Daughter dating-what age and what curfew?

[Cinderella94]

I'll be turning 16 in August.
I always have to tell my parents where I am going/who I will be with, but that is not a big deal at all for me. They know that my friends and I find drinking and "partying" to be gross.
That said, I texted them at 11:00 as I was on the way home from my date on Friday night and did the same at 11:30 last night.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

My DD didnt date till she was 16 and the curfew was 11 I figured the mall closed at 10 and an hour was plenty to get home . If there was a movie here and there they couldnt get into earlier I would let her stay out till midnight . But I felt like there was nothing to do here but get in trouble after midnight .

She used to tell me I was the meanest mom in the world now she says she is going to do the same with her daughter : )

 

[RunningGirl]

Our curfew is situational and varies, but it's rarely later than 11:00 and DD is 16. We always know where she is and who she's with.

 

[MichelleVW]

10:30 is early for a 16YO in my opinion. If they went to dinner and a movie, they would have to eat at 5 to be home in time. That seems a little lame to me, especially if she is a trustworthy, reponsible kid.

That seems lame to me too!! My DD will be 17 next month and her curfew is pretty much dependent on where she is going, but it's usually midnight.

 

[Planogirl]

My curfew was midnight at 16 and my parents were strict! Or maybe not as strict as I thought...

 

[joha]

I'm a fuddy-duddy and I think you have a good base to start with. I think 16 and 11:00 pm would be good.

Same here...I think 11 pm is a good time. My daughter will be 17 in March, and maybe we will re-evaluate then...

 

[Shutterbug]

Wow where were you parents when I was dating back in my teens????

The 16,17 years olds I dated in high school had 9pm curfew on weeknights and 10:30 maybe 11pm on weekends.

 

[NHdisneylover]

One thing I was told long ago was never to discuss what time your child needs to be home in front of whomever she/he is going out with as it gives them an excuse to be home early if things aren't going well.

Excellent advice I always tell my kids they can use "my parents won't let me. . ." as an excuse if they need to and we will back them up. So far they have been fine with just being honest and saying they don't want to, but if they are ever at a point where they want to "save face" and blame me--I am fine with that

Growing up I never had a curfew. I did always tell my parents where I planned to go, a phone number if one was available (hanging out at the park with a group of friends in the daysbefore cell phones did not always work) and what the LATEST I would be home was (usually 3--I knew I couldcount on my friend who had a three o'clock curfew for a ride home if I could not find one elsewhere). I never broke their trust and i was genereally home much earlier (I have alwasy like my sleep! The early curfews in my circle of friends were midnight and I knew who had htem and usually asked one of them fora ride home).
Most of my friends who really did things to get into trouble did so in the afterschool hours (3-6) and not late at night.
Ido not recall any rules about dating. I had no interest before I left for a year as an exchange student at 15. The next year, when I was home i started dating someone from school (so I was 16). I can't imagine that I asked if it was okay. It just sort of developed slowly and was not a big formal thing. I cna't imagine my parents would have had a problem with it either. I was only a year and a half younger then than my mother had been when she married my father.

So, current plans for my own two are about the same. DD13 has a very good head on her shoulders. I do ask that she lets me know where she is and what is going on (I love cell phones). So, at this point I occasioanlly get a call that she will be home a bit late from school becuase she is stopping by the library with a friend--so I am not terribly concerned yet. She is not showing any sings of being boy crazy yet (I keep expecting it) and i hope she does not want to really "date" for a while--BUT I do not want to hold her off and make it something really desireable and "bad" (meaning must lead to somethign or why else would it not be okay until i am odler attitude) in her eyes. I also hope she dates for a couple of years while living here at home so I can be around to offer advice and help her learn how to anage these things. She will be 17 when she graduates high school so I am not keeping her from dating until 16.

