Going to Disney without the spouse

[mastermind307]

I am a big Disney fan and would go to Disney World more often, if I could afford it. My husband, however, doesn't like it as much and doesn't want to go as often. So after our October 2015 trip, it was decided that the next trip I took would be a mother/daughter trip. And the plan was for us to go in 2018. Well now that time has come for me to begin planning, he is complaining that he won't get a vacation next year. I asked him if he wanted to come on our trip, and he said not necessarily. It's not that I don't want him to come, but I've been looking forward to just me and my daughter going.

He thinks it's odd to not go on vacation together. I've read about other people going and leaving the non-loving Disney spouse at home. I would understand if I went to Disney every year and we never took a vacation together, but that's not the case. I just wanted to go to Disney and enjoy it without having to worry about whether or not he's having a good time. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem like it will happen now.

Has anybody else dealt with this situation?

 

[Tink_83]

Yes. We still do a long weekend for the family but something closer to the house (so we can drive) and something a little less expensive for the year. Also you should set a budget you are both ok with and stick to it. Or figure out how much extra you would spend if he came and then use that as the budget for the family vacation... in other words the Disney mother / daughter trip for us would not replace the family vacation...

 

[westie55]

My husband comes to Disney with me sometimes, and sometimes I travel with other family (such as my parents or sister) without him. I think part of what makes this work for us is that my trips without him are never at the expense of us taking another trip together as a family. He is generally content to have a weekend at home catching up with his buddies, working on his car, etc. while I take my toddler son on a "girl's" weekend with my sister. If I couldn't afford to do both, I would probably skip the Disney trip without him so we could do something together, but a weekend trip is fairly affordable so I tend to take shorter trips when he isn't joining us. This works well for us, but every marriage is different.

 

[srwarden1928]

In the years we were married, DW and I occasionally took trips without the other. Our agreement was that family vacations came out of joint funds and separate trips came out of separate funds. I think the fact that we each had some money of our own was part of the reason we never argued about money in 21 years of marriage. While I never went to Disney without her, I probably would have if she had taken another girls trip, but she only did that once in the early years when I couldn't get away because of school. As PP stated, there was ALWAYS a family vacation that was not affected by separate trips. That worked for us.

 

[Klayfish]

This is really a personal and relationship decision. I would be on the side of your husband. I think it's odd to go on a "family" vacation without the spouse. I would never dream of going without my wife. A few years back, a business trip took me to within 15 miles of WDW. I refused to get anywhere close to WDW because I didn't want to go without her or the kids. No, we're not "tied at the hip", but to me a family vacation is just that, a "family" vacation. Without my wife, no way.

 

[Cinderella94]

Do you have a son also? My SO and I don't have children yet, but I'm trying to think about how I'll feel when we do. If you have a son also and could make it a girls' trip for the two of you, and a guys' trip somewhere else for the two of them, that might be fun. I don't think I'd feel right leaving him by himself though. Not only would I feel bad but it just wouldn't be as much fun to me.

 

[loves to dive]

My honey never goes to Disney with us. I was a single mother for years and my son and I always did WDW every other year. After my honey and I got together, those mother/son trips continued. We invited honey but he hates crowds, he hates to travel and he hates to walk so he happily stays at home. I even take one solo trip to WDW every year, I also take long weekend solo trips to other places. I love to travel and since he doesn't it works for us. He will go on a dive trip but now that he's gotten older, even those have become fewer and getting to some place with a long plane trip even further apart (he smokes and can't go that long without a cancer hit). He has offered every once in awhile to go on one of my long weekend beach trips but we tried that once, he pretty much stayed in hotel room while I went down to the beach or explored so it just didn't make sense for him to go again.

 

[Nayan]

Can you afford both a family vacation and the Disney trip? If not, then I would forget the Disney trip and pick somewhere else to go, especially since it sounds like your husband wants to go somewhere with all of you.

 

[TJDisneymama]

Every year me and the kids went on vacation with my family (sister, father, etc.) without DH b/c either he couldn't get the time off (teacher), or if during the summer, sometimes he would have a class (college) that week....or sometimes he just didn't want to go.....but mostly because we couldn't afford to go away so often if he came, lol. Not a huge deal, IMO, if both spouses agree.

 

[mastermind307]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

 

[dprincessmom]

I am a big Disney fan and would go to Disney World more often, if I could afford it. My husband, however, doesn't like it as much and doesn't want to go as often. So after our October 2015 trip, it was decided that the next trip I took would be a mother/daughter trip. And the plan was for us to go in 2018. Well now that time has come for me to begin planning, he is complaining that he won't get a vacation next year. I asked him if he wanted to come on our trip, and he said not necessarily. It's not that I don't want him to come, but I've been looking forward to just me and my daughter going.

He thinks it's odd to not go on vacation together. I've read about other people going and leaving the non-loving Disney spouse at home. I would understand if I went to Disney every year and we never took a vacation together, but that's not the case. I just wanted to go to Disney and enjoy it without having to worry about whether or not he's having a good time. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem like it will happen now.

Has anybody else dealt with this situation?

