Do you visit your inlaws without your spouse?

[bethy]

So if your husband had been abused as a child by his mom, you wouldn't be attracted to him because he's not close to his abuser? I have no words. You can't help who you fall in love with or I guess YOU can! Btw, my husband will go see my parents without me and he calls them regularly just to chat. He finally got the loving kind parents he never had growing up in my parents. I can't imagine being so judgemental of him because of his upbringing!

I am attracted to men who like to hang out with their extended families. And to large boisterous, sometimes obnoxious, extended families that hang out together socially and go to each others' kids bday parties and sporting events. That is a lifestyle I am drawn to and really love being a part of. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with me having a preference for my own life? I'm not going to marry someone who doesn't have/want that lifestyle just because I feel sorry for them for not having it - for whatever reason.

Why on earth would I purposely choose a lifestyle for myself that I know with all my heart is not a great fit for me? It's my life and my choice. Now that being said, life happens and things change and there are no guarantees but at least I have some control in the beginning of increasing my chances of sort of having some of the lifestyle I love...

It sounds like you and your DH have found what you love in your side of the family and I am truly happy for you. Other couples prefer limited contact with their extended families for all sorts of reasons and that's a perfectly respectable choice for them, too. It's what works for them.

I do believe that everyone is different and gets to make a lot of their own choices in life.

 

[clori]

My fil, bil and family live over 4 hours away. Since we don't go that often I do like dh to come. It is hard to visit his dad for hours since he has Alzheimer's and likes to sleep a lot etc. My inlaws live in Manhattan. In April just dd14 and I went to NYC and spent time visiting Grandpa as well as a few hours visiting bil/sil and my 4 year old niece. A different day on the trip dd14 spend many hours with her aunt and cousin while I visited friends from college. This was a touristy type trip we took with a few other moms/daughters but we went early. DH has gone on an occasional visit alone but more for things like his high school reunion but typically we all visit together.

My mil passed away when my oldest was a year old. If both inlaws were alive and healthy I really think that I would occasionally spend a few days with them and the girls during school vacations and we would all get along great.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I never have, but they live 350 miles away, so not exactly a day trip. They actually don't like us to come visit them - they're borderline hoarders and they don't like us to come to their house. My husband has had a couple of CE classes near them this year and has seen them on each trip, but the kids and I have not seen them since last Christmas. They don't travel much. They enjoy the grandkids, of course, but aren't all that interested in them on a personal level. They love them, they love me, but they are mostly interested in their son, which is fine. I get that. My husband isn't extremely close to them, only talks to them maybe once a month. My husband's brothers - would I go see them if they lived nearby? Maybe. One is married and I get along with my SIL pretty well - we've only actually been together in person maybe 3 times in the 6 years they've been together.

Regarding my family - well, we live in the same city as my parents and my sister and her husband. My husband and BIL sometimes go to a movie or golf or something. And there have been times I've come home to an empty house and called my husband to find out where he is, and he's helping my dad with something. I'm glad he gets along with my family. My brother's wife I call "sister" without the "in-law" part, and she and my sister and I have done girls' weekends together, so the "in-laws" I got from my siblings' marriages, I adore. My siblings and I and our spouses are very close.

 

[KateP85]

Oh goodness me no. I love my husband but I married him, not his whole family. I actually adore my FIL but my MIL is hard to get along with. She's very opinionated and quite rude and not someone I want to be around really.

 

[Thing 1]

Yes. We have been married 25 years and have chosen to forget which family which of us came from. We have had to support each of our parents in different ways over the past 25ish years and we did so without regard to who's parent is who. AT this point in our lives, I have more time than DH and do more for them that he does. Sometimes they do drive me a bit crazy, but so did my own parents . We make it work.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I absolutely spend time with my in-laws without DH! We live near his family and far from mine, so his parents treat me just like one of their own kids. I adore them both! MIL and I go shopping and stuff, and FIL and I actually used to commute to work together.

 

[Dawnlight]

No, no, no. They happen to live on the other side of the world, which is still too near for me, but even if they lived close, there is no way that I'd visit without dh.

