Going to Disney without the spouse

[Dis703]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

I had a similar reaction from my husband. We took a family trip when my twins were almost 2 with plans for a second family trip just under a year later (and bought APs to save money). The summer in between there was talk of going again for a short trip and his response was to go without him because we were already going too many times. So I planned a mother/son trip with my oldest who was 5 years old. Since we had APs already and found cheap flights it didn't cost much to go for just a few days. He was grumpy about it after even though he told me go without him.

FF we've had a few more annual trips. It's really the only place I have interest in going and our three kids absolutely LOVE it and ask me all the time when we are going back. He told me after our May 2015 trip he was done, and given his general grumpy attitude I was fine with that. He also told me he doesn't think we need to vacation every year and that we could just do day trip stuff at home (which we already do anyhow). So that fall I went to Disney just overnight with my sister and her BF and then got APs so I could take the kid's on individual mother/son trips the following year. Then he whined about me getting vacations and he didn't. The same guy who told me vacations weren't necessary. I told him if he wanted to find a place that we would all enjoy going, that we wouldn't have difficulty with safe foods for the kids (all three have major food allergies) and that was no more expensive than our usual budget he could plan a vacation. He had zero interest in planning anything so I went forward with a 3 day trip with each of my twins and then planned one for my oldest that turned into a 5 day trip with all of us. Again he says this year he absolutely will not go to Disney so I'm planning more mommy and me trips with my boys. I wish I could find another adult to come along so I could take all three, but there is no way I'd manage the parks with all of them alone so shorter individual trips it is for now.

I know plenty of moms who take their kids on trips without their spouse or one child at a time to get a little individual quality time together and I think it's great.

 

[DLgal]

OP, GO! Your husband is being a jerk.

If you are so inclined, add up how much he spends on his hobby every year and tell him you will be using THAT amount to take your daughter to WDW. He is being controlling and manipulative and it's time for you to put your foot down. He already told you this was something you could do. So do it.

 

[Helene_C]

Would OP's husband be interested in a non-Disney vacation near Orlando, that could be hitched on to the end of OP's trip with her daughter? Then OP gets her special mother-daughter Disney trip with no Eeyore around, but the family also gets a vacation together while only paying one set of airfare.
My husband is not as big a Disney fan as I am, but gets how much I love going with my kids, so in the past few years we've gone twice as a whole family mixed in with me going twice with just the kids. This summer I'm taking the kids to Disneyland for several days on my own, and then DH is flying out to meet us for the rest of the vacation.

 

[LovesTimone]

DH and I love Disney and are AP holders and locals sooooo we go a lot. We vacation sorta differently, we take a lot of small trips anywhere from 3 to 5 night all year long. So if I wanted to have a girls weekend or mom and kids trip DH would have had no problem with it. Our kids are married with kiddos of their own now, but we started vacationing like this from the beginning and it works great for us. We also find that we are more rested with the shorter trips, it saves on the budget end, which allows us to be able to go more often. It gives us something to look forward to in the immediate future verses having to wait a whole year.

So far our trips this year - We spent 5 nights in January (POR) at Disney with DD, DGS, SIL, for DGS 2nd birthday and 1st trip. Went for our anniversary to Vegas in April for 4 nights got a amazing deal on Expedia all in at around 800 for RT air and resort we stayed at the palms which we really enjoyed. We are heading to Amelia Island for 2 nights next week free trip company paid for. During the summer we will haul the boat somewhere overnight a couple of times we stay super cheap at small locally own spots, Heading to NYC sometime during November again hoping for a great deal on Expeida, and then our annual Christmas trip ( Early December) to Disney for 2 maybe 3 nights looking at you AP holders deals, we just love to wander around and see all the decorations, and all the special Disney Christmas magic. Then maybe back to Vegas for New Years this is a big maybe depending on what our casino host can do for us.... Also a couple of trips to GA, to see our other DD, and we will be welcoming another grandbaby into the world in November. One of the trips to GA my mom and I are going, then heading into NC to see some family for a day or two. Oops we are going to travel with another couple later in the year not sure when, I think we are going to an all inclusive in the Caribbean somewhere, but this is all still up in the air right now.

Maybe you need to change up how you look a vacations as in the length of the trips, this way you get to see Mickey and the gang without a pouty DH, then do something he will be willing to join in and enjoy. Maybe visiting a shorter time at Disney might make him more cooperative.

