Difference in parenting or age??

[Sabeking]

Well, obviously, not all, or even most, 13 year olds act exactly the way the OP's neice does. Everyone is different.

And, what a stretch to begin to compare a younger child with a teenager.


I just sounds like the OP is looking to be judgemental.
In fact, everything about the original post is very very judgemental.
It is really not one's place to judge.

While I may see things that I do not agree with in how the 13 year old behaves and/or is parented,
I will refrain from saying anything at all that could be construed as enabling the OP to feel justified in self-righteous judgement.

Wow, sorry if you thought I was being VERY VERY judgemental, but isn't that a little judgemental of you to say. Of course I don't want to be judgemental!!!
The whole point was to ask if their ages are that different; that's why I'm asking; I don't have a 13 yr. old

Thank you to the rest of you who have given me a lot to think about such as personality, parenting, age difference and looking at my niece differently. My attempt was not to look for support that I am right but I'm actually questioning where I am drawing the line with my daughter and what things I need to possibly change. There are many opinions out there and I can say that bottom line we all love our kids and try to do what we think is best for them.

 

[RadioNate]

Trust me, I did not take her dolls away. My point is that, on their own, they move on to other things, and by 13, it's rare to find dolls to be that creative outlet. BTW, dd13 is currently working on a project in conjunction with her voice coach - they're composing a score to an original musicale. So I'm not worried that she's no longer playing with dolls - she's moved on.

Since, I'm clearly not all the skilled at written communication thanks for saying what I was thinking a whole lot better than I did.

 

[Scurvy]

People are a little hung up on the whole "developmental delays" label (and for the record I said: "has something developmentally wrong" I probably should have said, socially immature? ) I know I typed it but sometimes I guess I forget how insanely literal the message board world can be.

RadioNate, I'm sorry if I misunderstood the tone of your posts. To me, the initial one seemed very negative and I guess I read them all through that filter. For what it's worth, I would find a 13 year old who played "Mommy" with their dolls to be a bit babyish and I agree that it would be very outside of the norm. On the other hand, I see lots of young tweens who still play with dolls (just not with themselves as the Mom role, more like they would use action figures as was described earlier in the thread) and that doesn't seem at all unusual or babyish to me - especially when (as in my case) they have younger friends or siblings. It could be in part that we just have different ideas of what "playing with dolls" entails. And I do expect that around the early teen years most kids stop playing with toys (such as dolls) but I think there's a pretty wide range of ages where kids hit that point.

 

[BuffettFan]

People are a little hung up on the whole "developmental delays" label (and for the record I said: "has something developmentally wrong" I probably should have said, socially immature? ) I know I typed it but sometimes I guess I forget how insanely literal the message board world can be.

ITA that a 13 year old girl who plays with dolls, and is hung up on Disney....and not interested in other "teen" things would come across as socially immature.

My next door neighbor is the perfect example. When they were young, my children and the neighbors played together all of the time. However the neighbors are home schooled, and the girl next door seemed to get caught in a "time warp"....and seemd to stay about 8 years old. She's now 14. This past summer we were driving into the neighborhood, and she was walking down the street pushing a doll carriage with a babydoll in it. At first we thought it was a joke, but when we pulled in the driveway, she came up, and told us her babies' names, and all that they had done that day.

A few days later, I was talking to her mom, and brought up the doll carriage. She said that they had bought her the carriage for her birthday. When I commented that I thought it is was odd...she got very defensive, and gave me the whole "Im so happy my daughter is so innocent" speech. At 14, not only does she still play with dolls, but still has Minnie Mouse bedding on her bed, Aladdin is her favorite movie.....and doesnt even watch Hannah Montana (Mom says Hannah is too "sassy")

I think thats overboard. Kids need to grow up gradually. What happens when shes 18 ? They need responsibilty, they need to be exposed to the "real world" in small doses...not thrown out into it all at once.

Like everything else in life, there needs to be a balance

 

[Rora]

I agree completely. It's a personality issue. I'm in college and my personality mirrors that of your daughter's. I never behaved like your niece, at 13 or any age. However, I was clearly in the minority. I noticed a severe change in my girl friends' behavior during the summer between 5th grade and 6th grade.

Same here.

Regardless, I still think parenting technique comes into play.

 

[alexandria674]

People are a little hung up on the whole "developmental delays" label (and for the record I said: "has something developmentally wrong" I probably should have said, socially immature? ) I know I typed it but sometimes I guess I forget how insanely literal the message board world can be.

