Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[declansdad]

Considering the point where the daughter cried, regardless of if the mother cared or not that they were being taken to Disney ahead of time, he put her in a rough spot between the two parents. Regardless of the intention, we can at least say he did a poor job thinking this out, since from what we are presented with, he knew that the 3 of them as a group were saving up for this. And last time I checked, not once has the OP asked for sympathy, she asked for some ideas on how to keep this trip fun for her kids as they are taking their first step without the father, or at least that was what this meant to them. How is that selfish? Seems to me like your claiming people need to stop siding with her, but you need to stop projecting what other people say as what she is saying as well.

and how do we know that the dad wasn't also planning a trip to Disney and they weren't at the wedding because the mom didn't allow them to go? That is what we are talking about. The op told her side and possibly it is 100% accurate; but then again maybe it isn't. People have had no qualms about accepting everything she said at face value and made the dad into the bed guy.

Regardless of the situation, the op should take the trip but not make it into contest with the ex.

 

[Rip]

Or maybe the daughter is thoughtful and intuitive and just had a feeling what the dad did was done out of spite to intentionally hurt the mom.

I've already stated that he could easily be a gigantic douche and have done every bit of it for nothing more than spite.

But, having been in the situation myself once or twice (for the most part, my parents didn't fight and didn't let me know about it when they did, but there were a couple of occasions), I can promise you that the kids knew she would be upset whether this was done out of spite or not.

 

[JimmyV]

It is a gross understatement to say that this thread has gotten out of hand. I don't think the OP was throwing this out to the court of public opinion to try a case against the father and prove guilt or innocence, right or wrong. I think the original gist way back on page 1 was to get a sense from Dis veterans whether they thought that back-to-back trips would be too much for the kids, and whether the "magic" of her trip would be lost or wasted. I think that the overwhelming majority of people have said that the trip should go on as planned. 'Nuff said, right?

 

[mom2rtk]

No, you don't know what the dad did. You know what his admittedly bitter ex-wife told you he did. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even know what he did other than take the kids to Disney. It's very possible he did it for spite, but given some of the OPs behavior and that of her friends, it's also possible that he actually had this planned and didn't tell her because he was concerned about the way she would react.



Oh I'm absolutely assuming that the kids know enough after being in the middle of this for over 2 and a half years to expect their mom to be upset. Sorry, but if she is going to put all that on a public discussion board for total strangers to see and comment on, it's a real stretch to imagine that the bitterness has been completely hidden from the kids. Pretty much not even believable.

and how do we know that the dad wasn't also planning a trip to Disney and they weren't at the wedding because the mom didn't allow them to go? That is what we are talking about. The op told her side and possibly it is 100% accurate; but then again maybe it isn't. People have had no qualms about accepting everything she said at face value and made the dad into the bed guy.

Regardless of the situation, the op should take the trip but not make it into contest with the ex.

Wow. Once you start projecting lies onto the OP, then there really is nothing left to discuss.

The way I understood what she posted, the trip was a surprise to her, as well as to the kids. With the assumption that she was honest about that, then once again, I can think of no scenario where what he did was done in good faith.

 

[YO's Mom]

Everything was good until your last line. This is the type of passive-aggressive comment that is all to common on these threads that make it seem like the dad is evil.

Now see, I was not being passive-aggressive nor do I think the dad is automatically evil. I was simply reminding the OP that there was a reason why she and this man were no longer together, and judging by her comments, she is happy to be rid of him. Maybe it was all his fault, maybe it was hers. I don’t know and I don’t need to know. What I do know is that something between them didn’t work. It’s over, it’s done (both the marriage and the surprise trip to Disney) so to do anything other than happy that her kids had a great trip would be pointless. The only way she stands to gain anything is by putting on her big girl panties and learning to deal civilly with the man who for the rest of, oh, EVER will be the father of her children.

 

[Rip]

and how do we know that the dad wasn't also planning a trip to Disney and they weren't at the wedding because the mom didn't allow them to go? That is what we are talking about. The op told her side and possibly it is 100% accurate; but then again maybe it isn't. People have had no qualms about accepting everything she said at face value and made the dad into the bed guy.