Next year we are planning on a longer trip either to Alaska or internationally somewhere it will depend on what deal we can get either way.

 

[mastermind307]

Thanks for all the replies, they give me some things to think about. I talked to DH about whether or not to go next year. He did say DD and I should go since I already have tickets and he knows how much I love Disney. That being said, he said he will miss having a vacation next year and worries about us traveling alone. We decided to wait until we know how much DD braces are going to cost. We should know by the end of the month and then we'll look at finances to see if next June will work or if we'll need to wait a bit longer before going.

Since I already have 7 day parkhoppers, DD and I will go and do just Disney on this trip. But on future trips we can incorporate some other attractions of DH choosing.

My brother-in-law just got a job in Ft. Myers FL so my sister and her family are moving to FL. Hopefully we'll be making more frequent trips to FL and can do some other stuff that DH will enjoy and still visit Disney so I can get my fix.

 

[Dis703]

OP, GO! Your husband is being a jerk.

If you are so inclined, add up how much he spends on his hobby every year and tell him you will be using THAT amount to take your daughter to WDW. He is being controlling and manipulative and it's time for you to put your foot down. He already told you this was something you could do. So do it.

I had to do this with my DH. When he started giving me a hard time about spending money on Disney I pointed out his take-out habit that adds up to over a couple thousand dollars a year and that he had to spend significantly more than we budgeted for a car. Heck, he even spends more on clothes than I do. I'm crazy frugal with just about everything so I pretty much lost it on him when he called me out for going to Disney again. He shut up pretty quickly when I started giving him numbers on his expenditures.

 

[DLgal]

I had to do this with my DH. When he started giving me a hard time about spending money on Disney I pointed out his take-out habit that adds up to over a couple thousand dollars a year and that he had to spend significantly more than we budgeted for a car. Heck, he even spends more on clothes than I do. I'm crazy frugal with just about everything so I pretty much lost it on him when he called me out for going to Disney again. He shut up pretty quickly when I started giving him numbers on his expenditures.

Yup. Although my husband supports my Disney trip habit from the emotional perspective (we have 2 special needs kids and I NEED a vacation every year without them, so I go solo or with my sister/friends), he grumbles about the money. Then, I mention his Lego obsession, his Star Wars figures obsession, the endless nights at the bar after work with his buddies (and the resulting Uber bills), the weekend ski trips with his buddies, etc. I recently threatened to print out last year's credit card statements and add up how much he spent on HIMSELF and how much I spent on MYSELF and we would see who spent more. He was like, "no, that's okay...take your trip."

 

[mastermind307]

I had to do this with my DH. When he started giving me a hard time about spending money on Disney I pointed out his take-out habit that adds up to over a couple thousand dollars a year and that he had to spend significantly more than we budgeted for a car. Heck, he even spends more on clothes than I do. I'm crazy frugal with just about everything so I pretty much lost it on him when he called me out for going to Disney again. He shut up pretty quickly when I started giving him numbers on his expenditures.

Yup. Although my husband supports my Disney trip habit from the emotional perspective (we have 2 special needs kids and I NEED a vacation every year without them, so I go solo or with my sister/friends), he grumbles about the money. Then, I mention his Lego obsession, his Star Wars figures obsession, the endless nights at the bar after work with his buddies (and the resulting Uber bills), the weekend ski trips with his buddies, etc. I recently threatened to print out last year's credit card statements and add up how much he spent on HIMSELF and how much I spent on MYSELF and we would see who spent more. He was like, "no, that's okay...take your trip."

I'm very frugal too and hardly spend anything on myself. I told DH that he's lucky that I don't go shopping and spend lots of money on clothes like some women do. I'm sure if I added up everything we buy for ourselves, his would be a lot more than mine. I'm ok with that, he makes the majority of the money and he's never said I couldn't buy something for myself, I just don't have much I want to buy. My Disney vacations are another thing, I have no problem dropping $100 on a character meal, but to go out at home and spend $40 on a meal just doesn't seem worth it. I guess it's all in priorities, I'd rather save money at home so I can splurge on vacation.

