Daughter dating-what age and what curfew?

[tink20]

What age do or will you let your daughter date and what is her curfew?

I was reading the thread about going to the movies and was just wandering.
Right now my DD is 15, she will be 16 in 2 weeks. Her curfew is 10pm. She thinks its lame, I might bump it up to 10:30 when she turns 16. Just curious

 

[NikitaZee]

When I was 16, my curfew was midnight (on weekends only). I have a few years yet before I have to cross that bridge with my daughter.

 

[Magic Mom]

10:30 is early for a 16YO in my opinion. If they went to dinner and a movie, they would have to eat at 5 to be home in time. That seems a little lame to me, especially if she is a trustworthy, reponsible kid.

 

[englishteacha]

My parents did not give me a curfew. I had to tell them exactly where I was going and who I was with, and then a time was set for me to be home.

Looking back, I almost would have prefered a curfew then I wouldn't have to say where I was going and who I was with! Just something to think about...

 

[golfgal]

I agree, 10:30 is lame. I would say midnight is reasonable. Our town has a midnight curfew so that makes it easy on everyone. 10:30 doesn't even give you time to go out to eat after a basketball game or movie.

One thing I was told long ago was never to discuss what time your child needs to be home in front of whomever she/he is going out with as it gives them an excuse to be home early if things aren't going well.

 

[NC State]

I'm a fuddy-duddy and I think you have a good base to start with. I think 16 and 11:00 pm would be good.

 

[MrsPete]

My parents did not give me a curfew. I had to tell them exactly where I was going and who I was with, and then a time was set for me to be home.

Looking back, I almost would have prefered a curfew then I wouldn't have to say where I was going and who I was with! Just something to think about...

That's how my parents handled the five of us, and that's how I'm handling my girls.

They have to tell me where they're going to be, who they're going to be with, and then we agree upon a time together. For example, if they're going to a 7:00 movie at the theater 15 minutes from our house, 9:30 would be a reasonable time to return home. If they're going to eat at Burger King afterward, 10:00 would be good. If they're going to a dance at school and it's supposed to end at 11:30, they need to be home by 11:45. If something happens and they're going to be late, they must call. But we're not consistant; each week is based upon the anticipated activities. If they've been very, very well behaved lately, then I'll let them wheedle an extra half hour out of me; if they've not been on their best behavior, they're not going out at all.

The guy doesn't have to go home -- he's welcome to stay here and hang out in the den -- but my daughters can't just wander around.

We may relax this a bit when they're seniors . . . but right now the oldest is only a sophomore.

I have never bought into the idea of a curfew, not in the sense where it means "Go anywhere you want, do anything you want, but be home by 11:00."

 

[MrsPete]

One thing I was told long ago was never to discuss what time your child needs to be home in front of whomever she/he is going out with as it gives them an excuse to be home early if things aren't going well.

I never thought about that, but I like it.

 

[AristocatFan]

Guess I'm too old fashioned. Dating age for our kids is 16 with a 10pm curfew. Oldest DS is 17 and his curfew is 11pm, 10pm on school nights.

 

[Buckalew11]

I figure it'll sorta be a date by date thing with an approximate time of 11:00 depending on the circumstances. Mine will be 16 in 1 month and I doubt it'll be an issue just yet. She's way too picky.

 

[Ohiodislover]

I don't remember having a set curfew---it was more of a situation type thing. Mom and I discussed the plans, and I knew what time she expected me home.

It was usually something like 30 minutes after a school dance ended. 45-60 min. after a movie (we didn't live close to a theater).

I hope to be the same with my girls--Time will tell--I won't say I won't change my mind

 

[cabanafrau]

It really doesn't work for us to set the whole concept in stone. Depending on what she's doing, where she's going, who she's going with, we're prepared to be flexible. General rule of thumb is midnight works for most weekend nights. I don't think anything has exceeded that limit so far, but if she can present us with a reasonable plan for an event that does, we would consider it.

 

[kacaju]

My parents did not give me a curfew. I had to tell them exactly where I was going and who I was with, and then a time was set for me to be home.

Looking back, I almost would have prefered a curfew then I wouldn't have to say where I was going and who I was with! Just something to think about...

This is what we do.

 

[minkydog]

That's how my parents handled the five of us, and that's how I'm handling my girls.

