Does your family hold your children to a higher standard.....???

[carrie s]

Im going through the same thing.My husbands brother is a single dad with 1 kid and lives in his parents basement.he doesnt have to live there,he makes enough money.Anyway,his DD can do no wrong.if my kids do anything they get looked at like there really bad kids,my niece can do the same thing or something worse and they laugh thinking its cute.

My in laws have an RV and they own a little lot at an Rv park.they mostly bought the lot because it will be fun for the kids to go there in the summer so they can swim and stuff.We stopped going to the rv park because everything was always about my niece.My kids loved to bike ride there because theres no cars, and only my DD liked to swim.Anyway,everyone got mad at us because my kids wanted to bike ride that day when my niece wanted to swim.They didnt want my niece to be upset.

Another time my kids had colds. We called and told them ahead of time that our kids wont be swimming.Its an outside pool and it was a very windy day.They got mad at us again.When my niece has a cold they dont let her go outside at all even on a hot day but they want us to make our kids go swimming on a windy day.

Anyway,I understand what your going through.We dont say anything to them,we dont want to fight but we dont see them as much becase of it.

 

[carone0318]

Is it worth making waves and speaking to BIL and SIL or is it just as easy to remove ourselves from the situation and not put us or our kids in that situation to begin with? I hate that our kids should do no wrong and should appease everyonelse, than they should stick up for themselves and let Dn's rule the roost??!! Don't get me wrong, I know my kids aren't perfect, and I would never claim they are. But c'mon - AHHH! No flames please, just insight, support and encouragment!

I wouldn't say anything, but I'd make darn sure that dh did. If it is either his brother or sister, he better open his mouth! As the wife to them you'd just be the SIL saying whatever - it would be more powerful coming from your dh since it is his family. You never said how he feels about this or how he reacts... or maybe I missed it in earlier posts.

 

[CampbellScot]

FLASHBACKS!!!!

Please let me beg on your kids behalf...if you don't like this situation with your kids and their cousins, I would honestly limit your time there as a family. Just b/c kids are related does mean that they will get along or even like to play together...let me tell you a story...it's probably more extreme than your kiddos have to deal with, but it will make its point I'm sure!

...I had horrid cousins I had to play with when I was little. They were perfect (aka SPOILED ROTTEN TO THE CORE) and could do whatever they wanted and bossed me around like I mad. If I didn't want to play with my cousin, her mom said I was being hateful...yes Auntie, I'm hateful b/c I don't want to play beauty shop with a real curling iron..I have a scar on my neck TO THIS DAY from a beauty parlor session. She burned me on purpose. I HATED every second I spent with them. I truly did. It was extremely stressful b/c I knew I had to be polite and not fight or I would get into trouble at my aunt's house AND at home. This was confusing to me as a child b/c I wanted to do as I was told but this resulted in me being abused by my horrid bratty cousin...which is why I ended up burned. My cousin was a year younger than me and a terrible cry baby and just plain SADISTIC. I didn't think I was allowed to stick up for myself. I could not understand why my mom made me play with her. She was so mean to me and it seemed that my Aunt's joy in life was to pick me apart and compare me to her daughter. This had lasting effects on my self esteem. My cousin would "hide" all of her "good toys" and not let me touch them and would tell me that I could only play with the "garbage toys", but even then if I started playing with something she'd take it from me. It was a lesson learned young that I wasn't good enough. Since the grown ups didn't stop this, it must have been true. It made me not trust that my parents would protect me, b/c they didn't. Of course a lot of this stuff went on behind closed doors and my parents never knew.My mom was furious that I had been burned, but my aunt said it was an accident and if "Campbell had been more willing then Missy wouldn't have been so nervous..." Yeah...right. She was nervous which is why she laughed like a hyena when I screamed. Anyhow...that was the sort of thing that went on for years until we moved when I was about 10. By then a lot of damage had been done.

If your kids don't get along with their cousins, don't force them to play together. Keep family gatherings to holidays. If you are invited to go over there, set up play dates for your older ones. They will thank you later! Or as someone else said, invite them to YOUR home instead of going over there. That way you are in control of your home and the situations that arise.

And just b/c I'm mean...my bratty cousin who was just "SO MUCH" prettier than I could ever hope to be...*ahem* grew into a demanding self centered woman who was impossible to work with. She modeled for a year before she was blacklisted b/c she threw terrible fits and was not professional. SO THERE!

 

[donac]

Unfortunately your kids will see the problem as they get older. My sons get it from 2 sides.

On my side they get along with my twin sister's two girls. My younger sister has a daughter that according to my sister is the best, the brightest and never does anything wrong. MY ds (21 yrs) noticed this several years ago and if he noticed then ds (16yrs) has also noticed or at least talked to him about it.

ON my husband's side his older sister has done everything for two of his sisters' kids and the boys know this. When she gave one nephew a new computer the boys wanted to ask her for one also. We had to sit them down and tell them that that nephew has no father to rely on and his mother makes very little money but Auntie wants to help them out and it is the right thing to do. We mmake enough money to give our sons what they need. They understand but it doesn't make it right. I keep hearing about these things that she does for my other nephews but has never offered them to our kids. She doesn't even try to know our family. All she ever asks me when I see her is how are my parents? She has no idea about how terrific our boys are and that is her loss. I try not to let it bother me because she is the one who is missing out on two wonderful young men. (And as of last week the younger one became our 2nd Eagle SCout in the family)

 

[seashoreCM]

When she (my SIL) gave one nephew a new computer the boys wanted to ask her for one also. We had to sit them down and tell them that that nephew has no father to rely on and his mother makes very little money but Auntie wants to help them out and it is the right thing to do because we make enough money to give our sons what they need.

She (SIL) doesn't even try to know our family. The boys understand but it doesn't make it right. All she ever asks me when I see her is how are my parents? :

The sentence in bold has been moved to properly limit that to what it applies. Yes, I am putting, or rather, changing, words in people's mouths.

...I had horrid cousins I had to play with when I was little. ... a real curling iron..I have a scar on my neck TO THIS DAY from a beauty parlor session. She burned me on purpose....I knew I had to be polite and not fight or I would get into trouble at my aunt's house AND at home. .... I didn't think I was allowed to stick up for myself. I could not understand why my mom made me play with her. My mom was so mean to me ...

Didn't change words in your mouth. Interpreted them and correctly.