to your doc about this - suggest some meds or, if you're already on them, try others. But, very important, be very positive. Try not to give off a negative vibe. Laugh, be laid back and be ASSERTIVE. We are drawn naturally to assertive people. ACT all of this if you must at the start. For example instead of calling up a friend/relative and saying: "um, would you, um, come for a drink. I'm so down. If you're busy don't worry.". Say: "hey summers nearly over, I'm getting in some wine and treats, let's get together and have a nice treat day!"

it sounds cheesy I know but really it's important that you come across as undemanding and positive (even if you're initially acting!).

I was diagonsed a few years ago. I take lamictal which is more of a mood stablizer than anti-depressant. I try to be laid back with people and like I have said in other posts the reasons I don't speak up is because I don't want to come across as whiny or needy.

 

[browneyes106]

Sounds like its time to shake things up in your life.
Get a new job (volunteer, work part time, anything)
Take a class
Teach a class
Join a book club
whatever interest YOU.

As far as your family and friends, feed them! Hold a big "Back to Autumn" BBQ in a couple of weeks. Cook a crock pot of chili, roast some hot dogs over an open fire, play some boards games....
I'm a real loner, so once in a while I have to make sure to do this kind of thing or people forget I exist

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. Just remember nobody is here to make your life happy for you. You have to do it. Now get out there and meet some new people!

I'll be starting some graduate work on my MBA in a couple of weeks. I will be taking two on campus classes and one online class. But in the past it's hard to make friends in class because people are also working and have families. Most of my relatives who live in town will be gone for Labor Day weekend. Maybe I'll try inviting a couple of friends over. More than likely my boyfriend will be doing stuff with his friends.

 

[MSB123]

Now I say this with love because I was one of the most socially awkward people in the world when I was younger and spent a long time trying to learn how to interact with people better without turning them off.

If you feel you are turning too many people off, think about your pattern of behavior:

- are you excessively loud & boisterious? Never stop talking, never let a person get a word in edgewise, cut people off, etc...

- do you inflict your misery on people all the time, always turning the conversation to all the problems you have in your life? Do you unload too much too soon, or unload too often, and most of it is about problems?

- do you have a bad attitude when you're around others and complain a lot and whine about not wanting to do this or please lets don't do that?

- do you boss people around and make things more complicated than they have to be, or always tell them they're wrong about things and your way is better, or try to "one up" them on everything?

- are you quiet and withdrawn, or detached, which people might percieve as you not giving a damn or thinking you're too good to talk to them? That might not be your intention, but it can seem like this.



Now I'm sure you're a nice person, the fact that you even care shows it. I don't mean any offense. But for some of us social pressures may cause us to act in ways that turn people off without realizing it. If we go back and think about our patterns of behavior around others, we might realize, "hey, maybe I ought to let up on bringing people down with my problems and smile and enjoy myself more," or, "woah, I gotta stop telling people what to do," or, "hey, I'm so shy they might think I don't give a damn about them... maybe if I at least smile a bit more and tell them 'this is fun, thank you for inviting me, I like being with you' they'll know I'm not thinking I wish I wasn't there."

 

[DebIreland]

. Maybe I'll try inviting a couple of friends over.

DO IT!!! They might say no but they might say YES. Don't think about it, just do it. Let us know how it goes.

 

[browneyes106]

Now I say this with love because I was one of the most socially awkward people in the world when I was younger and spent a long time trying to learn how to interact with people better without turning them off.

If you feel you are turning too many people off, think about your pattern of behavior:

- are you excessively loud & boisterious? Never stop talking, never let a person get a word in edgewise, cut people off, etc...

- do you inflict your misery on people all the time, always turning the conversation to all the problems you have in your life? Do you unload too much too soon, or unload too often, and most of it is about problems?

- do you have a bad attitude when you're around others and complain a lot and whine about not wanting to do this or please lets don't do that?

- do you boss people around and make things more complicated than they have to be, or always tell them they're wrong about things and your way is better, or try to "one up" them on everything?

