Disgusting situation at the grocery store today

[Jynohn]

I am not naive enough to think that there could never come a day when I could find myself in the same set of circumstances as some of the people on public assistance. Life happens, and sometimes people need help. There's no shame in that. But there is a shame in letting it become a way of life and making no effort to end the cycle. And I think it's people like that that ruin it for everyone and make the rest of us so angry when we see, or think we see, someone abusing the system.

I don't think there's anyone here on this board that would begrudge a hungry child a healthy meal. But when you stand behind someone in line who has money to buy cigarettes and Doritos or who has a Coach bag and a nice manicure and you see them using food stamps, it's hard not to be angry. No, of course I don't know that person's circumstances and maybe things aren't what they seem, but the perception is still there that I'm working hard and struggling to feed my family, while tax dollars are going to help people who continue to make poor choices and abuse the system.

When I had DS, I was 19 years old and unmarried. I was very fortunate because my parents were very supportive, I had a good job, and DS's dad was contributing as well. I know that many people are not that lucky, and that I could have just as easily been the one who needed the help. What got me though is how much I was ENCOURAGED to sign up for WIC even though I didn't need it. My pediatrician's office almost made me feel guilty because I wouldn't sign up. I didn't need the help, and thought I should leave it for someone who did. Yet the attitude was there that it's free assistance, why not take it.

Unfortunately that's the attitude that a lot of people take. Why work hard and get off public assistance, when it's so much easier to let the government subsidize you? I have an aunt who is 49 years old, with no medical issues and 4 grown children. When the kids were young her husband didn't work and they were on public assistance. With 4 small children and a deadbeat husband, she had no choice. She needed to feed her family. But now the deadbeat is gone, the kids are all grown up and moved away, yet she's still on welfare, as are 3 of her kids. They are all able bodied adults, there's no reason for them to not be working, but that's the system they grew up in, and the life they're continuing to choose for themselves.

It's not right to judge a person without knowing their circumstances, but in my opinion there's nothing wrong with being angry about the flaws in the system and wanting to see them changed.

 

[Saphire]

But you have to look at the facts that the benefits and goods outweigh the scammers and crooks for now, and until an answer is found to absolutely stop those with the mindset that free money is good money... we need to continue with these programs.

I agree with this. While many of you feel these programs are worthwhile only if they are used correctly, this is just not going to happen. They can be improved on (like teaching nutrition before handing out food stamps, tightening up those loopholes, etc). But every program gives to some people who really don't 'deserve' it. The question is should we allow these programs to go on even though we know there is abuse? I say yes, because to take it away from everyone would mean taking it away from many who really need it.

 

[DMRick]

I pulled up in a brand new truck, and I'm pretty sure I dressed well. Oh, and sometimes I had two sets of groceries..with the second set bought with my cash, and sometimes it included steak. I hated to make two trips to the store, so I bought my groceries and my dads. I bought all sorts of fattening items and put up with a lot of snide remarks from the people behind me and a couple times the check-out gals (and of course often they would discuss my purchases with the people behind me) when people saw what I was buying. Of course the food stamps belonged to my dad (who was also getting healthy meals on wheels) when he was dying of cancer. Yes, we prob could have supplimented his food budget so he didn't have to get the food stamps, but we had to decide..pay for his meds, or his food. He wouldn't go in the market, even if able, since he was mortified to be getting food stamps. The doctor suggested we buy him anything he could keep down (chemo was miserable) that would fatten him up.
I did report one gal after about the 10th time she remarked about the use of food stamps. You just don't always know the whole picture.

I worked in the grocery store business for 20 years before I moved and believe me I have seen it all and then some. One of our most frequent food stamp users was this man who pulled up late at night in a new (at the time) white cadillac

 

[Jennasis]

If they had gotten free birth control they wouldn't be in line worrying about WIC coupons. To quote one of my favorite bumper stickers:" If you can't feed it, don't breed it!"

Must...control...rage....

Just....Eww, to that post.

 

[sha_lyn]

don't think there's anyone here on this board that would begrudge a hungry child a healthy meal. But when you stand behind someone in line who has money to buy cigarettes and Doritos or who has a Coach bag and a nice manicure and you see them using food stamps, it's hard not to be angry. No, of course I don't know that person's circumstances and maybe things aren't what they seem, but the perception is still there that I'm working hard and struggling to feed my family, while tax dollars are going to help people who continue to make poor choices and abuse the system.

