Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[neoavatara]

Do stuff they didn't before! Focus on stuff the kids really want to do!

Doesn't matter...life goes on. Enjoy it as much as you can, and screw the ex.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

WHAT A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, I would say that the kids are clearly on your side.... texting you, apologizing.... they understand that what he did was a total jerk-move.

Personally, I wouldn't mind being taken right back to WDW. I don't think the kids will be Disneyed-out. And I think that they are aware enough not to say things like, "Oh, we did that with Dad..."

Now, your tickets are good until you activate them. So if you would rather wait until you can spend more money on the vacation so you feel like you've matched your ex-husband, then that's totally understandable.

I think you should ask the kids what they want to do. Explain that they could still go with the current plan, or they could wait a while and maybe stay at a nicer hotel. See what they want.

BTW... if it was a whirlwind vacation, I doubt the trip is going to be anything like the one you've planned. Do they have ADRs? Have they been saving up for it? The preparation for your planned trip alone makes for a stronger emotional attachment for you and the kids. This is your trip with the kids! Don't let that jerk ruin your fun!

 

[Rip]

I don't really see "bitter" as a neutral term. It comes across as fairly negative.

And even if that were his only time to go, if she already had that trip in the works and he made the decision to still go 2 weeks ahead of her, I'm sorry, but it's a rotten thing to do.




Sorry, but when she said the kids weren't invited to the wedding and you imply they WERE but she wouldn't let them go, that's accusing her of more than "leaving out some facts". That's pretty much accusing her of lying.

Right, because he should put off his family vacation for an entire year in that scenario. Sorry, not you nor anyone else on the planet would do that.

Bitter is bitter, and she's more than obviously bitter. It may very well be justified.

ETA - now it's you projecting. She actually never said the kids weren't invited. She only said that they weren't there, so to accuse the guy of lying is ridiculous.

 

[Boo Bear]

MEN!!!! I say you should still go and make the most out of it. It's really difficult to have a bad time at WDW. Ask your kids what they think. They're old enough and very wise from living through a 2 1/2 year divorce. Kids are smart. Rely on them, they'll help pull you through.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Hi, OP! I hope you are feeling better. I am shocked at some reactions. I think it is totally natural for a daughter to sympathize with her mother. I know if someone gave me something I knew my mom was planning on giving me, I would be upset!

If it were refundable or able to be postponed, that would be one thing, but as it is, I think you definitely should go!!

Once the kids get back, they will still be excited to plan with you and hopefully you can get some more ideas on what they want to do.

I LOVED Behind the Seeds, so I strongly recommend that!

Start making a list of what you will do that is different than the norm.

1. EMH- late nights with mom will automatically be cool.
2. Time by the pool in the morning/afternoon
3. Behind the Seeds
4. AKL- one night go outside to the Savannah and ask for the Night Vision Goggles and you can watch the animals at night. It is really cool.

I want you to be excited about YOUR trip again.

 

[Rip]

MEN!!!! I say you should still go and make the most out of it. It's really difficult to have a bad time at WDW. Ask your kids what they think. They're old enough and very wise from living through a 2 1/2 year divorce. Kids are smart. Rely on them, they'll help pull you through.

Exactly, because women are never psycho.

 

[iheartdisney]

Right, because he should put off his family vacation for an entire year in that scenario. Sorry, not you nor anyone else on the planet would do that.

Bitter is bitter, and she's more than obviously bitter. It may very well be justified.

ETA - now it's you projecting. She actually never said the kids weren't invited. She only said that they weren't there, so to accuse the guy of lying is ridiculous.

Actually, not only did Dad not invite the kiddos, he didn't even tell them about the wedding.

 

[Rip]

Actually, not only did Dad not invite the kiddos, he didn't even tell them about the wedding.

Actually, you have no idea if that is true or not. These are her exact and only words on the subject:

After 27 months, my divorce was finally final June 3. Hours later my ex husband remarried in a huge wedding with everyone but his children. Fast forward to yesterday when him and his new wife picked up our children for visitation and to my horror, drove straight to disney for a 10day whirlwind vacation. My kids didnt even know how to tell me when I spoke to them last night where they were. My sweet baby girl cried and texted me "im sorry".