 

[DLgal]

I'm very frugal too and hardly spend anything on myself. I told DH that he's lucky that I don't go shopping and spend lots of money on clothes like some women do. I'm sure if I added up everything we buy for ourselves, his would be a lot more than mine. I'm ok with that, he makes the majority of the money and he's never said I couldn't buy something for myself, I just don't have much I want to buy. My Disney vacations are another thing, I have no problem dropping $100 on a character meal, but to go out at home and spend $40 on a meal just doesn't seem worth it. I guess it's all in priorities, I'd rather save money at home so I can splurge on vacation.

Same. I never buy anything for myself that I don't NEED. I bought new running shoes this week because the last ones I bought were a year ago. And I run a LOT. I just hate spending money on "stuff." I'd rather save it for Disney!

 

[Lupeix]

Not sure if this has been proposed and wether it may work for you. How about all going to the trip but DH not going to the parks most days? DH hates Disney (or so he says) and I love it. After a couple trial and errors I found a way to do it together and all enjoy it. We spend a little more for a nice room and pool, I plan most days at the parks without him. He also hates crowds, so going when crowds are lowest also helps. He admitted last week that he actually had a good time on our last trip (despite the fact that he talks about how Disney is horrific every time anyone asks). He just hangs out at the pool and sips cocktails. He likes the restaurants, so I also plan some TS meals with him. Eating out at a nice restaurant and having time by a pool sans kids constitute a vacation for him. I am planning a trip for next year, DD is turning 3. He still insists he hates Disney but also wants to see DD dressed up like a princess in Cinderella's Castle (she already is daddy's little girl). I am going to splurge on monorail access, so I can take DD and DS to MK by myself most of the time. I have gone and will go without him also. But when he says he may want to go, given how much he says he doesn't like it, I know that is code for "I really want to go this time". And the complaint about money is also gone, I save what is needed to do what I want without affecting any of our others expenses and that is that. DH doesn't see a bill the whole trip. The Disney trip is more expensive to accommodate his needs anyway. My thought is that any excuses about you not going alone with DD are really passive aggressive ways of saying he wants to go. If you can afford it take him, but plan the parks as you and DD like.

 

[Nancyg56]

What is so frustrating is that we agreed back in 2015 that my daughter and I would go to Disney in 2018 for a mother/daughter trip because my husband didn't want to back so soon, but now that I can actually start planning, he's changing his mind. I already purchased tickets through undercover tourist before the price increase. I checked with him before buying the tickets and he was ok with it. I've also been saving money and asking for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays to help pay for the trip. I almost have enough saved to pay for our food and souvenirs so that only thing left to pay for is our room and airfare. I don't buy a lot of things for myself, but the one thing I splurge on is Disney. My husband has expensive hobbies that he spends money on, but I don't complain when he buys something.

I've told him that we could go somewhere close for a couple days, he doesn't like to be gone for a long time anyway. We don't take a family vacation every year. This year we don't have one planned, but will take a couple long weekends and travel closer to home. Last year we went to Gatlinburg and his whole family came and that was a disaster.

I've pretty much decided that we won't go, unless my husband has a change of heart and is ok with us going. It's disappointing, but at least I purchased tickets before they have an expiration date and the gift cards won't expire so one day when I do go back I'll already have those things.

I Think that your husband is playing both sides against the middle. I cannot understand the mixed messages that his attitude sends to you and to your daughter. A promise is not kept if he has a change of heart, and his likes and needs come before yours. THe trip itself is not the issue, it is the conflicts that surround it.

My husband has a job that is seasonal. For years I took the kids on vacation and he stayed home to work. It was not ideal, but we made the best of the situation. Now that we have a granddaughter he supports the time I spend alone with her. I know that he makes that special time that we have together a priority.

I love family trips but a guy who refuses to join you, supports you taking a mother daughter trip, which I think is pretty special, and then ruins it is really telling you something else. I don't know the answer to your vacation, because neither you nor he can undo this discussion.

 

[mastermind307]

Well, my Disney trip has probably been postponed until at least October 2018 if not later. When DH turned on the air conditioning the other day, it wasn't working. Had a guy come look at it yesterday and while we could have it fixed for a few hundred, we decided to go ahead and have a new heating and cooling system installed. We currently have all electric and it just doesn't heat our house well in the winter. The gas company is having a deal where they will run the gas line to our house for free and with the rebate on a new furnace it was a good deal. So with putting money towards that, we'll try and save money and build out account back up. I know it was the right decision for us long term, it just stinks having to pay so much right now. It was a joint decision though and I did make sure that once we have the funds saved up again that DD and I get to take our vacation. And who knows maybe DD braces won't cost as much as I expect and we'll still the money to go next June.