I know exactly what you are talking about. When DS was a baby, DH worked with a guy that made a good bit more than DH did. Due to several things, we were having a very hard time making ends meet. We did get WIC but that was it. If DH had made $35 less a month we would have received food stamps, Medicaid (for my pregnancy and for DS after birth), assistance to pay our utilities etc. However the guy that DH worked with had his wife lie and say they were separated. They received all those benefits. They sold the formula because they could get milk for free at work (yes they put an infant on skimmed milk because they didn't want a fat baby). Their dogs were fed pork chops for dinner because they could get that on food stamps. They both drank heavily (beer for him, wine coolers for her) and had a pack+ smoking habit a day, and smoked pot.
Here we were borrowing money for diapers and this family spent more a month on alcohol, cigarettes and pot than DH made a month.

Yrs later we met a family very much like that one, but they took it even further. They called the church begging for money for food. 3 days later they called again saying they had no food in the house. When the associate pastor went by to give them the money collect he saw cases of beer and cartons of cigarettes on the table. He refused to give the money to the couple and instead took the 3 young boys out to eat with the $$.
Anyway my point is that considering the abuse of the system I've seen, it is easy to jump to conclusions. However I have to remind myself of the letter to Dear Abby or Ann Landers yrs ago.
Someone complained that a well dressed woman purchased a decorated cake and "junk food" with food stamps. It turned out that the woman was the mom of a child that was dying. The mom left work to care for her dying child. Without moms income and with the medical bills the family qualified for food stamps. The cake and junk food was for a Bday party for the dying child. The child died a few weeks after the party.

 

[VSL]

I think Lauri probably hit it square on the thumb.

 

[reddixie]

EBT cards in Ga. and Fl. do include child support now as well. This should help with people making snap judgements about the person using them. I forgot all about this until someone else mentioned it because my DD's dad doesn't pay his child support as he should. Fl. just went to the EBT card as a way to receive your money. After this thread I think I will do direct deposit in case he ever pays me. I would hate for someone to think that the steaks on my belt are because I am cheating the system.

 

[sajetto]

If they had gotten free birth control they wouldn't be in line worrying about WIC coupons. To quote one of my favorite bumper stickers:" If you can't feed it, don't breed it!"

Did you even give thought to the fact that some people are millionaires one day and flat broke the next? It happens all the time. Factories close, stocks fall flat on their face, buisness go bankrupt, family members have illnesses that cost thousands, couples divorce, it goes on, and on, and on..................................It has NOTHING to do with having children in MANY cases


You might want to think before you type

 

[SillyMe]

EBT cards in Ga. and Fl. do include child support now as well. This should help with people making snap judgements about the person using them. I forgot all about this until someone else mentioned it because my DD's dad doesn't pay his child support as he should. Fl. just went to the EBT card as a way to receive your money. After this thread I think I will do direct deposit in case he ever pays me. I would hate for someone to think that the steaks on my belt are because I am cheating the system.

Is there a difference in the EBT cards and Debit/Mastercards? My child support card has the state written on it and it says Debit and has the Mastercard logo on it. When I use it, I run it through the machine just like a regular debit card. Are other states different that someone would mistake it for a Food Stamp card?

 

[hentob]

Just imagine if that family in the mcmansion lost their job and house, but still had their new car, which they were upside down on their loan, so they can't trade it in...then they have to turn to food stamps and WIC all while driving that new car they are stuck with. Can you imagine how they would be judged?

That is why one should save and plan for the "rainy day" before they build the McMansion and drive that new car

Choices, people. It's all about choices.

I have walked a mile. I have watched people have babies when they couldn't afford them. All the while, we worked, scrimped and saved to have children. Those buggers are expensive

Same with my friends that have brand new homes and drive new cars. We chose to pay off our house and cars and save for the future.

Choices.

 

[disneymom3]

Just imagine if that family in the mcmansion lost their job and house, but still had their new car, which they were upside down on their loan, so they can't trade it in...then they have to turn to food stamps and WIC all while driving that new car they are stuck with. Can you imagine how they would be judged?