Sure, I'd absolutely think it was against the norm. And if one of my friend's 13 year old daughters played with dolls (not simply owned them for display or occasionally played with a younger sibling) on a regular basis, I would wonder if the girl had some social issues. I didn't say mentally challenged or even really mean that there was really something medically wrong with them. I would think they weren't on par with most other 13 year olds. I'd think they were babyish. That doesn't mean that I don't like them or that I think they are bad or whatever, it just isn't my expected norm.

I much more expect a 13 year old to be like the OP described than someone who plays with dolls and is very into Disney, etc.

And girls with eyeliner are tramps. Ok. Whatever. I guess I really don't care too much about what other families think or do. They can wonder and judge all they want.

Huh?

 

[RadioNate]

Huh?

It was a discussion earlier in the thread about judging. A PP was upset that I was judgmental because I would think 13 year old playing with dolls was weird. She in turn said that 13 year olds wearing eye liner is trampy.

It was a reference to that.

My point was that I will continue to think that 13 year olds playing with dolls isn't my norm and she'll continue to think that 13 year olds wearing heavy eye liner is trampy. And it doesn't matter. She can think that, and I can think what I think and really as long as we are doing what is best for our families it doesn't matter who is judgmental or not.

If my DD wears eye liner at 13 (which I have no issue with allowing) and people think that looks trampy, I don't care.

 

[Scurvy]

Huh?

That was a response to my post, where I said that I thought saying 13 year olds who played with dolls had developmental problems was just as bad as saying something like 13 year olds who wear eyeliner are tramps. I don't think either statement is true, but I think it's just as bad to insult a child for liking things that are less mature as it would be to insult one for liking things that are more mature. Since some posters had mentioned eye makeup as something that was normal for 13 year olds, and others thought it was too mature for 13 year olds, I thought it was an apt comparison.

 

[alexandria674]

It was a discussion earlier in the thread about judging. A PP was upset that I was judgmental because I would think 13 year old playing with dolls was weird. She in turn said that 13 year olds wearing eye liner is trampy.

It was a reference to that.

My point was that I will continue to think that 13 year olds playing with dolls isn't my norm and she'll continue to think that 13 year olds wearing heavy eye liner is trampy. And it doesn't matter. She can think that, and I can think what I think and really as long as we are doing what is best for our families it doesn't matter who is judgmental or not.

If my DD wears eye liner at 13 (which I have no issue with allowing) and people think that looks trampy, I don't care.

Ah ok. It caught my eye and I was like "Huh"

 

[Scurvy]

It was a discussion earlier in the thread about judging. A PP was upset that I was judgmental because I would think 13 year old playing with dolls was weird. She in turn said that 13 year olds wearing eye liner is trampy.

It was a reference to that.

My point was that I will continue to think that 13 year olds playing with dolls isn't my norm and she'll continue to think that 13 year olds wearing heavy eye liner is trampy. And it doesn't matter. She can think that, and I can think what I think and really as long as we are doing what is best for our families it doesn't matter who is judgmental or not.

If my DD wears eye liner at 13 (which I have no issue with allowing) and people think that looks trampy, I don't care.

Assuming you are referring to my post and there wasn't a similar post that I missed. . . That's not what I think, and not what I was trying to say. Apparently we just aren't understanding each other today. I further explained my opinion in my response to alexandria674 if you want to see a clarification.

 

[RadioNate]

That was a response to my post, where I said that I thought saying 13 year olds who played with dolls was just as bad as saying something like 13 year olds who wear eyeliner are tramps. I don't think either statement is true, but I think it's just as bad to insult a child for liking things that are less mature as it would be to insult one for liking things that are more mature. Since some posters had mentioned eye makeup as something that was normal for 13 year olds, and others thought it was too mature for 13 year olds, I thought it was an apt comparison.

thanks

and I did want to say too, that the PP or anyone shouldn't really care that I think 13 year olds playing with dolls is weird.

I'm not some be all end all of parenting or whatever.

And to your other post. I'm not sure you necessarily understood. I think I could have used some more sensitive phrasing but I won't back peddle and say I wouldn't look twice at a girl who was behaving like BuffettFan described. I would find that odd and would wonder if there was something more going on. That behavior is what I picture when I think of playing with dolls.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think that must have quite a bit to do with it. Some of the things that people on this thread find normal for a 13 year old would most certainly not be considered normal in my area - and I live in a reasonably sized city, but it obviously isn't as progressive as some areas.