 

[barkley]

curious-do the teen driving laws in your states play a part in anyone's decisions on curfews?

reason i ask is the state we used to live in was pretty restrictive. for the first year a new driver under age 18 could'nt drive past 11 p.m. AND could'nt drive ANYONE (relative or other) under age 20 without their licensed parent, guardian or someone over the age of 25 in the car. so while midnight might have been what allot of the highschooler's desired, if they were drivers (of less than a year) or reliant on other teen drivers (of less than a year)-that midnight curfew had them violating the law (if use of a car was involved), unless mom, dad or someone 25 years old was 'hanging' with them.

we have'nt realy had to deal with the curfew issue yet, but for us it will definatly be situational. it will depend on where she's going, with whom (driving status) and to some extent the weather. we can get some insane driving conditions where we live, and given that we live in an area where cell phone coverage can, from street to street be spotty at best, we would'nt be agreeable to her being out terribly late if the visability was such we could'nt find her if the car broke down (and there's one rule that dh and i have with each other, that we would insist the kids follow-as a courtesy to the person who is sitting at home waiting for you, you let them know your travel plans and what route you will be using, that way if you don't show and your cell is not picking up the person at home has an idea of what roads/locations to start looking for you in case of a breakdown or accident).

 

[PatsGirl]

curious-do the teen driving laws in your states play a part in anyone's decisions on curfews?

Love the teen driving cut-off at midnight in MA DS's curfew was 11:45 from the time he got his license at 16 1/2 until he turned 18. He still had a few months left of high school and I upped it to 12:30 at that time because the bars close at 12:45 or so and I wanted him home before the drunks hit the roads. The summer after school ended and before he left for the Air Force I only asked him to stay off the roads between 12:30 and 1:30 am...

 

[barkley]

Love the teen driving cut-off at midnight in MA DS's curfew was 11:45 from the time he got his license at 16 1/2 until he turned 18. He still had a few months left of high school and I upped it to 12:30 at that time because the bars close at 12:45 or so and I wanted him home before the drunks hit the roads. The summer after school ended and before he left for the Air Force I only asked him to stay off the roads between 12:30 and 1:30 am...

i think it's a whole different ball game when driving is involved. if a kid lives where it's possible to go out by foot or public transportation it's one thing-but with all the driving laws (and since we live close to the border of 2 states we are looking at 3 different sets of laws) you have to be careful.

dd has'nt started dating yet, but i don't know how thrilling it's going to be at least initialy or if she were to start dating one young man and then move on to another-our home is located in an insanely complicated place to find. locals that have been here for decades have a rough idea that our street is 'out there' but they're hard pressed to say how to find it. some but not all gps systems show us, and 9 times out of 10 despite giving detailed directions to anyone whose coming out we get a phone call and have to lead them in from a few miles away. even repeat visitors get confused (ds's occupational therapist whose been coming to the house weekly for 2 years got turned around and lost on her way a few weeks ago). so dd needs to be prepared such that she accepts the fact that more than likely her date's first meeting with dear old dad will be when the date calls and asks for someone to come and lead him to the house

 

[Shmily1]

We had no set time for DS19 or DD18 when they started dating. It all depended on what they were going to be doing and who it was with. When DD was dating a real jerk, her curfew was very early!! She got so mad because I wanted her home and DS could stay out later. Then again, if it was 2 AM and DS said he was going to the Huddle House, you could find him there. If DD said she was going there, she would get there eventually, but she would get sidetracked along the way and stop several times in the meantime! They are both very honest and we talk openly about lots of things (sometime it's TMI!!!) so I was pretty much ok with them being out for a while. DD does have a DS 5 months now though but on that night, she was home at 10:15!! I don't think the curfew mattered too much....

 

[puffkin]

I didn't have a curfew. I did tend to stay out pretty late, but I was a good kid and my parents pretty much always knew where I was and about when to expect me home. If my plans changed, I usually tried to let them know.

During the week the only rule was that I could stay up/out as late as I wanted but I needed to get myself up for school. I was usually home by 11...but not always. I was in sports and sometimes our own away games we wouldn't even get home til after 11. I also worked at a movie theater, so we usually didn't get done work until 11 or so during the week.