Oh, and for you that earlier kept telling me she had not spoken to the children (only text) and therefore had no way of letting them know she was upset that he took them, mayhap you should read what people say.

 

[CampbellScot]

I'm so sorry that happened to you and to your kids. What a spiteful mean thing to do.

Okay i have not read this thread at all, so if I'm repeating others advice, sorry about that. I just wanted to lend my support.

I've dealt with a very similar situation before and let me tell you, do NOT let your ex destroy Disney for you. If the kids still want to go with you and you want to go and you will able to have fun while you are there and not stew about what happened...then GO! You can't let the X control your life that way. Explain to the kids that you want to go and make memories with them. You want to focus on THIS trip, not the trip they took before. Don't talk about what they did with dad, just do YOUR trip. Go and have fun with them. Enjoy the time together and know that you are doing something with your kids for THEM, not to spite someone else.

I truly am sorry that your ex felt it necessary to do such an unkind thing. That only hurts the children and puts them in the middle. He will pay for it later. Children grow up and gain adult understanding and they will have thoughts about it and he will not be happy with the repercussions. All you can do is what is best for them, rise above this and handle the situation with grace. Your kids will see that now and they will remember that when they are grown. As a child of divorce I remember all the garbage my dad did that was exactly like that. My mother never bad mouthed him, she never showed us how hurt she was. She allowed us to remain children and not put us in the middle and not use what are supposed to be fun times as weapons against our dad. When we grew up we looked back and saw what a jerk he was so many times.

Be the better person and remember that it won't always be this way. You are strong and you will get through this. So will your kiddos. Just hang in there and be the captain of your own life! You can do it!!!

 

[txbradybunch]

I wish I could say that it was a surprise - but honestly my husband and I have to keep everything secret from his ex-wife or she pulls just that kind of stuff. Every Christmas that we have them on Chirstmas Day she has her Christmas with them first (even going so far as to tell them that she wrote to santa and asked him to come early when they were that young) spending hundreds/thousands of dollars of child support my hubby pays to buy extravagant gifts we could never afford with the $$ left after the child support is gone.

The trip you have planned for and saved for is going to be a completely different trip than his. Think of it like this - you don't have to rush around to do it all because they just did........ you can take you time and enjoy the time together picking only the very best rides to wait in line for, etc....

Your kids know what happened here (proof positive - their reaction and sympathy for you). Don't let his actions spoil the much anticipated vacation you have planned!

 

[CampbellScot]

Sorry, but no. If all she wanted was advice she wouldn't have added all that personal crap to get everybody riled up. She's feeling sorry for herself whether it is justified or not, and she wanted everyone that read this to have sympathy for her in addition to giving her advice. She made her personal life public, so there really is no call for anyone to get upset at any of the responses to her. You don't get to have it both ways. You put your dirty laundry outside, expect people to point out the stains. And it's more than obvious that her opinion is a bit biased. Maybe that's justified, and maybe not, but 99% of the responses early in this thread were pretty derogatory of the dad, and sometimes us dads get sick of that BS.

I just wanted to say that I am married to a wonderful man who went through a terrible divorce. We've been on the receiving end of some very similar situations as the OP is experiencing. It isn't just the dads in divorce situations that do unkind things. Far from it. I feel that fathers are unfairly judged, they don't get as much time with the kids even they desperately want it, they are usually the assumed "reason" marriages end. There is a lot of unfair bias towards fathers. I used to get SO upset at that sort of thing. It really really got to me. I finally came to a place of realization that all we can control is how WE react or don't react. All we can do is what we are going to do. I stopped allowing the choices not made by me to have any impact on what we did together as a family.

I suppose for me, I really felt for the OP b/c we've on the receiving end of an endless attempt to "trump" what we were doing. It was very frustrating until I realized that our reaction was what she was after and when we stopped having any reaction, the childishness stopped. I wasn't siding with someone on a "mom vs. dad" level. It was more of a human "I know how that feels" level. It IS unkind for anyone to do something like that.

But I think that Dads are pretty awesome and they are as vital to children as their mothers. I think that the adults in these situations need to be very mindful of allowing their kids to continue to love and have access to both parents and keep them out of the fray. When my dad did things with us just to bother our mother, it was a negative thing for him to do. We felt the insincerity that I see now was more of an insecurity on my dad's part...but I was plenty angry with him for years over a lot of that stuff. I see my step daughter starting to form that same anger towards her mother. Kids aren't stupid. They see what's going on. All I can do is continue to encourage a positive relationship between my step kids and their mom and not inject my emotion into an already emotional situation. As I would hope all parents would do.