- are you quiet and withdrawn, or detached, which people might percieve as you not giving a damn or thinking you're too good to talk to them? That might not be your intention, but it can seem like this.



Now I'm sure you're a nice person, the fact that you even care shows it. I don't mean any offense. But for some of us social pressures may cause us to act in ways that turn people off without realizing it. If we go back and think about our patterns of behavior around others, we might realize, "hey, maybe I ought to let up on bringing people down with my problems and smile and enjoy myself more," or, "woah, I gotta stop telling people what to do," or, "hey, I'm so shy they might think I don't give a damn about them... maybe if I at least smile a bit more and tell them 'this is fun, thank you for inviting me, I like being with you' they'll know I'm not thinking I wish I wasn't there."

I'm not loud and I am bit shy though. I always try to be talkative.

 

[becjlek]

I know how you feel. I have the same feelings. I get left out a lot by my family being the only female in the house. Also, my inlaws will not let me say anything. When I try to join in a conversation they just start talking over me like I am not there. I hope things get better for you. I know what it is like to be invisible.

 

[ginna74]

op

I also have a mental illnes (am bipolar) and my family just don't seem to relate to me at all, the ones that talk to me now that is. I tend to push people away. I don't mean to at all though. My social graces are def not there. I talk to much period, but when I am anxcious I just don't shut up and that really turns people off. everyone that I meet for a second knows my life story but I am getting better with that and the cashiers thank me I am sure. I am taking medication as well but am getting off seraquel and trying ablify again (YAYYYY) in the very near future. It is hard dealing with a illness and thinking that no one understands you on top of that, even your realatives. But I do know that a few are there for me even though they may not understand what I have. And as for friends, I am to myself really but have a couple close friends that I see on occasion. I am a loner really and I have prefered it that way. But now as I see myself getting a little more out going I don't mind being around people as much as I did before. I was so embarrassed that I would do something stupid I would go into hiding. I truelly could not handle being around people for a long time, and that included realatives. And they could/still do really handle me. I am actually wanting to get out more and it feels good I am on facebook now and updating my "wall". But my "deamons" are still there, I just feel I am controlling my disease where it was controlling me before. I understand where you are comming from completely. I know I am rambling here and I hope I am not comming accross as preaching but just wanted to share what I am going through an you are def not alone here.

 

[browneyes106]

I know how you feel. I have the same feelings. I get left out a lot by my family being the only female in the house. Also, my inlaws will not let me say anything. When I try to join in a conversation they just start talking over me like I am not there. I hope things get better for you. I know what it is like to be invisible.

The same happens to me a lot with people talking over me and not letting me say anything.

 

[browneyes106]

op

I also have a mental illnes (am bipolar) and my family just don't seem to relate to me at all, the ones that talk to me now that is. I tend to push people away. I don't mean to at all though. My social graces are def not there. I talk to much period, but when I am anxcious I just don't shut up and that really turns people off. everyone that I meet for a second knows my life story but I am getting better with that and the cashiers thank me I am sure. I am taking medication as well but am getting off seraquel and trying ablify again (YAYYYY) in the very near future. It is hard dealing with a illness and thinking that no one understands you on top of that, even your realatives. But I do know that a few are there for me even though they may not understand what I have. And as for friends, I am to myself really but have a couple close friends that I see on occasion. I am a loner really and I have prefered it that way. But now as I see myself getting a little more out going I don't mind being around people as much as I did before. I was so embarrassed that I would do something stupid I would go into hiding. I truelly could not handle being around people for a long time, and that included realatives. And they could/still do really handle me. I am actually wanting to get out more and it feels good I am on facebook now and updating my "wall". But my "deamons" are still there, I just feel I am controlling my disease where it was controlling me before. I understand where you are comming from completely. I know I am rambling here and I hope I am not comming accross as preaching but just wanted to share what I am going through an you are def not alone here.

I have bipolar II that is sometimes known as soft bipolar. My disease doesn't really effect my social skills that much. There are times I want to be alone but most of the time I don't want to be alone. I do my best to connect with people and it seems to never work.