Giving child support arrears to adult children?

[disneysnowflake]

Say you were married a couple of years and had 2 kids.
In 1980 you got divorced and struggled to pay the bills while raising the kids alone.
You file for child support. The court orders it, but because the ex is self-employed no money is ever collected.
The arrears he has for child support is huge. He's never had his income tax held or anything. He just didn't pay and got away with it.

Now, your children are in their mid to late 20s. They are married with their own families.

The court finally steps up and forces the father to pay the child support he never paid all those years. I'm not sure why they couldn't enforce this since 1980. I don't know the support laws.

Does the mother keep the money since she had to live with practically nothing all those years just to stay afloat?

Or should the mother give the money to her sons who are now adults?

The ex husband is really, really angry that "his" money is being taken. He blames his ex wife and doesn't really care that he went on vacation while she had to go to the food bank and ask her parents for toothpaste and toilet paper all those year.

The boys say if their mom doesn't give 100% of the money to them they will sue her. They consider what their mom did all those years as her job. The boys also don't really care that their dad did nothing for them growing up and never supported them financially. Their dad is back in their lives somewhat. They just want the cash.

So, who should get the money? The adult boys or the mom?
Is it common for states to just let deadbeat dads go if they are self-employed?
DH's coworker was picked up by the police a few years back because he owed $300 in child support.

 

[autumnbaby9]

The money is the mothers IMHO. She had to skrimp and save just to make ends meat and all that back child support is money that she had to come up with while raising the children.

If I was the mother I would let my sons sue, I don't think they would get too far.

 

[MushyMushy]

I think it should go to the adult sons.

 

[ford family]

The mother should keep the money in recompense for the struggle she endured bringing up those children alone.
As for the grown up children's response now? That fruit didn't fall too far from the tree, did it?

ford family

 

[Chloe'sMom]

To the Mom - she is the one that was financially impaired while she raised those boys. What have those boys done to receive the money. If I was her I would tell her boys that yes raising them was her job, she is just NOW getting paid for it.
Not to mention - what selfish little *******s!
~Amanda

 

[Acklander]

The money should go to the mother. Since the money was supposed to be for support of the children, and she ended up paying the full support, that means she had less money for herself. It's hers.

 

[CharmCityGirl]

I would say it's the mom's, but it would be nice if she gave a portion to the sons. I see it as the mom "covered" the dad's share of expenses for the boys growing up and now he owes her the reimbursement. How much money are we talking about?

 

[Melissa M]

The money belongs to the mother. The boys already got "their" money as she raised them.

 

[pearlieq]

The sons are absolutely not entitled to any of it. If I were the mother I might have felt like sharing some of it with them, until the miserable ungrateful snots started demanding it and threatening to sue. What awful, awful people they must be!

Child support goes to pay the expenses incurred while raising a child. What "expenses", pray tell, did these kids lay out? It sounds like they had a dedicated mom who did everything she could think of to support them and this is how they repay her???

Unless the money was specifically ordered to pay for college expenses and the kids paid for their own, they have no claim on the money.

I'm a kid of a deadbeat dad. If they ever managed to round up my dad and shake the money out of him I would want her to enjoy every penny of it after all of those years of scrimping and scraping to survive.

 

[Lachesis00]

At first I thought this but then if the boys are getting cranky, feeling the money is theirs, then no they should get nothing. The mom paid out over the years, not them. What did they do to deserve it.

I would say it's the mom's, but it would be nice if she gave a portion to the sons. I see it as the mom "covered" the dad's share of expenses for the boys growing up and now he owes her the reimbursement. How much money are we talking about?

 

[disneyfreakk]

No doubt about it, It should go to the mother. Child support is for the care of children, it is not meant to be a childs allowance.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

Definately the mother should keep the money. She had to go all those years with nothing to make ends meet. The kids should be grateful and kiss the ground she walks on. It would be different if she was out every night boozing it up or never home for them, doing drugs etc. They should try to take her to court. That's amazing that her children are acting like that. Shows just who they take after. That poor mother.

 

[ilovejack02]

The money is the mother's.
My close friend's MIL has been getting child support for about 8 yrs now. Law finally caught up with her ex husband. She does give some money to my friend and her hubby but they dont expect it and she doesnt hand over it all them. She feels like her son did without a lot of things because of the ex not paying, so she likes to help out now. She helped put a down payment on their first home and in fact leaves her DS golf money in the cookie jar at her house like he is 5 yrs old lol. They are very grateful for all she does for them.

 

[kdibattista]

The mother... she had to cough it up when the ex didn't. It's rightfully hers. And I think it's shameful that the sons would even suggest to her that they would sue .

 

[minkydog]

I think the mom needs to contact an attorney who can straighten it all out. If the boys choose to sue, I say let them. And good riddance to bad rubbish, because that would be our last contact if I were their mother.

My father was a deadbeat dad who never paid anything. He went so far as to leave the country, worked in Saudi Arabia during the oil boom back in the 70's, so you know he was pulling down some bucks. My mother worked herself nearly to death and 4 out of the 5 of us went to college. I am very grateful to her. My dad owed her thousands.

My dad died a year ago and his estate was recently settled. Each of us siblings have decided to give our mother a portion of the money left to us. We have to give it in small doses so it doesn't mess up her income. Also, so she'll actually take it. You know how moms are. For Christmas she took her first trip out of the country--to Venezuela. I hope my dad is rolling in his grave

 

[Sandy V.]

The mother should get the money, but it would be a nice gesture to give her sons some of it. They sure as HECK aren't entitled to all of it, though! Greedy you-know-whats! Unfortunately, they haven't learned much.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I would put it into an account for your Grandchildren....college fund, etc.

 

[Hedy]

Mom's, no doubt.

 

[horseshowmom]

The mother... she had to cough it up when the ex didn't. It's rightfully hers. And I think it's shameful that the sons would even suggest to her that they would sue .

Same thoughts here...

 

[C.Ann]

Similar thing happened to a friend of mine in Maine.. When her former DH retired, the courts swooped down on him and took half of his retirement - which was owed to her for back child support for umpteen years..
Wish I could have been there to see the look on his face.. She said that he called her (first time in over 30 years) and was so furious, she thought he was going to have a stroke.. Guess he was pretty shocked to learn that he wasn't "off the hook" after all..

She kept part of it and divided the rest of it equally among her 4 adult children.. However, if her children had DEMANDED it, I can tell you right now, they wouldn't have seen a dime..

In this case, the DEMANDS would be met with a big NO from me..