You should experience the change in expectations of normal for kids when you go from rural New Hampshire (town of less than 5000) to a medium sized city in Germany Just s couple of examples: schools have totally open campuses--my ten year old went over to the kiosk to buy an ice cream on break today Kids from first grade on up pretty much all go all over town on their own with busses, trams and bikes, it is very normal to see older teens drinking a beer when out walking or on the tram (but hardly ever drunk), etc. I always tried to give my kids more freedom than most, but I am still having to adjust my attitude fast and furious

 

[Scurvy]

And to your other post. I'm not sure you necessarily understood. I think I could have used some more sensitive phrasing but I won't back peddle and say I wouldn't look twice at a girl who was behaving like BuffettFan described. I would find that odd and would wonder if there was something more going on. That behavior is what I picture when I think of playing with dolls.

Well on that we can agree! If I saw a 13 year old playing like that (without younger children, at least) I would find it very weird and also wonder if something else was going on. But that's not necessarily the only way I've seen kids play with dolls, and if I saw 13 year olds playing with them by making clothes for them, cutting their hair or using them to do other imaginative play, I wouldn't think that was particularly odd. Basically, by 13 I'd find any play that treats the doll as though it is "real" to be quite strange, but wouldn't be at all phased by play that uses the doll as a prop, if that makes sense. But of course just as children are different and mature at different rates, there are also different parenting styles. There's no reason we can't disagree about this - it doesn't necessarily make either one of us wrong.

 

[Scurvy]

You should experience the change in expectations of normal for kids when you go from rural New Hampshire (town of less than 5000) to a medium sized city in Germany Just s couple of examples: schools have totally open campuses--my ten year old went over to the kiosk to buy an ice cream on break today Kids from first grade on up pretty much all go all over town on their own with busses, trams and bikes, it is very normal to see older teens drinking a beer when out walking or on the tram (but hardly ever drunk), etc. I always tried to give my kids more freedom than most, but I am still having to adjust my attitude fast and furious

Oddly enough my brother in law has told me the same thing - lived there as he was growing up. I think that would be quite a difficult adjustment for me, though I'm sure my son would love it!

 

[golfgal]

ITA that a 13 year old girl who plays with dolls, and is hung up on Disney....and not interested in other "teen" things would come across as socially immature.

My next door neighbor is the perfect example. When they were young, my children and the neighbors played together all of the time. However the neighbors are home schooled, and the girl next door seemed to get caught in a "time warp"....and seemd to stay about 8 years old. She's now 14. This past summer we were driving into the neighborhood, and she was walking down the street pushing a doll carriage with a babydoll in it. At first we thought it was a joke, but when we pulled in the driveway, she came up, and told us her babies' names, and all that they had done that day.

A few days later, I was talking to her mom, and brought up the doll carriage. She said that they had bought her the carriage for her birthday. When I commented that I thought it is was odd...she got very defensive, and gave me the whole "Im so happy my daughter is so innocent" speech. At 14, not only does she still play with dolls, but still has Minnie Mouse bedding on her bed, Aladdin is her favorite movie.....and doesnt even watch Hannah Montana (Mom says Hannah is too "sassy")

I think thats overboard. Kids need to grow up gradually. What happens when shes 18 ? They need responsibilty, they need to be exposed to the "real world" in small doses...not thrown out into it all at once.

Like everything else in life, there needs to be a balance

Poor kid-is she planning on bringing the dolls to college in just 4 YEARS??? Poor kid

 

[aprilgail2]

I'm trying to figure out if my DD and niece are totally on different wave lengths because of their age or I have a different parenting than the in-laws. What do you think??

My DD:
10 years old
still plays American Girl dolls
loves Disney
plays with her younger sister and actually enjoys it (most of the time)
listens to Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana, etc...
has MP3
Does not have cell phone, tv in room or free access to computer, not on face book
private Christian school
no make-up


My niece:
13 years old
hates Disney; thinks it's for babies
only child; acts uniterested around my kids
listens to rap, hard rock
has 3rd ipod, 6th cell phone,on facebook with tons of pictures posted, tv and computer in bedroom
private Christian school
wears dark eye liner around eyes
whenever we have a family function she either doesn't come because she is at a friend's house or shows up with a friend in toe.
.

My daughter is 9 and in between the 2. She outgrew American Girl dolls before last year. She loves Disney though! She listens to everything from the Jonas Brothers to Kiss (we are going to see Kiss in concert next month). She does not wear eye makeup but she does have the bottom three inches of her hair dyed blue. She has a Zune (like a video ipod), a facebook page for family, a tv and computer in her room (she is getting a new laptop for her birthday), she has access to a cell phone that I have as a spare on my plan that I give to grandma when I leave her someplace so she can call for a ride home and when my daughter goes out to the park or riding her bike to a friends she takes it with her.
By 13 I remember when I was a kid I did not want to go to family things- they outgrow it eventually, I did. I remember going to family reunions where we were away for 3 days and starting around 12-13 I would always take a friend with me.