 

[DisMom829]

Absolutely! My Father-in-law lives right next door. We see him almost every day! I'm so thrilled my kids are close to him. I know I'm extremely blessed to have him so close and to have such a loving relationship with him. FIL has a GF that has been around for 4 years now. My kids now call her GMaw, she loves them like they were her grandchildren. Her grandkids live in California and she flies out to see them several times a year.

My MIL is a holiday Grandparent. Bad divorce when my son was 2. I can count on one hand how many times she's seen DD. She didn't even come to the hospital when DD was born. Sad thing is she lives maybe 10 minutes away from us.

 

[blana]

When my sisters-in-law had children, I visited them in the hospital without DH. But I don't really go over to their houses without him to visit. Well, unless he's out of town for my nieces/nephews' birthday parties.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Absolutely not
As other posters have said , I don't like visiting them even with my husband.
They live about 1/2 hr away and I see them about 6 times a year , which is actually too much for me
DH and the kids see them a little more often but not much

SIL is even worse. Total witch!

 

[bcwife76]

Nope. My MIL is an evil witch, haven't spoken to her or seen her since April 2011. Finally had enough of her crap and told her to go to hell. My SIL doesn't get along with her mother either, so we kind of bonded over that. DH doesn't have a great relationship with his mother (nothing to do with my falling out with her, it was crappy well before that) so he only takes our kids over to see her (she lives 40 minutes away) a few times a year.
My FIL (divorced from MIL for over 20 years and remarried) is rather spineless and self centred but he's not all bad. His current wife wears the pants in the family, but I quite like her. Wish she was my true MIL.

 

[bethbuchall]

My in-laws live about an hour and a half from here. When my older two were little, I'd drive up almost weekly to visit and help with their CSA. My sister-in-law also lives in that area and has kids who are similar in age to my older two, so the cousins had a lot of fun together. Now, I try to get out of it even when my husband goes. I'm a horrible person!

 

[Andrea]

Yes, I hang out with my In-laws all the time. We are all pretty close and live within an hour of each other. We will go shopping, grab lunch , text talk on the phone etc..

 

[tvguy]

My MIL lived 6 miles from us. She passed away 16 years ago, but I can only recall being at her house once in 17 years without my wife. That was after her husband passed, and I took her to Social Security, the Air Force Base, and Bank to do all the notifications.

My FIL lived 2,000 miles from us, so it was always a family trip when we went. He passed away 11 years ago.

 

[Dan Murphy]

so I'm flying from the 90 degrees of the desert to the cold to me Chicago

Welcome to Chicago, Tina. Hope all goes well for you here. And it is cold for me here today too, and I have been here for over 70 years.

As to your question, they are all gone.

 

[Disneychick75]

Yes, I visit my DMIL ( and DFIL before he died) without my husband all the time. My ML is the sweetest woman and I'm crazy about her.

 

[dadtoagirl03]

Sweet Jesus no I'd never subject myself to visiting the inlaws without DW. MIL lives less than 2 miles away and we haven't seen her in months. We, including my wife, can't handle being around her more than a couple times a year. Scary thing DW acts more like her the older she gets.

 

[powellrj]

I used to before they died, but they never seemed thrilled to see us. I loved his grandma and we would stop and see her all the time. My DDIL comes over sometimes, but she is really busy between her job and kids so I don't see her as often as I did before the kids. DDIL, DD and I all went out to dinner a few weeks ago together!

 

[MamaLema]

No, but only because they live in South America, otherwise I would love to

 

[clori]

I posted before about me. My family lives about 1.5 hours away. Dh comes with me to visit the majority of times and would go alone but only if he thought there was a good reason such as helping out with something. The times he doesn't come is when I visit when he is working, girls night out with my sister or something like that. My dh and my dad for many Thanksgiving Black Fridays would hit a few stores together that were quick such as Staples, Radio Shack, or Ace Hardware. I would go out with my mom and sister for a much longer shopping trip. When my dad ended up in the er on Thanksgiving my dh was right there with me visiting and didn't hesitate to go into the ICU room with dd14 while I went in separately with dd10. Dh was with me in the hospice room in March when my 91 year old dad passed away. I'm sure my mother drives him crazy but dh will do anything for her. Last weekend we drove up just to hang up new curtain rods since my we fixed up a downstairs bedroom for my mother to help her not have to climb stairs daily anymore for physical reasons.