Been there, done that and it wasn't pretty. Actually, we are nowhere near a McMansion but we did have the car we were stuck with. The thing I thought was truly astounding was that we didn't qualify for any assistance other than WIC because we had too many assets--our car that was worth $8000 and we owed $14000 on was considered an asset. Trust me, if I were able to get any money out of it, I gladly would have. So, no state health insurance meant our insurance had to be cobra'd to the tune of $1100 per month as we have a child who has to be insured due to medical issues.

I agree the system is screwed up. I don't think you should be able to buy stuff you don't "need" but I have heard that that would be practically impossible to police.

In our area, WIC does come with education as well. Each month when you go to pick up your vouchers they have a different theme about nutrition and healthy lifestyles. You are also given recipes that utilize the foods you are able to buy as well as recipes that use items that are currently in season and therefore cheaper most of the time.

So, hentob--I am wondering what choices I should have made differently. DH was employed in an unsecure market that sure seemed steady when he got into it. He had friends with the same skills with 10 more years of experience applying for the same jobs he was. The man worked night shift at Target and sent out resume's and went on interviews during the day. I worked two jobs as well. In the meantime, we ran through all of savings, all retirement accounts, sold everything we could sell and not take a huge loss on and still had no leads. Now granted, we have learned that we will never ever purchase a new car again--used is the only way we will go again. Sadly though we didn't have ESP and were not aware that we would hit a 2.5 year low point in our finances and thought we were perfectly fine with the mortgage that was $100K less than the bank approved us for.

Choices....how about Compassion.

 

[MAKmom]

Uh huh. And how is that different from what you're talking about?

As long as junk food is allowed by the government that you voted for, then it's none of your business if people want to buy it.

The poor woman bought milk, ham & soda. OMG! It could have been beer. Everything else was WIC items she was going to come back for.

This thread is an all time low for the CB Board.

Who can we rip apart next to feel good about ourselves? Any suggestions?

I'll start ORPHANS

 

[Darth Cupcake]

I haven't read through all the posts. I just wanted to put in my two cents.

The initial post is sad. I know a lot of people think they shouldn't have been buying the soda in place of eggs and milk. Well I think we should give them the benefit of the doubt. I'd have gladly paid for the rest of their groceries. Why? Because I don't know them or their situation. All I know is that they have a child. They may well be "screwing the system" and "ripping me off" by giving the groceries to someone else for say cigarettes. But what I do know is that in the end, they and their child were shown kindness by a stranger. And that might be the emotional deposit that gives them hope. I just think that when we "err" on the side of compassion, we do slowly change the world.

 

[hentob]

If they had gotten free birth control they wouldn't be in line worrying about WIC coupons. To quote one of my favorite bumper stickers:" If you can't feed it, don't breed it!"

I agree with this statement. I imagine WIC is a wonderful program, but why would you have child after child if you need assistance in feeding them?

I don't think you need to be rich to have children. I do think you should be able to at least FEED your child. And yes, people do fall on hard times. This is what welfare is for.

But, I find it difficult to feel sorry for people who drive brand new cars, take vacation after vacation, build McMansions, etc. without saving for the future. Why should my tax dollars pay for somebody's bad choices? SAVE your money, so if something goes wrong in your life, you won't have to depend on others to fix it. Once all of your resources have run out, then ask for assistance.



Off topic, but........
In my opinion, the worst offenders are those who smoke cigarettes, all the while using MY tax dollars to feed themselves and their children. It is WRONG. And very frustrating. Cigarettes are not cheap. How can you afford to smoke but not be able to feed your child?

 

[hentob]

So, hentob--I am wondering what choices I should have made differently. DH was employed in an unsecure market that sure seemed steady when he got into it. He had friends with the same skills with 10 more years of experience applying for the same jobs he was. The man worked night shift at Target and sent out resume's and went on interviews during the day. I worked two jobs as well. In the meantime, we ran through all of savings, all retirement accounts, sold everything we could sell and not take a huge loss on and still had no leads. .

Everything must be ok now. Hope you enjoyed your trip to WDW

 

[disneymom3]

Everything must be ok now. Hope you enjoyed your trip to WDW

Yes thanks, things are fine. (Really would have thrown a whole new spin on this thread if I had said we are still receiving WIC and with the money we saved we financed a trip to WDW, huh?? ) We are definitely recovering/recovered and are not lifetime users of any assistance program. I see in your next post that you agree with my point of view that sometimes bad stuff happens, but then, yes, you do move on and use the handup not hand out.