 

[kaybird]

How lucky your kids are that they have two parents that want to give them a special holiday. Go to WDW, love your kids more than you hate your ex, have a wonderful time, and let them show you what a good trip you will have.

 

[MatzoRella]

Take pleasure in knowing that your ex and his new wife -- apparently so well-matched in their shared determination to render you helpless -- will in all likelihood soon turn their spiteful rage against EACH OTHER. It's only a matter of time. Second marriages have statistically poor outcomes, and in this case the relationship is especially unlikely to work out because your ex has obviously learned so very little about treating others with love and mutuality. The children are already old enough to see how injurious their father's behavior is, and you can count on their eventual estrangement from him as well.

I wouldn't postpone because he'd scoop you again on the rescheduled trip. Go, enjoy, and envelop your kids in love. They need that all the more from you right now.

 

[declansdad]

Sorry, but no. If all she wanted was advice she wouldn't have added all that personal crap to get everybody riled up. She's feeling sorry for herself whether it is justified or not, and she wanted everyone that read this to have sympathy for her in addition to giving her advice. She made her personal life public, so there really is no call for anyone to get upset at any of the responses to her. You don't get to have it both ways. You put your dirty laundry outside, expect people to point out the stains. And it's more than obvious that her opinion is a bit biased. Maybe that's justified, and maybe not, but 99% of the responses early in this thread were pretty derogatory of the dad, and sometimes us dads get sick of that BS.

 

[Invisable89]

Sorry, but no. If all she wanted was advice she wouldn't have added all that personal crap to get everybody riled up. She's feeling sorry for herself whether it is justified or not, and she wanted everyone that read this to have sympathy for her in addition to giving her advice. She made her personal life public, so there really is no call for anyone to get upset at any of the responses to her. You don't get to have it both ways. You put your dirty laundry outside, expect people to point out the stains. And it's more than obvious that her opinion is a bit biased. Maybe that's justified, and maybe not, but 99% of the responses early in this thread were pretty derogatory of the dad, and sometimes us dads get sick of that BS.

Yes i'm aware that making your personal life public is going to cause different responses from different people, but it's the way people are responding that is not justified. I've seen posts from members that haven't got anything to do with what the OP made public in the first place. The only things she's made public is the original thread post, how she tries to deal with her ex husband by always putting their children first regardless, she's mentioned how she's trying to work out if he's even allowed to take their children out of the State, she hasn't bad mouthed her ex husband or his new wife - i don't get how that's overally personal? Most of her posts have been about their children.

I understand you're sick of dad's always getting the blame etc, but i think in this situation there's no decent reason why on the earth the children's father decided to take their children on holiday to WDW a few weeks before knowing full well their mother has been planning her WDW holiday with their children for 18 months. If he just wanted to take them to their favourite place why couldn't he of done so another time? I really can't find a justifiable reason for that behaviour. But at the end of the day, i also don't have the right to poke my nose in so intrusively.

 

[Rip]

I just wanted to say that I am married to a wonderful man who went through a terrible divorce. We've been on the receiving end of some very similar situations as the OP is experiencing. It isn't just the dads in divorce situations that do unkind things. Far from it. I feel that fathers are unfairly judged, they don't get as much time with the kids even they desperately want it, they are usually the assumed "reason" marriages end. There is a lot of unfair bias towards fathers. I used to get SO upset at that sort of thing. It really really got to me. I finally came to a place of realization that all we can control is how WE react or don't react. All we can do is what we are going to do. I stopped allowing the choices not made by me to have any impact on what we did together as a family.

I suppose for me, I really felt for the OP b/c we've on the receiving end of an endless attempt to "trump" what we were doing. It was very frustrating until I realized that our reaction was what she was after and when we stopped having any reaction, the childishness stopped. I wasn't siding with someone on a "mom vs. dad" level. It was more of a human "I know how that feels" level. It IS unkind for anyone to do something like that.