My DH wasn't a big Disney fan. He went twice with us. The first time was DD's 8 bday surprise. He went into AK and Epcot for a few hours with us and that was it. The last trip, we didn't even get him tickets. We stayed at Contemporary so we could watch fireworks a couple of nights and ride the monorail with DD as a family. Disney just wasn't his thing. If he wasn't in the parks with us he would explore on his own, but I felt like we couldn't do our touring like we normally would because we should spend time with him. When he did go with us, I would spend more on the hotel, dinners so that he was comfortable.

We started doing girls' trips (with friends or other family members) but not week long trips (usually 4 or 5 days) and we could do WDW like we wanted with no guilty feelings. By going with another party we also saved money as we split the hotel costs by the number of people staying, so I was usually getting repaid for 1/3 to 1/2 the room costs for mod or value. Then later in the year, we would take a family trip again usually 4 or 5 days so that I could still cover with vacation time. He would also take a week off that he would go and do things that he enjoyed or just have down time.

The point being we didn't let our different feelings on Disney cause hard feelings. We both knew that everyone had a better time if he didn't come with us, and he enjoyed the trips we took later that weren't as action packed or likely ones that I or DD would have picked. I would be very frank with him and ask if he were to go what would he hope to accomplish? No you don't want him to not go, but you want to have a good time without worrying about him being happy. What doesn't he like about Disney? Depending on his answer, are there things he could do that he enjoys (hanging at the pool, reading, exploring central Florida) while you and DD do the parks and meet later at a resort for dinner?

There's no real easy answer for this as it seems like from the way you posed the question, he doesn't want to go but doesn't want to get left out either. Good Luck - you will find something that works for you and your family.

 

[J'aime Paris]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

Get a backbone girl!
What gives DH the right to change up your plans that he agreed to?

And the fact that you'll give up this trip for you and DD unless he has a change of heart....WOW, I cannot even comprehend that!!!

 

[my2lovedisney]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

Nope. Sorry, personally I would go and leave him home. He can go enjoy one of his hobbies while ya'll enjoy Disney.

 

[smadath]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

He agreed in 2015. Right after a vacation. Since then your 1 family vacation was a disaster. Maybe your DH realized that he wants to spend quality time with just you and DD, and doesn't want to waste at least another year to do it?

When I was little, my Mom and I always went on vacation with her parents. Dad stayed home because he had to work. While the vacations were ok, I always wished Dad could have gone with us. Maybe ask your DR her opinion, and see what she thinks?

 

[Tink_83]

Do you have a son also? My SO and I don't have children yet, but I'm trying to think about how I'll feel when we do. If you have a son also and could make it a girls' trip for the two of you, and a guys' trip somewhere else for the two of them, that might be fun. I don't think I'd feel right leaving him by himself though. Not only would I feel bad but it just wouldn't be as much fun to me.

Or even if there is only one kid her husband could take the daughter somewhere for bonding just the two of them... it's not bad for kids to spend time with just one parent so long as there is still family time for all of them together IMO

 

[Tink_83]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

Knowing this I'd say you should go. You verified with him prior to purchasing non refundable tickets so I'd tell him that he agreed to it and to get over himself. I'd offer to let him plan the other trips but after money has been spent AND you have been working to save for the trip when he also has "expensive hobbies" he still spends money on, then no this does not sound like joint money anyway since you've asked for gift cards, etc to pay for the trip.

 

[Nayan]

Now that you stated you have already bought tickets and gift cards and he was okay with it then, I would tell him too bad, you're going. If he's having a snit over it, then that's on him not you. Plan the trip, go and have a great girls trip!

 

[kboo]

Not sure if this has been covered before, but is this his p/a, sheepish way of saying he'd want to come along after all? ITA w PP that since you got tickets and everything else, you should go, but maybe see if he wants to go along after all?

But what he isn't allowed to do is 1) refuse to go and make you and DD cancel your trip; 2) have a snit while you go without him, since he agreed to this before; 3) make you beg him to go and then he goes along grudgingly and complains the whole time. He can stay home and not complain, or he can come along and not complain; 4) use your trip as an excuse to spend more money on something that's "just for him" as a way of evening things out.

Edited: And if he does go along, he is allowed to have alone time if he needs a break from the parks, etc. I wonder if he feels like he'll be missing out on something if he doesn't go, or there's some "fairness" aspect of it that he feels is not being considered.

 

[prprincess]

If he's okay with you going without him, then do it. My husband is not a big traveler, and I've been on a few vacations without him. He's perfectly fine with me seeing the world on my own since he's a homebody and prefers to be home. My sons and I went to Disney without him last August, and honestly, it didn't feel strange nor was he upset about not going with us. I don't know, you only live once and although he's my husband I adore him, I'm glad that this difference between us doesn't stop me from doing things that I want to do.

 

[jeepnjudy]

This is tough because we do not know the dynamics of the relationship but to me it sounds "deeper" than just the trip. That being said, is there any way to compromise as others have mentioned above such as taking him along but also letting him enjoy some downtime away from the parks or not go in the parks at all. That could be an option to still allow him to join the family but not necessarily participate in all the Disney chaos. Just a thought!