Does anyone else stay in an unhappy marriage?

[chell]

totalia - Thanks for your post. Sometimes I wonder if people don't think about the other side. I used to think it was forever also, but have since learned otherwise. I know there are cases where everyone involved will be/are better off in the case of a divorce. I've known people who have lived in misery for years because they were afraid of divorce and what people will say and think.

 

[Madi100]

Madi100

We want marriage to be forever. No one enters into it thinking they will be getting divorced. But sometimes marriage isn't forever. Sometimes one person turns abusive. Sometimes the people are just absolutely miserable and have been for years. Sometimes even the kids wish their parents would just separate. I wished mine separated years before they did. I still do.

My stepdad is a wonderful man. I wish my mom and him had had many many more years together. But my dad was not a good man.

Sometimes divorce is the best option for the well being all those involved.

Perhaps for you divorce will never happen but there are those of us who have divorced and will again if we get abused.

Had the subject of this topic been about adultry or abuse, I would have agreed that divorce is the answer. That is the reason for my parents' divorce, and I don't expect any of them to stay in their marriages. My aunt is going through a HORRID situation right now, for the second time. We are raised in a family that is so geared towards staying married, that the older generation sometimes has a harder time looking that sometimes divorce is the answer.

Like I said, I need to look at the other posts still. But, unless the OP has revealed more, the subject was that she was just content in her marriage and felt like she was living with a roommate. Not a roommate who is sleeping with other people or who is beating her up on a regular basis. There are so many situations where divorce is the answer, but sometimes it's not. And, the OP talked about waiting until her kids are out of high school to divorce. I thought it would be easier having divorced parents once I was out of high school, too, but it isn't. If anything it's harder, because I make the decisions now where I spend my time. With the OP's situation it doesnt' sound like she is miserable, just unhappy. It doesn't sound like it is making the children's lives horrible either. I do think in cases like that you should try to refind the love and passion.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm starting to think that you guys enjoy being a bunch of self-righteous *****es. I truly hope I get banned for saying that, cause I don't want to come back here anyway. (YAGE)

LOL, what on earth did you expect? You are on a Disney themed (ie family)message board filled with mostly married people taking about having a relationship with a married man who is crying on your shoulder about the miserable life he is living with his wife (of probably alot of years). And, as shown on this and other threads, many women here have been mistreated by lying, cheating husbands just like the one you are talking to.

Not only that, you have taken the indignant role of 'not my problem' if his wife ain't all that and why should I care, when even you have to admit you are only getting part of the story from a man who is trying to get into your pants...

You really expect a group of primarily married women to be understanding and compassionate of your total disrespect, here and in RL, for someone elses marriage?

IMHO, you have been treated pretty well here, under the circumstances.

Talk about self-righteous....pot-kettle

 

[totalia]

LOL, what on earth did you expect? You are on a Disney themed (ie family)message board filled with mostly married people taking about having a relationship with a married man who is crying on your shoulder about the miserable life he is living with his wife (of probably alot of years). And, as shown on this and other threads, many women here have been mistreated by lying, cheating husbands just like the one you are talking to.

Not only that, you have taken the indignant role of 'not my problem' if his wife ain't all that and why should I care, when even you have to admit you are only getting part of the story from a man who is trying to get into your pants...

You really expect a group of primarily married women to be understanding and compassionate of your total disrespect, here and in RL, for someone elses marriage?

IMHO, you have been treated pretty well here, under the circumstances.

Talk about self-righteous....pot-kettle

Well put. I agree.

 

[poohandwendy]

Nice to see a few male perspectives on this thread!

I can tell you that I feel more in love with my wife, and more connected with her when we make love more often. That is NO BS.

ITA, I feel the same way. And I would venture a guess that most people feel more emotionally connected when they are physically connected in a loving manner. That is just human nature, we need and crave touch. In addition to life's responsibilities, I think underlying unresolved issues sometimes also can put a HUGE damper on the physical aspect of a marriage.

