Cost of taking DDs friend on vacation. Is this fair? Update post #110

[endy]

$20-30/day each for food is pretty cheap for us. I don't cook on vacation. Average lunch at a fast food place is 7-8 each. Supper close to 15 each, then there's drinks and snacks thru out the day. I do keep a cooler full or milk, pop, yogurt, so on.
Teenagers eat a lot and often.
We drive and camp to San Diego every summer and know how much it costs us and how to keep costs down when we can. I had no problem letting ds's friend know how much it would cost. His parents thought it was a great opportunity for their ds to come with us, he got to see lots of SoCal not to mention going thru 5 states to get there.
If my ds15 was invited with a friend I would either make sure I had enough to cover everything or not let him go. I think it's a wonderful chance for teens to start making different memories with their friends.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm guessing you don't have a teenaged dd, because nothing ruins a vacation more than a sullen teen who misses her friends! I'm sure if the OP decides to invite her, and the girl gets to go, it will stink for her friend's parents, who have to shell out money on a vacation they will not get to go on themselves. I'd rather not be put in that position, myself.

Dd15's friend invited her on a ski trip in December, right after Christmas. It's her friend's 16th birthday, and she is inviting friends instead of having a party. Friends parents are paying for lodging, food, and lift tickets. Good thing - otherwise, there is no way I'm spending money for ONE of my children to go on vacation.

I would have to say no to my daughter too. There is no way I could pay 800 or 1000 for her to have a vacation. She has a sibling to consider too. Heck, we don't always have money for the whole family to take a vacation so granting one kids wish at the expense of the rest of the family would be out of the question.

 

[mjkacmom]

$20-30/day each for food is pretty cheap for us. I don't cook on vacation. Average lunch at a fast food place is 7-8 each. Supper close to 15 each, then there's drinks and snacks thru out the day. I do keep a cooler full or milk, pop, yogurt, so on.
Teenagers eat a lot and often.
We drive and camp to San Diego every summer and know how much it costs us and how to keep costs down when we can. I had no problem letting ds's friend know how much it would cost. His parents thought it was a great opportunity for their ds to come with us, he got to see lots of SoCal not to mention going thru 5 states to get there.
If my ds15 was invited with a friend I would either make sure I had enough to cover everything or not let him go. I think it's a wonderful chance for teens to start making different memories with their friends.

I think you might have a different perspective if you had more children. BTW, our last vacation was a week in a condo at the shore. We didn't eat out once. I cooked, and did take out a couple of times. I regret not taking a friend for dd15 - won't make that mistake again. I would only expect spending money (boardwalk, games, etc.).

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't think that in most cases Family B would be thinking that the host dad might be a pedophile -- I suspect that usually it's just that they think that their daughter would be uncomfortable sharing such close quarters with an adult male who is not her Dad or her Brother, and that an adult male would probably feel uncomfortable sharing close quarters with an opposite-sex kid who is not his own.

Any time we have extended family travelling with us in a hotel room, I make it a point to tell the guest (and his/her parents) that for this trip, "camp" pajama rules will apply for everyone, so everyone is expected to bring modest sleepwear. (No thin fabrics, no low necklines or waistlines, no shorty shorts, no short nighties -- if you wouldn't feel comfortable wearing it to go outside after a fire alarm, then you shouldn't wear it on the trip.) Everyone stays fully dressed when not in the bathroom or wearing a swimsuit, and after swims we change in the pool changing rooms rather than in our room, since that level of modesty puts a strain on keeping the carpet dry with 4 people trying to quickly change out of wet swimsuits.

 

[AmandaRG]

I agree with talking to the parents sooner rather than later. If you asked me to save $100/month out of our budget over the next 9 months, or $300/month over 3, you are more likely to get a yes with more time.

Considering how many there are on the DIS, you are going to get many different opinions, and you have to figure out what works for you. My family always had "extras" around for vacations and holidays. It is just what our family did. I hope to incorporate this as our girls get older.

 

[kwhite1022]

I also agree with the talk sooner then later with the parents idea. Depending on the family and how they do Christmas (or other Holidays/birthdays) extended family might like having something to chip in for. For example, my inlaws are beyond happy we are doing Disney in April, makes my kids birthdays (all before we go) and Christmas shopping easy.....BBB for my girls, Disneyquest for my boy, and disney gift cards for their spending money, and a wishes cruise for all of us. They didnt even have to leave the house all 3 sets of grandparents are done "shopping" already and its not even November yet

 

[C.Ann]

If at all possible, I try to be a "pay all" or not invite type of person..

I think the reason you're having so much trouble with this is because you are inviting her on such a looooong trip - not just a 4-day weekend or something - KWIM?