 

[SueM in MN]

Besides motor vehicle licensing laws for teens/new drivers, also check if your city or town has a curfew. The town my sister lives in and also the one my DH's brother lives in have curfews for teens. The time varies by age and what they are doing. I know it is a later time for work or for coming home from a school sponsored event. But, either one is before midnight.

 

[luvmy3]

Wow where were you parents when I was dating back in my teens????

The 16,17 years olds I dated in high school had 9pm curfew on weeknights and 10:30 maybe 11pm on weekends.

This was me too, although there were some exceptions like if the school dance ended at 11, or I went to a late movie.

 

[dis75ney]

My curfew was my town's curfew, which I think was midnight until the age of 16. Once I turned 16, I no longer had a curfew...I just had to contact my parents whenever I changed locations or was on my way home. This way, they knew where to look for me if I didn't make it home...

 

[barkley]

Besides motor vehicle licensing laws for teens/new drivers, also check if your city or town has a curfew. The town my sister lives in and also the one my DH's brother lives in have curfews for teens. The time varies by age and what they are doing. I know it is a later time for work or for coming home from a school sponsored event. But, either one is before midnight.

when i was in college i worked at a movie theatre in a town with a juvinile curfew. despite what the rating of any movie was we could not sell tickets to a minor for any evening showing that did'nt get out at least 30 minutes prior to curfew. if teens wanted to go at night they had to bring a parent, and there was no thing of the parent just buying the tickets and letting the teens walk in-the parents had to buy a ticket for the show too and walk into the theatre with the teens.

i'm sure some took off right away but given that nowadays it's 9 or 10 dollars for a movie ticket i don't know many parents that would be so accommodating


the last place we lived had kind of a mid-day curfew of sorts. the local highschool had a closed campus but it was near the downtown area. the school and the truancy officers met with the local merchants and explained that the only way an unaccompanied minor could be without a parent, in their buisness, on a school day was if they were truant so unless the merchants wanted the truant officers roaming the area and disturnbing their buisnesses by having to 'bust' offenders the merchants needed to figure out some way to keep the kids out during school hours. as a result all the downtown merchants had signs that prohibited minors from entering their buisnesses absent a parent anytime school was in session.

 

[Sorsha]

DD15 will be 16 in September, and isn't allowed to date (just her and a boyfriend) until then. At this point she is allowed to group-date, as long as someone's parents (or myself or DH) are doing the driving and the supervising. Right now, her weekend curfew is "whenever the event" gets over. On weeknights she has to be home by 9:30 (unless it is a school event - pep or marching band - then she has to come home when it is done).

After she turns 16, her weekend curfew will be midnight, when she is 17 it will be 12:30, and at 18 it will be one AM. Weeknight curfew will not change.

 

[MichelleVW]

Wow where were you parents when I was dating back in my teens????

The 16,17 years olds I dated in high school had 9pm curfew on weeknights and 10:30 maybe 11pm on weekends.

When was that?? I grew up in Ohio and graduated in 85 and everyone I knew had a midnight curfew in high school.

 

[NHdisneylover]

If we lived somewhere witha a legal curfew, or where driving laws were an issue (here there is great public transportation) then I guess I would have to take that into consideration. I honestly do not think the town should get involved in telling parents when they have to have their kids home by. It seems kind of bir brother like to me. I would prefer to see authorities come down those truly causing problems andleave the rest of the kids alone.

the last place we lived had kind of a mid-day curfew of sorts. the local highschool had a closed campus but it was near the downtown area. the school and the truancy officers met with the local merchants and explained that the only way an unaccompanied minor could be without a parent, in their buisness, on a school day was if they were truant so unless the merchants wanted the truant officers roaming the area and disturnbing their buisnesses by having to 'bust' offenders the merchants needed to figure out some way to keep the kids out during school hours. as a result all the downtown merchants had signs that prohibited minors from entering their buisnesses absent a parent anytime school was in session.

Was this recently??? Seems that with the number of homeschooled kids these days that this rule would not fly well. Many homeschoolers keep vastly different schedules than traditionally schooled kids.