Honestly, I think you are being way too strict and over reacting! Your dd is 14 not 4. It is perfectly normal for a 14 year olds to develop an attraction to boys and want to have a "boyfriend". It's not like she's trying to spend the night at his house with him. They probably have a fairly innocent relationship and the more you try to punish her, the more she is probably going to rebel.
The best thing you could possibly do at this point is to have an open, honest, and supportive (within reason) relationship with your dd and not push her in to hiding things from you (which she has obviously been doing in this case because she knows you won't react well to this relationship). You are going to have to accept she is getting to the age that you won't be able to control her every thought and movement on a daily basis. Why don't you try meeting the boyfriend before you make up your mind this relationship is going to be harmful to you dd?
BTW, I am posting this as a former 14 year old who did some really stupid things rebelling against parents that were too strict. I became involved in a "relationship" that involved sneaking around with a guy that was much older than high school (yes it was illegal and yes he should have known better even if I wasn't mature enough at the time to recognize it). I ended up hurt very badly (both physically and psychologically) from the experience, but the situation could have ended a lot worse than it did. Had my parents not been so strict and controlling, I probably would not have done what I did and would have been a lot happier during that period of my life.
This. I too was involved with a boy from 14-17 and was not allowed to date until 16. Did that stop me? No way! Just snuck around. I think back now and really feel like if my mom or dad had not made that rule (and there was no talking/discussing it with them either), and had opened the lines of communication, I would have dumped the jerk much earlier. I knew somewhere in my head it was not a normal relationship, but I had no adult to talk to about it. I knew if I had told my parents I would have been grounded etc......
You have to keep the lines of communication open. Telling her that she is "too young" will in fact make her question her own judgement. She obviously doesn't feel too young.
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