 

[kikakeko]

I am wondering what choices I should have made differently. DH was employed in an unsecure market that sure seemed steady when he got into it. He had friends with the same skills with 10 more years of experience applying for the same jobs he was. The man worked night shift at Target and sent out resume's and went on interviews during the day. I worked two jobs as well. In the meantime, we ran through all of savings, all retirement accounts, sold everything we could sell and not take a huge loss on and still had no leads. Now granted, we have learned that we will never ever purchase a new car again--used is the only way we will go again. Sadly though we didn't have ESP and were not aware that we would hit a 2.5 year low point in our finances and thought we were perfectly fine with the mortgage that was $100K less than the bank approved us for.

Choices....how about Compassion.

I SOOOOOOO know how this feels. I have been there and I know first hand how devastating this can be on you, your spouse and kids.
We had lots of factors that played into our financial distress. My DFIL had just been diagnosed brain cancer (terminal), we had just had twins (that by the way we could "afford" to feed at the time of conception) and then my DH ruptured 3 disks in his back at work. I was the sole supporter of a household of 6. Working 2 jobs- nights as a nurse at a nursing home evenings as a bartender. We burned through all of our savings on medical bills and medicine and living expenses. It took 13 weeks for my DH comp check to start coming to take some of the burden off of us. We are still s lo w l y working our way out of that nightmare. There is more but I will spare you the gory details.

To think that this is what some people thought of me when I needed assistance makes my stomach turn.
You NEVER know the story behind what someone is going through or what battles they are fighting.

 

[hentob]

Did you even give thought to the fact that some people are millionaires one day and flat broke the next? It happens all the time.

That is sad

Why don't people live like they might "lose it all" tomorrow? It is really a good idea.


I like to call it the "Burger King Budget". You save and save. You put off things like McMansions, children, vacations, new cars, etc. until you have built up enough savings that if you lost your job tomorrow, you could still house, feed, clothe your children on a Burger King salary

It's tough to do. It is difficult to watch your friends climb the "social status" ladder, while you scrimp and save and live under your means. But one day, it all pays off.

 

[m&m's mom]

I agree with this statement. I imagine WIC is a wonderful program, but why would you have child after child if you need assistance in feeding them?

I don't think you need to be rich to have children. I do think you should be able to at least FEED your child. And yes, people do fall on hard times. This is what welfare is for.

But, I find it difficult to feel sorry for people who drive brand new cars, take vacation after vacation, build McMansions, etc. without saving for the future. Why should my tax dollars pay for somebody's bad choices? SAVE your money, so if something goes wrong in your life, you won't have to depend on others to fix it. Once all of your resources have run out, then ask for assistance.

AMEN!
Big picture is a very large percentage of these situations are the result of bad planning. Don't have kids until you can afford them. Don't buy a car w/ such little down that you can't sell it if you have to.
It's so much about lifestyle CHOICES!
Also, I was raised to think if you needed help that was what your family was for - not the government!
There are of course, exceptions to this but not as many as people are acting like.
My Mom was left w/ 4 little kids at 30 and had never worked a day in her life, had a live-in housekeeper, Country Club membership etc.
The CHOICE she made is, her kids were her responsibility and she was going to take care of them. The most she would let me Grandparents do is to co-sign on a student loan so she could go to college. Closest college was 90 miles away. Had to drive there and back every day. For 4 years she did this w/ 4 kids- but by God - she did it.
We could have qualified for MAJOR welfare etc but there was no way my Mom was going to make the government responsible for her kids. It was very tough. We went from being very well off to broke.
The result is Mom now has her PhD, all 4 kids have advanced degrees and are all self sufficient.
It can be done - just a lot of people don't want to work that hard.

 

[goofygirl]

And what about the parents that could afford to feed their children when they had them but due to the #1 employer (where both parents worked) in town burns to the ground. A town of a population of 17,000 and where there aren't a lot of jobs, but if they stay there the former employer will pay for them to get some schooling. Happened in the town we used to live in.
Have some compassion. It might heal your heart.

That's the exception, not the norm. I am willing to bet a huge amount of bucks that freebie recipients wound up that way because they did not plan well. Especially in the case of a 20 something couple. Are you telling me that neither one can work and pay for their kid's food- without Uncle Sam's (aka MY taxes) help?

Amazing how people get so defensive and hostile at the suggestion of procreating responsibly.