Regardless of the situation, the op should take the trip but not make it into contest with the ex.

This. If the dad did it for spite then the kids already know it and aren't going to appreciate it, and will be looking forward to the trip that they had a big hand in putting together. If he didn't do it for spite then anything other than being happy for the kids is something they are going to pick up on and one day resent.

 

[TDC Nala]

Her trip pretty much has to go on as planned as she has entered into a contract with a DVC member for her room and if she cancels now, those points are in holding unless the member can find someone to take it as it's booked. Doesn't really matter at this point why the dad did what he did, it's done and she needs advice on how to conduct HER trip. I would assume that when OP goes on the trip she knows to spend it finding fun things to do with her kids and not complaining to them about her ex. Better that she complain here about her ex.

 

[sp0ngem0nkey]

Regardless of the situation, the op should take the trip but not make it into contest with the ex.

I don't think of it as her making it a contest. She asked if she should cancel the trip and go elsewhere. She is just afraid it will be too much of the same too soon. Can you give her some ideas to help her and her kids experience something a little differently?

 

[Rip]

Wow. Once you start projecting lies onto the OP, then there really is nothing left to discuss.

Full stop. No one has projected lies onto anyone. That is utterly false.

The way I understood what she posted, the trip was a surprise to her, as well as to the kids. With the assumption that she was honest about that, then once again, I can think of no scenario where what he did was done in good faith.

And exactly who has made the assumption that she lied about that? I've assumed she was telling the truth about that the entire time, I just pointed out a few things that she has done that may be the reason why he didn't tell her.

 

[mom2rtk]

This. If the dad did it for spite then the kids already know it and aren't going to appreciate it, and will be looking forward to the trip that they had a big hand in putting together. If he didn't do it for spite then anything other than being happy for the kids is something they are going to pick up on and one day resent.

I think that expecting mom to have nothing but a happy reaction from the get-go is MAYBE expecting a big much. She IS human. Expecting her to put on a happy face for the sake of the kids is QUITE reasonable. But she's venting here to get it out so that she CAN have that happy reaction. And many of us posted here that she needed to put on a happy face, and she seemed quite willing to take that suggestion. (You know....... back earlier in this thread before everyone started projecting their own experiences onto her.)

Remember? She hasn't had ANY reaction with them yet.

 

[Rip]

Now see, I was not being passive-aggressive nor do I think the dad is automatically evil. I was simply reminding the OP that there was a reason why she and this man were no longer together, and judging by her comments, she is happy to be rid of him. Maybe it was all his fault, maybe it was hers. I don’t know and I don’t need to know. What I do know is that something between them didn’t work. It’s over, it’s done (both the marriage and the surprise trip to Disney) so to do anything other than happy that her kids had a great trip would be pointless. The only way she stands to gain anything is by putting on her big girl panties and learning to deal civilly with the man who for the rest of, oh, EVER will be the father of her children.

 

[fenrir58]

and how do we know that the dad wasn't also planning a trip to Disney and they weren't at the wedding because the mom didn't allow them to go? That is what we are talking about. The op told her side and possibly it is 100% accurate; but then again maybe it isn't. People have had no qualms about accepting everything she said at face value and made the dad into the bed guy.

Regardless of the situation, the op should take the trip but not make it into contest with the ex.

Yeah you totally missed the point of my post. You're blaming everyone else for guessing things, but you're doing them same, just on the opposite end. Last time I checked, I never brought up the wedding or whether or not the dad planned the trip. I merely said that the dad probably didn't think that he would put the kids in a rough spot. Not a bad guy, but possibly clueless about what he has gotten the whole family involved in(including the new wife who probably has to sit back and have her first trip with her step-kids turn into the battle of the ex's). That's it.

My point was you can't say that people need to stop blaming the dad when in your defense you are also playing guessing games.

Editing to add not you personally, you as in the not really with the OP side

 

[declansdad]

Wow. Once you start projecting lies onto the OP, then there really is nothing left to discuss.