 

[swthrtpallanes]

we first went to Disney in 2011 as a family of 3 (DS was 3) I went again in 2013 but this time is was DS and I only. Hubby stayed behind with DD who was 8 months old at the time. Hubby is not a big Disney fan, but I am. I am not saying I do what I want, but I did talk it over with him and agreed it would be ok for a mom-son solo trip. I should add piggy backed with my causin and her family whom I helped plan her trip. (I paid my own way and had my own room) Otherwise I probably would not have gone.
Since then life happened and my 2015 trip became 2016, then 2017 and finally 2020. I now have DS 11, Dd 6 and Dd 3. My hubby has been out to many solo trips (not to expensive, but usual hunting, fishing trips) We are now thankfully able to swing another trip. I pitched the idea of a princess trip. It was not hard to convince since him and DS have been on countless "boy" trips. DS was ok with it too since he has been twice and the girls not once.
A lot of things will come into play in your situation. Do you work or are a homemaker, do you administrate the family budget jointly, solo or not. Willing to do extras to get more funds (side job, bake sales, yard sales, couponing and/or online rebate sites.) Talk with him and come to a compromise. Maybe he can go too but do other things like golfing, fishing resort relaxing.
In my case, him telling me no was not an option. He knows how strong I feel about Disney and well, happy wife happy life

 

[brockash]

OP, GO! Your husband is being a jerk.

If you are so inclined, add up how much he spends on his hobby every year and tell him you will be using THAT amount to take your daughter to WDW. He is being controlling and manipulative and it's time for you to put your foot down. He already told you this was something you could do. So do it.

100% agree... honestly at this point it's almost like you have to go, as to for lack of a better saying " not reward bad behavior." I agree your DH is being a jerk and not reasonable and i don't understand why your consensus woyld be that you wont go unless he changes his mind (unlesx you enjoy being a martyr of sorts...not saying you are, but thats the only explanation i can see.) He already agreed, youve already planned and bought the tix, it's done, unless theres some huge emergency etc. Honestly, it took me a long time to realize that you really do show ppl how to treat you. It sucks, you would hope someone who loves you would want to respect you and treat you well, but thats not always the case. Some ppl try to push and manipulate as much as they xan and if you give in now, that just tells him to throw a fit even harder next time, because youll give in. Dont do it.

 

[Nayan]

Another zombie thread

 

[amberpi]

I couldn’t be married to someone who needed to be with me all the time, including vacations, but others feel very differently. It’s just a matter of what YOU are ok with. No right or wrong, just what works for you.

 

[Brojoef]

My husband is not a big Disney fan. However, the last two trips we’ve managed to have lots of family fun, and my husband didn’t step foot in the parks! I generally leave 4 days early with the kids and hit the parks. He flys in later and we stay at Wyndham Bonnet Creek. We all love the pools and down time. Also make a day trip to Siesta Key. I so enjoy the time at the parks with my kids and then we look forward to Dad arriving for pool and relax time. Hopefully all these ideas help!

 

[CT Yankee]

This does seem quite odd that he agreed to it and now is getting a change of heart. If he opposed it all along, never agreed to it and you went ahead and planned it anyway, that would be a different story. Here, I think you need to stick with your plan and let him do something he enjoys on his own. I agree with a previous poster who wrote that he doesn't want to go, but doesn't want to be left out either. That's an unreasonable position that leaves you no solution.

 

[mastermind307]

I'm not sure why my post from 9 months ago resurfaced, but since it did, I'll do an update. DD and I did go on our trip. We had a great time and DH survived a week at home without us. I think DD missed him on the trip so I'm not sure she'll want to go again without him, not anytime soon anyway. Our next family trip has been planned for June 2019, we're going to the dark side. They want to visit Universal, I'm not thrilled about it, but I got my mother/daughter Disney trip so I'll survive. I keep telling them I'm going to wear a t-shirt that says I'd rather be at Disney! But seriously it will be fine and one day we'll return to Disney.