If more men would realize that nurturing the emotional woman usually brings out the passionate woman...AND...
If more women realized that satisfying the physical, sexual man usually brings out the nurturing man...

(in most cases, I believe) Unfortuntely, these 2 ideas sometimes lead to an impasse.......

PoohandWendy, I love your insightful advice. I too believe that marriage is forever and not a comittment to take lightly.

Thanks Ohana family...I do think there are situations where divorce is the only option...but I think you should fight tooth and nail to avoid it. My DH will sometimes joke with the kids saying that neither of us ever wanted to take custody...

I mainly came back to post that PAW...I too enjoy your posts and am sorry I missed the one you wrote and "saved for later". Nice to see you again

Thanks, I saved it under 'write mail' and can't find where I put it (?!?), but when I find it...I'll send you a pm...nice to see you too!!!

 

[Lewski709]

I'm starting to think that you guys enjoy being a bunch of self-righteous *****es. I truly hope I get banned for saying that, cause I don't want to come back here anyway. (YAGE)

I don't get it? I too think people have been pretty *nice* about the whole mess. I certainly understand your frustration, but I think you need to refocus it...really. It's not us that you are angry at, it's your situation which is troubling (even for you) to read about. I think it was very brave for you to oust yourself, under your own name. I am assuming we aren't going to see much of MPN again. I'm hoping you'll remove the sunglasses to see that the light really is blinding.

 

[TigerBear]

MP, I was a little surprised to see that you chose my statement to quote. It was actually way less of a value judgement than you seem to think it was. You are definitely gaining something from your relationship with this man. I think you owe it to yourself to try to figure out what that might be. It may just be that he is an incredibly wonderful man. Or is there something else? Maybe you already know - we definitely are not owed any answers. I really do wish you the best...

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

You are on a Disney themed (ie family)message board

No comment about the topic of the discussion; just thought this was an interesting, and true comment, that often goes ignored until convenient.

 

[Disney Doll]

Folks, I think advice to MPN is an exercise in futility. She's going to do whatever it is she's going to do with her married "friend" and ina couple of months she'll be back here whining about what a big mistake she made. I htink at this point, we're all wasting our time and energy on her issue.

totalia, I am sorry you still seem to be thinking that people are "dissing" divorce, when the divorce is for a perfectly valid reason. Let me state this once again...I have not seen anyone make a post on this thread stating that someone should stay in an abusive marriage. I agree wholeheartedly that there are many instances when divorce is the best and only option. If you recall though, this thread was originally about a lack of connectiong between spouses. No one who posted of feeling this way made any mention of abuse/violence.

My bottom-line feeling is that if you are unhappy in your marriage for whatever reason, then get out of it. But don't stay in a bad marriage and cheat. That just adds to the chaos.

 

[totalia]

Folks, I think advice to MPN is an exercise in futility. She's going to do whatever it is she's going to do with her married "friend" and ina couple of months she'll be back here whining about what a big mistake she made. I htink at this point, we're all wasting our time and energy on her issue.

totalia, I am sorry you still seem to be thinking that people are "dissing" divorce, when the divorce is for a perfectly valid reason. Let me state this once again...I have not seen anyone make a post on this thread stating that someone should stay in an abusive marriage. I agree wholeheartedly that there are many instances when divorce is the best and only option. If you recall though, this thread was originally about a lack of connectiong between spouses. No one who posted of feeling this way made any mention of abuse/violence.

My bottom-line feeling is that if you are unhappy in your marriage for whatever reason, then get out of it. But don't stay in a bad marriage and cheat. That just adds to the chaos.

Its just very annoying that some people do seem to be saying that they married for good no matter what happens. It just isn't true and if it is, then what happens if your spouse abuses you? Thats ok because you married for good? Yeah right.

I agree with your last paragraph.

 

[poohandwendy]

Its just very annoying that some people do seem to be saying that they married for good no matter what happens. It just isn't true and if it is, then what happens if your spouse abuses you? Thats ok because you married for good? Yeah right.