But I think that Dads are pretty awesome and they are as vital to children as their mothers. I think that the adults in these situations need to be very mindful of allowing their kids to continue to love and have access to both parents and keep them out of the fray. When my dad did things with us just to bother our mother, it was a negative thing for him to do. We felt the insincerity that I see now was more of an insecurity on my dad's part...but I was plenty angry with him for years over a lot of that stuff. I see my step daughter starting to form that same anger towards her mother. Kids aren't stupid. They see what's going on. All I can do is continue to encourage a positive relationship between my step kids and their mom and not inject my emotion into an already emotional situation. As I would hope all parents would do.

I totally agree with everything you said.

 

[Rip]

Yes i'm aware that making your personal life public is going to cause different responses from different people, but it's the way people are responding that is not justified. I've seen posts from members that haven't got anything to do with what the OP made public in the first place. The only things she's made public is the original thread post, how she tries to deal with her ex husband by always putting their children first regardless, she's mentioned how she's trying to work out if he's even allowed to take their children out of the State, she hasn't bad mouthed her ex husband or his new wife - i don't get how that's overally personal? Most of her posts have been about their children.

I disagree, she definitely implied derogatory things about him. Those things may be entirely justified, but then again they may not be. We don't know.

I understand you're sick of dad's always getting the blame etc, but i think in this situation there's no decent reason why on the earth the children's father decided to take their children on holiday to WDW a few weeks before knowing full well their mother has been planning her WDW holiday with their children for 18 months. I really can't find a justifiable reason for that behaviour. But at the end of the day, i don't have the right to poke my nose in so intrusively.

I stated a couple of reasons - this could be the only time he could do it while they are out of school, for example. Given that they have been 12 times prior, (How old are they? That could very well work out to more than once a year.) it's entirely possible that he didn't think going one more time was that big of a deal to them. Maybe his wife has never been, maybe he wanted to try and have a family vacation and just maybe have a chance for the kids to get to know her better at a place where they could really enjoy themselves. Or maybe he's a raging hemorrhoid. The point is that we don't know.

 

[kmk1180]

Sorry, but no. If all she wanted was advice she wouldn't have added all that personal crap to get everybody riled up. She's feeling sorry for herself whether it is justified or not, and she wanted everyone that read this to have sympathy for her in addition to giving her advice. She made her personal life public, so there really is no call for anyone to get upset at any of the responses to her. You don't get to have it both ways. You put your dirty laundry outside, expect people to point out the stains. And it's more than obvious that her opinion is a bit biased. Maybe that's justified, and maybe not, but 99% of the responses early in this thread were pretty derogatory of the dad, and sometimes us dads get sick of that BS.

I do agree with that.
OP did state it was a "horrific" divorce. It takes two sides to make the divorce that bad. No one here knows any details about either side.
Ex Husband could be complete jerk. But then again so could OP.
Its not like OP is going to get your sympathy telling you the horrible things she's done during the divorce.
To assume it's all the mean ex husbands fault because your only hearing the one side is not only jumping to conclusions without facts it's just paid wrong.
So I'm not taking either side other than to to agree if you don't want to hear derogatory comments, don't air them out like pp said.

As for advice, I'd still go and wouldn't change a thing.
I highly doubt its in the divorce agreement that one ex spouse or the other can not take the kids to Disney. He did and so can you.
So go and enjoy the trip don't worry about any other previous trip.

 

[JUJU814]

Exactly, because women are never psycho.

so..I totally disagree with pretty much everything you've said in this thread, but..

that comment is hysterical and made me laugh! lol

NO! We women are NEVER EVER psycho. EVER. period. (tongue in cheek..)

 

[Rip]

Take pleasure in knowing that your ex and his new wife -- apparently so well-matched in their shared determination to render you helpless -- will in all likelihood soon turn their spiteful rage against EACH OTHER. It's only a matter of time. Second marriages have statistically poor outcomes, and in this case the relationship is especially unlikely to work out because your ex has obviously learned so very little about treating others with love and mutuality. The children are already old enough to see how injurious their father's behavior is, and you can count on their eventual estrangement from him as well.

I wouldn't postpone because he'd scoop you again on the rescheduled trip. Go, enjoy, and envelop your kids in love. They need that all the more from you right now.

And you know this from two posts from a bitter ex.