They have to tell me where they're going to be, who they're going to be with, and then we agree upon a time together. For example, if they're going to a 7:00 movie at the theater 15 minutes from our house, 9:30 would be a reasonable time to return home. If they're going to eat at Burger King afterward, 10:00 would be good. If they're going to a dance at school and it's supposed to end at 11:30, they need to be home by 11:45. If something happens and they're going to be late, they must call. But we're not consistant; each week is based upon the anticipated activities. If they've been very, very well behaved lately, then I'll let them wheedle an extra half hour out of me; if they've not been on their best behavior, they're not going out at all.

The guy doesn't have to go home -- he's welcome to stay here and hang out in the den -- but my daughters can't just wander around.

We may relax this a bit when they're seniors . . . but right now the oldest is only a sophomore.

I have never bought into the idea of a curfew, not in the sense where it means "Go anywhere you want, do anything you want, but be home by 11:00."

this is how we do it too. DD16 is pretty picky about boyfriends. She is level-headed and makes good choices. Curfew has never been an issue. She comes home after the date is over, usually by 11pm. The only thing we ask is that a) the boy comes inside the house to meet us and talk for a short bit and b) if she's going to be any later than 11pm she needs to call and explain the situation.

We don't have a den at our house, just our great room.Its not a whole lot of fun for her to hang out with her friends in there. When she has friends over, guys or girls, they hang out in her bedroom. Her room is a pretty nice place to sit around and watch TV, talk, draw, or listen to music. She has one of those loft bunks with a futon couch underneath. Any time she has boys in there she leaves the door open and there's no laying on the couch. Since Christian's room is right next to hers, we are passing by her door pretty frequently and so far we have never seen or heard anything we were concerned about.

 

[pigletgirl]

My curfew at that age was 11pm. I got it bumped to 1130pm when I turned 17.

My dad always says "Nothing good happens after midnight"

 

[dislaney]

It really doesn't work for us to set the whole concept in stone. Depending on what she's doing, where she's going, who she's going with, we're prepared to be flexible. General rule of thumb is midnight works for most weekend nights. I don't think anything has exceeded that limit so far, but if she can present us with a reasonable plan for an event that does, we would consider it.

This is exactly what we do.

 

[Longsx3]

For me it was typically 12, however they were more concerned with where I was going.

My DD is 13, so curfew is not an issue. Next year she will be in High School and I imagine she will be going to school events more...typically she will need to be home by 10pm on Friday or Saturdays but I usually drive so there is still some flexibility.

 

[Lucky4me]

dd will be 15 soon. School nights is 8:30, but she's only out for school activities on weeknights. Weekends we negotiate, but usually by 11pm and she's at friends houses in the neighborhood, skating, bowling or at a movie. No dating until she's 16.
My biggest worry is her going out in cars. I originally told her 16 for car dates. Now I want to push that to 18. Since I've decided she can't get her full license until she's 18, maybe she'll forget I said car dates at 16?

 

[clh2]

DD (will be 16 in 3 months).

I have been VERY flexible about curfews, because she always needs rides to school, and whatever is going on after the event. (i.e. after homecoming, the whole group of kids she went with, got together at a pre-planned house afterwards.) When her only source of transportation is parents...I am a-ok if someone else brings her home.

Now - the DL complication. My DD's BFF can take her driver's test in March...the rules will change. DD can take her test April. There will be RULES. RULES. RULES. And, more RULES on top of the first set of rules. So - if a parent is driving, that is one thing, and if DD is driving, she will probably need to be home by 8:00. And - she will not be able to drive with a brand new driver, until we are comfortable with the situation, as well as what is going on with the weather.

(Currently - BFF's parents go to most football game, and almost all basketball games, since they are very gracious about bringing DD home, I am very flexible about what time she needs to be home.)

Back to the OP's post - I do think 10:30 is lame. If dd is at a school function (and especially if she is driving home) I want her to be the LAST person leaving the parking lot. I've picked her up enough times that a BBall game that ends at 10 had a traffic jam in the parking lot until about 10:30, and we live 1/2 hour away from the school.

I also agree - you are the parent, you get to determine what is in the best interest of your family! Good Luck...sometimes parenting isn't easy!!!

 

[hellokitty86]

When I was 16 my curfew was 9pm on the weekdays and 1am on the weekends. I thought that was very fair and I never took advantage or got into any trouble. I was usually home before 1am unless I was seeing a late movie.