Not one person has made any suggestion that even remotely points to that. We are talking about non abusive situations, as Disney Doll pointed out.

 

[totalia]

Ahh and thats why people keep saying that they married for good?

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Folks, I think advice to MPN is an exercise in futility. She's going to do whatever it is she's going to do with her married "friend" and ina couple of months she'll be back here whining about what a big mistake she made. I htink at this point, we're all wasting our time and energy on her issue.

totalia, I am sorry you still seem to be thinking that people are "dissing" divorce, when the divorce is for a perfectly valid reason. Let me state this once again...I have not seen anyone make a post on this thread stating that someone should stay in an abusive marriage. I agree wholeheartedly that there are many instances when divorce is the best and only option. If you recall though, this thread was originally about a lack of connectiong between spouses. No one who posted of feeling this way made any mention of abuse/violence.

My bottom-line feeling is that if you are unhappy in your marriage for whatever reason, then get out of it. But don't stay in a bad marriage and cheat. That just adds to the chaos.

I came back for more abuse, I can't believe that I'm not banned. First of all I have never or rarely ever, whined about any mistakes I have made on here. Have you ever read any of my other posts on other threads? It appears that you have no idea who I am, or what I am about. I find it offensive that you try to predict what I will do in such a glib, flippant manner. I have always tried not to stereotype people on here, and to be fair. I guess I expected the same treatment in return. I do think that you got some type of perverse enjoyment out of this thread, more power to you.

 

[totalia]

Its not your fault. Its women like you that are the problem. You see that you are not causing a problem. Well the wives will have a definate opinion about that. You should not be involved with this man. Think about the impact that your presence if having on him, his marriage and his family.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I don't get it? I too think people have been pretty *nice* about the whole mess. I certainly understand your frustration, but I think you need to refocus it...really. It's not us that you are angry at, it's your situation which is troubling (even for you) to read about. I think it was very brave for you to oust yourself, under your own name. I am assuming we aren't going to see much of MPN again. I'm hoping you'll remove the sunglasses to see that the light really is blinding.

Okay..ahhh...scream....you understand that this is not a sexual thing right??? How immoral is it to just talk to someone? Thats all that I was asking. Everyone blew it way out of proporation and started acting like I was this horrible hussy. I was hoping that from all of my other posts on here you guys had an idea of who I am! Someone was talking about procreating and making illegitimate babies, for god sakes!! What the hell would make you guys think that I am going around out there having kids out of wedlock??

I feel like why should I come back when you guys are just projecting all of these untrue things on to me anyway? You are basically treating me like I am stupid, trash. Why would you do that?

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Its not your fault. Its women like you that are the problem. You see that you are not causing a problem. Well the wives will have a definate opinion about that. You should not be involved with this man. Think about the impact that your presence if having on him, his marriage and his family.

Women like me?? What am I like?? I am a bisexual, manhating, quasi- intellectual demanding and controlling woman. I don't get it?

 

[totalia]

It doesn't need to be physical to be wrong. It's the emotional connection that is more the problem than the physical (though thats bothersome too).

 

[totalia]

I really am not trying to be cruel to you. This is a family that your messing with. To you, it seems that your just somebody he can talk to. But the reality is that your establishing an emotional connection to him. HE is likely seeing this from a different point of view. Someone who is in pain in their relationship will kling to someone who seems like they are listening and understanding.

You can be impacting his relationship far more than its already impacted.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

MP, I was a little surprised to see that you chose my statement to quote. It was actually way less of a value judgement than you seem to think it was. You are definitely gaining something from your relationship with this man. I think you owe it to yourself to try to figure out what that might be. It may just be that he is an incredibly wonderful man. Or is there something else? Maybe you already know - we definitely are not owed any answers. I really do wish you the best...

I got upset because I don't define it as a relationship. He is very kind and respectful to me, from our public interatcion. I enjoy his company. I wish that he was single.

Maybe I have deeper issues, I haven't had a chance to analze myself yet. Oy vey.

 

[s&k'smom]

Can't we just get along!