Whatever you decide, have fun!

 

[Andrea from PA]

I permitted my son who was 10 at the time to travel with a friend's family. I was responsible for airfare, WDW ticket, souven. money and food in the park. Friend's family paid for lodging, all food in the room (breakfast, some dinners) and Universal tickets. My son clearly understood we could not commit until we got prices for everything.

Now, I could not afford $800-$1,000, but I would certainly never mind paying what I could for my child. I would be very uncomfortable for another family to pay the bulk of a trip for my child.

 

[slmjam]

We did this exact same thing two years ago - 8 day, 7 night trip to Disney. Our DD (17) brought a friend. We started planning the trip 1 year in advance. I presented a spreadsheet to the parents and outlined in great detail all costs/expenses that they would pay (airfare, Disney tickets, food, souvenirs). I calculated everything for the parents to review so they wouldn't feel there were any surprises. I estimated food a little on the high side feeling it was better to overestimate than under (including tax and gratuity). I gave an estimate of airfare based on what our family has paid in the past. Disney tickets we knew the exact amount through Undercover Tourist. I also listed what our family would cover (lodging, rental car, Universal Studios ticket, miscellaneous snacks for the room, Disney photopass which I agreed to provide them with pictures). Throughout the months leading up to the trip, I provided miscellaneous Disney tips, dining reservation information (requested dietary restrictions and preferences), trip itinerary, cell phone, resort information, presented them with medical authorization forms which I wanted signed and notarized for their child. Basically, I didn't want to leave anything to chance. The trip went beautifully. My daughter and her friend had a great time, and, the parents were appreciative of the information and details we provided. Just make sure you are clear up front what the expectations are. Have fun with whatever you decide!

 

[piperdown]

OP here with another update.

Well, the opportunity to talk to the other girl’s mom presented itself yesterday evening at a school event. Both girls were inducted into the National Junior Honor Society.

Turns out that DD’s friend had already discussed it with her parents, and her mom was enthusiastic about the idea. Apparently, she had done something very similar at her daughter’s age. We discussed them covering airfare and tickets, and that we would cover everything else. She thought that was very generous, and immediately said she will provide money for food as well. I replied, “whatever you think is appropriate”. I gave her a basic idea of the cost of the airfare and tickets, and told her that we can discuss more details in the coming months.

I think this is going to work out, and be a great trip for all of us.

 

[dzorn]

OP here with another update.

Well, the opportunity to talk to the other girl’s mom presented itself yesterday evening at a school event. Both girls were inducted into the National Junior Honor Society.

Turns out that DD’s friend had already discussed it with her parents, and her mom was enthusiastic about the idea. Apparently, she had done something very similar at her daughter’s age. We discussed them covering airfare and tickets, and that we would cover everything else. She thought that was very generous, and immediately said she will provide money for food as well. I replied, “whatever you think is appropriate”. I gave her a basic idea of the cost of the airfare and tickets, and told her that we can discuss more details in the coming months.

I think this is going to work out, and be a great trip for all of us.

Great that it all worked out.

Denise in MI

 

[AmandaRG]

Glad to hear it and now you can enjoy planning without the stress of will we have one more, or will my dd be upset if her friend can't go!

Enjoy!

 

[NVDisMom]

I'm glad it worked out. We have been trying to coordinate taking a specific friend for a few years now and timing has never worked out. Its never been a money thing (the family is so like us its not even funny) its been a schedule thing. Our girls are in different extra curricular activities that clash schedule wise and neither of us will let them out of their obligations! Despite their differences Miss Meg is a best friend to both my girls and like a third DD to us. We want to share our love of Disney with her desperately. So happy you get to do it!

 

[newtexan]

OP here with another update.

Well, the opportunity to talk to the other girl’s mom presented itself yesterday evening at a school event. Both girls were inducted into the National Junior Honor Society.

Turns out that DD’s friend had already discussed it with her parents, and her mom was enthusiastic about the idea. Apparently, she had done something very similar at her daughter’s age. We discussed them covering airfare and tickets, and that we would cover everything else. She thought that was very generous, and immediately said she will provide money for food as well. I replied, “whatever you think is appropriate”. I gave her a basic idea of the cost of the airfare and tickets, and told her that we can discuss more details in the coming months.

I think this is going to work out, and be a great trip for all of us.

that sounds like a great family to work with and their child should be just as pleasant to have along

 

[MomtoGKC]

Glad it all worked out! My parents let me take a friend on all of our vacations from about 7th or 8th grade on up - it made the trips so much fun for me. I have the best memories of our Disney trip with my best friend Katie in 9th grade. We kept a scrapbook that we laughed at for years to come!