The way I understood what she posted, the trip was a surprise to her, as well as to the kids. With the assumption that she was honest about that, then once again, I can think of no scenario where what he did was done in good faith.

I wasn't projecting lies; I was simply pointing out that there could be alternatives for his doing what he did. We just don't know and there are people on her that simply assumed that everything she said was true. Again it could very well be or there may be more to the story.

 

[twocat]

Can we close this thread?

It has devolved into a flame war between people projecting on the mother's and father's motivations and it is just ridiculous.

The OP was looking for some sympathy, deservedly, for the situation.

Her feelings on this have evolved over the course of the original posting time and she just wants to do what's best for her children.

I'm appalled at the anger and bitterness and projection on some of these comments.

There are so many assumptions being made about the OP and this is incredibly sad. Please go back and read only her comments; you'll get her perspective on her situation and frankly, that's the only one that matters.

 

[MikeandReneePlus5]

Why is this entire thread even here?

What on earth does this have to do with Theme Parks Attractions and Strategies?

Is this the DIS Divorce Discussions and Advice board?

(I really don't understand the moderating around here.)

 

[declansdad]

Yeah you totally missed the point of my post. You're blaming everyone else for guessing things, but you're doing them same, just on the opposite end. Last time I checked, I never brought up the wedding or whether or not the dad planned the trip. I merely said that the dad probably didn't think that he would put the kids in a rough spot. Not a bad guy, but possibly clueless about what he has gotten the whole family involved in(including the new wife who probably has to sit back and have her first trip with her step-kids turn into the battle of the ex's). That's it.

My point was you can't say that people need to stop blaming the dad when in your defense you are also playing guessing games.

If you had read all my posts, you would see where I didn't take anyone's side in this. I pointed those out because as usual, some people have jumped all over the dad without knowing both sides. It happens all the time on these boards.

 

[fenrir58]

I edited that befire I read your post. Sorry it took me too long to type it

 

[mom2rtk]

Full stop. No one has projected lies onto anyone. That is utterly false.



And exactly who has made the assumption that she lied about that? I've assumed she was telling the truth about that the entire time, I just pointed out a few things that she has done that may be the reason why he didn't tell her.

I think the other quote I included was more of a lie than what you posted. (Implying that maybe the mom knew about the wedding ahead of time and just wouldn't allow the kids to be there)

Sorry about that.

But I STILL don't see a scenario where the dad in good faith would plan a trip for 2 weeks before their long-awaited and planned trip where he did it for anything less than a spiteful reason. Maybe you could explain away why he might not TELL her in advance (if we go with your assumption that she's a "bitter" ex. Your word, not mine.)

BUT........... I can still think of NO scenario where he would plan his own trip 2weeks before hers for ANY good reason (whether he told her in advance or not).

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I'd still go, but I might think about rescheduling to a different date, just because that would be two trips so close together. That was so spiteful of your ex though, and I can't believe he didn't have his children at his wedding!

 

[Rip]

I think that expecting mom to have nothing but a happy reaction from the get-go is MAYBE expecting a big much. She IS human. Expecting her to put on a happy face for the sake of the kids is QUITE reasonable. But she's venting here to get it out so that she CAN have that happy reaction. And many of us posted here that she needed to put on a happy face, and she seemed quite willing to take that suggestion. (You know....... back earlier in this thread before everyone started projecting their own experiences onto her.)

Remember? She hasn't had ANY reaction with them yet.

Like I said, regardless of why he did it, she needs to be happy for them. They will have a more enjoyable time with her if he did it for the wrong reasons, but if he didn't and she lets them know she is unhappy about him taking them, they are going to end up resenting her eventually.

I'm not sure who has projected their own experiences onto her, the few of us that haven't completely sided with her version of events have only pointed out that it is possible there is a bit more to the story. It's also possible that there isn't, but if you don't want anyone to point something like that out then don't post your personal business on a public discussion board. She could have easily asked for advice without putting all the personal crap in there.